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  •  /  Friends  /  S10E01 The One After Joey And Rachel Kiss


    • new scene
    • Scene 1

      Barbados, Monica and Chandler's Room. They both enter from Ross's room. Monica still has her big, frizzy hair.

    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh, the way you crushed Mike at ping pong was such a turn-on.You wanna...? (plays with her finger on Chandlers chest)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You know, I'd love to, but I'm a little tired.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I'll put a pillowcase over my head.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You're on!
    • (they start to get ready, but then Phoebe enters through the door from Ross's room)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey!
    • monica
    • Monica
      What's up?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well, okay, Mike's taking a shower, which by the way there's no law against. And then we're gonna grab some food, so if you want...
    • (there's a door slamming in Ross's room, and some indistinct murmuring)
    • ross
    • Ross
      ... finally...
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Is that Ross?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah, you can hear everything through these stupid walls.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Sounds like he's with someone.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      He could be alone. This morning I heard him do push-ups, and then talk to his triceps.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Wait a minute, I think Phoebe's right. You know I hear someone else in there with him.
    • (they all put their ear against the wall to be able to hear what's being said. We move to Ross's room where he and Charlie are kissing.)
    • Charlie
      Ooh... Dr. Geller!
    • ross
    • Ross
      God, you're amazing... I didn't even have to ask you to call me that.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh my God, that's Charlie!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      She's cheating on Joey with Ross!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh that tart... floozy... giant...
    • monica
    • Monica
      I'm not sure about this.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, you're right. This is none of our business.
    • monica
    • Monica
      No I'm not sure that it's the best way to hear everything. Someone get me a glass!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, I'm not gonna do this, okay? I'm not gonna eavesdrop on my friend.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (through wall) Ooh... I love Barbados!
    • (Phoebe starts to listen at the other wall, where Rachel's room is. There, Joey and Rachel are kissing.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Ooh... I can't believe I'm kissing you. I'm kissing Rachel!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I know, I'm her!
    • (they start to kiss again, and Phoebe turns to Chandler and Monica)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (whispering) Rachel and Joey! It's Rachel and Joey!!!
    • monica
    • Monica
      What?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Get over here!
    • (Chandler and Monica take a sprint to the other wall)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      ooh...
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Wow!
    • monica
    • Monica
      (in her Monica-excited-way... TOO LOUD!) Oh my God, I love how thin these walls are!
    • (In the rooms next door, Joey, Rachel, Ross and Charlie stop kissing and try to understand what the yelling was about. After a while they continue kissing. We're back in Chandler and Monica's room. Monica has some of her own hair stuffed in her mouth by Chandler.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      (muffled) Thank you.
    • OPENING CREDITS
    • (Rachel and Joey's)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hey, you know, before you said that nothing could happen between us? What changed?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well, I only said that because of Ross, you know. Then I saw him kissing Charlie...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What? Ross and Charlie? (Joey nods) Wow! She's really making her way through the group, huh? Ah, who am I to talk?
    • (Chandler and Monica's)
    • monica
    • Monica
      I can't believe this. Rachel and Joey?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      How about the dinosaur twins in the other room? No-one is manning that wall!
    • monica
    • Monica
      I'm on it!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Anything?
    • monica
    • Monica
      I think I hear curtains closing...
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      We've got shoes being kicked off over here.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Bedsprings, unmistakable!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You do realise that's your brother?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Not until you said it. Somebody switch! (Chandler makes a clicking sound with his fingers and Phoebe runs to the other wall. Monica returns to Chandlers wall.) Wait a minute... Ross and Charlie, Joey and Rachel, Phoebe and Mike! We're the only people leaving with the same person we came with.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      That's not true. I came with Monica and I'm leaving with Weird Al.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay, I've had it with the hair jokes. Tomorrow morning, before we leave, I'm going to the salon.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Okay Buckwheat!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      You gotta hear this, it's great... It's like free porn! (Chandler eagerly rushes over)
    • (Ross and Charlie's)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Weh...*sigh*
    • Charlie
      uhm... Is everything okay?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, It's just... I don't think I can do this...
    • Charlie
      Ooh... Is it because of what might be on the bedspread, because I saw that news report too, with the infra red and the ... I could just...
    • ross
    • Ross
      No, NO! (they're moving to the side of the bed, where they sit down) Look, I need to talk to Joey. I mean, you guys just broke up. Before anything more happens between us, I need to know he's okay with it.
    • Charlie
      I uhm... I completely understand.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Alright, I'm gonna go find them... (twitches a bit, looks down) I just need a... need a before I can... you know. (gestures standing up... they sit and wait for a while) Grandma... grandma... grandma... (he tries to concentrate...) Okay, I see you later.
    • Charlie
      Okay...
    • (Chandler and Monica's, all three of them are listening at the wall to Ross and Charlie's)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      That's the door. He's gone...
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      And she's... turning on the TV... and watching... Miss Congeniality!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Honey, if you know it through a wall, you know it too well!
    • (They are still listening at the wall, when Ross enters their room)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey, what are you guys doing?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, we're just... we're sad to go so we're just saying goodbye to the hotel. (hugs the wall) I love you... Paradise Hotel, Golf resort and Spa... (she walks away from the wall)
    • monica
    • Monica
      (also hugs the wall) Yeah, we had a great time, thank you! (walks to Phoebe)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (caresses the wall with his finger) Bye!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay, uhm... Hey, you guys seen Joey anywhere?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      He's probably in his room with his current girlfriend Charlie. That's the situation as we know it... (walks to Phoebe and Monica)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, if you see him could you please tell him I'm looking for him?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You got it!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Thanks! (walks out of the room and starts hugging the wall) Thank you! (closes the door)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Other wall, people! Other wall!
    • (they rush to the wall to Rachel and Joey's, and we move to that room)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (knocks on door) Rach, you there? (Joey and Rachel both get up from the bed)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh my God, it's Ross. What are we gonna do?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, ju-ju-just stay calm. Just be calm. For all he knows we're just hanging out together. Right? Just be nonchalant. (Joey like stands at attention with his chest forward and his hands on his sides, looking up at the ceiling with his lips pouted.) That's not nonchalant!
    • joey
    • Joey
      No idea what it means.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh... okay, just hide!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (knocks) Rach?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Coming! Try under the bed, try under the bed!
    • (When Rachel starts to look under the bed if Joey would fit under there, Chandler opens the door inbetween the rooms, grabs Joey by his shirt and drags him to his room, and closes the door again)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      There's no room under the bed. (looks around because she can't find Joey anymore)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Is everything okay?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah... (still looking to see where Joey went, and opens the door)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hi...
    • ross
    • Ross
      You know where Joey is?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      ...I really don't... (looks around again)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Can I talk to you for a minute?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, sure... (looks outside into the corridor if Joey is there)
    • (Monica and Chandler's room. Phoebe, Monica and Chandler have their ears pressed against the wall, and Joey looks at them)
    • joey
    • Joey
      I don't believe this... Have you guys been...
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Shhh... This is the listening side of the wall.
    • (Now Joey also wants to listen, and wants to press his ears against the door, which has a big mirror on it, he hesitates seeing himself in the mirror, but still puts his ear against it. We move again to Rachel's room.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      And then she told me that she and Joey had broken up, and that part of the reason was that she had feelings for me.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (clearly not listening and still trying to find out where Joey went) Uh-huh... right... yeah...
    • ross
    • Ross
      And you know I wanted to ask Charlie out since the day I met her.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (still searching) Oh, I know... I know it's been really hard for you.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Anyway, one thing lead to another, and... oh... before you know it, we were kissing. I mean, how angry do you think Joey is gonna be?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (now looking up at the ceiling) That is hard to say, Ross. That is hard to say.
    • ross
    • Ross
      You know, I gotta go find him. He's gotta be here someplace.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      You would think!
    • (Ross leaves the room)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Joey!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Is he gone?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (still can't find him) How are you doing this?
    • (Joey now enters the room through the door, Monica, Chandler and Phoebe are following him.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Pssst...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      How... wha... Hey! What are you... What is this? Have you guys been listening this entire time?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      YE-AH!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Now, what is this?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ah, what is this? Well, lets see, we kissed for ten minutes and now we're talking to our friends about it, so I guess this is sixth grade!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh no... Have you thought about it how complicated this could get? What about Ross?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well, he's with Charlie now.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah, but he wants to talk to you before anything really happens with her. And as his friend, I mean, don't you think he deserves the same from you?
    • joey
    • Joey
      (long pause and he twitches a bit) You're a pain in my ass, Geller!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      All right, look you guys... Look, we appreciate all the advice, but this is between Joey and me and I think we can handle it...
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Okay, well we'll go back in there, but will you do one thing for us? The people that care about you?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Sure...
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Enunciate!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Get out!
    • (They leave and Rachel locks the door.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Are they right?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Probably, yeah... I mean, maybe we should... hold off until we talk to Ross.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah... Yeah, we can wait, we don't have to do anything tonight.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah, I think that'd be best... So, so I'm gonna... I'm gonna take off...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (Joey walks to the door) Although...
    • joey
    • Joey
      (turns around very fast) I like although!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I mean, you know... Ross and I haven't dated in like... six years...
    • joey
    • Joey
      Six years? Wow... It's almost as long as highschool...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Plus, you know, he is with Charlie now.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Absolutely! He's not thinking about you.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No...
    • joey
    • Joey
      I'm thinking about you...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah...
    • joey
    • Joey
      Let's forget about Ross...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Forgotten.
    • (They want to kiss, but just before their lips touch, Rachel pulls back quickly, gasping)
    • joey
    • Joey
      What's wrong?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Nothing...
    • ross
    • Ross
      Seriously... What is it?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Nothing... It's really... It's nothing... Come here, come here...
    • (again, just before their lips touch, she pulls back, gasping)
    • ross
    • Ross
      What's wrong?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Sorry, I just uhm... I can't seem to get Ross out of my head...
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well, maybe I can help. (he grabs her head passionately, closes his eyes and kisses... Ross in Rachel's dress! He realises it too late, and when he does, pushes Ross's/Rachel's head away)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Ooh, your lips are so soft... Do that again... (and she/he moves in for another kiss. Joey, pushes her head away again...)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah... we really need to talk to Ross...
    • Both
      Yeah
    • COMMERCIAL BREAK
    • new scene
    • Scene 2

      Chandler and Monica's room. Chandler is packing when Ross knocks on the door and enters...

    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey!
    • ross
    • Ross
      You guys ready to go?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Not quite. Monica's still at the salon, and I'm just finishing packing.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Dude! You're not taking your Bible?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You're not supposed to take that. Besides, it's a New Testament, what are you gonna do with it?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Learn about Jesus...
    • (Charlie now also enters the room, Chandler walks to the bathroom)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey!
    • Charlie
      So, did you talk to Joey?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Uh, no... no. I couldn't find him. I'm just gonna talk to him on the plane.
    • Charlie
      Yeah, sounds like a good idea... Dr. Geller!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Stop it!
    • Charlie
      PHD
    • ross
    • Ross
      You're filthy!
    • (Phoebe enters)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey, have you guys seen Monica?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Uh, actually I think she went to the salon.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh yeah, oh, she went to the salon alright...
    • (Monica enters, with her hair braided and little shells at the end)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Check it out!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Who's day just got better? CHANDLER!
    • (Chandler enters from the bathroom)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey!... aaaaaahhhh!
    • monica
    • Monica
      What do you think?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I think.... I think I can see your scalp.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Don't you just love it?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Ye... Yeah... Yeah... You got shellfish in your head.
    • Charlie
      It's so... something... You go girlfriend!
    • ross
    • Ross
      You've never said that in your life, have you?
    • Charlie
      Not once.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I thought so.
    • monica
    • Monica
      And listen to this... (shakes her body so the shells tingle)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What d'ya know... It's a treat for the eyes and the ears.
    • new scene
    • Scene 3

      Boarding the plane.

    • joey
    • Joey
      Whoo, whoo. Wow, it's uhm... kinda weird that I'm sitting next to Charlie after we broke up.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah, it's almost if Air Barbados doesn't care about your social life.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Look, does someone mind switching to sit with Charlie?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, I uh, I mean, I... dude, I spent the whole conference with Charlie.
    • joey
    • Joey
      I understand...
    • ross
    • Ross
      No, I'll do it. (he quickly grabs Joey's boarding pass and gives Joey his one.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Wish I could switch with someone. I really don't wanna sit with Allen Iverson over there.
    • (Switch to Phoebe and Mike, who are kissing)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Uhm... You know, once we're in the air and the captain turns off the seatbelt sign... you feel free to roam about my cabin...
    • Mike
      You should be careful when checking your overhead bins, 'cause items may shift during...
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Aaah... you're not good at this...
    • Mike
      You don't have to go home tonight, do you?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No, I think I can come over. It's Saturday, right?
    • Mike
      Oh...
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      What?
    • Mike
      Uhm... I can't do anything tonight.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Why not?
    • Mike
      I have a date.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      You have a... You have a date? With who?
    • Mike
      Oh, it's... my girlfriend.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (lets go of his hand) You have... have a girlfriend?
    • Mike
      Yeah... Well, when... you and I broke up I started seeing someone.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      For how long?
    • Mike
      Three months.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Three months? Okay... This is probably none of my business, but uhm, how long do you think you're gonna keep seeing her?
    • Mike
      I'll tell her that it's over tonight at dinner. I promise.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, okay... good. You do that. And then when you get home, maybe there'll be a special delivery package waiting for you.
    • Mike
      Maybe I'll sign for it. Tear it open. Pull out the packing material...
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      You know what, we're gonna have sex. Let's just leave it there.
    • (cut to Charlie and Ross)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Right, I'm gonna go talk to Joey. I think this is the right time. He's always in a good mood after the flight attendant says "duty free".
    • Charlie
      Okay... Good luck.
    • (Ross gets up and gestures to Rachel, we cut to Joey and Rachel)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ross is coming over. I think now would be a really good time to talk to him.
    • joey
    • Joey
      I guess so. I'm just... really nervous.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay, well keep in mind that by the time you're done, they'll probably be serving dinner.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Ooh...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Still nervous?
    • joey
    • Joey
      I'm gonna get the lasagna.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey Rach...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Do you mind if I sit here for a sec.?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, yeah sure! Yeah! (mouths "Good luck" to Joey and gets up from her seat)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey!
    • ross
    • Ross
      So, I uhm... kinda need to talk to you about Charlie.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay, last night after you guys broke up... so sorry to hear about that, by the way... Well, Charlie and I were talking, and..., well...
    • joey
    • Joey
      You kissed.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Wha... (gasps) What? What would give you that idea?
    • joey
    • Joey
      I saw you.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, we kissed, but... nothing else... nothing else happened, okay.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Ross, Ross, Ross... It's okay.
    • ross
    • Ross
      What?
    • joey
    • Joey
      It's okay. You know, I totally understand, alright? You guys, make way more sense than her and I ever did, you know. And... I want you to be happy.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Are you serious?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah... Now I have something...
    • ross
    • Ross
      I am speachless... I mean the fact that you would put my happiness first like that. I mean, you're an incredible friend, you know that?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh... uh... look... before you...
    • ross
    • Ross
      No, I mean it. You are so loyal man, and selfless, and generous...
    • joey
    • Joey
      I am those things, yeah.
    • ross
    • Ross
      You know what? I know Chandler longer, so I always think of him as my best friend, but now... I may have to rethink some stuff...
    • joey
    • Joey
      Dude!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey, if there is ever, anything I can do for you...
    • joey
    • Joey
      I can't think of anything.
    • (They both hug, and Rachel, who was in the back of the plane, sees this and smiles.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Thanks!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah.
    • (Ross walks to the back of the plane, where Rachel is.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      So hi!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hi!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      So you eh, you talked to Joey?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Ah, yeah. We had a really good talk.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh! That's great!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, so everything's okay?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, no, it's great. It's great. He is... He is an amazing guy.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ah... Well, obviously I think so too.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, I'm so excited about this.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Really? Excited?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Are you kidding? I have had some very dirty dreams about this...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Excuse me! (and she walks back to Joey, who is still looking very impressed about what Ross said to him. Rachel looks at him and hits him.) You didn't tell him, did you?
    • joey
    • Joey
      I couldn't. He was saying all these really nice things about me. I didn't want him to get mad and take 'em all back. I'm on a edge on Chandler.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh God! Alright, fine. You know what Joey, forget it. When we go back to New York, I will tell him.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Thank you. Yeah, I appreciate that.
    • (Chandler walks by and Joey lets out an evil "muhahaho".)
    • COMMERCIAL BREAK
    • new scene
    • Scene 4

      Mike's apartment. Phoebe's there and the phone rings.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hi, Mike's place.
    • Mike
      Hey, it's Mike.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ooh, that was fast.
    • Mike
      Oh, err... no, she's not here yet. You know, I think I'm just gonna take off and break up with her over the phone...
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, you can't do that! Oh, come on Mike, strap on a pair.Why don't you just tell her that we got back together. You know, women appreciate honesty. We also appreciate gentle spanking once in a while. Just F.Y.I.
    • Mike
      One more thing... There... might be a picture of Precious on my coffee table.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Her name is Precious? Is she a purebreed or did you pick her up at the pound?
    • Mike
      Anyway, I just wanna give you a heads up.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay, oh and you know, if she gets upset, just scratch her tummy and give her a liver snout. (laughs and hangs up the phone)
    • (there's knocking on the door which Phoebe opens)
    • Precious
      Hi, I'm Precious, who are you?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (stunned) I... I'm Phoebe.
    • Precious
      Phoebe? Mike's ex-girlfriend Phoebe, the love of his life? That Phoebe?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Enchanté (she holds out her hand, and they shake hands)
    • new scene
    • Scene 5

      Chandler and Monica's apartment. Monica's carrying the laundry hamper to their coffee table.

    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh, I can't wait for everyone at work to see these... (plays with her hair to make the shells tingle again) Ow!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You go back to work tomorrow night, right?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      So if you want people to see them, then by definition you're not having them taken out... say, at the break of dawn?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well, if I had them taken out, then I wouldn't be able to do this. (she pushes Chandler on the couch and brushes her hair and shells against Chandler's chest) You like that, right? (again, she brushes her hair against his chest and hums...)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What are you singing?
    • monica
    • Monica
      It's "Bolero" from "10".
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      It's "Ride of the Valkyries" from "Apocalypse Now"... See, here's the thing: The corn rose were really a solution to your frizzy hair problem. And now that we're home, we don't have that problem anymore, so if you think about it... I hate them!
    • monica
    • Monica
      You what? You said you liked them.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Did I? Let's refresh. I believe what I said was that I could see your scalp.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Fine, so you don't like them. Everybody else does.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Again, let's journey back... As I recall what Rachel said, was she had never notice the shape of your skull before. And Joey... Well, Joey didn't realise that there was anything different.
    • monica
    • Monica
      You know what? I don't care. I like it like this, and I'm gonna keep it. You're just jealous because your hair can't do this... (and she shakes her head more violently) OUCH!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hit yourself in the tooth?
    • monica
    • Monica
      And the eye!
    • new scene
    • Scene 6

      Ross's apartment.Someone's knocking on the door. Ross rushes to the door and it's Rachel with Emma.

    • ross
    • Ross
      (gasps) Hi... There she is. Hi Emma. Oh my God, I missed you. (kisses her) Oh Emma, I missed you so much. Hey... Did you have a good time with grandma Green? Huh? Did she give you a bottle of anti-depressants again to use as a rattle? (to Rachel)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      That was one time, Ross, and they were only like 5 milligrams.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Ooh hey, Emma, daddy has some presents for you okay? Okay? I want you to wait right here. Come here sweetie.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Aaah... Ross, actually there's something that I really need to talk to you about.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (unpacking his bag) Okay, shoot!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay, uhm... alright, here's the deal.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (gasps) OH NO!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What? What is it?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, major shampoo explosion!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Uh, look Ross, this really isn't easy.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, it's all over everything. Why? Why me? (looks up)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Because you took three hundred bottles of shampoo?
    • ross
    • Ross
      I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You were saying?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, yeah... Okay, look it's about me and...
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, not another one! Oh my G... And this is moisturiser. It's even harder to clean! Why? Why do bad things happen to good people?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Wow! Well, clearly this is not a good time.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Duh, you think? (enters the kitchen)
    • new scene
    • Scene 7

      Mike's place. Phoebe is on the phone.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay, bye. Alright, so Mike's on his way over. See, you thought you guys were meeting here, and he thought you were meeting at the restaurant, so you know... Doesn't really matter who's right or wrong. Point is... I'm gonna take off.
    • Precious
      I'm not letting you leave until you tell me what's going on here. I mean, are you guys getting back together or something?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Alright... Susie, can I call you Susie?
    • Precious
      My name is Precious.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, I can't say that. uhm... Susie, I'm gonna be straight with you... Mike and I are back together... and uhm... unfortunately that effectively ends your relationship with him. And he's very sorry about that and wishes you the best of luck in all your endeavours.
    • Precious
      I just can't believe this... Why?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well, I don't...
    • Precious
      Oh, why would he do this? I mean, what's wrong with me?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Nothing, there's nothing wrong with you.
    • Precious
      I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do now?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Damn it woman, pull yourself together! Have some pride, for the love of God.
    • (Precious starts crying)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay, not a fan of the tough love.
    • Precious
      I just can't believe that Mike didn't give me any warning.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      But he didn't really know, you know. He wasn't planning on coming to Barbados and proposing to me...
    • Precious
      He proposed to you? This is the worst birthday ever. (she starts to cry again)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Look, Precious... Mike's not worth this. You're an attractive, intelligent woman and let's face it, Mike's kind of a wang. I mean, he proposed to me while he was still seeing you... He was gonna break-up with you on your birthday? And, I don't like to kiss-and-tell, but he cheated on you a lot this weekend.
    • Precious
      Oh, my God, maybe you're right. Maybe I don't need him. I deserve to be treated with respect.
    • (Mike enters the apartment.)
    • Precious
      Screw you, Mike. You're a coward and a bastard, and I hope you rot in hell.
    • (she slaps him in the face, Mike looks like he doesn't believe what just happened. Precious leaves, and he turns to Phoebe.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      You're welcome!
    • new scene
    • Scene 8

      Chandler and Monica's. Only Chandler is in the living room and walks to the bathroom.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Honey, you've been in there for a long time... Is everything okay?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Not really.
    • (Chandler enters the bathroom, and Monica is standing there in a towel, with her hair stuck in the shower curtain.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      I have a problem.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Really? What happened?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well, I was dancing around, and singing "No Woman, No Cry" and I got stuck.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You can't move at all?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh, well, I can move... (she moves back and forth the shower curtain rail, opening and closing the shower curtain with her hair as she goes)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      If I untangle you, will you please get rid of the corn rose?
    • monica
    • Monica
      (looking disappointed) I guess so...
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (trying to untangle her) Some of these look a little frayed.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah, I tried to gnaw myself free.
    • new scene
    • Scene 9

      Rachel and Joey's apartment. Joey enters.

    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hi!
    • joey
    • Joey
      So, did you err... did you tell Ross?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, I tried, but then he had a shampoo related emergency. So I guess now it's your turn again.
    • joey
    • Joey
      No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... I think it's better if you tell him, you know. It's easier for a woman. That way, you know, if he gets mad, all you have to do is go... I didn't mean it. I'm so so--ooory. (he pushes his breasts together from the side)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, 'cause that's what we do.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Alright, alright, okay, uhm... How 'bout this, how about this? Tomorrow... tomorrow we'll both go and we'll tell him together.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay, that sounds fair. It just means that once again we can't...
    • joey
    • Joey
      I know, I know..., but that's okay. I mean, we can control ourselves, we're not animals.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No! Of course we can wait. Alright, so I guess that means good night then?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah! Good night! (they give each other a small kiss on the mouth, and stare at each other for a while)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Goo--ood night!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Good night! (they give each other a kiss again, but this time it lasts longer)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Seriously, good night!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Stop saying good night.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay.
    • (Now they kiss passionately... and then Ross enters with Emma. They freeze, pull away and look at Ross who looks like he just can't believe what he's seeing. Joey straightens his shirt, and Rachel says I'm so-oo sorry, and presses her breasts together, just like Joey did before.)
    • COMMERCIAL BREAK
    • new scene
    • Scene 10

      Monica and Chandler's. Monica walks in with one of those knitted Rasta hats.

    • monica
    • Monica
      Look what I found in the drawer... (Chandler looks up from his book.) And you said I'd never wear this...
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Now that I untangled you, how 'bout you doing a little something for me?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Sure, what do you have in mind?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I think you know.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Really? I don't really feel like it.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      This is what I want to do.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay, I just don't get why you like it so much.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (Picks up the "Miss Congeniality" DVD) She's an FBI agent, posing as a beauty contestant.
    • END