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S10E13

The One Where Joey Speaks French

Phoebe teaches Joey French for an audition. Ross accompanies Rachel to Long Island after her father's heart attack.

13 Scenes324 Lines

Scene 1:Central Perk. Everyone's sitting on the couch and Phoebe enters.

20 lines
phoebe
Phoebe
Hi
Everyone
Hey! Hi!
rachel
Rachel
How was the honeymoon?
Phoebe; Oh, incredible! Oh! Champagne, candle-lit dinners, moonlight walks on the beach, it was sooo ro-man-tic!
rachel
Rachel
Oh!
chandler
Chandler
So, where's Mike?
phoebe
Phoebe
Oh, he's at the doctor, he didn't poop the whole time we were there!
joey
Joey
Well anyway, I'm glad you're back, I really need your help.
phoebe
Phoebe
Oh, why? What's up?
joey
Joey
I have an audition for this play and for some of it I have to speak French. Which, according to my résumé, I'm fluent in.
ross
Ross
Joey, you shouldn't lie on your résumé.
monica
Monica
Yeah, you really shouldn't. (to Ross, sarcastically) By the way, how was that year-long dig in Cairo?
ross
Ross
(whispering) It was ok...
rachel
Rachel
I did not know you spoke French.
phoebe
Phoebe
Oui, bien sur je parle Français! Qu'est-ce que tu penses alors?
rachel
Rachel
Oh... you're so sexy!
joey
Joey
Well, so, will you help me? I really wanna be in this play.
phoebe
Phoebe
Sure! Tout le plaisir est pour moi, mon ami.
rachel
Rachel
Seriously stop it, or I'm gonna jump on ya.
OPENING CREDITS

Scene 2:Monica and Chandler's apartment.

36 lines
chandler
Chandler
Hey.
monica
Monica
Hey.
chandler
Chandler
Why are you wearing my apron?
monica
Monica
I'm making cookies for Erica. And oh, by the way, we have to leave for the airport soon, her plane comes in about an hour.
chandler
Chandler
Oh, hey, when she gets here, is it ok if I introduce you two as "my wife" and "the woman who's carrying my child"? (she's not amused) No? Divorce?
ross
Ross
(he enters) Hey.
monica
Monica
Hey.
ross
Ross
You guys know where Rachel is?
monica
Monica
No, we haven't seen her since this morning.
ross
Ross
So unbelievable. She was supposed to meet me half an hour ago with Emma. (he tries to take a cookie but Monica slaps his hand)
monica
Monica
Hey!
ross
Ross
Hey!
monica
Monica
These are for Erica!
ross
Ross
What? She's gonna eat all those cookies?
monica
Monica
Well, I want he baby to come out all cute and fat!
ross
Ross
So, why is Erica coming to visit?
monica
Monica
Well, because we want to get to know her better and she's never been to New York so she wants to see all the tourists' spots... you know, Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building...
chandler
Chandler
Oh, those places! There's always so many people, their being corralled like cattle, and... you know, there's always some idiot who goes "Mooooo"!
monica
Monica
Well, if it annoys you so much, then why do you do it?
ross
Ross
(looking at Rachel entering with Emma) Oh, hi! Hi! Thanks for showing you up thirty minutes late!
rachel
Rachel
Ross...
ross
Ross
No, no, no, I'm sure you have a great excuse, wh-was it a hair appointment, a mani-pedi or was there a sale at Barney's?
rachel
Rachel
My father had an heart attack... (crying) ...while I was at Barney's.
ross
Ross
Oh my God.
monica
Monica
Honey.
chandler
Chandler
I'm so sorry...
ross
Ross
Is-is he ok?
rachel
Rachel
Yeah, they said he's gonna be fine, but he's still heavily sedated.
ross
Ross
Ok, ok. I'm gonna come out to Long Island with you, I mean, you can't be alone right now.
rachel
Rachel
No, come on, I'm totally ok. (hugging him) I don't need you to come! I can totally handle this on my own.
ross
Ross
Still-still, let me come... for me.
rachel
Rachel
Ok. If you really need to.
ross
Ross
I bet someone could use one of Monica's freshly baked cookies.
rachel
Rachel
Oh, I really could.
ross
Ross
Oh!
rachel
Rachel
Ohh... (Ross mouths HA-HA at Monica and takes two cookies and she looks at him angrily)

Scene 3:Phoebe Teaches Joey 'Je m'appelle Claude'

33 lines
Central Perk. Phoebe's trying to teach Joey French, so she's sitting in front of him with the script in her hands.
Patient tutor vs blissful phonetic blindnessComedic EscalationRule of ThreePhonetic Gag

A textbook Rule of Three phonetic escalation: each time Phoebe slows down 'Je m'appelle Claude', Joey's syllables drift further from French while his confidence increases.

  • Beat 1 ('Je de coup Clow'): Joey preserves the cadence and first syllable while mangling the rest.
  • Beat 2 ('Je depli mblue'): Joey's second attempt drifts further away while he insists it sounds identical.
  • Beat 3 ('Je te flouppe Fli' / 'Oh, de fuff!'): Even when Phoebe slows to one word at a time, Joey treats her exasperated 'Oh, mon Dieu!' as another vocabulary prompt.
phoebe
Phoebe
All right, it seems pretty simple. Your first line is "My name is Claude", so, just repeat after me. "Je m'appelle Claude".
joey
Joey
[Breakdown]
Je de coup Clow.
escalationBeat 1: The Confident First Pass

First pass of the Rule of Three: Joey nails the rhythm and facial expression of a native speaker while replacing every French phoneme with gibberish.

phoebe
Phoebe
Well, just... let's try it again.
joey
Joey
Ok.
phoebe
Phoebe
Je m'appelle Claude.
joey
Joey
Je depli mblue.
phoebe
Phoebe
Uh. It's not... quite what I'm saying.
joey
Joey
[Breakdown]
Really? It sounds exactly the same to me.
escalationBeat 2: Total Auditory Blindness

The engine of the bit: Joey isn't struggling to pronounce the words; he genuinely hears his own gibberish as identical to Phoebe's French.

phoebe
Phoebe
It does, really?
joey
Joey
Yeah.
phoebe
Phoebe
All right, let just try it again. Really listen.
joey
Joey
Got it.
phoebe
Phoebe
(slowly) Je m'appelle Claude.
joey
Joey
Je te flouppe Fli.
phoebe
Phoebe
Oh, mon Dieu!
joey
Joey
[Breakdown]
Oh, de fuff!
escalationBeat 3: Echoing the Exasperation

Joey mistakes Phoebe's exasperated 'Oh, mon Dieu!' for the next line of the lesson and dutifully translates it into 'Oh, de fuff!'.

→See the syllable-by-syllable payoff in Scene 5 (#S5L16)
monica
Monica
(entering with Erica and Chandler) Hey you guys.
phoebe
Phoebe
Hi!
joey
Joey
Hey.
monica
Monica
I want you to meet someone really special. Phoebe, this is Erica. And this is the baby!
phoebe
Phoebe
Oh!
monica
Monica
Joey. Erica, baby!
joey
Joey
Hi.
monica
Monica
Everyone. Erica, baby!
chandler
Chandler
Monica. Calm, self.
Erica
Thank you. It's really nice to meet you guys, I can't believe I'm here!
joey
Joey
Welcome to New York City! Or should I say "ghe deu flooff New York City"?
chandler
Chandler
Why would you say that?
phoebe
Phoebe
Ok. What are you gonna be doing today?
Erica
I wanna see everything! Times Square, Coney Island, Rockefeller Center...
joey
Joey
Oh, you know what you should do? You should walk all the way at the top of Statue of Liberty.
Erica
Oh yeah, let's do that!
chandler
Chandler
Great! (to Monica) This baby'd better to be really good.

Scene 4:Hospital.

27 lines
rachel
Rachel
(stopping a nurse who's coming out of a room) Oh, uhm, excuse me, I'm here to see my father. My name is Rachel Green.
ross
Ross
And I'm Doctor Ross Geller.
rachel
Rachel
Ross, please, this is a hospital, ok? That actually means something here.
rachel
Rachel
Can somebody please go in?
Nurse
Absolutely.
ross
Ross
Rach, I think I'm gonna wait out here, because my throat is feeling a little scratchy, I don't want to infect him.
rachel
Rachel
Ross, please, don't be so scared of him!
ross
Ross
I'm not scared of him, I'm really sick!
Nurse
He's under sedation, so he's pretty much out.
ross
Ross
I'm feeling better.
rachel
Rachel
Oh! (They enter. Rachel sees his father, lying on a bed, with tubes, drip and everything) Oh! Oh my God! Ohhh, ohhh, wow, that ear and nose hair trimmer I got him was just money down the drain, huh?
Nurse
Miss Green, your father's doctor is on the phone if you'd like to speak to him.
rachel
Rachel
Oh, great, Are you gonna be ok?
ross
Ross
He's unconscious, I think we'll be just fine!
rachel
Rachel
Ok.
Ross goes into the room where Dr. Green is laying unconscious. He turns on the TV, puts his feet on the bed and starts watching a dinosaur movie where the dinosaur is caught by two cowboys. Dr. Geller awakes.
ross
Ross
Did the TV wake you?
Dr Green
No, when you put your feet up in my bed, you tugged on my catheter.
ross
Ross
Ouchy.
Dr Green
What are you doing here, Geller?
ross
Ross
Well, I came with Rachel, who should be back any second! (pause) So what's new?
Dr Green
Ooh, I have a little heart attack.
ross
Ross
Right, is it painful?
Dr Green
What, the heart attack or sitting here talking to you?
Ross (he buzzes for the nurse) Let's see if we can get that Rachel back here.
Dr Green
So what's new with you, uh, knocked up any more of my daughters lately?
ross
Ross
Nope, just the one. RACH!

Scene 5:The Syllable-by-Syllable Breakdown ('Me Pooh Pooh!')

20 lines
Joey's apartment. Phoebe is trying to teach Joey French.
Syllable-by-syllable trap vs sudden gibberish collapseComedic EscalationFalse VictoryRule of Three

The second-act escalation of the French lesson: by proving Joey can repeat each individual syllable accurately, the script sets up a false sense of victory right before the full-phrase collapse.

  • Phoebe isolates each syllable ('je' - 'm'ap' - 'pelle') twice at increasing speed to prove Joey can physically pronounce every sound.
  • The instant Phoebe puts the three syllables together, Joey's brain short-circuits into 'Me pooh pooh!'.
phoebe
Phoebe
Je m'appelle Claude.
joey
Joey
Je do call blue!
phoebe
Phoebe
Noooo! Ok, maybe if we just break it down. Ok, let's try at one syllable at a time. Ok? So repeat after me. "je".
joey
Joey
je.
phoebe
Phoebe
m'ap
joey
Joey
mah
phoebe
Phoebe
pelle
joey
Joey
pel.
phoebe
Phoebe
Great, ok faster! "je"
joey
Joey
je.
phoebe
Phoebe
m'ap
joey
Joey
mah
phoebe
Phoebe
pelle
joey
Joey
pel.
phoebe
Phoebe
Je m'appelle!
joey
Joey
[Breakdown]
Me pooh pooh!
escalationThe Syllabic Collapse

After repeating 'je', 'mah', and 'pel' cleanly twice in a row, combining all three syllables produces 'Me pooh pooh!', breaking Phoebe's patience on the spot.

→Back to the first lesson in Scene 3 (#S3L16)
phoebe
Phoebe
Ok, it's too hard, I can't teach you!
joey
Joey
What are you doing?
phoebe
Phoebe
I, I have to go before I put your head through a wall. (she leaves)
joey
Joey
(he goes out calling her) Don't move! Don't go! I need you! My audition is tomorrow! Shah blue blah! Me lah peeh! Ombrah! (he gives up). Pooh.

Scene 6:Green's mansion. Rachel's Room. Rachel's is combing her hair; Ross's coming into the room

41 lines
ross
Ross
Hey!
rachel
Rachel
Hi!
ross
Ross
I was gonna make us some dinner but all I found in your dad's fridge was bacon and heavy cream. (pause) I think we solved the mystery of the heart attack.
rachel
Rachel
Uh. (pause) Did you call your parents?
ross
Ross
Oh, yeah. Emma's doing great.
rachel
Rachel
Oh good.
ross
Ross
Wow.
rachel
Rachel
What?
ross
Ross
Just can't believe I'm in Rachel Green's room.
rachel
Rachel
What do you mean? You've been in my room before!
ross
Ross
Yeah, sure, right! Like I've ever been in Rachel Green's room.
rachel
Rachel
Ok I gotta tell ya, it's really weird when you use my whole name.
ross
Ross
Sorry. (Rachel sits on her bed). You ok?
rachel
Rachel
Yeah.
ross
Ross
You had a rough day, uh?
rachel
Rachel
Yeah, just so weird seeing him like that, you know? I mean he is a doctor, you don't expect doctors to get sick!
ross
Ross
But we do! (pause) It's gonna be ok, Rach!
rachel
Rachel
(she's sad) Ow. I don't want him to wake up alone! I should go to the hospital!
ross
Ross
What? No, no! Hey, hey, hey look...
rachel
Rachel
What?
ross
Ross
They gave him a lot of medication, ok? He wouldn't even know if you were there. Look, we'll go see him first thing in the morning, ok?
rachel
Rachel
Really, I shouldn't feel guilty?
ross
Ross
No, God! Hey, Rach, you've been an amazing daughter, ok? Right now you just need to get some rest.
rachel
Rachel
Ok, maybe you're right.
ross
Ross
(he kisses her on her forehead) Good night.
rachel
Rachel
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Would you stay here with me for a little while?
ross
Ross
Sure!
rachel
Rachel
Ok. (She sits on the bed and Ross sits near her) Thank you for coming with me today.
ross
Ross
Oh, of course...
rachel
Rachel
Rachel Green is very happy you're in her room!
ross
Ross
Me too. Come here. (They hug)
rachel
Rachel
I just don't want to be alone tonight.
ross
Ross
Ok, well, uh, I can maybe grab a sleeping bag, or...(There's one of those moments. They're staring at each other, no word uttered, and then she leans toward him in order to kiss him, but he ducks and avoids her more than once.) Oh, oh. (he then hugs her and when she tries to kiss him again, he stands up and she falls down on the bed). No, Rach! I'm sorry, I just don't think this, this, this is a good idea.
rachel
Rachel
Wait, we won't know that until we do it, will we?
ross
Ross
No, look, uh. You are upset about your father and you're feeling vulnerable and I just don't feel it would be right, I'd feel like I'd be, you know, taking advantage of you.
rachel
Rachel
Taking advantage? I'm giving you the advantage, enjoy!
ross
Ross
Look, I'm sure it would be great, but I-I think one of us has to be thinking clearly, so, I'm gonna go!
rachel
Rachel
Wow. Ok.
ross
Ross
I'll see you in the morning (he leaves).
rachel
Rachel
Mhm-mh!
ross
Ross
(outside her room, talking by himself) Haven't had sex in four months, I should get a medal for that!

Scene 7:Monica's apartment. Monica and Erica have just arrived.

31 lines
Erica
Thanks so much for taking me to all those places. I had a great time.
monica
Monica
Oh, I'm glad. Listen, I want to apologize about Chandler, though. I just did not see this coming.
chandler
Chandler
(enters the room wearing an "I love New York" t-shirt, a "Statue of Liberty" hat and carrying bags) New York is awesome!
monica
Monica
What is with you?
chandler
Chandler
Yeah, I've been to these places before, but I've never really seen them, you know.
monica
Monica
Yeah, you miss alot, when you're moo-ing.
Erica
Thanks so much for showing me around.
monica
Monica
Oh! It was our pleasure. We are so much enjoying getting to know you.
Erica
Well, if there is anything else you wanna know... (Monica and Chandler look at each other)
chandler
Chandler
Oh, uhm, okay, uhm, do you mind if we ask you some questions about the father?
Erica
Oh, sure. Yeah, well, he was my high school boyfriend. Captain of the football team, really cute and he got a scholarship and went off to college. (Monica and Chandler are smiling from ear to ear)
chandler
Chandler
That's great.
Erica
Yeah... it's almost definitely him. (Monica and Chandler look confused now)
monica
Monica
How's that now?
Erica
Well, there is a chance it's another guy. I mean, I have only ever been with two guys, but they sorta overlapped.
chandler
Chandler
So, what does the other guy do? Does he go to college too?
Erica
No, he's in prison. (More shocked looks from Monica and Chandler)
monica
Monica
Was he falsely accused of something? (They look hopeful)
Erica
No... he killed his father with a shovel. (Monica and Chandler's jaws drop) But other than that, he's a great guy.
chandler
Chandler
I'll bet his dad doesn't think so.
Time lapse. Chandler and Monica are in bed now
monica
Monica
Are you awake?
chandler
Chandler
Of course I'm awake. Assume from now on that I'm always awake! (He turns the light on)
monica
Monica
Alright, we don't know that it's him. I mean, it could be the football guy.
chandler
Chandler
Honey, it's us. Of course it's the shovel-killer.
monica
Monica
Alright, lets say that it is him, would we not want the baby? No! Would we treat him any differently?
chandler
Chandler
I'd keep an eye on him! We have to find out which one the father is.
monica
Monica
How?
chandler
Chandler
I dunno, aren't there tests for these things, right?
monica
Monica
Yeah, but maybe we're just over-reacting.
chandler
Chandler
Pff, easy for you to say, he's a father killer. He probably loves him mommy. He's probably got a tattoo that says "mom" on his shovel-wielding arm!

Scene 8:Joey's apartment. He is sitting on the barcalounger holding a French study book and listening to a French learning tape.

15 lines
Tape
We will now count from one to five. Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq.
joey
Joey
Huh, un, blu, bla, flu, flenk!
Tape
Good job.
joey
Joey
Thank you.
Phoebe enters
phoebe
Phoebe
Hey Joey.
joey
Joey
Hey!
phoebe
Phoebe
Listen, I feel really badly about yesterday and I thought about it a lot and, and I know, I was too impatient. SO lets try it again.
joey
Joey
Oh, no, that's okay, I don't need your help. I worked on it myself and I gotta say, I am pretty good!
phoebe
Phoebe
Really, can I hear some of it.
joey
Joey
Sure, sure. Ok, (clears his throat and starts to read from his script. He starts talking in a fake French accent, making gestures with his hands) "Bleu de la bleu, de la blu bla bleu" (Phoebe looks astonished, annoyed and disgusted, Joey seems very proud though) See?
phoebe
Phoebe
Well, you're not, (she tries to smile and contain her anger, but loses it) You're not... you're not... again, you're not SPEAKING FRENCH!
joey
Joey
(offended) Oh well I think I am, yeah and I think I'm definitely gonna get the part.
phoebe
Phoebe
How could you possibly think that?
joey
Joey
For one thing, the guy on the tape said I was doing a good job!

Scene 9:The hospital. Rachel is pouring her self a cup of coffee. Ross approaches from behind.

23 lines
ross
Ross
Hey Rach, can you grab me a cup of coffee?
rachel
Rachel
(She turns around very slowly, looks at him for a second and then turns back to her coffee) Sure. (She gives him the cup she was pouring for herself without looking at him)
ross
Ross
You've been quiet all morning. Is everything okay?
rachel
Rachel
Hmm-hmm. (starts to pour herself a cup of coffee, never looking at Ross)
ross
Ross
You sure you're alright?
rachel
Rachel
(coldly) Yep.
ross
Ross
(knowing she's not alright) O-kay. Well, I'm gonna go grab us some breakfast. (He starts to leave)
rachel
Rachel
FYI..
ross
Ross
(knew this was coming) There it is... (he comes back)
rachel
Rachel
In the future, when a girl asks for some ill-advised sympathy sex... just do it. (she smiles fakely at him)
ross
Ross
(half amused) Wait, wait, (looks around a little) You're mad at me about last night? I was just trying to do the right thing.
rachel
Rachel
(sarcastically) Really? Well, it seems to me if you'd done the right thing, I would not have woken up today feeling stupid and embarrassed, I would have woken up feeling comforted and satisfied!
ross
Ross
(acknowledging the last part of her sentence) Well...
rachel
Rachel
Oh stop that!
ross
Ross
I can't believe this. I was just being a good guy. I treated you with respect and understanding.
rachel
Rachel
(sarcastic) Oh, that is so hot. She walks around him to the other side)
ross
Ross
Hey, I was looking out for you.
rachel
Rachel
Oh, really, well Ross, you know what? I am a big girl. I don't need someone telling me what is best for me.
ross
Ross
I gotta say, I have not had sex a lot of times before, this is the worst ever.
rachel
Rachel
Oh, really, really? Well, it wasn't very good for me either. (She turns to leave and Ross over takes her and stands infront on her, his back to the row of doors leading to the hospital rooms)
ross
Ross
Hey you know what? You know what? To avoid this little thing in the future, let's just say, you and me, never having sex again.
rachel
Rachel
What?
ross
Ross
That's right, sex is off the table. (The door starts to open behind him and Dr. Green emerges) I am never having sex with you again. (Rachel stays quiet and after a few moments Ross realizes what has happened. He turns abruptly) Dr. Green, are you feeling better? (Rachel's dad glares at him with a deadly look)

Scene 10:Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica and Erica enter, Chandler is in the kitchen.

13 lines
chandler
Chandler
Hey! How was lunch?
Erica
(To Chandler) We had a good time. By the way, I wanted to ask you something. It would really mean a lot to me, if the baby was a boy, that you name him after my father, Jiminy Billy Bob (Monica smiles at Chandler and his he looks shocked and scared, getting no support from his wife)
chandler
Chandler
(struggling) Oh, really?
Erica
No! (To Monica) You we're right, that was fun! I'm gonna go finish packing.
chandler
Chandler
O-okay. (steps closer to Monica and speaks softly) So, is she gonna take the test?
monica
Monica
Nope, she doesn't have to, I found out who the father is.
chandler
Chandler
Oh God. It's shovely-Joe, isn't it?
monica
Monica
(smiling) No it's not.
chandler
Chandler
How do you know?
Erica
Well, it turns out that Erica didn't pay much attention in Sex Ed class, because the thing she did with that prison guy... it'd be pretty hard to make a baby that way.
chandler
Chandler
Oh God! What was it? The thing that we hardly ever do or the thing we never do?
monica
Monica
The thing we never do.
chandler
Chandler
(nods in appreciation) Shovely Joe!

Scene 11:The theatre where Joey is auditioning. Phoebe enters when Joey's on stage and she sits down. He hasn't seen her.

19 lines
Director
Whenever you're ready Joey.
joey
Joey
Right. (clears his throat) Dja bu bu Claude. Uh, c'est la pu les la lu blah bloo.
Casting Assistant
I'm sorry, what's going on?
joey
Joey
Dude, come on! French it u-up!
Director
Joey, do you speak French?
joey
Joey
Toutes la smore! Bu blu-ay bloo blah ooh! Pfoof!
Director
You know what. I think this audition is over. (Joey looks disappointed, but understands.)
phoebe
Phoebe
(in a French accent) Uh, excuse me. Uh, I am Reginé Philange. I was passing by when I heard this man speaking the regional dialect of my French town of Estée Lauder.
Director
You really think this man is speaking French?
joey
Joey
Sa-sa-saw!
phoebe
Phoebe
Écoutez, je vais vous dire la vérité. C'est mon petit frère. Il est un peu retardé. (Translation: Listen, I will tell you the truth. He's my little bother. He's a bit retarded.)
The director looks at Joey and he nods.
phoebe
Phoebe
Alors, si vous pouviez jouer le jeu avec lui... (Translation: So, would you please just humor him?)
Director
(to Joey) Good job, little buddy. That was some really good French. But I think we're gonna go with someone else for the part.
joey
Joey
Ah. All right. But my French was good?
Director
It was great.
joey
Joey
(to Phoebe) Oh-hoh! Ha-hah! See!
phoebe
Phoebe
(to the director) Merci. Au revoir. (Translation: Thanks, goodbye.)
joey
Joey
Yeah-hah. Toute-de-le-fruit.

Scene 12:Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting at the kitchen counter and Ross enters from Rachel and Emma's room.

31 lines
ross
Ross
Emma's down for the night.
rachel
Rachel
Oh, good.
ross
Ross
So uh... I guess I wanna take off.
rachel
Rachel
Okay... Hey listen, just before you go I-I again, I just wanna say "thank you" for coming with me.
ross
Ross
Oh, no problem.
rachel
Rachel
And also, you know I uh, I was thinking about what you said, you know, about the whole sex thing and... it's probably not a great idea to go down that road again.
ross
Ross
Thank you. I'm glad you agree.
rachel
Rachel
It's a shame though, I mean, when we did it, it was pretty good.
ross
Ross
Yeah... Yeah, that's true.
rachel
Rachel
Hey uhm, do you remember that one really great time...?
ross
Ross
Oh, ye-ah!
rachel
Rachel
You know it was you're uhm... birthday...
ross
Ross
...Valentine's day...
Both
(long pause, they realize) Oh yeah!
rachel
Rachel
Well, I guess that's all in the past, now.
ross
Ross
Hmmm-mmmm.
rachel
Rachel
(after a pause) Not even one more time?
ross
Ross
Not even once.
rachel
Rachel
No matter how much we want it.
ross
Ross
Even if we want it really bad.
rachel
Rachel
That's what we decided.
ross
Ross
Uhm, right!
rachel
Rachel
...It's kinda hard though!
ross
Ross
Yeah.
rachel
Rachel
You know, when two people have a connection, you know, that's... just seems like such a... waste.
ross
Ross
...I hate waste.
rachel
Rachel
...Ross?
ross
Ross
Yes?
rachel
Rachel
Just so you know... With us... it's never off the table. (she enters her room and closes the door.)
ross
Ross
Damn it. It's never off the table. (he leaves the apartment)
COMMERCIAL BREAK

Scene 13:Joey and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe and Joey are "updating" Joey's resumé.

15 lines
phoebe
Phoebe
Okay, can you really tapdance?
joey
Joey
No.
phoebe
Phoebe
It's off the resumé. (she strikes it through with a pencil)
phoebe
Phoebe
Archery?
joey
Joey
No.
phoebe
Phoebe
Horseback riding?
joey
Joey
Would fall off a lot.
phoebe
Phoebe
You can drink a gallon of milk in 10 seconds?
joey
Joey
That I can do.
phoebe
Phoebe
Come on! You can drink a gallon of milk in 10 seconds?
joey
Joey
All right, watch me! (he takes a full container of milk from the fridge) Okay, you time me. Ready?
phoebe
Phoebe
Ready... GO!
Joey takes the plastic container to his mouth and starts to drink. Most of the milk gushes from the bottle down his chin and over his clothes to the floor. He keeps "drinking" and all of a sudden he lifts it up and half the bottle of milk pours out in an instant. He then continues to drink the rest. He then puts the empty container down on the counter.
phoebe
Phoebe
(checking her watch) You did it!
END

Friends Season 10 Scripts

Jump directly to any episode script in Season 10 or browse another season

All Friends Seasons (228 Episodes)
S10E01
The One After Joey And Rachel Kiss
S10E02
The One Where Ross Is Fine
S10E03
The One With Ross's Tan
S10E04
The One With The Cake
S10E05
The One Where Rachel's Sister Baby sits
S10E06
The One With Ross's Grant
S10E07
The One With The Home Study
S10E08
The One With The Late Thanksgiving
S10E09
The One With The Birth Mother
S10E10
The One Where Chandler Gets Caught
S10E11
The One Where The Stripper Cries
S10E12
The One With Phoebe's Wedding
S10E13
The One Where Joey Speaks French
S10E14
The One With Princess Consuela
S10E15
The One Where Estelle Dies
S10E16
The One With Rachel's Going Away Party
S10E17
The Last One