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  •  /  Friends  /  S10E11 The One Where The Stripper Cries


    • new scene
    • Scene 1

      Central Perk. Everyone's sitting on the couch. Monica and Joey enter.

    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey guys!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey, let me tell them!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Sure.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Joey is gonna be a celebrity guest on a game show!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Great!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Really? Which one?
    • monica
    • Monica
      (stopping Joey from answering) Ohh! Fish, seaweed, a sunken ship.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Things you find in the ocean, (to Joey) You're gonna be on "Pyramid"!!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh, that was our favourite game show ever!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Except for "Match game"...
    • monica
    • Monica
      Or "Win, Lose or Draw".
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What did I marry into?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Would you guys want to come down tomorrow and watch me tape the show?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh, I can't. We're throwing Phoebe a bachelorette party.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, sorry boys, this ride's closing.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, and Chandler and I have this stupid college alumni thing. I can't believe you get to meet Donny Osmond.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Seriously?
    • ross
    • Ross
      (very excited) Yeah-uh!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ross and I always wanted to be Donny and Marie.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You guys just keep getting cooler and cooler!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah, we used to perform for our family and friends.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh God, that's right. I blocked that out.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (singing) "I'm a little bit country"...
    • ross
    • Ross
      (singing) "...and I'm a little bit rock 'n' roll"!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (to Monica) I'm leaving you.
    • OPENING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 2

      Class of '91 reunion. Ross and Chandler enter.

    • ross
    • Ross
      So weird to see all these people again... Oh my God, look, there's Geoffrey Cleric.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Who?
    • ross
    • Ross
      He was roommates with John Rosoff. He went out with Andrea Tamburino. She dumped him for Michael Skloff.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (looking around) Did I go to this school?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey, there's Missy Goldberg. You gotta remember her.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (looks over at her) Sure, nice.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Dude. You're married to my sister.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You're right, by saying "nice" I'm virtually licking her.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey, I hear she's single again, d'you think I should ask her out?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Are you asking permission to break the pact?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yes please.
    • [Flashback, year 1987. Chandler enters the school's corridor. Ross is hanging some flyers on the wall. Both have a funny 80s hair and clothes.]
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey. Hey, check out the flyers for the band. I made 'em on a Macintosh in the computer room!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Awesome, the name really stands out.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Thanks to a little something called "Helvetica Bold 24 point"!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Man, we're gonna rock that Asian student union!
    • Missy
      Hey guys!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey, Missy...
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You know, our band is playing on Friday.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, yeah. You should come check us out. We're called "Way! No Way!".
    • Missy
      No way!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Way!
    • Missy
      Right. I'll be there. (she leaves)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Fresh!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Boss!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Mint!
    • ross
    • Ross
      She's gone.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I know it. You know, I'm totally gonna ask her out.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Dude, I was gonna ask her out.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I said it first, bro.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, I thought it first, Holmes.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (angrily) Look, if you did...
    • ross
    • Ross
      Woha! Wait... What are we doing? What we have is too important to mess it up over some girl. I mean, we can get laid anytime we want.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Totally. I had sex in High school...
    • ross
    • Ross
      Me too. I'm good at it.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      All right, I'd say we make a pact. Neither of us will go out with Missy Goldberg.
    • ross
    • Ross
      You got it.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      All right, so that's Missy Goldberg, Phoebe Cates and Molly Ringwald, who neither of us can go out with.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Those are the pacts!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, and Sheena Easton. But we probably couldn't get her anyway.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, oh... maybe not you!
    • [We get back to the Class of '91 reunion, where Ross and Chandler are still looking at Missy.]
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, I officially give you permission to break the pact.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Thank you. (they shake hands) All right, here I go. Hey, remember how scary it used to be going up to girls in college?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Your hands are shaking.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I know, and I can't stop sweating. (he walks towards Missy)
    • new scene
    • Scene 3

      The "Pyramid" Studio.

    • Voice
      Five! Four! Three! Applause!
    • Donny Osmond
      Yeah! Welcome, it is Soap Opera week here on Pyramid, let's meet our contestants. First, Gene Lester is a database specialist, he's gonna be playing with "Days of Our Life's" star Joey Tribbiani! (Joey's amazed at the place and he keeps looking around till he realizes the audience is applauding him)
    • joey
    • Joey
      (to Gene) I know it could be intimidating for regular people to be around celebrities but... relax, I'm just like you! (pause) Only better looking and richer.
    • Donny
      ...should be playing with the star of "General Hospital" Leslie Charleson. (applause) Welcome everybody. Good luck to all of you. Let's play Pyramid. All right? Now... we flipped a coin before the show, Gene, you won the toss, so you're gonna start. Which category would you like?
    • Gene
      I'll take "You crossed the line".
    • Donny
      You crossed the line. Joey, describe for Gene these things that have lines. Give me 20 seconds on the clock, please. Ready, go!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (on the screen there's the word "Supermarket") Uhm... ok. It's a store, like a supermarket. (there is a sound indicating he made a mistake as he shouldn't have said 'supermarket'. The next word appears, "notebook") Oh! I see-I see what I did. Yeah, ok, ok, uhm... I'm writing in my...
    • Gene
      Diary.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Noo, (whispering) more like a notebook... Damn it! (next word appears: "blueprint") Oh, if I'm building an house, the plan isn't called the 'shmoo-print'... Can't say that either? Woha... hey... (the last word is "Football field" and there are 5 seconds left) In high school, I once had sex with a girl right in the middle of the...
    • Gene
      Cafeteria.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah! But that is not what they're looking for. (time's finished) OOOH!
    • new scene
    • Scene 4

      Monica's apartment, where Phoebe's bachelorette party is taking place.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (to Rachel) Thank you so much for this.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, d'you like it?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh my God, it's all so elegant! When's the dirty stuff starting?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      You know, the strippers, and the guys dancing, and you know, pee-pee's flying about.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Pheebs, I... there isn't gonna be any flying about! We actually thought we were a little too mature for stuff like that.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, ok. I see what you're doing, that's fine. This is all there is, just tea, uh, ok. (she drinks her tea) Hmmmm... raunchy!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Seriously Pheebs, it's not gonna be that kind of a party.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Really? So this is... this is my big send off in the married life? Rachel this is the only bachelorette party I'm ever gonna have! I've got a big wad of ones in my purse! Really? I mean, really? It's just tea?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Nooo! Phoebe, of course there is more! I mean, I'll just go and talk to Monica and get an ETA on the pee-pee's!
    • new scene
    • Scene 5

      Joey's at the game show "Pyramid" with host Donny Osmond.

    • Donny
      Now Gene I must remind you, you need all six of these to stay in the game, all right? Describe for Joey things you find in your refrigerator.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Ahaha, he might as well just give us the points.
    • Donny
      Give me twenty seconds on the clock. Ready? Go!
    • (the first word is cream)
    • Gene
      You put this in your coffee.
    • joey
    • Joey
      A spoon. Your hands. Your face!
    • Gene
      It's white!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Paper, snow, a ghost!
    • Gene
      It's heavier then milk!
    • joey
    • Joey
      A rock, a dog, the earth.
    • Gene
      Pass!
    • (the second word is mayonnaise)
    • Gene
      You put this on a sandwich.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Salami, anchovies, jam!
    • Gene
      It's white!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Paper, snow, a ghost!
    • Gene
      It's made from eggs!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Chickens?
    • Gene
      Pass!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh!
    • (The third word is ketchup)
    • Gene
      You put this on a hamburger!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Ketchup!
    • Gene
      Yes!
    • (The fourth word is soda)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Relish!
    • Gene
      Stop!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh.
    • Donny
      Oh, time's up! Joey! You were, uh, almost on a roll there...
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah...
    • Donny
      Uh, Gene, you're gonna have a chance to go to the winner circle in the second half. But right now Henrietta you are going to the winner circle to try your luck for ten thousand dollars, right after this, don't go away.
    • Stage Manager
      And we're out!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, so we didn't win, but it's fun to play the game, right?
    • Gene
      Hey! I got a kid starting college. I've to get surgery on my knee, you just lost me ten grand!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, wow! I'm so sorry, ok? I promise, we'll do better next time!
    • Gene
      Well, I will, because I won't be playing with you.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey, you know, some of those are pretty hard! Like why would there be a ghost in my fridge? (pause). Yeah!
    • new scene
    • Scene 6

      College reunion party. Ross is talking to Missy.

    • ross
    • Ross
      So, Saturday night!
    • Missy
      I'd love to!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Great!
    • Missy
      So how come it took you so long to ask me out?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, well, uh, this is gonna sound kinda silly, but, do you remember my roommate Chandler Bing?
    • Missy
      Sure, he was in your "band"? (she air quotes band)
    • ross
    • Ross
      It's been sixteen years but the air quotes still hurt.
    • Missy
      Sorry.
    • ross
    • Ross
      That's ok. Uh, anyway, well he and I both really liked you a lot, uhm, but we didn't want anything to jeopardize our friendship, so we kinda made a pact, that neither of us could ask you out!
    • Missy
      Really?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, why?
    • Missy
      Well, Chandler and I used to make out! A lot!
    • ross
    • Ross
      You did?
    • Missy
      Yeah. We'd go to the science lab after hours!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (angrily) AND ON MY TURF?
    • new scene
    • Scene 7

      Monica's apartment. The bachelorette party.

    • monica
    • Monica
      (to Rachel) Hey, where is this guy, it's been over an hour!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, he's coming from Jersey, he said he would get here as fast as he could!
    • (someone knocks at the door)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Who is it?
    • Man
      It's the police!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (pretends to be shocked) Uh! The police!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (Excited, running back to her seat) Oh!
    • Man
      That's right, it's officer Goodbody.
    • monica
    • Monica
      What's the matter, officer? Has someone been bad? (looks over to Phoebe and she opens the door, and to their dismay, the stripper is an old, short, fat guy who looks exhausted)
    • Roy, the male stripper
      (coughs) Whoo, that's a lot of stairs!
    • COMMERCIAL BREAK
    • Roy
      Ooh, boy. You should warn people there's no elevator! I should not have had that Mexican food for lunch.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Are you gonna be ok, officer, uhm,...
    • Roy
      Goodbody!
    • monica
    • Monica
      ...If-you-say-so.
    • Roy
      So where's the young lady who I'm supposed to take (he shakes his hips) downtown! (Monica points Phoebe)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, God!
    • Roy
      All right, somebody show me where to plug in my box, and we'll get this party started! (he thrusts his pelvis towards Phoebe) Whaaaa... (walks back to plug in his cd player) Here? All right.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Rachel?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Are you kidding?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      All right, look, we did not know that you wanted a stripper so we went to the phonebook and we got the first name we could find!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      How old is your phonebook?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh my God, this man is gonna get naked in my apartment!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh God no, I don't wanna see him take his clothes off!
    • Roy
      Are you talking about me?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh, no! I mean, obviously we want to see you take your clothes off! You big piece of eye candy!
    • Roy
      Ok, ok, ladies! Can I have your attention, please? (pause) Did someone call for the long arm of the law? (He extends his arm from around his crotch and then upward and outward, towards Phoebe) I should warn you, I have a concealed weapon! (Puts his hands over his crotch) I hope you're familiar with the States penal code, ok, ok, enough teasing. Now for some pleasing!
    • (he uses his remote to turn on the music, "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell, and starts dancing for Phoebe. He shakes his butt, moves his shoulders back, grabs his crotch and hops towards Phoebe. Phoebe is half horrified and half scared. He takes his hat off and throws it away, does some "Can Can" high kicks and swings his butt in front of Phoebe who looks at it in disgust. Then he tears open his shirt and shows her his chest and she flinches.)
    • Roy
      Whoa, whoa, whoa (he turn off the music). She cringed!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      This is how I look when I'm turned on!
    • Roy
      You were talking about me before! Look, I don't need this! I'm outta here! Where's my hat? (goes to get it) Look, I've been in this business for a long time!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Shocking!
    • Roy
      Now if you just pay me my three hundred dollars, I'll be on my way!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Three hundred dollars, are you kidding?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No, that's ok, let's me just get my check book!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No, you're not gonna pay him, he didn't do anything!
    • Roy
      Didn't do anything? I took a bus all the way from Hoboken. I climbed ... I dunno... like a billion stairs... It's not like I can take them two at a time!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I don't care. We're not paying you 300 dollars for this.
    • Roy
      Well, look - it's not my fault if you're too uptight to appreciate the male form in all it's glory.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh yeah, okay. I'm uptight. Yeah, that's why I don't want to watch a middle aged guy dance around in what I can only assume is a child halloween costume! (turns to look at Monica and Rachel who look like they feel very sorry for the stripper)
    • Roy
      I may have borrowed this from my nephew, but let me assure you, what's underneath (points at his groin)... is all man.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I'm sorry, did you say all man or old man?
    • Roy
      (making a crying face) Oh, you're mean!
    • monica
    • Monica
      (walks towards Phoebe and the stripper) Uh, look, officer... uhm Sir...
    • Roy
      Damnit. OH! (To Phoebe) Big surprise! The hunk of beef has feelings!
    • new scene
    • Scene 8

      At Pyramid. Joey is with the woman now.

    • Donny
      Ok Henrietta, you've picked Jack and Jill went up the hill.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (To Henrietta) My friend Rachel has a kid. I totally know nursery rhymes! (makes a thumbs up sign)
    • Donny
      Joey describe these things associated with the United States congress. (Joey goes form looking very confident to looking very shocked the instant the word congress is said) Give me 20 seconds on the clock please. Ready? Go!
    • (Camera goes to Joey. The clock is at 20 sec. The word "Legislature" appears. He looks at it blank faced and his eyes shift between Henrietta and his screen)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, .. uh... uh... pass. (Next word: "Rotunda") Pass. (Next word: "Filibuster" stares at it a moment) Pass. (Henrietta is looking very confused) (Next word: "Addendum" 4 seconds remaining) Okay, the little thing that hangs down at the back of your throat.
    • Henrietta
      Uvula!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, then pass. (Next word: "Joint session", but time's up, Joey acts very disappointed)
    • Donny
      O-kay... Henrietta, you didn't get all the points you needed, so that means Gene, you are going to the winners circle to try for ten thousand dollars! (Gene is clapping his hands looking very happy and so is Joey) And you're gonna be going there with Joey Tribbiani (Both of their smiles fade away instantly)
    • new scene
    • Scene 9

      Class of '91 reunion. Ross is walking angrily towards Chandler, who is talking to two other guys.

    • ross
    • Ross
      (To Chandler) You made out with Missy Goldberg. How could you do that, after you promised me?
    • (Chandler looks at the other two guys, embarrassed)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (to the two guys) Excuse me. (Chandler and Ross move away from them). That didn't make us sound gay at all!
    • ross
    • Ross
      You broke the pact!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Ross, that was 16 years ago!
    • ross
    • Ross
      That doesn't matter! We're talking about the foundation of our friendship.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I believe the foundation of our friendship was unfortunate hair. (Ross just stares at him) All right, look, if we're really gonna do this... it's not like you never broke one of the pacts.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I didn't.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh really?
    • ross
    • Ross
      No.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh really!?
    • ross
    • Ross
      NO!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      ADRIENNE TURNER!! (A girl behind them turns around)
    • Adrienne
      Yes?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey! Hey Adrienne. (They move away from her)
    • ross
    • Ross
      I never did anything with Adrienne Turner.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh please, and you knew how much I liked her.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I don't know what... you're talking about.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Really?
    • [Flashback scene
      80's College party.]
    • Present Chandler's voice
      Remember that big party? Freshman year? A week before Christmas vacation? I do. You had some visitors.
    • (An 80's Rachel and fat Monica walk into the party room. Both with funny hair-do's and clothes)
    • monica
    • Monica
      I can't believe we are at a real college party! (Rachel laughs excitedly) I have to pee so bad!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      This is so awesome! College guys are so cute!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey, you've got a boyfriend!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I know. But if some guy who looks like Corey Haim wants to kiss me tonight, I'm sooo gonna let them! (They spot Chandler)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Look, there's Chandler. You knew, that stupid friend of Ross'. Said I'm fat. You know I've already lost 4 pounds!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      It... You can so totally tell.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I KNOW!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well lets see. Maybe he knows where Ross is. (They walk towards Chandler) Hey, how's it going (tries to look as un-interested in him as possible - checking out her nails).
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Aren't you...?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, Rachel. And this (points to Monica) is Ross' sister, Monica. We met at Thanksgiving. (looks around the room as if searching for something more interesting to do).
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (smiling at Monica) Right. (to Rachel) So how're you doing?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Bitchin'
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hi Monica.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hi Chandler. It's really nice to see you (rolls her eyes) NOT. (she and Rachel giggle a little and Chandler looks unimpressed)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      O-kay. I'll see if I can find Ross. (Goes off to find Ross.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh my God Rach. Bean bag chairs.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Do NOT let me sit in one of those. We'll be here for days.
    • (Cut to Chandler. He's walking around looking for Ross. He sees him kissing a girl next to a vending machine)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Listen Adrienne, you can't tell Chandler about this.
    • Adrienne
      Oh believe me, Ross, I won't be telling anybody about this.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Cool! (They start kissing again and Chandler looks shocked)
    • new scene
    • Scene 10

      We cut back to the present. The reunion where Chandler and Ross are talking.

    • ross
    • Ross
      I didn't know you knew about that.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, I did and it hurt. (they walk towards the bar) That's when I wrote the song: "Betrayal In The Common Room".
    • ross
    • Ross
      (looks disappointed in himself) Man... I... I'm sorry.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Look (hands him a drink) it was a lo-o-ong time ago.
    • ross
    • Ross
      So, eh. I made out with Adrienne and you made out with Missy. Well I guess we're even.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (smiling a little nervously) Hmm mmmhm..
    • ross
    • Ross
      We are even, right?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (sighs) Just one more thing. I was so pissed at you that night that I wanted to get back at you. So I thought, who does Ross like the more than anybody?
    • ross
    • Ross
      (thinks about it for a few seconds) What did you do to my mom?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Not her!
    • [Flashback scene
      We cut back to the 80's party. Rachel and Monica are "dancing".]
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I am sooo drunk.
    • monica
    • Monica
      That's weird. I've had the same number of beers as you and I don't feel anything at all. (Chandler approaches)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Soo... you girls having fun?
    • monica
    • Monica
      For your information, ass munch, I've lost four pounds. Maybe even five with all the dancing. (A guy enters holding a pizza box)
    • Pizza guy
      SOMEBODY ORDER A PIZZA?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh THATS ME! (she runs to the pizza guy)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (finishing the last of her drink) I am soo not going to do good on my SATs tomorrow.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well maybe if you go to school here next year we can totally hang out.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (sarcastic) Oh yeah. There is a plan! Why don't I just start taking my smart pills now?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, maybe you can get in on a beauty scholarship.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (blushing) Oh, what a line. (walks towards the drinks table with her back towards Chandler and whispers "Oh my God!")
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      So where are you applying to?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh well, You know, I think it's kinda really important that I go somewhere where there's sun, so I'm sort of... (Chandler leans in an kisses her) (She pulls away) Hey!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'm in college and I'm in a band.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (She considers it for a second) Yeah okay. (She puts her hands around his neck and they start kissing again)
    • new scene
    • Scene 11

      Monica's apartment. The stripper is sitting at the kitchen table. Monica, Rachel and Phoebe are standing around him

    • Roy
      What's the matter? You never saw a 50 year old stripper cry before?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      You know, it's fine. We'll pay you.
    • Roy
      No, no, you're right. Who am I kidding? I should have hung up that breakaway jockstrap years ago. What am I gonna do? I mean, this has been my life for thirty two years. Taking my clothes off in front of people is all I know.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No, wait. No there's gotta be something else that you can do. I mean, what skills do you have?
    • Roy
      I don't know... I can make my pecs dance... I can pick up a dollar bill with my butt cheeks... I can go to that special place inside me where I feel no shame.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      So maybe something in an office.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Or you could teach stripping. You know, share your gift, pass the torch.
    • Roy
      You know, actually that's not a bad idea. I can do it out of my apartment. I don't think my mom would mind.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      There you go. Okay, do you think you're gonna be okay?
    • Roy
      Yeah, yeah, yeah... This is so weird. I mean, you never know when it's gonna be your last dance. And I didn't even get a chance to finish it.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (after a pause) Finish it!
    • Roy
      What?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Your last dance. Do it for us.
    • Roy
      Really?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (to Phoebe) Really?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, yeah. He deserves to do the thing he loves one last time.
    • Roy
      Okay, all right... Get ready ladies!
    • (they sit down and Roy plays "You Make Me Feel" by Sylvester on his boom box, and starts... With his back towards the girls, he starts waving his hands, then backs towards the girls slapping his butt, then swings it around, and makes thrusting pelvic movements in front of Phoebe. He dances around the tables in between all the girls, and gets back into the kitchen part of the room. He then tears off one of his sleeves and throws it towards Monica and Rachel, who fight over who gets it. He then tears off his other sleeve and moves it back and forth between his legs, getting closer to Phoebe.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh this is so ho-o-ot!
    • (Roy then sits on Phoebe's lap, looking exhausted)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh no, no, no, don't stop!
    • Roy
      (out of breath) Have to...
    • new scene
    • Scene 12

      The game show studio. Joey and Gene are sitting in the winner circle.

    • Donny
      Well, welcome to the Winner Circle. Joey and Gene, you guys ready?
    • joey
    • Joey
      (nervously) Yeah...
    • Gene
      (irritable) Sure. (Joey gets even more nervous)
    • Donny
      Okay. Give me sixty seconds on the clock please... Ready, GO! (runs off)
    • (the screen says "6 to win" and "types of trees")
    • Gene
      Oak, maple, elm, birch...
    • joey
    • Joey
      I-I-I don't know. Types of trees?
    • (Joey hears the bell which means his answer is correct and is surprised. The screen now says "5 to win" and "Spanish words")
    • Gene
      Uhm... Buenos días, enchilada, por favor...
    • joey
    • Joey
      (sympathetic) Oh, I'm so sorry. I don't know any Spanish words.
    • (There's the next bell, and the correct answer. The screen changes to "4 to win" and "things that burn". Gene now realizes that he got two correct answers and gets up in his seat.)
    • Gene
      A match, a candle...
    • joey
    • Joey
      Things that go "tssst" when you put them out.
    • Gene
      A torch, a bonfire... (Joey seems lost) uhm, your pee...
    • joey
    • Joey
      Things that burn.
    • (and another bell for the correct answer. "3 to win" and "What a dog might say")
    • Gene
      "I'd like to go for a walk", uhm "scratch my belly".
    • joey
    • Joey
      Dude, dude! I think you're losing it.
    • Gene
      Uhm, "I have fur", "I like to bark".
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, oh, oh... What a dog says.
    • (the bell sounds again, "2 to win" and "pizza toppings")
    • Gene
      Pepperoni...
    • joey
    • Joey
      (instantly) Pizza toppings, next!
    • (there's 10 seconds left, "1 to win" and "Supermodels")
    • Gene
      Cindy Crawford, Christie Brinkley, Heidi Klum, Claudia Schiffer...
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, oh, oh... (5 seconds left)
    • Gene
      Christie Turlington, Kate Moss...
    • joey
    • Joey
      Girls Chandler could never get?
    • Gene
      (irritated) Supermodels!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Where? (looking around)
    • new scene
    • Scene 13

      Chandler and Monica's apartment. Monica's there and Ross and Chandler walk in.

    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey, where's Rachel?
    • monica
    • Monica
      She and Phoebe took the stripper to the hospital.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Did you know Chandler kissed Rachel?
    • monica
    • Monica
      What? When was this?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Nineteen Eighty Seven. The weekend you guys visited me at school.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh my God! That's wild!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah, but it was like a million years ago, so it doesn't matter.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, it matters to me.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Why?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Because... the night you kissed Rachel was the night I kissed Rachel for the very first time.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You kissed her that night too?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Two guys in one night? Wow, I thought she became a slut after she got her nose fixed.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Seriously, where did this happen?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay, after you told me she was passed out in our room, I went in there to make sure she was all right. She was lying on my bed, all buried in peoples coats. Well, I went to kiss her on the forehead, you know. But it was so dark, I accidentally got her lips. I started to pull away, but then I felt her start to kiss me back. It was only for a second, but... it was amazing. And now, now I find out that you kissed her first.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh wait... What bed did you say she was on?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Mine.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'm pretty sure I put her on my bed.
    • ross
    • Ross
      No, she was definitely on my bed.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Why would I kiss a girl, and then put her on your bed?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, then who was on my bed?
    • monica
    • Monica
      (screeching) OH! Oh, oh! (holding her hand in front of her mouth)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (realizing) NO! No, no!
    • monica
    • Monica
      YES! (Chandler gets an "oh no!" look on his face)
    • ross
    • Ross
      You were under the pile of coats?
    • monica
    • Monica
      I was the pile of coats!
    • ross
    • Ross
      OH MY GOD!
    • monica
    • Monica
      You were my Midnight Mystery Kisser?
    • ross
    • Ross
      You were my first kiss with Rachel?
    • monica
    • Monica
      You were my first kiss ever?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What did I marry into?
    • COMMERCIAL BREAK
    • new scene
    • Scene 14

      Back at the party in 1987. People are dancing to "Disco Inferno" by The Trammps.

    • (Monica is dancing. At first she seems insecure and moves slowly, but then gets into the groove and swings her hips from side to side while holding her hands up. She then eats the last piece of pizza she was holding and again moves her hips from side to side, pushing her hands in the air in beat with the music. Her moves get more wildly while she's snapping her fingers. She loses balance and falls back onto a pink bean bag.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh, crap!
    • END