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  •  /  Friends  /  S10E13 The One Where Joey Speaks French


    • new scene
    • Scene 1

      Central Perk. Everyone's sitting on the couch and Phoebe enters.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hi
    • Everyone
      Hey! Hi!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      How was the honeymoon?
    • Phoebe; Oh, incredible! Oh! Champagne, candle-lit dinners, moonlight walks on the beach, it was sooo ro-man-tic!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      So, where's Mike?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, he's at the doctor, he didn't poop the whole time we were there!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well anyway, I'm glad you're back, I really need your help.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, why? What's up?
    • joey
    • Joey
      I have an audition for this play and for some of it I have to speak French. Which, according to my résumé, I'm fluent in.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Joey, you shouldn't lie on your résumé.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah, you really shouldn't. (to Ross, sarcastically) By the way, how was that year-long dig in Cairo?
    • ross
    • Ross
      (whispering) It was ok...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I did not know you spoke French.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oui, bien sur je parle Français! Qu'est-ce que tu penses alors?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh... you're so sexy!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well, so, will you help me? I really wanna be in this play.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Sure! Tout le plaisir est pour moi, mon ami.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Seriously stop it, or I'm gonna jump on ya.
    • OPENING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 2

      Monica and Chandler's apartment.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Why are you wearing my apron?
    • monica
    • Monica
      I'm making cookies for Erica. And oh, by the way, we have to leave for the airport soon, her plane comes in about an hour.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, hey, when she gets here, is it ok if I introduce you two as "my wife" and "the woman who's carrying my child"? (she's not amused) No? Divorce?
    • ross
    • Ross
      (he enters) Hey.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey.
    • ross
    • Ross
      You guys know where Rachel is?
    • monica
    • Monica
      No, we haven't seen her since this morning.
    • ross
    • Ross
      So unbelievable. She was supposed to meet me half an hour ago with Emma. (he tries to take a cookie but Monica slaps his hand)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey!
    • monica
    • Monica
      These are for Erica!
    • ross
    • Ross
      What? She's gonna eat all those cookies?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well, I want he baby to come out all cute and fat!
    • ross
    • Ross
      So, why is Erica coming to visit?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well, because we want to get to know her better and she's never been to New York so she wants to see all the tourists' spots... you know, Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building...
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, those places! There's always so many people, their being corralled like cattle, and... you know, there's always some idiot who goes "Mooooo"!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well, if it annoys you so much, then why do you do it?
    • ross
    • Ross
      (looking at Rachel entering with Emma) Oh, hi! Hi! Thanks for showing you up thirty minutes late!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ross...
    • ross
    • Ross
      No, no, no, I'm sure you have a great excuse, wh-was it a hair appointment, a mani-pedi or was there a sale at Barney's?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      My father had an heart attack... (crying) ...while I was at Barney's.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh my God.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Honey.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'm so sorry...
    • ross
    • Ross
      Is-is he ok?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, they said he's gonna be fine, but he's still heavily sedated.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Ok, ok. I'm gonna come out to Long Island with you, I mean, you can't be alone right now.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No, come on, I'm totally ok. (hugging him) I don't need you to come! I can totally handle this on my own.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Still-still, let me come... for me.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ok. If you really need to.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I bet someone could use one of Monica's freshly baked cookies.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, I really could.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ohh... (Ross mouths HA-HA at Monica and takes two cookies and she looks at him angrily)
    • new scene
    • Scene 3

      Central Perk. Phoebe's trying to teach Joey French, so she's sitting in front of him with the script in her hands.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      All right, it seems pretty simple. Your first line is "My name is Claude", so, just repeat after me. "Je m'appelle Claude".
    • joey
    • Joey
      Je de coup Clow.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well, just... let's try it again.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Ok.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Je m'appelle Claude.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Je depli mblue.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Uh. It's not... quite what I'm saying.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Really? It sounds exactly the same to me.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      It does, really?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      All right, let just try it again. Really listen.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Got it.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (slowly) Je m'appelle Claude.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Je te flouppe Fli.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, mon Dieu!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, de fuff!
    • monica
    • Monica
      (entering with Erica and Chandler) Hey you guys.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hi!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I want you to meet someone really special. Phoebe, this is Erica. And this is the baby!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Joey. Erica, baby!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hi.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Everyone. Erica, baby!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Monica. Calm, self.
    • Erica
      Thank you. It's really nice to meet you guys, I can't believe I'm here!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Welcome to New York City! Or should I say "ghe deu flooff New York City"?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Why would you say that?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ok. What are you gonna be doing today?
    • Erica
      I wanna see everything! Times Square, Coney Island, Rockefeller Center...
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, you know what you should do? You should walk all the way at the top of Statue of Liberty.
    • Erica
      Oh yeah, let's do that!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Great! (to Monica) This baby'd better to be really good.
    • new scene
    • Scene 4

      Hospital.

    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (stopping a nurse who's coming out of a room) Oh, uhm, excuse me, I'm here to see my father. My name is Rachel Green.
    • ross
    • Ross
      And I'm Doctor Ross Geller.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ross, please, this is a hospital, ok? That actually means something here.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Can somebody please go in?
    • Nurse
      Absolutely.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Rach, I think I'm gonna wait out here, because my throat is feeling a little scratchy, I don't want to infect him.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ross, please, don't be so scared of him!
    • ross
    • Ross
      I'm not scared of him, I'm really sick!
    • Nurse
      He's under sedation, so he's pretty much out.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I'm feeling better.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh! (They enter. Rachel sees his father, lying on a bed, with tubes, drip and everything) Oh! Oh my God! Ohhh, ohhh, wow, that ear and nose hair trimmer I got him was just money down the drain, huh?
    • Nurse
      Miss Green, your father's doctor is on the phone if you'd like to speak to him.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, great, Are you gonna be ok?
    • ross
    • Ross
      He's unconscious, I think we'll be just fine!
    • Rachel (leaving)
      Ok.
    • (Ross goes into the room where Dr. Green is laying unconscious. He turns on the TV, puts his feet on the bed and starts watching a dinosaur movie where the dinosaur is caught by two cowboys. Dr. Geller awakes.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Did the TV wake you?
    • Dr. Green
      No, when you put your feet up in my bed, you tugged on my catheter.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Ouchy.
    • Dr. Green
      What are you doing here, Geller?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, I came with Rachel, who should be back any second! (pause) So what's new?
    • Dr. Green
      Ooh, I have a little heart attack.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Right, is it painful?
    • Dr. Green
      What, the heart attack or sitting here talking to you?
    • Ross (he buzzes for the nurse) Let's see if we can get that Rachel back here.
    • Dr. Green
      So what's new with you, uh, knocked up any more of my daughters lately?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Nope, just the one. RACH!
    • new scene
    • Scene 5

      Joey's apartment. Phoebe is trying to teach Joey French.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Je m'appelle Claude.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Je do call blue!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Noooo! Ok, maybe if we just break it down. Ok, let's try at one syllable at a time. Ok? So repeat after me. "je".
    • joey
    • Joey
      je.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      m'ap
    • joey
    • Joey
      mah
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      pelle
    • joey
    • Joey
      pel.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Great, ok faster! "je"
    • joey
    • Joey
      je.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      m'ap
    • joey
    • Joey
      mah
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      pelle
    • joey
    • Joey
      pel.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Je m'appelle!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Me pooh pooh!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ok, it's too hard, I can't teach you!
    • joey
    • Joey
      What are you doing?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I, I have to go before I put your head through a wall. (she leaves)
    • joey
    • Joey
      (he goes out calling her) Don't move! Don't go! I need you! My audition is tomorrow! Shah blue blah! Me lah peeh! Ombrah! (he gives up). Pooh.
    • new scene
    • Scene 6

      Green's mansion. Rachel's Room. Rachel's is combing her hair; Ross's coming into the room

    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hi!
    • ross
    • Ross
      I was gonna make us some dinner but all I found in your dad's fridge was bacon and heavy cream. (pause) I think we solved the mystery of the heart attack.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Uh. (pause) Did you call your parents?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, yeah. Emma's doing great.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh good.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Wow.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Just can't believe I'm in Rachel Green's room.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What do you mean? You've been in my room before!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, sure, right! Like I've ever been in Rachel Green's room.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ok I gotta tell ya, it's really weird when you use my whole name.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Sorry. (Rachel sits on her bed). You ok?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah.
    • ross
    • Ross
      You had a rough day, uh?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, just so weird seeing him like that, you know? I mean he is a doctor, you don't expect doctors to get sick!
    • ross
    • Ross
      But we do! (pause) It's gonna be ok, Rach!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (she's sad) Ow. I don't want him to wake up alone! I should go to the hospital!
    • ross
    • Ross
      What? No, no! Hey, hey, hey look...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What?
    • ross
    • Ross
      They gave him a lot of medication, ok? He wouldn't even know if you were there. Look, we'll go see him first thing in the morning, ok?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Really, I shouldn't feel guilty?
    • ross
    • Ross
      No, God! Hey, Rach, you've been an amazing daughter, ok? Right now you just need to get some rest.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ok, maybe you're right.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (he kisses her on her forehead) Good night.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Wait, wait, wait, wait. Would you stay here with me for a little while?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Sure!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ok. (She sits on the bed and Ross sits near her) Thank you for coming with me today.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, of course...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Rachel Green is very happy you're in her room!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Me too. Come here. (They hug)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I just don't want to be alone tonight.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Ok, well, uh, I can maybe grab a sleeping bag, or...(There's one of those moments. They're staring at each other, no word uttered, and then she leans toward him in order to kiss him, but he ducks and avoids her more than once.) Oh, oh. (he then hugs her and when she tries to kiss him again, he stands up and she falls down on the bed). No, Rach! I'm sorry, I just don't think this, this, this is a good idea.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Wait, we won't know that until we do it, will we?
    • ross
    • Ross
      No, look, uh. You are upset about your father and you're feeling vulnerable and I just don't feel it would be right, I'd feel like I'd be, you know, taking advantage of you.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Taking advantage? I'm giving you the advantage, enjoy!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Look, I'm sure it would be great, but I-I think one of us has to be thinking clearly, so, I'm gonna go!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Wow. Ok.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I'll see you in the morning (he leaves).
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Mhm-mh!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (outside her room, talking by himself) Haven't had sex in four months, I should get a medal for that!
    • new scene
    • Scene 7

      Monica's apartment. Monica and Erica have just arrived.

    • Erica
      Thanks so much for taking me to all those places. I had a great time.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh, I'm glad. Listen, I want to apologize about Chandler, though. I just did not see this coming.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (enters the room wearing an "I love New York" t-shirt, a "Statue of Liberty" hat and carrying bags) New York is awesome!
    • monica
    • Monica
      What is with you?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah, I've been to these places before, but I've never really seen them, you know.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah, you miss alot, when you're moo-ing.
    • Erica
      Thanks so much for showing me around.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh! It was our pleasure. We are so much enjoying getting to know you.
    • Erica
      Well, if there is anything else you wanna know... (Monica and Chandler look at each other)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, uhm, okay, uhm, do you mind if we ask you some questions about the father?
    • Erica
      Oh, sure. Yeah, well, he was my high school boyfriend. Captain of the football team, really cute and he got a scholarship and went off to college. (Monica and Chandler are smiling from ear to ear)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      That's great.
    • Erica
      Yeah... it's almost definitely him. (Monica and Chandler look confused now)
    • monica
    • Monica
      How's that now?
    • Erica
      Well, there is a chance it's another guy. I mean, I have only ever been with two guys, but they sorta overlapped.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      So, what does the other guy do? Does he go to college too?
    • Erica
      No, he's in prison. (More shocked looks from Monica and Chandler)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Was he falsely accused of something? (They look hopeful)
    • Erica
      No... he killed his father with a shovel. (Monica and Chandler's jaws drop) But other than that, he's a great guy.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'll bet his dad doesn't think so.
    • (Time lapse. Chandler and Monica are in bed now)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Are you awake?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Of course I'm awake. Assume from now on that I'm always awake! (He turns the light on)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Alright, we don't know that it's him. I mean, it could be the football guy.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Honey, it's us. Of course it's the shovel-killer.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Alright, lets say that it is him, would we not want the baby? No! Would we treat him any differently?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'd keep an eye on him! We have to find out which one the father is.
    • monica
    • Monica
      How?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I dunno, aren't there tests for these things, right?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah, but maybe we're just over-reacting.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Pff, easy for you to say, he's a father killer. He probably loves him mommy. He's probably got a tattoo that says "mom" on his shovel-wielding arm!
    • new scene
    • Scene 8

      Joey's apartment. He is sitting on the barcalounger holding a French study book and listening to a French learning tape.

    • Tape
      We will now count from one to five. Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Huh, un, blu, bla, flu, flenk!
    • Tape
      Good job.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Thank you.
    • (Phoebe enters)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey Joey.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Listen, I feel really badly about yesterday and I thought about it a lot and, and I know, I was too impatient. SO lets try it again.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, no, that's okay, I don't need your help. I worked on it myself and I gotta say, I am pretty good!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Really, can I hear some of it.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Sure, sure. Ok, (clears his throat and starts to read from his script. He starts talking in a fake French accent, making gestures with his hands) "Bleu de la bleu, de la blu bla bleu" (Phoebe looks astonished, annoyed and disgusted, Joey seems very proud though) See?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well, you're not, (she tries to smile and contain her anger, but loses it) You're not... you're not... again, you're not SPEAKING FRENCH!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (offended) Oh well I think I am, yeah and I think I'm definitely gonna get the part.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      How could you possibly think that?
    • joey
    • Joey
      For one thing, the guy on the tape said I was doing a good job!
    • new scene
    • Scene 9

      The hospital. Rachel is pouring her self a cup of coffee. Ross approaches from behind.

    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey Rach, can you grab me a cup of coffee?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (She turns around very slowly, looks at him for a second and then turns back to her coffee) Sure. (She gives him the cup she was pouring for herself without looking at him)
    • ross
    • Ross
      You've been quiet all morning. Is everything okay?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hmm-hmm. (starts to pour herself a cup of coffee, never looking at Ross)
    • ross
    • Ross
      You sure you're alright?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (coldly) Yep.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (knowing she's not alright) O-kay. Well, I'm gonna go grab us some breakfast. (He starts to leave)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      FYI..
    • ross
    • Ross
      (knew this was coming) There it is... (he comes back)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      In the future, when a girl asks for some ill-advised sympathy sex... just do it. (she smiles fakely at him)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (half amused) Wait, wait, (looks around a little) You're mad at me about last night? I was just trying to do the right thing.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (sarcastically) Really? Well, it seems to me if you'd done the right thing, I would not have woken up today feeling stupid and embarrassed, I would have woken up feeling comforted and satisfied!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (acknowledging the last part of her sentence) Well...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh stop that!
    • ross
    • Ross
      I can't believe this. I was just being a good guy. I treated you with respect and understanding.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (sarcastic) Oh, that is so hot. She walks around him to the other side)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey, I was looking out for you.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, really, well Ross, you know what? I am a big girl. I don't need someone telling me what is best for me.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I gotta say, I have not had sex a lot of times before, this is the worst ever.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, really, really? Well, it wasn't very good for me either. (She turns to leave and Ross over takes her and stands infront on her, his back to the row of doors leading to the hospital rooms)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey you know what? You know what? To avoid this little thing in the future, let's just say, you and me, never having sex again.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What?
    • ross
    • Ross
      That's right, sex is off the table. (The door starts to open behind him and Dr. Green emerges) I am never having sex with you again. (Rachel stays quiet and after a few moments Ross realizes what has happened. He turns abruptly) Dr. Green, are you feeling better? (Rachel's dad glares at him with a deadly look)
    • new scene
    • Scene 10

      Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica and Erica enter, Chandler is in the kitchen.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey! How was lunch?
    • Erica
      (To Chandler) We had a good time. By the way, I wanted to ask you something. It would really mean a lot to me, if the baby was a boy, that you name him after my father, Jiminy Billy Bob (Monica smiles at Chandler and his he looks shocked and scared, getting no support from his wife)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (struggling) Oh, really?
    • Erica
      No! (To Monica) You we're right, that was fun! I'm gonna go finish packing.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      O-okay. (steps closer to Monica and speaks softly) So, is she gonna take the test?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Nope, she doesn't have to, I found out who the father is.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh God. It's shovely-Joe, isn't it?
    • monica
    • Monica
      (smiling) No it's not.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      How do you know?
    • Erica
      Well, it turns out that Erica didn't pay much attention in Sex Ed class, because the thing she did with that prison guy... it'd be pretty hard to make a baby that way.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh God! What was it? The thing that we hardly ever do or the thing we never do?
    • monica
    • Monica
      The thing we never do.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (nods in appreciation) Shovely Joe!
    • new scene
    • Scene 11

      The theatre where Joey is auditioning. Phoebe enters when Joey's on stage and she sits down. He hasn't seen her.

    • Director
      Whenever you're ready Joey.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Right. (clears his throat) Dja bu bu Claude. Uh, c'est la pu les la lu blah bloo.
    • Casting assistant
      I'm sorry, what's going on?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Dude, come on! French it u-up!
    • Director
      Joey, do you speak French?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Toutes la smore! Bu blu-ay bloo blah ooh! Pfoof!
    • Director
      You know what. I think this audition is over. (Joey looks disappointed, but understands.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (in a French accent) Uh, excuse me. Uh, I am Reginé Philange. I was passing by when I heard this man speaking the regional dialect of my French town of Estée Lauder.
    • Director
      You really think this man is speaking French?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Sa-sa-saw!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Écoutez, je vais vous dire la vérité. C'est mon petit frère. Il est un peu retardé. (Translation: Listen, I will tell you the truth. He's my little bother. He's a bit retarded.)
    • (The director looks at Joey and he nods.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Alors, si vous pouviez jouer le jeu avec lui... (Translation: So, would you please just humor him?)
    • Director
      (to Joey) Good job, little buddy. That was some really good French. But I think we're gonna go with someone else for the part.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Ah. All right. But my French was good?
    • Director
      It was great.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (to Phoebe) Oh-hoh! Ha-hah! See!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (to the director) Merci. Au revoir. (Translation: Thanks, goodbye.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah-hah. Toute-de-le-fruit.
    • new scene
    • Scene 12

      Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting at the kitchen counter and Ross enters from Rachel and Emma's room.

    • ross
    • Ross
      Emma's down for the night.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, good.
    • ross
    • Ross
      So uh... I guess I wanna take off.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay... Hey listen, just before you go I-I again, I just wanna say "thank you" for coming with me.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, no problem.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      And also, you know I uh, I was thinking about what you said, you know, about the whole sex thing and... it's probably not a great idea to go down that road again.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Thank you. I'm glad you agree.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      It's a shame though, I mean, when we did it, it was pretty good.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah... Yeah, that's true.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hey uhm, do you remember that one really great time...?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, ye-ah!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      You know it was you're uhm... birthday...
    • ross
    • Ross
      ...Valentine's day...
    • Both
      (long pause, they realize) Oh yeah!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, I guess that's all in the past, now.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hmmm-mmmm.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (after a pause) Not even one more time?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Not even once.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No matter how much we want it.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Even if we want it really bad.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      That's what we decided.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Uhm, right!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      ...It's kinda hard though!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      You know, when two people have a connection, you know, that's... just seems like such a... waste.
    • ross
    • Ross
      ...I hate waste.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      ...Ross?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yes?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Just so you know... With us... it's never off the table. (she enters her room and closes the door.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Damn it. It's never off the table. (he leaves the apartment)
    • COMMERCIAL BREAK
    • new scene
    • Scene 13

      Joey and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe and Joey are "updating" Joey's resumé.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay, can you really tapdance?
    • joey
    • Joey
      No.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      It's off the resumé. (she strikes it through with a pencil)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Archery?
    • joey
    • Joey
      No.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Horseback riding?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Would fall off a lot.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      You can drink a gallon of milk in 10 seconds?
    • joey
    • Joey
      That I can do.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Come on! You can drink a gallon of milk in 10 seconds?
    • joey
    • Joey
      All right, watch me! (he takes a full container of milk from the fridge) Okay, you time me. Ready?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ready... GO!
    • (Joey takes the plastic container to his mouth and starts to drink. Most of the milk gushes from the bottle down his chin and over his clothes to the floor. He keeps "drinking" and all of a sudden he lifts it up and half the bottle of milk pours out in an instant. He then continues to drink the rest. He then puts the empty container down on the counter.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (checking her watch) You did it!
    • END