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  •  /  Friends  /  S10E12 The One With Phoebe's Wedding


    • new scene
    • Scene 1

      Central Perk. Joey's sitting on the couch and Phoebe enters.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, hey Joey.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Uh, hey.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Listen, I need to ask you something. Ok, you know how my step dad's in prison.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (afraid) Yeah.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah. Well, uhm... listen he was supposed to get a weekend furlough, so he'd come to the wedding tomorrow, but he just called and... uhm... well, apparently stabbing Iceman in the exercise yard just couldn't wait till Monday.
    • joey
    • Joey
      So he can't come?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No, and so there's no one to walk me down the aisle and... well, I would just really love it if you would do it.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Seriously?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, you've... you know, sort of been like a dad to me. I mean, you've always, you know, looked out for me and shared your wisdom...
    • joey
    • Joey
      I am pretty wisdomous.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      So... what do you say?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Are you kidding? Phoebe, I would be honored. (they hug)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, thank you. I hope... I hope you know how much you mean to me.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (takes her hand) Listen, I hope... that you know... (has difficulty saying it) I don't want you to see your father cry, GO TO YOUR ROOM!
    • OPENING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 2

      Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch. A waitress brings a coffee and Phoebe wants to pay.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh no, no, no, let your dad get this.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (her mobile phone rings) Oh, it's my wedding planner. She's driving me crazy! (she answers) Hello... Hey, ok, stop screaming! Ok? So, halibut. All right, so salmon, either way. I don't-I don't... it doesn't matter to me!
    • monica
    • Monica
      (she enters with a headset on and she's speaking into the microphone) Well, it matters to me!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well, I don't care, so you pick!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Did you just hung up on me? (she hangs up too) All right, look, I need you at the rehearsal dinner tonight at 1800 hours.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Uh-uh. Ok. What time is that.
    • monica
    • Monica
      You don't know military time?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Why, I must have been in missile training the day they taught that.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Just subtract twelve.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ok, so... 1800 minus twelve is... one thousand, seven hundred and...
    • monica
    • Monica
      (screaming) Six o'clock!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ok.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ok. Hold on. (her mobile phone rings) Geller here! No! I said it has to be there by 4 o'clock. Goodbye. (she hangs up) Oh, how hard it is to make an ice sculpture?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ice sculpture? That sounds really fancy! I told you I just want a simple wedding.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Please... honey, leave the details to me. Now I wanna make this day as special for you as I can. Now, ok, I was thinking that the harpist should wear white.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      What harpist? My friend Marjorie is playing the steel drums.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ooh... she backed out.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      She did? Why?
    • monica
    • Monica
      I made her. (Phoebe looks shocked) Steel drums don't really say "elegant wedding". Nor does Marjorie's overwhelming scent.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (looking angry) Hey! She will shower when Tibet is free.
    • new scene
    • Scene 3

      The wedding rehearsal dinner.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You look great. I'm so glad we're having this rehearsal dinner, you know, I so rarely get to practice my meals before I eat them.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay, what did we say was your one gift to us?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      No stupid jokes. I thought that was for the actual wedding.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Rehearse it!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hi! (he kisses Phoebe)
    • Mike
      Thanks for coming you guys.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, (he goes towards Mike in order to shake hands but Mike hugs him) hey, oh... I... I was-I was going for a hand shake.
    • Mike
      Is that why your hand is pressed against my crotch?
    • ross
    • Ross
      That is why!
    • Mike
      Yeah.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      So Rach.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Where is Emma?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, Monica made me send her to my mother's. Apparently babies and weddings don't mix.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (coming) Are you still crying about your damn baby? Pheebs, you gotta keep the line moving, remember, 20 seconds per person. Your see these clowns all the time! (she takes off)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey, you're Mike's parents, right?
    • Mike's mother
      Yes, we are.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Ah, our little ones are growing up fast, uh?
    • Mike's father
      How's that?
    • joey
    • Joey
      You know, on the one hand you're happy for them, but on the other hand it's hard to let go.
    • Mike's father
      Who in God's name are you?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey, I'm not that fond of you either, ok buddy? But I'm just trying to be nice for the kids!
    • (cut to Ross, Chandler and Rachel)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (to Rachel) You know what I just realized? We have no idea what we're doing in the wedding tomorrow.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, I thought we'd be groomsmen, but wouldn't they have asked us by now? When did they ask you to be their bridesmaid?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Uh... November?
    • ross
    • Ross
      I wanna say it's not looking good.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hey Pheebs...
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      What's up?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Uhm... you haven't told these guys what they're doing in the wedding yet.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Heh.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Uhm... well, they're not in the wedding.
    • ross
    • Ross
      What? (Ross and Chandler don't know what to say, so there's an embarrassing long pause)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, this is really awkward (staring at the floor) Oh, and I can leave!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I'm sorry you guys but, you know, Mike's got his brother and his friends from school so... you know, you were-you were... if it helps you, you were next in line, you just-you just missed the cut.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, man!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      This is like figure skating team all over again. (Phoebe and Ross glare at him astonished) I mean synchronized swimming. (they continue to glare) I mean- I mean the balance beam. (to Ross) Help me!
    • ross
    • Ross
      FOOTBALL!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Thank you.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (looking at Phoebe eating something) Pheebs, spit that out, that has pork in it.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh! I though the pot stickers were supposed to be vegetarian!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah, I changed them. I-I sent you a fax about it!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I don't have a fax machine.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ah, well then there are gonna be a few surprises!
    • ross
    • Ross
      I can't believe we're gonna be the only people that aren't in this wedding.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I know, I hate being left out of things.
    • ross
    • Ross
      And it's a wedding! It'd be weird if I'm not in it...
    • Mike
      Hey guys, how is it going?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Fine. We're just sitting here. Alone. Doing nothing. It's our rehearsal for tomorrow.
    • Mike
      Yeah look, about tomorrow, I... I've got a question for ya. I just found out that one of my groomsmen had had an emergency and can't make it.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What happened?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Who cares, AND?
    • Mike
      ...and I was wondering if... you know, maybe one of you guys... (Ross stands up)
    • ross
    • Ross
      I'll do it!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (standing up too) M-Me-me-me!
    • Mike
      You both wanna do it? Uhm... there's only room for one.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Pick me, I look great in a tux and I will not steal focus.
    • ross
    • Ross
      No, Mike, no, no. You wanna pick me, I mean... watch! (he mimics the groommens way of walking down the aisle with a bridesmaid) Huh?
    • Mike
      You know, I really don't feel very comfortable making this decision. You know, Phoebe knows you better, I'm gonna let her choose. (he leaves)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (to Chandler) Well, if Phoebe's choosing, then say hello to Mike's next groomsman.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, I will. But I will need a mirror... as he is me!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Please, you're going down!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You are going downer!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Is that what they say on the Figure Skating Team?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (almost crying) I wouldn't know, I didn't make it! (they hug)
    • new scene
    • Scene 4

      Wedding rehearsal dinner. Joey and Mike are talking.

    • joey
    • Joey
      So, you know I'm filling in for Phoebe's step dad, tomorrow, right?
    • Mike
      Yeah, yeah. Hey, thanks for doing that.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, hey, my pleasure. (he suddenly becomes very serious) So what are your intentions with my Phoebe?
    • Mike
      I intend to marry her.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, a wiseacre. (Mike looks bewildered). No, no, no, I understand you plan to support your wife by playing the piano? Isn't that kind of unstable?
    • Mike
      No more so than acting.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Strike two!
    • Mike
      You're right. She probably will support me. Hey, unless we move in with you, dad?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Strike three! You only get one more, Mike!
    • (Cut to Chandler and Ross. Phoebe comes out of the ladies room and they run toward her.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      So, what did you decide?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I decided to pee.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Mike didn't tell you? You have to chose one of us to be in your wedding. One of his groomsmen fell out.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh no, no. I can't choose between you two! I love you both so much!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Just not enough to put us in the original wedding party.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, I don't wanna choose! It's (Rachel is walking by). Oh okay, wait. Rach! Listen I have a very special bridesmaid task for you today.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (excited and clapping her hands in front of her face) Goody, what is it!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well, there's a spot open for only one groomsman and you have to choose between Ross and Chandler. So good luck with that.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What, what, what, no, I don't wanna do that.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      All right, I guess I'll have to find a new bridesmaid.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I'll do it! (Monica approaches)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ok, it's 2100 hours. (to Phoebe) Time for your toast. (Mike appears)
    • Mike
      Do I have a minute to go to the bathroom?
    • monica
    • Monica
      You had a bathroom break at 2030. Pee on your own time, Mike! (to Phoebe and Mike). Now, in regard to the toast, okay, you wanna keep them short, nothing kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches. Okay. You just get in, do your thing and get out!
    • Mike
      Is that what you say to Chandler?
    • monica
    • Monica
      (very serious) It's 2101 and I am not amused. (pause). Ok, the bride and groom have a few words they'd like to say. (Everyone sits and Phoebe gets up)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ok. Hello everyone and thank you all for being here tonight. So tomorrow's the big event and some of you might not know, but Mike and I didn't get off to the best start. (she reads a note). My friend Joey and I decided to fix each other up with friends so I, I... (Monica is twirling her hands in order to make Phoebe speed up her speech) oh I... hum... I gave it a lot of thought and I fixed him up with my friend Mary Ellen who couldn't be here tonight because... (Monica is tapping her watch with her finger) it's not important... she is in rehab. Anyway, so, ok, Joey said that he was fixing me up with his friend Mike, only he didn't have a friend Mike so he just brought, uhm, my Mike and, and (Monica clears her throat) but despite, you know... it got... it got good. Ok, I wanna take a moment to mention my mother, who couldn't be here...
    • Monica (rolling her eyes)
      oh God.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      And... moment's over! (Rachel, Joey and Chandler all turn and look disapprovingly towards Monica but she just shrugs it off) So, ok, uh, I can forget that. I can forget that and uhm... (she's flipping cards skipping half of them) Oh this is funny! Oh, but you need to know that to... that, to... Oh, ok, well, uhm, I (Monica is miming CUT). Ok, ok, I, ok, I.... MONICA I CAN'T DO IT LIKE THIS! THIS IS MY WEDDING! OKAY, I DON'T WANT THIS (she mimes Monica's when she was twirling her hands) OR THIS (she taps her watch) OR THIS (she mimes CUT) OK? I JUST WANTED A SIMPLE WEDDING! WHERE MY FIANCEE CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM ANYTIME HE WANTS! (pause) You know what? You're done.
    • monica
    • Monica
      What?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      YOU'RE FIRED! (mimes the CUT again) (pause and she raises her glass) Cheers! (Chandler raises his, smiling and Monica stares at him and he puts down his glass.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 5

      Joey's apartment. Joey's having breakfast; Phoebe enters the room carrying her wedding dress.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Happy wedding day!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, happy my wedding day to you!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ok-dokey, Joey, listen. This is gonna be bridesmaid central, all right? We're gonna have hair and make-up going on in the bathroom and oh, I had to move a couple of things in the fridge to make room for the corsages.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, man! I wouldn't have had breakfast if I knew there was going to be corsages!
    • (Monica enters the room)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hi. About last night... I know you are under a lot of stress and even though the things you said hurt me a little bit... My point is, uh, well, I'm willing to take my job back.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, well that's ok. I think you and I will do much better if you're just... here as a bridesmaid.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh, is that so? Ok. If that's really what you want, then here... I give you the headset. Well, I don't really want to give you the headset. Well I guess if you're taking over, you should probably return these messages. (hands her a stack of papers with messages and calls to return)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Wow, this is a lot!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Uh-huh, but I'm sure you can handle this. I mean, I have won awards for my organizational skills, but, uh, I'm sure you'll do fine.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      You won awards?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Mm-mh. I printed them out on my computer.
    • (Ross enters the room)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hi.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Where's Rach?
    • monica
    • Monica
      She's in her room, why?
    • ross
    • Ross
      I have to talk to her about this groomsman situation, ok? I'm not gonna watch Chandler up there while I'm sitting in the seats like some chump! (he goes to Rachel's room, knocks the door and enters the room). (very fake gasp) Oh! My God! You're breathtaking!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What d'you want?
    • ross
    • Ross
      You haven't by any chance chosen a groomsman yet, have you?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, Ross, c'mon, please! Don't make this harder than it already is!
    • ross
    • Ross
      I'm not! I'm making it easier! Pick me!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, Chandler said that it's really important to him too!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Listen, listen. Whoever you pick is gonna walk down the aisle with you! Now, I promise I won't say a word, but if you pick Chandler he's gonna be whispering stupid jokes in your ear the whole time!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, you are the lesser of two evils!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (waving his fist in the air in triumph) YES, YES!
    • new scene
    • Scene 6

      Joey's apartment. Phoebe is talking at the phone, Monica is listening amused.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Sven I don't understand what you're saying! What is wrong with the flowers? Lorkins? What the hell are lorkins?
    • monica
    • Monica
      I know.
    • (Mike enters the room).
    • Mike
      Hey.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Listen, Mike, if you were Swedish and you were saying the word "lorkins" what flowers would that be?
    • Mike
      (thinks a moment) Orchids?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Right there! That's why I'm marrying you!
    • (Joey comes out from his room)
    • joey
    • Joey
      (to Mike) Hello Michael.
    • Mike
      Joseph.
    • joey
    • Joey
      May I have a word with you, please?
    • Mike
      (looking around the room) This is... great...
    • joey
    • Joey
      Have a seat. (Mike sits on his bed, and Joey towers over him. He starts talking in an Italian godfather-type voice) Last night, I tried to welcome you into my family... and instead, you disrespect me... (shakes his head) I cannot allow this.
    • Mike
      (not amused) Are you rehearsing for some really bad mafia movie?
    • joey
    • Joey
      More back talk. And yes, I may be borrowing a few lines from my recent unsuccessful audition for "Family Honor 2: Thissa Time Itsa Personal."
    • Mike
      Joey, I kinda have a lot to do today, what do you want?
    • joey
    • Joey
      I want you to take this seriously! Phoebe is very very important to me, ok? And I wanna make sure that you are gonna take care of her.
    • Mike
      (gets up) Joe, I love Phoebe. She's the single most important thing in my life. I'd die before I let anything happen to her.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (very satisfied and smiling) That's what I wanted to hear! Because she's family, ok, and now you're gonna be family, and there is nothing more important in the whole world, than family.
    • Mike
      That must have been one lousy movie.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (almost crying) That was ME!
    • new scene
    • Scene 7

      Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler is pacing and Rachel walks in.

    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hi
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey, can I talk to you about this groomsman thing? If you pick Ross, he'll walk you down the isle just fine. But if you choose me, you'll be getting some comedy!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Even so, I think I'm gonna pick Ross.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Let me tell you why you need to pick me. (Goes to sit on the couch facing backwards to the kitchen. Rachel gets a chair and sits opposite him) See, when I was a kid, I was always left out of everything, you know, and it really made me feel... insecure. You know, I was always picked last in gym. Even behind that big fat exchange student who didn't even know the rules to baseball. I mean, this guy would strike out and then run to third. Anyway, If I'm the only one left out of this wedding, I just know that all those feelings are gonna come rushing back.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      All right fine, I pick you.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (Getting up and raising his fist in victory) Y-Y-YEEESSS! Make "groom" for Chandler.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (not amused by his pun but forcing a smile anyway) Oh my...
    • new scene
    • Scene 8

      Joey and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe is on the phone and Monica is nonchalantly "minding her own business".

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No! We're gonna do it my way. (listens) Because your way is stupid! Alright I gotta go, I have another call, Reverend. (switches calls) Hello?
    • (Mike and Joey come out of Joey's room)
    • joey
    • Joey
      I'm glad we had this little talk.
    • Mike
      Yes. Yeah and thanks for all the wedding night advice. (walks away) That didn't make me uncomfortable at all! Alright, so I'll see everybody tonight?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Bye.
    • (Mike opens the door and there is a gigantic ice sculpture standing in the doorway)
    • Mike
      Uhm, did you guys know that there is a giant ice sculpture in the hall?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh my God, what's it doing here?
    • monica
    • Monica
      (Obviously enjoying this setback) Ugh, I guess it got sent to the billing address as opposed to the shipping address. (by now she can barely keep herself from smiling) Uh! What a pickle.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (starting to panic) Oh my God, everything is such a mess. Why is this happening to me?
    • joey
    • Joey
      (staring at the ice sculpture) How bad do you want to stick your tongue on that? (They all glare at him)
    • new scene
    • Scene 9

      Central Perk. Ross is getting coffee at the counter. Chandler walks in.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      How's it going?
    • ross
    • Ross
      (smiling to himself) Good. I'm just getting some coffee. So I'm alert for the wedding.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (smiling to himself too) That's what I was doing too.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (barely containing himself at this point) Well, you have fun tonight.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You too.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, I will.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Me too.
    • (They walk passed each other, Ross towards the door, Chandler towards the counter, suddenly they turn around to face each other)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Wait a minute, I know why I'm being such an ass, why are you?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'm not supposed to tell you.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I'm not supposed to tell you!
    • (Cut to Joey and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Ross storm in looking very unhappy)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You told us both we could be in the wedding? (they both stare at Rachel)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, in my defense, you were not supposed to tell each other.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Rachel, only one of us can do it, you have to choose. You and me together again. (he winks at her and Rachel looks disgusted)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Rach, Rach, knock knock.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Who's there?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'll tell you at the wedding.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Uh.
    • (Mike walks in.)
    • Mike
      Hey, I forgot my scarf.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      You know what, I can't do this. I don't know which one of you guys to pick.
    • Mike
      Oh, you haven't picked yet. Oh good, 'cause I had an idea. I thought it would be fun if the third groomsman was my family dog. Chappy.
    • ross
    • Ross
      What? A dog? No! Rachel gets to choose.
    • (all eyes turn to Rachel)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (sarcastic) Wow, this is a tough one. I think I'm gonna have to go with the dog.
    • (Ross and Chandler look shocked)
    • (Cut to Phoebe who is in the living room, still on the phone.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Alright, wait, so what you're saying is that the chef is at the Hamilton Club, but the food is not and the drinks are there, but the bartender is not? Are you, are you FREAKING KIDDING ME!?
    • monica
    • Monica
      (enjoying what she's seeing) How's it going?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (to Monica) Help me.
    • monica
    • Monica
      What?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I want you to be Crazy Bitch again.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (Sounds moved) Really?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (Nearly in tears) Please?
    • monica
    • Monica
      You really want me to come back?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      More than I wanna get married.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ok people, we are back in business! (Gets her headset out of her purse) Oh God, we've missed you soo much! (takes all the notes from Phoebe) Ok, go and get your hair and make-up done, and I'll take care of everything.
    • (Joey walks in)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey, what are you guys gonna do?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (sounds scared already) About what?
    • joey
    • Joey
      The blizzard. I just saw on the news, it's like the worst snow storm in 20 years! They already closed all the bridges and tunnels. (Opens the curtains to reveal a snow storm outside)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ooh! But the band and the photographer are coming all the way in from New Jersey!
    • joey
    • Joey
      I don't think they are.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (to Rachel) Haha! Looks like you're not going to be in the wedding either. (Looks at Phoebe) So sorry Pheebs.
    • new scene
    • Scene 10

      Monica's apartment. They are all sitting around.

    • monica
    • Monica
      (Putting down her phone) Well, the club lost it's power.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah according to the news, most of the city did.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Since when do you watch the news?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Uh, for your information, since they hired a very hot weather girl.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (To Phoebe and Mike) I can't believe you guys aren't going to be able to get married today.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I know.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Wow, you know, it's so beautiful out there. You always wanted to get married outside. Why don't you guys just do it on the street?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      What?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, look, it's hardly snowing anymore. I mean you couldn't ask for a more romantic setting. This could be the simple wedding you've always wanted!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (Turning to Mike) What do you think?
    • Mike
      I think I wanna get married to you today.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Me too! (turning to Monica) Monica, do you think we could do it?
    • monica
    • Monica
      (thinking) AFFIRMATIVE!
    • new scene
    • Scene 11

      Outside. They are a bunch of people arranging chairs, shoveling snow and making other preparations.

    • monica
    • Monica
      (walking around with her headset still on) OK LET'S GET THESE CHAIRS OUT HERE! Gunther, hit the Christmas lights. (He does so and the lights above the chairs light up. Monica looks satisfied) Okay, who left the ice sculpture (picks up a piece of ice from the ground) ON THE STEAM GRATE? (nobody answers)
    • Mike's mom
      Michael!
    • Mike
      Hey! You made it. Great! Chappy! Hi! (kisses his dad) Hi! (kisses his mom) Mom, I know getting married in the street isn't something you approve of...
    • Mike's mom
      No... It's lovely. The lights and the snow. I could look at them forever.
    • Mike's dad
      (leans in towards Mike) I crushed a pill and put it in her drink... (to his wife) Come on, sweetheart.
    • Mike
      (to Chandler and Ross) You know, Chappy's too small to handle all this snow. Someone's gonna have to walk him down the aisle.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      So technically, would this person be in the wedding?
    • Mike
      I guess.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I'll do it!
    • ross
    • Ross
      No, but Chandler, hello... Aren't you scared of dogs?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'm not scared. (moves towards Mike and Chappy) I'll just take little Chappy and... (he backs out) HE CAN SENSE MY FEAR. MY THROAT IS EXPOSED.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (takes Chappy from Mike) Well, I guess I'm in the wedding then. Ha haaa... (smells Chappy) He stinks!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Level 1 alert. I repeat, level 1. This is not a drill. Okay we've got a situation. The minister just called. He's snowed in. He can't make it.
    • Mike
      Oh, no!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh hey, don't worry. I'm still ordained from your wedding.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Really?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah, you'd think I'd give up being a minister and start paying to ride the subway? Huhuh...
    • ross
    • Ross
      Uhm, ministers don't ride the subway for free.
    • joey
    • Joey
      I had to read the Bible pretty carefully, but... yeah we do.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay, if Joey does the ceremony, then we have to find someone else to walk Phoebe down the isle.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (quickly) I'll do it.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I'll...
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (to Ross) Na ha ha... (to Chappy) Ne he he... (Ross moves Chappy to Chandler, who quickly backs away) Ah ah...
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay, Mike and Joey, get in position. Chandler, come with me. (they walk off, Ross looks down to Chappy, who he's holding and he gets a whiff of the dog's smell. He is clearly disgusted by it.)
    • (Cut to inside Central Perk where Rachel is helping Phoebe. Chandler and Monica enter.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay, Joey's doing the ceremony and Chandler's giving you away.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, okay. Hi new dad. (Chandler waves)
    • monica
    • Monica
      So, you're ready to do this?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Uhuh, uhuh... Oh my God! This is really happening.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh Phoebe, I'm so happy for you honey. (she gives her a kiss)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, thank you.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I love you. (Phoebe leans in to kiss her.) Oh, wait, wait, wait! No hugs. The dresses... Oh what the hell. (the girls hug)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I love you guys.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I love you.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay. (in her microphone) It's zero hour. All teams execute on my count. (to all) Let's get this bad boy on the road.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (to Monica) Is it okay that I want you to wear that head set in bed tonight?
    • monica
    • Monica
      (checking her clipboard) I have you scheduled for nudity at 2300 hours.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh yeah! (Monica walks outside)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay Marjorie, hit it.
    • (A woman with a steel drum and a guy with a xylophone start playing an instrumental version of "Can't Help Falling In Love" by Elvis Presley. A bridesmaid and a groomsman walk down the isle. Next are Rachel and Ross, who carries Chappy in his arms.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Geez Ross, you could have showered.
    • ross
    • Ross
      It's the dog.
    • (we cut to Monica)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Groomsman, groomsman, why are you just standing there, where is your bridesmaid? (into microphone) We've got a broken arrow. Bridesmaid down! (realizes) Oh, that's me.
    • (She walks down the aisle with the groomsman. We cut to inside Central Perk, where Phoebe and Chandler are waiting.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Ready?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (nervously) Okay.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Okay.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh wait, oh no. Wait.
    • (She takes off the coat she was wearing over her wedding dress, which is violet and has a darker shade petticoat underneath which shows at one side where the dress is lifted up to about the height of her hip and connected to the petticoat. She's wearing a veil over her curly hair and a low cut top with straps only just hanging over her shoulders.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Wow! Aren't you gonna be cold?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I don't care... I'll be my something blue.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You look beautiful.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Thank you.
    • (They start to leave Central Perk. The band starts to play "Here, There and Everywhere" by the Beatles. The crowd rises from their seats. Phoebe and Chandler walk down the aisle. Phoebe really glows with happiness. So does Mike who watches her walk down the isle. When Phoebe and Chandler arrive, they kiss and Phoebe walks to her bridesmaids.)
    • Mike
      My God! Aren't you freezing?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Na-ah.
    • (the music ends)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Friends, family, dog... Thank you all for being here to witness this blessed event. The cold has now spread to my special place... so I'm gonna do the short version of this. Phoebe and Mike are perfect for each other. And I know I speak for every one here... when I wish them a lifetime of happiness. Who has the rings?
    • (one of the groomsmen gives the rings to Joey)
    • joey
    • Joey
      (whispering to Phoebe) Okay...
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      When I was growing up, I didn't have a normal mom and dad, or a regular family like everybody else, and I always knew that something was missing. But now I'm standing here today, knowing that I have everything I'm ever gonna need... You are my family. (She puts the ring on Mikes finger)
    • Mike
      Phoebe you're so beautiful. You're so kind, you're so generous. You're so wonderfully weird. Every day with you is an adventure, and I can't believe how lucky I am, and I can't wait to share my life with you forever. (He puts the ring on Phoebe's finger.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh wait, oh I forgot... and uhm... I love you... and you have nice eyes.
    • Mike
      I love you too.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Uh Joey...
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Chappy's heart rate has slowed way down.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, okay. Phoebe, do you take this man to be your husband?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I do.
    • (Joey has a "Yeah you do" smile on his face)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Mike, do you take this woman to be your wife?
    • Mike
      I do.
    • joey
    • Joey
      I now pronounce you... husband and wife.
    • (Phoebe and Mike kiss)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I got married! (everyone applauds) Could someone get me a coat, I'm freaking freezing.
    • (Mike takes off his coat to give to Phoebe and the steel band plays "The Wedding Song")
    • COMMERCIAL BREAK
    • new scene
    • Scene 12

      The hallway between the two apartments. Chandler and Joey are walking up the stairs.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      That really was an incredible wedding.
    • joey
    • Joey
      It was, yeah. I kind of don't want it to end. Hey, you wanna come in for a drink and a bite of corsage?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'd love to, but it's 2300 hours and I'm about to have the most organized sex anyone's ever had.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Nice. Oh hey, what about Ross?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I don't know. Maybe he hooked up with that hot girl he was talking to.
    • (cut to the street in front of Central Perk where Ross is walking Chappy. He has a plastic bag in his hand.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Come on Chappy, do your business. MAKE! MA-AKE! I did not sign on for this.
    • END