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  •  /  Friends  /  S01E02 The One With the Sonogram at the End


    • new scene
    • Scene 1

      Central Perk, everyone's there.

    • monica
    • Monica
      What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah, right!.......Y'serious?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, yeah!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Absolutely.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (pause)....Are we still talking about sex?
    • OPENING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 2

      Museum of Prehistoric History, Ross and a co-worker (Marsha) are setting up an exhibit which includes some mannequins of cave people.

    • ross
    • Ross
      No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry?
    • Marsha
      Well, she has issues.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Does she.
    • Marsha
      He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Marsha, these are cave people. Okay? They have issues like 'Gee, that glacier's getting kinda close.' See?
    • Marsha
      Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife?
    • (Carol, Ross's ex-wife, has entered behind them and is standing outstide the exhibit.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (trying to ignore her) No. No.
    • Marsha
      Yes, it is. Carol! Hi!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay, okay, yes, it is. (waves) How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age.
    • (Marsha extis and Ross waves Carol into the exhibit.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hi.
    • Carol
      So.
    • ross
    • Ross
      You look great. I, uh... I hate that.
    • Carol
      Sorry. You look good too.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Ah, well, in here, anyone who... stands erect... So what's new? Still, uh...
    • Carol
      A lesbian?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well... you never know. How's, um.. how's the family?
    • Carol
      Marty's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh-
    • ross
    • Ross
      Why- why are you here, Carol?
    • Carol
      I'm pregnant.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Pregnant?!
    • new scene
    • Scene 3

      Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are watching Three's Company.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      ...Then I've already seen this one! (Turns off the TV.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      (taking a drink from Joey) Are you through with that?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Whose little ball of paper is this?!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (sees that Monica is glaring at him) ...now I wish I was dead.
    • (Monica starts to fluff a pillow.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      She's already fluffed that pillow... Monica, you know, you've already fluffed that- (Monica glares at her.) -but, it's fine!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Look , I'm sorry, guys, I just don't wanna give them any more ammunition than they already have.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good way.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah, calm down. You don't see Ross getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come.
    • monica
    • Monica
      That's because as far as my parents are concerned, Ross can do no wrong. Y'see, he's the Prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (looking out the window) Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew!
    • monica
    • Monica
      What?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!
    • Everyone
      Eeaagh!
    • (Rachel enters from her room.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Has anybody seen my engagement ring?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, it's beautiful.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God oh God.... (Starts to look under the couch cushions.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No, look, don't touch that!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him... 'Hi Barry! Remember me? I'm the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family!' Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it so much harder...
    • monica
    • Monica
      Easy Rach, we'll find it. (To all) Won't we!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh! Yeah!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Alright, when'd'ya have it on last?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Doy! Probably right before she lost it!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with...
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      ...Dinah?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (looks at the lasagne and realizes something) Ohhhhh, don't be mad...
    • monica
    • Monica
      You didn't.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, I am sorry...
    • monica
    • Monica
      I gave you one job! (Starts to examin the lasagne through the bottom of the glass pan.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, but look how straight those noodles are!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Now, Monica, you know that's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne...
    • monica
    • Monica
      (puts down the lasagne) I just... can't do it.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Boys? We're going in.
    • (Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe start to pick through the lasagne as there's a knock on the door which Monica answers.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (standing outside the door).....Hi.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Wow. That is not a happy hi.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Carol's pregnant.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (while everyone else is stunned) Ooh! I found it!
    • monica
    • Monica
      W-w-wh-... wha-... w-w-w-...
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah. Do that for another two hours, you might be where I am right about now. (He enters.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Kinda puts that whole pillow thing in perspective, huh, Mon?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well now, how-how do you fit into this whole thing?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      She is so great! I miss her.
    • monica
    • Monica
      What does she mean by 'involved'?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is done.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Anyway, they want me to go down to this- sonogram thing with them tomorrow.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      So what are you gonna do?
    • ross
    • Ross
      I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father.
    • (Joey starts to eat the rest of the lasagne and everyone turns and stares at him.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      .....Well, this is still ruined, right?
    • new scene
    • Scene 4

      Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Ross are pouring wine for their parents.

    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you. (Tastes a snack) Mmm! What's that curry taste?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Curry.
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      Mmmm!
    • ross
    • Ross
      I- I think they're great! I, I really do.
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      (To Ross) Do you remember the Ludwins? The big one had a thing for you, didn't she?
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      They all had a thing for him.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Aw, Mom...
    • monica
    • Monica
      I'm sorry, why is this girl going to call me?
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or.... I don't know. Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant-
    • monica
    • Monica
      No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant.
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      Well, they don't have to know that... (She starts to fluff the same pillow Monica fluffed multiple times earlier.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ross, could you come and help me with the spaghetti, please?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah. (They go to the kitchen.)
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      Oh, we're having spaghetti! That's.... easy.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I know this is going to sound unbelievably selfish, but, were you planning on bringing up the whole baby/lesbian thing? Because I think it might take some of the heat off me.
    • [Time Lapse, everyone is now eating.]
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      What that Rachel did to her life.... We ran into her parents at the club, they were not playing very well.
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding... but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money!
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar...
    • monica
    • Monica
      What's that supposed to mean?
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      Nothing! It's an expression.
    • monica
    • Monica
      No it's not.
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      Don't listen to your mother. You're independent, and you always have been! Even when you were a kid... and you were chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles...
    • [Time Lapse.]
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      Look, there are people like Ross who need to shoot for the stars, with his museum, and his papers getting published. Other people are satisfied with staying where they are- I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer.
    • [Time Lapse.]
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      ...And I read about these women trying to have it all, and I thank God 'Our Little Harmonica' doesn't seem to have that problem.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (trying desperately to change the subject) So, Ross, what's going on with you? Any stories? (Digs her elbow into his hand.) No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks?
    • ross
    • Ross
      (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.
    • (Stunned silence ensues.)
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      (To Monica) And you knew about this?!
    • COMMERCIAL BREAK
    • new scene
    • Scene 5

      Central Park, everyone's there.

    • joey
    • Joey
      Your folks are really that bad, huh?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, y'know, these people are pros. They know what they're doing, they take their time, they get the job done.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Boy, I know they say you can't change your parents,... boy, if you could- (To Ross) -I'd want yours.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Must pee. (Goes to pee.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Y'know, it's even worse when you're twins.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      You're twins?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah. We don't speak. She's like this high-powered, driven career type.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What does she do?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      She's a waitress.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now. (They all start to leave.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Chandler, you're an only child, right? You don't have any of this.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend, who... my parents actually preferred.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      The lights, please..
    • (Joey turns off the lights, and they all leave as Rachel starts to clean up. Ross enters from the bathroom.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      ...How long was I in there?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I'm just cleaning up.
    • ross
    • Ross
      D'ya.. uh.. d'ya need any help?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Uh.. okay, sure! Thanks! (She hands him the broom and sits down.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Anyway.. um.. (Starts to sweep.) So, you- uh- you nervous about Barry tomorrow?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh.. a little..
    • ross
    • Ross
      Mm-hmm..
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      A lot.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Mm.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      So, got any advice? Y'know, as someone who's recently been- dumped?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey!, I'll go down there, and I'll give Barry back his ring, and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB/GYN...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, you've got Carol tomorrow.. When did it get so complicated?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Got me.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Remember when we were in high school together?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I mean, didn't you think you were just gonna meet somone, fall in love- and that'd be it? (Ross gazes at her.) ..Ross?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yes, yes!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh! Man, I never thought I'd be here.. (She leans back onto his hand.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Me either... (He pulls up a stool so that he doesn't have to move his hand.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 6

      Carol's OB/GYN, Carol is waiting.

    • ross
    • Ross
      (entering) Sorry I'm late, I was stuck at work. There was this big dinosaur.. thing.. anyway.
    • (Susan enters holding a drink.)
    • Susan
      Hi.
    • Carol
      Ross, you remember Susan.
    • ross
    • Ross
      How could I forget?
    • Susan
      Ross.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (they shake hands) Hello, Susan. (To Carol) Good shake. Good shake. So, uh, we're just waiting for...?
    • Carol
      Dr. Oberman.
    • ross
    • Ross
      ..Dr. Oberman. Okay. And is he-
    • Susan
      She.
    • ross
    • Ross
      -she, of course, she- uh- familiar with our.. special situation?
    • Carol
      Yes, and she's very supportive.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay, that's great. (Susan gives her drink to Carol.) No, I'm- Oh.
    • Carol
      Thanks.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (picks up a surgical instrament and mimes a duck with it) Quack, quack..
    • Carol
      Ross? That opens my cervix. (He drops it in horror.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 7

      Barry's office, Barry is working on patient, Robbie, as Rachel enters.

    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Barry?
    • Barry
      C'mon in.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (hesitates) Are you sure?
    • Barry
      Yeah! It's fine, it's fine. Robbie's gonna be here for hours.
    • Robbie
      Huh?!
    • Barry
      So, how ya doin?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I'm- uh- I'm okay... You look great!
    • Barry
      Yeah, well..
    • Bernice
      (over intercom) Dr. Farber, Jason Greenstein's gagging.
    • Barry
      (answering the intercom) Be right there. (To Robbie and Rachel) Be back in a sec.
    • (As Barry exits Robbie stares at Rachel.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I dumped him.
    • Robbie
      Okay.
    • new scene
    • Scene 8

      Carol's OB/GYN, they're talking about how this is going to work.

    • ross
    • Ross
      So, um- so how's this, uh, how's this gonna work? Y'know, with us? Y'know, when, like, important decisions have to be made?
    • Carol
      Give me a 'for instance'.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, uh, uh, I don't know, okay, okay, how about with the, uh, with the baby's name?
    • Carol
      Marlon-
    • ross
    • Ross
      Marlon?!
    • Carol
      -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl.
    • ross
    • Ross
      ...As in Mouse?
    • Carol
      As in my grandmother.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Still, you- you say Minnie, you hear Mouse. Um, how about, um.. how about Julia?
    • Carol
      Julia..
    • Susan
      We agreed on Minnie.
    • ross
    • Ross
      It's funny, um, uh, we agreed we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Things change, roll with the punches. I believe Julia's on the table..?
    • new scene
    • Scene 9

      Barry's office, Rachel is doing her makeup in the mirror on Barry's lamp as Barry enters.

    • Barry
      Sorry about that. So. What have you been up to?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, not much. I-I got a job.
    • Barry
      Oh, that's great.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Why are- why are you so tanned?
    • Barry
      Oh, I, uh- I went to Aruba.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh no. You went on our honeymoon alone?
    • Barry
      No. I went with, uh.. Now, this may hurt.
    • Robbie
      Me?!
    • Barry
      No! (To Rachel) I went with Mindy.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Mindy?! My maid of honour, Mindy?!
    • Barry
      Yeah, well, uh, we're kind of a thing now.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh! Well, um.. (Grabs his forehand) You've got plugs!
    • Barry
      Careful! They haven't quite taken yet.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      And you've got lenses! But you hate sticking your finger in your eye!
    • Barry
      Not for her. Listen, I really wanted to thank you.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay..
    • Barry
      See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. More than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm an orthodontist.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Wow.
    • Barry
      You know, you were right? I mean, I thought we were happy. We weren't happy. But with Mindy, now I'm happy. Spit.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What?
    • Robbie
      Me. (Spits.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Anyway, um, (Gets the ring out of her purse.) I guess this belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me.
    • Barry
      Well, thank you for giving it back.
    • (Barry and Rachel look at each other.)
    • Robbie
      Hello?!
    • new scene
    • Scene 10

      Carol's OB/GYN, they're still arguing about what to name the baby.

    • Susan
      Oh, please! What's wrong with Helen?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Helen Geller? I don't think so.
    • Carol
      Hello? It's not gonna be Helen Geller.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Thank you!
    • Carol
      No, I mean it's not Geller.
    • ross
    • Ross
      What, it's gonna be Helen Willick?
    • Carol
      No, actually, um, we talked about Helen Willick-Bunch.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the title?
    • Susan
      It's my baby too.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, 's'funny, really? Um, I don't remember you making any sperm.
    • Susan
      Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is!
    • Carol
      All right, you two, stop it!
    • ross
    • Ross
      No no no, she gets a credit, hey, I'm in there too.
    • Carol
      Ross. You're not actually suggesting Helen Willick-Bunch-Geller? 'Cause I think that borders on child abuse.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Of course not, I'm... suggesting Geller-Willick-Bunch.
    • Susan
      Oh, no, nonononono, you see what he's doing? He knows no-one's gonna say all those names, so they'll wind up calling her Geller, then he gets his way!
    • ross
    • Ross
      My way?! You-you think this is my way? Believe me, of all the ways I ever imagined this moment in my life being, this is not my way- y'know what? Uh, um, this is too hard. I'm not, I can't do-
    • Dr. Oberman
      (entering) Knock knock!How are we today? Any nausea?
    • Everyone
      Yeah. Yeah. A little.
    • Dr. Oberman
      Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be, but.. thanks for sharing. (To Carol) Uh, lie back..
    • ross
    • Ross
      You- uh- y'know what, I'm gonna go. I don't- I don't think I can be involved in this particular thing right now.
    • (He turns to go, but the sound of the sonogram catches hes ear. He returns and stares at it.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh my God.
    • Susan
      Look at that.
    • Carol
      I know.
    • CLOSING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 11

      Monica and Rachel's apartment, everyone is watching the tape of the sonogram. Rachel is on the phone.

    • ross
    • Ross
      Well? Isn't that amazing?
    • joey
    • Joey
      What are we supposed to be seeing here?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I dunno, but.. I think it's about to attack the Enterprise.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      You know, if you tilt your head to the left, and relax your eyes, it kinda looks like an old potato.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Then don't do that, alright?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (walks over to where Monica is standing)Monica. Whaddya think?
    • monica
    • Monica
      (welling up) Mm-hmm.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Wh- are you welling up?
    • monica
    • Monica
      No.
    • ross
    • Ross
      You are, you're welling up.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Am not!
    • ross
    • Ross
      You're gonna be an aunt.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (pushes him and starts to cry) Oh shut up!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (on phone) Hi, Mindy. Hi, it-it's Rachel. Yeah, I'm fine. I-I saw Barry today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Mind, y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose. (Slams the phone down.) (To everyone) Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so much better now.
    • END