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  •  /  Friends  /  S04E13 The One With Rachel's Crush


    • new scene
    • Scene 1

      A Theatre, Chandler and Ross are there to watch the premiere of Kathy's play.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Okay, she is the star of the play. And she is my girlfriend! I get to have sex with the star of the play!
    • ross
    • Ross
      People can hear you.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I know!!
    • (The play starts.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Wow! She looks great. Doesn't she?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah.
    • (Onstage there's a knock on the door and Kathy opens it. We don't see what's going on, only hear it.)
    • Kathy's Co-Star
      Hi!
    • Kathy
      Hi!
    • ross
    • Ross
      That is one good looking man!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Is it just me, or can you actually see his abs through his overcoat?!
    • Kathy's Co-Star
      Sooo, you've been doing this long?
    • Kathy
      No, you're my first. Put the money on the table.
    • (Ross and Chandler have stunned looks on their faces as Kathy and her co-star start making out.)
    • Kathy's Co-Star
      Oh, yeah! Ooh, that's nice. (They start making out harder.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Dude!
    • Kathy's Co-Star
      Is that an expensive blouse?
    • Kathy
      If you want it to be.
    • (Kathy's co-star rips her blouse off and buttons go flying into the audience, and one hits Ross. Chandler's mouth is on the floor.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Here's your girlfriend's button. (Holding the button.)
    • OPENING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 2

      Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica is still unpacking after the move, and Phoebe is their also.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, hey, Mon, do you still have your like old blouses and dresses from high school?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah, I think I have some around here somewhere. Why?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well, it's just that maternity clothes are so expensive.
    • (Rachel enters)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey, Rach! I made a pile of your stuff over on this side of the room. If you could just...(Rachel grunts and throws her purse at it)...throw your purses at it.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Bloomingdale's eliminated my department. (Phoebe gasps)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh my God, are you out of a job?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No, but they stuck me in personal shopping. Which is just a huge step down!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Personal shopping? What is that? Like where you walk around with snooty rich people and tell them what to buy?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Uh-huh.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      That sounds great!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (entering) Hey! (Goes to the fridge.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Umm, excuse me, we switched apartments. You can't eat are food anymore, that-that gravy train had ended.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (Holding a turkey leg) There's gravy?
    • monica
    • Monica
      If you have the big apartment you have to deal with people coming over all the time. That fridge has got to be stocked, okay, that's your department now. (She takes back the turkey leg)
    • (Joey climbs up on the counter and starts looking at the top of the cabinets.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      What are you doing?
    • joey
    • Joey
      I think I left a donut up here.
    • new scene
    • Scene 3

      Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are entering after the play. Phoebe and Joey are already there.

    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ooh! How was Kathy's play?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, Kathy gets half-naked and simulates sex with a real good lookin' guy.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah, it's like someone literally wrote down my worst nightmare and then charged me $32 to see it!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      That's a good idea for a business!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'm totally screwed. Okay, they are gonna be hot and heavy on stage every night, and then they're gonna go to their cast parties and he's gonna try to undermine me. Y'know it'll be like, "So where's your boyfriend, what's-his-name, Chester?" And she'll go, "No-no-no, it's Chandler." And he'll go, "Whatever. Ha-ha-ha-ha!"
    • joey
    • Joey
      (to Ross) That-that is a good trick.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      All right, look, look, what am I gonna do?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Chandler, look they're actors. They're there to do a job, just 'cause they work together, doesn't mean they're gonna get together. I mean just 'cause it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, it doesn't mean it's gonna happen with them.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh-oh, Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey, Mel Gibson and Clint Eastwood.
    • ross
    • Ross
      They're not a couple!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh-okay, I get the game now.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Okay look, look, let me ask you a question, when they were doing it on stage, was it like really hot?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh yeah!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well okay, so then you're fine. The rule is when two actors are actually doing it off-stage all the sexual tension between them is gone. Okay? So as long as it's hot onstage you got nothing to worry about. It's when the heat goes away, that's when you're in trouble.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Really?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Look, you guys have been to every play I've ever been in, have I ever had chemistry on stage?
    • ross
    • Ross
      No.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Noooo!!
    • new scene
    • Scene 4

      Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, the gang minus Monica and Rachel are eating breakfast. Ross and Chandler are sitting at the foosball table and eating.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      So uh, man, are you gonna go to the play with me tonight?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Y'know what, I don't know how comfortable I am going to see how hot the sex is between some guy and your girlfriend.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah, I know but...
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh no-no-no, I'm there.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (entering) Hey!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey Mon! Want some pancakes?
    • monica
    • Monica
      You made pancakes?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yep! Grab a plate.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay. (She does so and starts to walk towards Joey to receive her pancakes.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      No-no, stay right there. (Monica stops and Joey flips her a pancake, which flies over her head and lands in the living room.) Gettin' closer.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Okay, okay, but don't worry, because we also have cereals, muffins, waffles, and, jams, jellies, and marmalades. Which I'm fairly certain are the same thing.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Listen also we're uh, we're watching the game here Saturday night, if people want to come over.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh yeah!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh, I was thinking about having people over for the game.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh yeah, who's playing?
    • monica
    • Monica
      The players.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Somebody seems to be missing being the hostess.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (laughs) Please, it's a relief is what it is, is what it is.
    • joey
    • Joey
      All right Pheebs, stick out your plate!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh. (Joey flips the pancake and Phoebe catches it and throws it on her plate.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 5

      Bloomingdale's, Rachel's new job.

    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (on the phone) Monica, I'm quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didn't even buy it! (Pause) I'm telling you I'm quitting! That's it! I'm talking to my boss right now! (Pause) Yes I am! (Pause) Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. (Hangs up as her boss, Mr. Waltham, walks in.) Oh! Mr. Waltham, I ah really need to talk to you.
    • Mr. Waltham
      In a moment, please, I'm in the middle of a task. And you have a customer.
    • (It's a really good-looking man, Joshua, that Rachel has an instant crush on. Well actually it's Tate Donovan, so it's not like she's really testing her acting skills.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hi!
    • Joshua
      Hi, I'm Joshua.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hi, I'm Rachel Green. What can I do for you Joshua?
    • Joshua
      Well, I need a whole new wardrobe. My wife, well my ex-wife...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, I'm so sorry.
    • (He walks over to look and some clothes and Rachel quickly turns around and adjusts her bra, trying to show off her assets.)
    • Joshua
      Anyway, she burned all of my clothes. I got away with two things. This suit and what turned out to be a skirt.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, at least that's a great suit.
    • Joshua
      Yeah, but it wasn't much fun dropping it off at the dry cleaners in the skirt. (Rachel laughs) So I need everything down to underwear, so if you're willing, I'm all yours.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay.
    • Mr. Waltham
      Rachel, you needed to speak to me?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No-no, that wasn't me! (To Joshua) Well, we should get started. Let me show you my underwear. (Joshua turns at that) The selection of underwear we carry.
    • (He walks out and Rachel stares at his butt as he leaves. He makes a wrong turn.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh-oh, sorry, it's this way, it's this way. (Motions to the correct way.)
    • Joshua
      It's this way? Sorry. (He walks past her and she again admires his butt.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 6

      Kathy's play, Ross and Chandler are waiting for her in the lobby after the play.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'm right! Right? There was like no chemistry between them. Before they had heat, and now there's no heat! Now you know what this means, Joey told us what this means!
    • ross
    • Ross
      All right, let's not jump to any conclusions. All right? There was some sexual chemistry between them.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Come on, it was like cousins having sex up there!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Here she comes. Don't say a word, okay? Just be cool, don't be...y'know you.
    • Kathy
      Hey you guys!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey!
    • Kathy
      Hi! (Kisses Chandler) Thank you so much for coming again. Did you like it tonight?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, absolutely! (Chandler mumbles something.)
    • Kathy
      Wasn't Nick funny when he couldn't get his match lit?
    • (Chandler laughs without opening his mouth.)
    • Kathy
      It's a good play, isn't it?
    • (Chandler mumbles something, and Ross tells him to "Come on.")
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, I loved the play. You were great, and Nick ditto. Clearly you're having sex with him.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay, I... (Walks away.)
    • Kathy
      Clearly, I'm having sex with him?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh come on, it was so obvious! There was no chemistry between you two!
    • Kathy
      Okay, so let me just get this straight. You're accusing me of cheating on you, and insulting my performance?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Y'know, I-I could see how this could happen, y'know you're up there every night, you're naked, touching, kissing.
    • Kathy
      Acting! Chandler, this is my job! I'm-I'm playing a part in a play! How can you not trust me?!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, you can understand, given how we started.
    • Kathy
      Oh, wow. I can't believe you're throwing that in my face.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, that is what happened, and I don't even see you denying this!
    • Kathy
      I'll tell you what, Chandler, why don't you call me when you grow up!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah, well, don't expect that to happen anytime soon!
    • COMMERCIAL BREAK
    • new scene
    • Scene 7

      Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Phoebe, and Ross are there eating pizza as Rachel enters.

    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I have the best job in the entire world! The most adorable guy came over today, and I got to dress him up all day!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Rachel has a new doll.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, I wish he was a doll, then I could get a Rachel doll and bump them together and make kissy noises. Oh! And he has the most beautiful name, I never realised it, Joshua! Josh-u-a! Joshua! Josh.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Uh, hello!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hi-e!!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ooh, what do I smell?
    • joey
    • Joey
      I don't know, it smells good.
    • (He goes over and opens the door to reveal Monica holding a plate of cookies and a fan to blow the smell across the hall.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Fresh cookies! Hot from the oven!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ooh! (They all go over to her apartment)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Please, have some!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, yumm!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah, I've just been fiddling around in here making delicious treats for everyone.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (Holding a magazine) Wow! The new Playboy!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah, it's just something I picked up.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Cookies and porn, you're the best mom ever!!
    • (Rachel laughs hysterically for no reason.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      What? What?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, it was just something Josh said about v-necks, but you had to be there.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, how does Jason look in a v-neck?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      It's Joshua.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, whatever. (Laughs and gives Joey the thumbs up heading back to his apartment. Joey follows him)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Wait! Wait! This isn't take-out!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (getting up) Well, I hate to eat and run, but...
    • monica
    • Monica
      No, wait, please don't go! I've got porn for you too!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, I don't need it.
    • monica
    • Monica
      People are supposed to wanna hang out here!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Why? Honey, what is the big deal?
    • monica
    • Monica
      I'm the hostess! Not those guys! I'm always the hostess! I mean, I was always the hostess, I mean even when I was little, I mean the girls brought their dollies to my tea party, I-I served the best air.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well, why did you make like a whole big thing out of y'know, everyone has to hang out in the big apartment?
    • monica
    • Monica
      'Cause they took our apartment, I wanted to punish them. But I'm-I'm done now. They've suffered enough.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      If you wanted to punish them, you should've just made them hang out here!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, that's true.
    • monica
    • Monica
      All right then, when I'm done with this place, it's gonna be ten times better than that place!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, are we gonna trash that place?
    • (Chandler comes back, obviously drunk, and trips over the steps.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Steps! (He opens the door to his apartment to Ross and Joey looking at the new Playboy) Slut! (Ross and Joey quickly hide the Playboy behind their backs. Chandler wonders into the girl's apartment.) You will all be very happy to hear that Kathy is sleeping with that guy!
    • Everyone
      What?!
    • ross
    • Ross
      So you were right?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I confronted her, and she didn't deny it! (Pause) I don't live here! (Goes back into his apartment and they all follow him.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Chandler!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Chandler, what did she say?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Wait a minute.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Come here.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Are you sure?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, I may be drunk, but I know what she said! Then I went over to Beefsteak Julie's...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Beefsteak Charlie's?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yes! See you and I have always been like-(motions that they think the same.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 8

      The hallway between the apartments, Monica is lugging one of those floor polishing machines through the hallway. Rachel comes up the steps and stops when she sees Monica.

    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Whoops. (Starts to go into Chandler and Joey's.) Oh, hey, do you need help with that?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Nah, I got it.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ooh, I just feel bad, I never vacuum. (She goes into Chandler and Joey's.)
    • [Cut to inside the apartment.]
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hi!
    • Everyone
      Hey!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      So I was with Joshua for an hour today, and he has not asked me out. It's just so frustrating!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Why don't you ask him out?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, yeah, totally! That's such a turn-on!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Really? It doesn't seem desperate?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh-ooh, that's the turn-on.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      He just got a divorce right?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hmm-mmm.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      So he's probably really nervous around women, y'know? Maybe, you just have to make the first move.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah but, I've never asked a guy out before.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (shocked) You've never asked a guy out?!!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No. Have you?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Thousands of times!! That doesn't make me sound too good does it?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I don't even know how I would go about it.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh-oh-oh-oh, how I do it is, I look a woman up and down and say, "Hey, how you doin'?"
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, please!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (to Phoebe) Hey, how you doin'?
    • (Phoebe looks at him, and then giggles and looks away.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      You know what, I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna call him up, and I'm gonna ask him out. I can do that. Ask him out. (Practising) How you doin'? (Calls him) Hi! Joshua? It's Rachel Green from Bloomingdale's. (Listens) Yeah, umm, I was wondering if you umm, if you umm, left your wallet at the store today? Well, we found a wallet, and we-(Listens) the license? Well, that is a good idea! Uh, well, let's see here this says this license belongs to a uh, uh, belongs to a mister uh, Pheebs, and umm, yeah, so sorry to bother you at home. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye. (Hangs up) (to Phoebe) You've done that a thousand times?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I've never done that.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ohh, God, I just got so nervous that he would say no.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well, you gotta give him something that he can't say no too. Like uh, Knicks tickets! Invite the guy to a Knicks game, you're guaranteed he'll say yes!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Really?! You think that will work?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Absolutely! And if it doesn't, can I get the extra ticket?
    • (We hear a noise coming from Monica and Rachel's apartment.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      What the heck is that?
    • (They go open the door and reveal Monica being spun around on the floor polisher and getting the cord wrapped around her legs.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 9

      Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Joey, and Phoebe are watching a movie as Chandler comes in from his bedroom.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Did she call?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No, sorry.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      All right, maybe I should call her.
    • joey
    • Joey
      No! Forget her, man! You don't need her, you don't need that!
    • ross
    • Ross
      He's right, what she did was unforgivable.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, yeah, but y'know, what-what if I was wrong?
    • ross
    • Ross
      How might you be wrong?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well y'know, what if she didn't actually sleep with the guy?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Dude, tell me she actually told you this.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      She did not have to tell me, I saw the play, and there was no heat. Back me up here, Ross!
    • ross
    • Ross
      That's all you're basing this on?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      That's not backing me up! Look, you said with the off-stage and the heat, and the onstage and the oy heat.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Whoa-whoa, that-that was just a theory! There's a lot of theories that didn't pan out. The lone gunman. Communism. Geometry.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh my God!!
    • new scene
    • Scene 10

      Bloomingdale's, Rachel's new job, she is waiting for Joshua and practising how to ask him out.

    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Would you like to go to a basketball game with me? (Tries again.) You know, its funny, basketball, because I happen to have tickets too... (Tries again.) Umm, who likes the Knicks-(Joshua comes in from the dressing room.)
    • Joshua
      What do you think?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh! Well, as a single woman, who is available, I think you look great!
    • Joshua
      Huh. (She starts brushing the lint off and checking him out in the mirror.) Yeah?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yep. Oh, yeah, look you great. (She puts her arm in his and checks how they would look as a couple.) Oh yeah. Yeah, this looks great. (Pause) Umm, so you like it?
    • Joshua
      I do. I do. I love it. In fact, I think I'm gonna wear it home.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Great.
    • Joshua
      All right, thank you so much for all your help.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Sure.
    • Joshua
      Well, I guess this is uh, I guess this is it.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah-eah-ha!
    • Joshua
      Thanks. (He starts to leave) Maybe I'll see in the spring, with the uh, y'know, for the uh, bathing suits.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh well, you don't want to do that now?!
    • Joshua
      Ah, that's okay, thanks.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay.
    • Joshua
      Anyway, hopefully, I'll see you around sometime. (He goes out the door.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Basketball!
    • Joshua
      (coming back in) I'm sorry.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I uh, I have two tickets to the Knicks game tonight if you're interested, just as a thank you for this week.
    • Joshua
      Wow! That would be great.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Really?
    • Joshua
      Yeah, that would be fantastic! My-my nephew is crazy about the Knicks! This is fantastic, thank you so much Rachel. (He takes the tickets and leaves as Mr. Waltham returns.)
    • Mr. Waltham
      Good morning.
    • Joshua
      Hi!
    • (Mr. Waltham admires Joshua's butt as he leaves.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 11

      Kathy's apartment, Chandler is knocking on the door.

    • Kathy
      (opening the door) Hey.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey. I just, I just wanted to come over to-to say that I'm sorry. Y'know? I know I acted like the biggest idiot in the world, and I can completely understand why you were so upset.
    • Kathy
      Oh wow. I really wish you'd call me.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah, I know, I-I wish I had too, but y'know I-I think this is a good thing. Y'know? 'Cause we've had our first fight, and now we can move on. Y'know, I know for me-(Notices a pair of men's pants on the chair.) Nick's pants?
    • Kathy
      Yeah.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah. Well, I think our second fight is going to be a big one!
    • new scene
    • Scene 12

      Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is debriefing Rachel on her rejection earlier that day and telling her what she should've done. Ross and Phoebe are watching.

    • joey
    • Joey
      Okay, for next time, what do you say?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I have an extra ticket. An extra ticket. Not, two tickets, I have an extra ticket.
    • ross
    • Ross
      So the first time you ask a guy out, he-he turns you down?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      He didn't turn me down! He's at the game isn't he? I got the date, I'm just not on it!
    • monica
    • Monica
      (entering) Okay, it's ready. Come on.
    • joey
    • Joey
      What's ready?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Just come.
    • (They all go over to her apartment.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh my God!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Wow! Monica!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Great!
    • ross
    • Ross
      This is beautiful!
    • (She has cleaned it, completely redecorated it, removed the carpet, and polished the floor.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh did you-what did you-did you work for two days straight?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Pretty much. (to Joey) So, what do you, what do you think of the floor?
    • joey
    • Joey
      I don't know, it looks the same.
    • monica
    • Monica
      You used to have carpet.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh yeah!
    • monica
    • Monica
      So I made snacks. Please, just hang out okay? I'm just gonna rest my eyes just a little bit.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Look, Mon, do you want us to uh, come back later?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh no-no-no, stay, stay, stay, just keep talking. I'm always the hostess.
    • (Chandler returns.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey!
    • joey
    • Joey
      How'd it go?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, she wasn't sleeping with him.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh good!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      She is now.
    • ross
    • Ross
      What are you saying?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'm saying that she... is a devil woman! Y'know I mean you think you know someone and then they turn around and they sleep with Nick! Nick, with his rock hard pecs, and his giant man-nipples! I hate him, I hate her! Well, I don't hate her, I love her. This is all my fault really.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      How? How is your fault?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Because, I-I should've called! Y'know if I had just called her after our big, stupid fight, she never would've gone out with Nick, and they would've ended up in bed together. I threw her at his man nipples!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Honey, this is not your fault, just because you guys had a fight, it does not justify her sleeping with someone.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, if-if she thought they were on a break...
    • (They all turn and glare at him.)
    • CLOSING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 13

      Bloomingdale's, Rachel is sitting at her desk as Mr. Waltham comes in.

    • Mr. Waltham
      Rachel, one of your customers seems to have left his billfold. A Joshua Bergen.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Really?
    • Mr. Waltham
      Will you call him?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yes! I will! Absolutely! (She takes out his license and her license and holds them face to face with each other. She then proceeds to act like Dark Helmut in Spaceballs, and mimic a conversation between the two of them.) Hello, Rachel. Hi, Joshua. I left my wallet here on purpose. Really? Yes, I just wanted to see you again. Oh, I'm glad. Rachel, I'd like to say something to you. Yes? How you doin'?
    • END