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  •  /  Friends  /  S04E01 The One With The Jellyfish


    • new scene
    • Scene 1

      Joey lying on a beach towel, recapping what happened in the last episode

    • joey
    • Joey
      Okay, so we went to the beach, because Phoebe found out about this lady who knew her mom and dad, and I don't really know what happened with that.
    • [cut to Phoebe Sr.'s house, from the last episode]
    • Phoebe Sr.
      (to Phoebe) I'm your mother.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ehh?
    • [cut to Monica opening the door of the beach house, with Chandler trying to pick her up for a date.]
    • joey
    • Joey
      (voice-over) Oh, and then Monica joked that she wouldn't go out with a guy like Chandler...
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (to Monica) (in a funny voice) Hi there. (Monica turns her head away in disgust)
    • joey
    • Joey
      (voice-over) ...and he couldn't let it go, and... I don't really know what happened with that either.
    • [cut to a montage of scenes involving Bonnie, Ross, and Rachel from the last episode.]
    • joey
    • Joey
      (voice-over) Oh-oh! And then Ross's new girlfriend, Bonnie, shows up and Rachel convinced her to save her head. And then Ross and Rachel kiss, and now Ross has to choose between Rachel and the bald girl and I don't know what happened there either...
    • [cut back to Joey on the beach towel]
    • joey
    • Joey
      Y'know what, hold on, let me go get Chandler. (gets up and leaves.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 2

      The beach house, it's the same scene from the end of last year, with Ross in front of the two doors of Rachel's and Bonnie's rooms, trying to decide which door to choose. He finally chooses the one his right and goes in.

    • ross
    • Ross
      (surprised) Hi!
    • Rachel and Bonnie
      Hi!
    • Bonnie
      Rachel was just helping me out. My head got all sunburned.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Awww.
    • Bonnie
      (to Rachel) Thanks a million.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, you're welcome a million.
    • Bonnie
      (getting up and leaving) (to Ross) Okay, I'll see you in our room.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah. (closes the door, and goes over and kisses Rachel.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (softly) Oh my God.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I know.
    • (They both kiss again and fall onto the bed.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (stopping suddenly and getting up) Okay, I gotta go.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Whoa! What?! Why?!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, I-I gotta go break up with Bonnie.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Here?! Now?!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, yeah. I can't-I can't stay here all night, and if I go in there she's-she's gonna wanna... do stuff.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, can't you tell her that you are not in the mood?
    • ross
    • Ross
      No, she likes that. Yeah. Faking sleep doesn't work either, I can't tell you how many mornings I woke up with her...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (interrupting) Whoa-ho.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Whoa-oh, okay! Yeah, why am I telling you that?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I don't know.
    • (they kiss again)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, yeah. (opens the door) It wasn't every morning.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, making it worse!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay.
    • OPENING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 3

      Phoebe Sr.'s house, it's right after she told Phoebe that she's her birth mother.

    • Phoebe Sr.
      So I guess you'd like to know how it all happened.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I-I mean I, well I think I can figure it out. I guess y'know I was born, and everyone started lying their asses off!
    • Phoebe Sr.
      Noo! No! It wasn't like that I... Remember how I told you how Lily, Frank, and I we were, we were close. Well, we were, we were very close.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      How close?
    • Phoebe Sr.
      Well, the-the three of us we were, kind of umm, a couple.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I don't even know how that would work!
    • Phoebe Sr.
      Well, we were...
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (interrupting) I'm not asking!
    • Phoebe Sr.
      Well, any how, some how I got pregnant, and, and I was scared. I was stupid and sellfish, and I was 18 years old. I mean, you remember what it's like to be eighteen years old?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah. Let's see, my had Mom killed herself, and my Dad had run off, and I was living in a Gremlin with a guy named Cindy who talked to his hand.
    • Phoebe Sr.
      Well, I'm so sorry. I thought I was leaving you with the best parents in the world, I didn't even hear about your Mom and Dad til a couple of years ago, and by then you were already grown up. I don't know, you're here, and I would, I would really, I would like to get to know you.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, well, everybody does! I'm a really cool person. And y'know you had 29 years to find that out, but you didn't even try! Y'know what, you walked out on me, and I'm just, I'm gonna do the same thing to you.
    • Phoebe Sr.
      Wait!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I don't ever want to see you again!
    • (She walks out and slams the door.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (walking back in with her hand over her eyes.) Umm, where's my purse?
    • new scene
    • Scene 4

      The beach house, Joey and Chandler are sitting at the dinner table, Monica is looking in the fridge.

    • monica
    • Monica
      (closing the fridge in disgust) Shoot! We're out of soda.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (jumping up) Oh, I'll go out and get you some.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Really?!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Nope! Because I'm not your boyfriend. (to Phoebe, who's entering) Hey Pheebs, how did it go?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well, umm, my Mom's friend, Phoebe, is actually my birth Mom.
    • (The gang is shocked.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I found a dried up seashores.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Sweety, what are you talking about?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, my new Mom, who-who's a big, fat abandoner! (starts to go upstairs)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Whoa, wait, Pheebs, wait a second! Don't you wanna stay here and talk about it?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No. I'm just, I wanna, I need to be alone.
    • (She starts to go upstairs.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (turning around, insistently) Monica!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh.
    • new scene
    • Scene 5

      The beach house, Rachel's bedroom. She is finishing up writing something as Ross walks through the door.

    • ross
    • Ross
      It's over.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, was it awful?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, it was loong. I didn't even realise how late it was, until I noticed the 5 o'clock shadow on her head. (They both start to laugh, then stop themselves quickly.) Anyway, she didn't want to stay. I called a cab; she just left.
    • (They kiss.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I wrote you a letter.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Ohh! Thank you! I like mail. (He goes to kiss her again, but she turns away.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (handing him the letter) It's just some things I've been thinking about. Some things about us, and before we can even think about the two of us getting back together, I just need to know how you feel about this stuff.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay. (He leans in to kiss her again, but she leans back preventing him from making contact.) Wow, it's-it's 5:30 in the morning. (Rachel laughs) So, I'd better get cracking on this baby.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, I'll be waiting for you, just come up when you're done.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay, I'll be up in, (looks at the letter) 18 pages. Front and back. Very exciting.
    • new scene
    • Scene 6

      The beach house, the next morning. Ross is passed out on the kitchen counter. He wakes up with a start and has one of the pages of the letter stuck to his face.

    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh. (looks at his watch) Oh-oh. (takes a drink of coffee and resumes reading the letter)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (coming down the stairs) Hey! (Ross jumps up, and quickly puts the letter back together, pretending like he has just finished it.) What happened to you? Why didn't you come up?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Done!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      You just finished?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, I wanted to be thorough. I mean this-this is clearly very, very important to you, to us! And so I wanted to read every word carefully, twice!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      So umm, does it?
    • ross
    • Ross
      I'm sorry.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Does it?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Does it? Does it? Yeah, I wanted to give that whole 'Does it?' part just another glance.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What are you talking about, Ross, you just said that you read it twice! Look, y'know what, either it does or it doesn't, and if you have to even think about it...
    • ross
    • Ross
      (interrupting) No, Rach, no. I don't, I don't, I don't have to think about it, in fact, I've decided, I've decided that, that it.......does.
    • (Rachel stands there for a moment, starting to cry. Then gasps and runs over and hugs him. While hugging her, Ross tries to find the 'Does it?' part in the letter.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Are you sure?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, sure! I'm sure.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I know. (Hugs him more violently this time and pushes him back away from the letter.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 7

      The beach. Chandler and Monica are out getting some sun.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      All right, there's a nuclear holocaust, I'm the last man on Earth. Would you go out with me?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ennnh.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I've got canned goods.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (jumping up in a hole that he is digging, he is shoulder deep) Hey, you guys! Take a look at this! (Chandler and Monica jump up and go over to the hole.) Check this baby out, dug me a hole!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Excellent hole, Joe.
    • (A wave crashes on the beach and partially fills up his hole.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh no! No!! My hole!!
    • monica
    • Monica
      (screaming in pain) Ow!! Ow!!!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (climbing out of the hole) What?! What?!! What is it?!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Jellyfish sting! Oh, it hurts! It hurts!! It hurts!!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, can we help?! You want us to take you back to the house?!
    • monica
    • Monica
      It's like two miles!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah, and I'm a little tired from digging the hole.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh damn the jellyfish. Damn all the jellyfish!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      We've got to do something!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well, there's really only one thing you can do.
    • monica
    • Monica
      What?! What is it?!
    • joey
    • Joey
      You're gonna have to pee on it.
    • monica
    • Monica
      What?!! Gross!!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Don't blame me, I saw it on The Discovery Channel.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Y'know what, he's right. There's something like uh, ammonia in that, that like kills the pain.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well forget it! It doesn't hurt that (tries to take a step) baaad!!!!
    • joey
    • Joey
      If you want some privacy you can use my hole.
    • new scene
    • Scene 8

      The beach house, Phoebe is coming down the stairs all packed and ready to go.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well, I'm ready to get the hell out of here! (Sees Ross and Rachel cuddling on the couch.) Oh. Are you? Are you?!! (they nod 'Yes.') Ohh! That's so great!! Ooh, not for Bonnie. (they nod 'No.') But for you, yay! Ohh.
    • (The rest of the gang arrives with their heads down in shame.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      How was the beach?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Nothing, I don't know.
    • ross
    • Ross
      What happened?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Nothing. I'm gonna take a shower.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Me too!!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Me too.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay, I'm gonna put this (her suitcase) in the car.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ooh, I have to go pack. (Gets up to do so.) It really does?
    • ross
    • Ross
      It does. It really and truly does.
    • (Rachel kisses him, and goes upstairs. After she's gone, Ross frantically tries to find and read the 'Does it?' part.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (finding the part) (looks up in disgust) It so does not!!!
    • COMMERCIAL BREAK
    • new scene
    • Scene 9

      Central Perk, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler about the letter.

    • ross
    • Ross
      She wants me to take responsibility for everything that went wrong in our relationship. I mean she goes on for five pages about, about how I was unfaithful to her! (Both Joey and Chandler shrug their shoulders as to say "Well...") (yelling) WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh my God! If you say that one more time, I'm gonna break up with you!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Fine! Fine! But this break-up was not all my fault, and she, she says here, (reading from the letter) "If you accept full responsibility..." (to Chandler and Joey) Full responsibility! "...I can begin to trust you again. Does that seem like something you can do. (yells at Joey) Does it?!!"
    • joey
    • Joey
      No?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Look, Ross, you have what you want, you're back with Rachel. If you bring this up now you're gonna wreck the best thing that even happened to you.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (calming down) Yeah, I know. I mean, no, you're right. Yeah I guess I'll let it go. But you-you understand how-how hard it is to forget about this.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Sure, it's hard to forget! But that doesn't mean you have to talk about it! A lot of things happened on that trip that we should never, (to Chandler) ever talk about.
    • ross
    • Ross
      What the hell happened on that beach?!
    • joey
    • Joey
      It's between us and the sea, Ross!
    • (Ross laughs and has a 'Come on...' look on his face as he looks and Chandler who nods his head in agreement with Joey. Ross is stunned.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 10

      A hallway in an apartment building. Phoebe is knocks on a door and it opens.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (to the person that answered the door) Hi, Ursula.
    • Ursula
      Hey!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay, well umm, I know that we haven't talked in a long time, but umm okay, our Mom is not our birth Mom. This-this other lady is our birth Mom.
    • Ursula
      Right, okay, the one that lives in Montuak, umm-hmm.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (shocked) You know her?!
    • Ursula
      No, I umm, I read about her in Mom's suicide note.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      There-there was a suicide note?! (Ursula nods 'Yes.') Well, do you still have it?
    • Ursula
      (disgusted) Hang on. (She goes into her apartment and slams the door in Phoebe's face.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I can't believe you didn't tell me there was a suicide note!
    • Ursula
      Yeah. So how have you been doing?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I, umm, shut up!
    • (Ursula opens the door and hands her the note.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (reading from the note) "Good-bye Phoebe and Ursula. I'll miss you. P.S. Your Mom lives in Montauk." You just wrote this!
    • Ursula
      Well, it's pretty much the gist. Well, except for the poem. You read the poem, right?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Noooo!!
    • Ursula
      All right, hang on! (She takes the note, goes back into her apartment and slams the door shut.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 11

      Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are sitting at the table eating dinner and not talking. Ross and Rachel are outside cuddling on the balcony.

    • monica
    • Monica
      Pass the cheese, please.
    • (Joey hands her the cheese without looking at her.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      My God, you can't even look at me! Can you?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Nope.
    • (Phoebe enters.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (jumping up) Hey! Phoebe! We can talk to Phoebe!!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No. I'm-I'm to depressed to talk.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'll give you a thousand dollars to talk to us.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (coming back in with Rachel) Hey, you guys! What do you, what do you think about making that beach trip an annual thing?
    • joey
    • Joey
      NO!!!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      All right, that's it, you guys! What happened out there?
    • monica
    • Monica
      What? We took a walk, nothing happened. I can back with nothing all over me.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Come on!
    • ross
    • Ross
      What happened? Joey?
    • joey
    • Joey
      All right. (gets up)
    • monica
    • Monica
      (stopping him) No! Joey, we swore we'd never tell!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (running over and joining Monica) They'll never understand!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well, we have to say something! We have to get it out! It's eating me alive!! Monica got stung by a jellyfish.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (interrupting) All right!! All right. (walks slowly into the living room) I got stung. Stung bad. I couldn't stand. I-I couldn't walk.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (following Monica) We were two miles from the house. Scared and alone. We didn't think we could make it. (He goes to put his hands on Monica's shoulders but for some reason can quite complete the action and pulls back.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      I was in too much pain.
    • joey
    • Joey
      And I was tired from digging the huge hole!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      And then Joey remembered something.
    • joey
    • Joey
      I'd seen this thing on The Discovery Channel...
    • ross
    • Ross
      Wait a minute! I saw that! On The Discovery Channel, yeah! About jellyfish and how if you... (stops suddenly and turns to look at Monica) Ewwww!! You peed on yourself?!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ewwww!!
    • monica
    • Monica
      You can't say that!! You-you don't know!! I mean I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain! Anyway I-I tried, but I-I couldn't...bend that way. So... (looks at Joey.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (turning to look at Joey) Ewwww!!
    • joey
    • Joey
      That's right I stepped up! She's my friend and she needed help! And if I had too, I'd pee on anyone of you! Only, uhh, I couldn't. I got the stage fright. I wanted to help, but there was too much pressure. So-so I uh, I turned to Chandler.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (wails loudly into his hands) Joey kept screaming at me, "Do it now! Do it!! Do it! Do it now!!" Sometimes late at night I can still here the screaming.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (laughs) That's 'cause sometimes I just do it through my wall to freak you out.
    • new scene
    • Scene 12

      Central Perk, Phoebe is finishing up a song.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (singing) "...fuchsia and mauvvve. Those are the 66 colours of my bedroommmm." (applause) Thank you, thank you. Ohh, and I invite you to count the colours in your bedroom. (Sees that Phoebe Sr. has entered, and to her) Except for you. You go away.
    • Phoebe Sr.
      I'll go in a second, I-I just wanted to tell you that there hasn't been a day where I didn't regret giving you up.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay, bye.
    • Phoebe Sr.
      No, I'm not done. I-I-I just want you to know that I, the reason I didn't look you up was, well I was afraid that you'd react, just well like, the way, the way you're reacting right now, and can't we just, y'know, start from here?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No.
    • Phoebe Sr.
      Sorry. But just one last thing. Y'know you came looking for family. I'm family, I'm it. Now, now I'm done. (starts to leave)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      But, it's not like we're losing anything. Y'know?
    • Phoebe Sr.
      Yeah, I guess you're right.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      It's not like we-we know each other or anything. Or that have anything in common.
    • Phoebe Sr.
      Well, I don't know. I mean it's not like we don't have anything in common. I mean I like uh, pizza.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I-I like pizza!
    • Phoebe Sr.
      You do?! Wait, I like umm, the Beetles.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh my God, so do I!
    • Phoebe Sr.
      I knew it, wow!!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Wait-wait-wait, wait! Puppies. Cute or ugly?
    • Phoebe Sr.
      Ohh, so cute.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Uh-huh, well! But umm, still I'm-I'm mad at you.
    • Phoebe Sr.
      I know. I'm mad at me too.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well umm, do you wanna get something to eat? I'm kinda hungry.
    • Phoebe Sr.
      Hey! Me too!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      All right, stop it. Now you're just doing it to freak me out.
    • new scene
    • Scene 13

      Rachel's bedroom. Ross and Rachel have just finished consummating the new relationship.

    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh-hooo, I missed you.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I missed you too.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ooh, I was soo nervous about that letter. But the way you owned up to everything, it just showed me how much you've grown. Y'know?
    • ross
    • Ross
      (getting miffed) I suppose.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      You have! Ross, you should give yourself credit. I mean my Mom never thought this would work out. It was all, "Once a cheater, always a cheater."
    • ross
    • Ross
      (getting angry) Umm-hmm.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ooh, I just wish we hadn't lost those four months, but if time was what you needed just to gain a little perspective...
    • [cut to Monica cleaning the floor in the kitchen]
    • ross
    • Ross
      (yelling from the bedroom) WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!!!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (entering with Joey) (to Monica) Coffee house?
    • monica
    • Monica
      You bet.
    • [cut back to Rachel's bedroom with both of them hurriedly getting dressed]
    • ross
    • Ross
      And for the record, it took two people to break up this relationship!!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah! You and that girl from that copy place, which yesterday you took full responsibility for!!
    • ross
    • Ross
      I didn't know what I was taking full responsibility for! Okay?! I didn't finish the whole letter!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What?!!
    • ross
    • Ross
      I fell asleep!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      You fell asleep?!
    • ross
    • Ross
      It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back!! (they go into the living room, trapping Monica, Chandler, and Joey in the kitchen) (to Rachel) Oh-oh-oh, and by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means 'you are,' Y-O-U-R means 'your!'
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Y'know I can't believe I even thought about getting back together again! We are so over!!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, oh, and hey-hey-hey, those little spelling tips will come in handy when you're at home on Saturday nights playing Scrabble with Monica!!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey!!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (to Monica) Sorry!! (to Ross) I just feel bad about all that sleep you're gonna miss wishing you were with me!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, no-no-no don't you worry about me falling asleep. I still have your letter!!!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      And hey! Just so you know, it's not that common! It doesn't happen to every guy! And it is a big deal!!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I KNEW IT!!!!
    • CLOSING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 14

      Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are playing cards at the dinner table.

    • monica
    • Monica
      (sets down some cards) Gin.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      We were playing Gin? Y'know if we were a couple, we could play this game naked.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Will you stop!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Okay. All right.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay, all right, I think you're great, I think you're sweet, and you're smart, and I love you. But you will always be the guy who peed on me.
    • END