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  •  /  Friends  /  S09E18 The one with the lottery


    • new scene
    • Scene 1

      Central Perk - Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Ross and Rachel are sitting on the sofas. Joey enters

    • joey
    • Joey
      Monica, hey, can I borrow the Porsche?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ok.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Alright!
    • monica
    • Monica
      But ehm...what is it not?
    • joey
    • Joey
      (abashed) A place to entertain my lady friends.
    • monica
    • Monica
      And what else is it not?
    • joey
    • Joey
      (even more abashed) A place to eat spaghetti.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Very good! (Gives him the keys) What do you need it for anyway?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh well, the powerball lottery is upto 300 million and they don't sell tickets here in New York, so...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh! So you're driving up to Connecticut?
    • joey
    • Joey
      (hesitates for a moment)Yeah Connecticut...Not West Virginia.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey, maybe I'll drive you up there! I'd like to buy some tickets myself!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Uh!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah with Chandler not getting paid, we could really use 300 million dollars.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah, because if I was at my old job we'd say 300 million? No thank you!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey will you get me tickets too?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah me too. oh! I have an idea. Why don't we all pitch in 50 bucks, we'll pool our money together and then if we win, we'll split it!
    • ross
    • Ross
      yeah thats a great idea!
    • ross
    • Ross
      No thanks!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      You don't wanna win the lottery?
    • ross
    • Ross
      (in a mocking voice)Uh...sure I do, and I also wanna be King of my own country and find out what happened to Amelia Earhart.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Still on Amelia Earhart?
    • ross
    • Ross
      The woman just vanished!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Seriously, Ross, you don't want in on this?
    • ross
    • Ross
      No! Do you know what your odds are of winning the lottery? I...I mean you have a better chance of being struck by lightning 42 times.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yes but there's six of us so we'd only have to get struck by lightning 7 times.
    • joey
    • Joey
      I like those odds!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Seriously you guys, I can't believe you're going to spend 250 dollars on the lottery, I mean that's such a bunch of boohaki.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (looking around at the others)I'll ask. (To Ross) Boohaki?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh oh, we think Emma is about to start talking so we're trying to be careful about what words we use in front of her.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah so get ready to hear alot of ehm...boohaki, goshdarnit and brotherpucker.
    • monica
    • Monica
      How do you know she's gonna start talking?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well when I talk to her I almost feel like she understands what I'm saying.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Kinda like Joey.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (who wasn't paying attention)What's that now?
    • OPENING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 2

      Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica, Chandler, Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen

    • monica
    • Monica
      God! Look at all these tickets! It's so exciting! You know I haven't won anything since the sixth grade.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Pie eating contest?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh! You assume because I was heavy that's the only way I could win something?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      No, I saw a picture of you covered in blueberries.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (smiling)That was a good day!
    • (Suddenly Ross comes running into the apartment)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (yelling to Monica)They're towing your car, they're towing your car!!
    • monica
    • Monica
      I'm parked in a garage on Morton!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (panting)They're towing a car. And I am seeing...spots.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (sounding panicky)Oh my god Ross! You don't have Emma! And Rachel you don't have Emma! (Starts yelling) Where's Emma? Who has Emma!?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Joey relax! My mother picked her up two hours ago. You were there!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (not yelling anymore)I was?
    • Racel
      Yes and you talked to her...
    • joey
    • Joey
      I did?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      She dropped off a casserole?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh yeah! The casserole lady.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (to Ross)So, did you come by to watch us win the big bucks?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, uh... and then I figured after you win, we could all go out to the balcony and see a night rainbow with gremlins dancing on top of it!
    • (phone starts ringing and Chandler comes running out of the bathroom)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (hysterical)Don't touch the phone! I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it!! (picks up the phone)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (to Monica)Think he washed his hands?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (into receiver)Hello? Hey Charlie, what do you know?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (to Monica)What's going on?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Chandler is supposed to find out if he's getting an assistent job at his ad agency. But out of the 15 interns, they are only hiring three.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Ooh! Tough odds!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (mockingly)Yeah if only it were a sure thing like your 24 state lottery!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (smiling)Look who's coming around!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (still on the phone)Damnit. Alright call me when you know more.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (excited)Did you get it?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      One of the slots got filled.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (Still excited)By you!?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Sense the tone! No that kid Nate got it.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh! I hate that guy! I mean come on kid! Pull up your pants!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah I know.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, there's two spots left right?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah...I mean I want this so much! I mean, I wanna get one, I want my friend Charlie to get one...Except I don't care about Charlie.
    • (Phoebe enters)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (excited)Hey you guys! Ok, you're not going to believe this! I just saw my psychic and she said I was definitely gonna win the lottery tonight!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey that reminds me, I thought we could use some extra luck so I brought a wishbone home from work.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (mockingly)A psychic AND a wishbone? Guys! Give someone else a chance!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Alright, who wants to do it?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh can I? Vegetarians never get to do the wishbone. It's really not fair either! You know, just because we don't eat the meat doesn't mean we don't like to play with the carcasses!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ok, hey Rach?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh no, I'm good, I don't wanna get that turkey smell all over my hands.
    • joey
    • Joey
      I'll do it!! It'll get the casserole stink off of mine.
    • (Phoebe and Joey both grab one side of the wishbone)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I hope I win!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well, it doesn't really matter ... you're both wishing for the same thing, right?
    • joey
    • Joey
      I can't tell you what I'm wishing for! Else...you know...won't come true!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Right! .. but we "know" what you're wishing for!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Can't really say!
    • monica
    • Monica
      I understand, but you're wishing for what we think you're wishing for, aren't you?
    • joey
    • Joey
      (slightly irritated)I'm not really comfortable with these questions!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Please, just do it!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      One, two, three!
    • (they break the wishbone)
    • joey
    • Joey
      I won, hey!
    • ross
    • Ross
      You know what, I'm sure your wish is gonna come true, but, you guys - just in case, maybe a genie will come out if we rub this lamp! (rubs lamp, stops because it's very hot) Ah!! That thing gets hot!!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      You know, Ross, just keep making your jokes. How are you gonna feel if we actually do win?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Uh, you're not gonna win.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, I know, I know, the odds are against us, but somebody has to win, and it could be us! And then how you gonna feel? You know, we're gonna be all like "oh everybody, let's take our helicopters up to the cape" and you're gonna be all like "oh, I can't guys, I'll meet you guys up there, I gotta gas up the Hyundai"
    • ross
    • Ross
      Ok, I've heard myself on tape and I sound nothing like that.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I can see the headline now: "Lottery winners' friend filled with regret eats own arm".
    • ross
    • Ross
      Why would I eat my own arm?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well you wouldn't, but we own the paper, we can print whatever we want.
    • monica
    • Monica
      You know what, Ross? I'm gonna throw in 50 bucks for you.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Why?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Because I know that you think the lottery is "boohaki" but we're all here and gonna watch the numbers and have fun. And you're my brother, and I want you to be a part of this.
    • ross
    • Ross
      You don't have to do that, I'll pay for myself. But just the fact that you want me to have fun with you guys - that's so sweet! Come here (they kiss and hug)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Get a room!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Ok, so now that you're in, what are you gonna do if we win?
    • ross
    • Ross
      I don't know, probably just invest it.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Ooh! Calm down ...
    • joey
    • Joey
      Seriously, that's your fantasy? To invest it?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, I'm sorry, did I say "invest it"? I meant "be cool and piss it all away" (Joey and Chandler pleased)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Ooh, ooh, I know! We should pool all own money and buy the Knicks!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I don't really care about the Knicks.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, you will when I pick you as starting forward.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (touched) You would do that? I never get picked!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You know, I'm not sure a sports team is the way to go.
    • joey
    • Joey
      You're not gonna let me buy the Knicks?? I can't believe you're taking this away from me!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You're right, it has been you dream for over 15 seconds.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (to Rachel) Uh, how long until they announce the numbers, Mommy?
    • (pause)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (looks around) I'll take this one too (to Ross) Uh ... Mommy?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, I've gotten into the habit of calling Rachel "Mommy" when we're around Emma. Which I now realize we are not ...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I'm hoping that if she hears it enough it will be her first word.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Although if we're gonna do that, we should probably call me "Daddy" too.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oooh, I like that, "daddy" (in a sexy tone)
    • ross
    • Ross
      I ... I was just talking about Rachel.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (still in sexy tone) Oooh, is daddy getting angry? Is daddy gonna spank me?
    • ross
    • Ross
      (tries to be sexy too) Well that depends ... have you been a baaad gi .. (stops) no I can't.
    • (Phone rings, Chandler picks up)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hello? Hello? Oh, hey Charlie. Did anybody else hear? ... What? Susan got it?? How? Oh man, I would have slept with him!! .. Alright, bye. (hangs up)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Dude, I'm sorry. But hey, there's one spot left, right?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well no, Charlie's gonna get that.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey, don't say that! You got just as good a chance as anybody else of getting that job!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      He's the boss's son.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Come on, lottery!! (everybody cheers)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ooh, you guys, it starts in like 20 minutes.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ok, here we go. We need to sort out the tickets as quickly as possible to see if we've won. So does anybody have any ideas how to organize this? (doesn't let them answer) Ok, how about this: we divide them into 6 groups of 40, and the remaining 10 can be read by whoever finishes their pile first.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ooh, I have another idea!
    • monica
    • Monica
      I'm sorry, idea time is over.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ok, well, are all the tickets in the bowl?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What about the ones you have on the nightstand?
    • monica
    • Monica
      There are no tickets on the nightstand!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yes there are, I just saw them a few minutes ago.
    • (Rachel get suspicious)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Un, no you didn't! You must be mistaken!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Honey, there are like 20 tickets on the nightstand!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Chandler, sense the tone!!
    • (Rachel comes out of their bedroom waving tickets)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, well, well, look what mommy found!!
    • (everyone's shocked)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ok, fine!! I bought 20 extra tickets for me and Chandler.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Uh! The psychic also said that I would be betrayed.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I can't believe this, I thought we were all in this together!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey, you just got in 5 minutes ago!
    • ross
    • Ross
      3 minutes ago!!! I don't know why that's important ...
    • joey
    • Joey
      I was with you the whole time we were in Connecticut, when did you even get those?
    • monica
    • Monica
      When you were reading the dirty magazines without taking off the plastic!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (to Ross) I'll show you how.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ok, well Monica, suppose one of your "special" tickets win? How are you gonna feel when you win the lottery and you lose all your friends?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Please ... if I win the lottery, you guys are not gonna leave me. Someone gave me a basket of mini-muffins last week and I couldn't get rid of you for 3 days!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Chandler, would you just tell her what she did was wrong?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (to Mon) She's right, you shouldn't have bought tickets just for us ...
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ahhh! (shocked)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Let me finish ... (to everyone else) however, it doesn't look like I'm gonna get this job so I can't afford to have principles, so screw you, the tickets are ours!! (takes tickets from Rachel)
    • monica
    • Monica
      There's the man I married!!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      All right, believe me.If you win the lottery, it's the last you're gonna hear from us!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Fine! Don't be my friends! I'll buy new friends! Yeah, and then I'll pay for their plastic surgery so they'd look just like you!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (surprised) OH! Alright, you know what? That's it! I want my share of the tickets (picks up the bowl)!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah, I want my tickets too (takes the bowl from Rachel)! And I'm buying the Knicks! And Steffi Graff, ah ah!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Than I want mine, too (takes the bowl from Joey)! And if I win I'm gonna put it all into a very low-yield bond.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, you guys! We've got to keep all the tickets together (takes the bowl from Ross and puts it on the table)
    • monica
    • Monica
      No, no! We should divide them up (picks up the bowl) and I should get extra because we used my card to buy them!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey, if anybody gets extra tickets, it should be me! This all thing was my idea! (takes the bowl from Monica)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, yeah! Thanks for inventing the lottery!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ok, that's it! Just give'em to me! I'll split them up! (she tries to snatch the bowl from Joey's hands but she can't, so she pinches his nipple and she manages to take it)
    • joey
    • Joey
      (in pain) Oh!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (she takes the bowl from Rachel's hands and she starts running around the room and yelling) OOOOOHHHHH!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (trying to stop her) Hey, hey!!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (keeping on running and yelling) OOOOOHHHHH! (she stops) Fine, I can't take it anymore! I'm putting an end to this! (she goes out to the balcony)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, if she jumps, I get her tickets.
    • joey
    • Joey
      No, no! (they all go towards the balcony but they get jammed in the window)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      If we are not doing it together, we're not doing it at all! So, say goodbye to your tickets! (She holds out the bowl, and makes as to drop the tickets on the street).
    • Everyone
      NO!!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Don't come any closer!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Can I come a little bit closer, valuable things are getting squished...
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No, what's more important, your friends or money?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Friends!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Money! (they all look at her) Friends...
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey Monica, what about your extra tickets?
    • monica
    • Monica
      They're all in there! Even these five that I hid in my bra (takes some tickets out of her bra and gives them to Phoebe)...
    • ross
    • Ross
      Monica!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ok, good! (pause) You guys were so scared! There was no way I was gonna dump this...(a pigeon swoops down, scaring Phoebe who drops the bowl on the street) Oh God, no! (pause) I think I broke your bowl.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Go, go, go!!
    • new scene
    • Scene 3

      Monica and Chandler's apartment.

    • (All are returning from the street after picking up dropped lottery tickets)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      What a beautiful night to be running around the street, looking for tickets. And the wind sure made it fun.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Phoebe, we lost half of them.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      So, what? Monica, we have the winning ticket! My psychic said I was gonna win, remember?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Weird.. your psychic didn't mention anything about the scary pigeon...
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      As a matter of fact she said that's how I am going to die. (pause ) So, excuse me for being a little skittish.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (looking at the answering machine) Hey, there's two messages. These could be from work!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh, play them!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Ok, here we go! (he pushes the play button)
    • Message
      (Phoebe's voice) "Hello. Th-this is the pigeon from the balcony calling to apologise" (they all turns to look at Phoebe) "I sh.. I shouldn't have knocked the tickets out of the pretty lady's hand. It-it was all my fault. Not hers. Bye. Coo."
    • (they all keep staring at Phoebe)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well, I bet that was very hard for him to do.
    • Second message
      "Hey Chandler, it's Charlie"
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      This is..shhh!
    • Second Message
      "Listen, oh... it turns I got the last spot. I'm really sorry man, it was a lot of fun working with you. Give me a call if you want."
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh God, I am so sorry honey...
    • Everyone
      Oh, so sorry man! Sorry!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, it is so unfair. It's like that time they promoted Sandra over me at work.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, is she related to Ralph Lauren?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No, she was just much better at job than me!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Guys, the drawing is about to start!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (To Ross) You know what? We should call my mum's house and say goodnight to Emma before she goes down.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh yeah, it's a good idea!
    • monica
    • Monica
      (she hugs Chandler) Honey, you've been really strong about this, I know how badly you wanted that job.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah, you know, I really thought I deserved it. (pause) But... let's go win the lottery... I mean, we still have 130 chances to win, right?
    • monica
    • Monica
      (she draws out a ticket from a pocket of her pants) 131! (they kiss)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (on the phone) Goodnight sweetheart! I love you. And remember, you're daddy's little girl... (covering the phone, to Rachel) Phoebe's totally ruined that for me... (he passes the receiver to Rachel)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hi mum, put her back on!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (sitting on the sofa in front of the tv) Rach, come on! They are announcing the numbers! My God, I can already feel myself changing.
    • TV
      "Here we are, the official Powerball numbers! We have 53"
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I got that!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, we have one too!!
    • monica
    • Monica
      We are on a roll, people!!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (calling Rachel) Come on!!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (on the phone) Mum, please!I know you love your new lips, but I can barely understand you! Would you, please, just let me say goodnight to my daughter?
    • TV
      "And number 29! Here we go! The Powerball is 7"
    • monica
    • Monica
      Check your numbers! Make me rich!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (she goes towards the others and she's very excited) Guys, you're not gonna believe this! I was just saying goodnight to Emma and she said her first words!!
    • Everyone
      Wow!
    • joey
    • Joey
      And what did she say?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      She said "gleba"!! (she celebrates)
    • (they just look at her for a moment; then they go back to checking the tickets)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Make me rich!!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (to Ross) Isn't that amazing?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh yeah, no no no...that's great!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Why-why aren't you more excited?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, Rach...oh..."gleba" is not a word.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, but of course it is!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay, what does it mean?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I don't know all the words.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I'm just, I'm just glad I didn't miss my daughter's first words (goes back to checking the tickets).
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yes you did, gleba is a word!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Ok, use it in a sentence.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ok... "Emma just said gleba"!
    • ross
    • Ross
      It's not a word!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay, okay, okay, fine, I'm gonna look it up (she goes and picks up the dictionary).
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, oh, ok, great. You know what, while you're at it she said another word the other day, why don't you, why don't you look up: pbbqqt....
    • (Rachel glares at him)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (searching the dictionary) Alright, okay, okay, gleba, gleba... (excited) Gleba! Ha! Here it is: the fleshy, spore-bearing inner mass of a certain fungi.
    • (Rachel shows Ross the definition on the dictionary, giving him a smug look; then she squints at the dictionary, as though unsure what to make out of it)
    • ross
    • Ross
      She's gonna be a scientist! (kisses Rachel on the head, very moved)
    • joey
    • Joey
      (checking the last ticket) Damnit! anybody got anything?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      No.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I'm still looking through mine...
    • monica
    • Monica
      Just double checking (does so)...no, no, no...(takes off a shoe and takes a ticket out of it) No!
    • (phone rings)
    • monica
    • Monica
      (answering phone) Hello? Hold on. It's your boss.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Ah, the "I'm sorry I rejected you" phone call. I'm not used to getting it from guys. (on the phone, getting up from the sofa) Hey, Steve.
    • Steve
      Chandler, hi! I'm sure you've heard we filled the three positions. We just felt that with your maturity and experience, you wouldn't be happy being someone's assistant.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh no no no no, I'd love to be somebody's assistant! Answering phones, getting coffee, I live for that stuff! And I'm not too mature... farts, boobies, butt cracks!
    • Steve
      Chandler, you were the strongest person in the program. We're offering you the position of junior copywriter.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Me, that guy who just said butt cracks?
    • Steve
      Yes, that's right. We're excited about the level of sophistication you'll be bringing to the job.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Ok well, thanks, you won't regret it. I'll see you tomorrow (hangs up).
    • (he idly goes to the sofa, starts browsing a magazine. Everybody stares at him)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What? (pause) Oh, yeah, I'm gonna be a junior copywriter.
    • Everybody
      (excited) Oh my God, congratulations!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh sweetie, I'm so proud of you!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Does that mean I get the good loving tonight?
    • monica
    • Monica
      You bet! No TV or anything! (she gets up from the sofa and goes to the kitchen area)
    • joey
    • Joey
      (to Chandler) Hey, that is so great about the job.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Thanks, man.
    • joey
    • Joey
      And I like to think I had a little something to do with it.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Really? What?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well, before, with the wishbone... I didn't wish we would win the lottery, I wished you'd get the job.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (smiling, surprised) Oh yeah? (looks towards the kitchen, worried) Listen, don't tell Monica, she'll rip your heart right out.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh yeah.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      You know what? There is a little part of me that really thought we were gonna win.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Me too. So much for my dinosaur/Amelia Earhart theme park.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      You guys, what was the Powerball number again?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Seven.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      We won.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      We won!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Let me see!
    • (they all jump up excitedly and try to see the ticket)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Don't tear it.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Phoebe, you don't have any of the first five numbers.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I know that, but look, we've got the Powerball number, we've won 3 dollars!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Wow, you'd think we should get that over 20 years or go for the big payout.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (still very excited) I don't care, I've never won anything before, I can't believe this!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      So Pheebs, what are you going to do with your $3?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      It's not all mine. We all get 50 cents.
    • monica
    • Monica
      You know what? You can have mine.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Me too.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Me too.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Me too.
    • (they all look at Ross)
    • ross
    • Ross
      I guess if everybody else is...
    • Closing credits
    • new scene
    • Scene 4

      Central Perk. They're all sitting there as usual, except Joey. Gunther is serving a nearby table.

    • (Joey comes in from the back of the coffee house)
    • joey
    • Joey
      (sitting in a chair) Hey guys, so I just called the Powerball hotline, can you believe it? Nobody won.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I beg to differ (shows him her cup of coffee and her plate of cookies).
    • Gunther
      Maybe nobody won the jackpot, but there was this guy in here earlier, and he found the ticket on the street, right outside, and won $10,000 (goes to the counter).
    • (They all glare evilly at Phoebe)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (hides her mouth behind the cup and speaks in the "pigeon voice" from before) Coo, again. Don't blame the pretty lady. It was not her fault. It was me, the pigeon, coo! (pause) Seriously, stop staring at her.
    • (Joey stares around dumbly looking for the "talking pigeon")
    • END