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  •  /  Friends  /  S09E23-S09E24 The one in Barbados


    • new scene
    • Scene 1

      Central Perk

    • joey
    • Joey
      (entering) Hey! I'm all packed and ready to go!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, that's right! (to Emma) Daddy and uncle Joey are going on a trip today. We're going to a conference in Barbados, right?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Mmh-mmh.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (to Emma) Can you say Barbados?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Barbados!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Ok, I gotta say. I mean, it means so much to me that you guys are coming all the way over there to hear me do my speech! UH! And I've a surprise, uh... I had to pull some strings but I was able to get everyone passes to the entire conference! That's right! (he gives them their passes) This babies will get you into all the paleontology lectures and seminars.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Do you have anything that would... get us out of them?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah Ross, I mean... we're excited to hear the speech but the rest of the time we're gonna wanna do, you know, "island's stuff".
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I think David would probably wanna hear a few lectures.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, right, because he's a scientist!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No, no, because, you know, he's been in Minsk for 8 years and if he gets too much direct sunlight, he'll die.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Ok, we gotta go, yeah? So, we'll see you guys tomorrow.
    • joey
    • Joey
      All right, let's do it! 5 hour flight with Charlie, have a couple of drinks, get under that blanket and do what comes naturally.
    • ross
    • Ross
      It's a blanket Joe, not a cloak of invisibility!
    • OPENING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 2

      Paradise Hotel lounge in Barbados

    • Charlie
      Wow! This place is beautiful!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (very excited) Look at all these paleontologists!!
    • joey
    • Joey
      I know, there are gonna be some pasty folks by the pool tomorrow! (A woman goes towards them)
    • Woman
      Oh my God, I can't believe you're here!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (to Charlie) I think I've been recognized, this happens all the time!
    • Woman
      Doctor Geller, I'm such a huge fan!
    • joey
    • Joey
      That... never happens...
    • Woman
      I've been following your career for years, I-I can't wait for your keynote speech.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Wow! This is very flattering, uh...
    • Woman
      I would love your autograph. (hands him a notepad)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Uh, uh... Sure! Uhm... "Dear..." (he takes the notepad)
    • Woman
      Sarah.
    • ross
    • Ross
      "... Sarah. I dig you", Uh? "Doctor Ross Geller".
    • Sarah
      Thank you so much!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, oh and Sarah... I'd like to introduce you to my colleague, uh, Professor Wheeler, a-and this is Joey Tribbiani.
    • Sarah
      (to Joey) Are you a paleontologist?
    • joey
    • Joey
      No, God, no! No! No no, I'm an actor. You'd probably recognize me from a little show called "The Days of Our Lives".
    • ross
    • Ross
      Dude, it's just "Days of Our Lives"... there's no the.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (thinking he's kidding) Ok, Ross! It's... It's fun, yeah! No, I-I play Doctor Drake Ramoray.
    • Sarah
      I'm sorry, I don't own a TV.
    • joey
    • Joey
      You don't own a TV? What's all your furniture pointed at??
    • new scene
    • Scene 3

      Central Perk

    • monica
    • Monica
      David, can you help me?! I'm trying to explain to Chandler how a plane stays in the air.
    • David
      Oh, certainly. That's a combination of Bernoulli's principle and Newton's third law of motion.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (to Chandler) See?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah, that's the same as "it has something to do with wind".
    • monica
    • Monica
      Alright, I'm gonna go pick up a few things for the trip.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, I should go, too. Oh, now... tomorrow do you guys wanna share a cab to the airport or should Mike and I just meet you there.
    • (Everyone looks at her)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Mike?? Who's Mike?
    • David
      Mike is your ex... uh... boyfriend!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      That's right! Oh, yeah... Well, I've totally forgotten about im! AH! That's-That's... a blast from the past!
    • David
      It's ok. Ho-honest mistake.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Really, it doesn't mean anything. I mean, you know, Monica refers to Chandler as Richard all the time!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (upset) She does?
    • monica
    • Monica
      (pinching her) Let's get you out of here!! (they go outside)
    • (Outside the Central Perk)
    • monica
    • Monica
      At least you took me down with you!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I'm sooo sorry!! I just... I keep thinking about Mike! I'm crazy about David, and we're having so much fun together. Why-Why do I miss Mike? That's-that's gonna go away, right?
    • monica
    • Monica
      I guess, in time.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I mean, my feelings for Richard are certainly gone.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      You just did it again. Chandler, your feelings for Chandler are certainly gone!
    • new scene
    • Scene 4

      Inside Central Perk

    • David
      (to Chandler) Well, Phoebe's still pretty hung up on that Mike, uh?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I wouldn't read too much into it.
    • David
      Still you know, a girl calls you by your ex-boyfriend's name, that-that's not a good thing, right?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      David, let me stop you there 'cause I think I see where this is going. I'm not very good at giving advice. So if you want advice, go to Ross, Monica, or... Joey, if the thing you wanna advice about is pizza toppings or burning sensation when you pee.
    • David
      Sorry, I just... I wish there was something I could do, you know? Well, you know Phoebe...
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Seriously, we're gonna do this?
    • David
      I'm sorry, uh... I just wish I could make her forget about Mike already, you know... Why did Phoebe and Mike break up?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, because his penis was too big. (he notices that David is not amused) Oh, I'm sorry, that's the kind of thing I do. (pause) They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?
    • David
      That's great! That's great! I-I'll propose to her!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What?
    • David
      Well, I was probably going to do it at some point.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I didn't mean now...
    • David
      Why not? It's brilliant! (talking to an imaginary Mike) Goodbye Mike, we'll see you at the wedding, fella! (pause) well, we probably won't invite you to the wedding... (to Chandler) Thank you, Chandler. Sincerely.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, you're welcome! Glad I could help.
    • David
      (after a while) How do you think I should propose?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      David, I'm pretending to read here!!
    • new scene
    • Scene 5

      Joey in his hotel in room in Barbados

    • (Trying on a hat and talking to his own reflection in the mirror)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah! How you doin'? Yeah alright!
    • (Charlie comes out the bathroom)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey, hey! You said you're gonna wear a thong, where's the thong?
    • Charlie
      (laughing) I didn't mean a thong... I meant thongs...
    • joey
    • Joey
      You really should have been more clear about that!
    • (Someone knocks the door, Joey goes to open it and Ross is on the other side)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (Excited) You're never going to guess who I just saw downstairs!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh! ah! eh... Britney Spears!?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, she never misses these conferences! (then to Charlie) No, I just saw Dr. Kenneth Schwartz!
    • Charlie
      Oh my God! Did you talk to him?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah... what am I going to say to Kenneth Schwartz?
    • joey
    • Joey
      You could say: "Hey Kenny, how come you're not Britney Spears?" (looks at Ross matter-of-factly)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (to Charlie) Ready to go?
    • Charlie
      Yeah!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Wha...? You're gonna go now? I thought we could hang out?
    • Charlie
      Oh I can't... I have seminars all day and I promised Ross I would look at his speech.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah.
    • Charlie
      But maybe we can have dinner later? On the balcony? Will be romantic.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (smiling) Will you wear a thong?
    • Charlie
      I will if you will.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh... you got yourself a very weird deal!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (a little embarassed by their conversation) I'm good, I have dinner plans (moves away from them).
    • Charlie
      So you'll be ok?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah, yeah. I've got tons of stuff I could do. I'm gonna hit the beach, go swimming...
    • ross
    • Ross
      Uh, Joe, have you looked outside?
    • joey
    • Joey
      No, why?
    • (Ross goes to the window and opens the curtains revealing that it's raining outside)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh man!
    • Charlie
      There's an indoor pool, you can swim there! (Ross agrees)
    • joey
    • Joey
      I wasn't gonna swim, I was gonna dig a hole! (removes a small plastic spade used by children to play on the beach from his backpack)
    • new scene
    • Scene 6

      Back in New York, Monica and Chandler in Central Perk on the couch

    • monica
    • Monica
      Wow! That Mike thing was interesting! I don't know what's gonna happen with Phoebe and David.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (smiling cheekily) I do! Want a hint? huh? "I do" (Monica looks confused, so Chandler repeats) "I do".
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ok, I'm sensing that this is some kind of word play, because you are pink with barely controlled glee.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      David is going to propose to Phoebe.
    • monica
    • Monica
      What? (looks very shocked) Why?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Be-cause, we were talking about ways that he could beat Mike and I told him that Phoebe wanted to get married.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Chandler, we have talked about this. You are not supposed to give people advice! Now couldn't you just have made some sort of inappropriate joke?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I did! A penis one! Look, just so I know, what was so wrong about what I said?
    • monica
    • Monica
      They've only been going out for a few weeks and Phoebe is completely hung up on Mike! She'll say "No", David's heart will be broken, it will be too hard for them to recover from and then Phoebe will end up alone again.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Man, that's some bad advice!
    • new scene
    • Scene 7

      Barbados, hotel lounge. David, Phoebe and Rachel have just arrived.

    • (Joey spots them and walks towards them)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh! Hey! Thank God you guys are here!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hey! Hey what's going on?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Everything is upside down here! It rains all day long, nobody watches tv and Ross is famous!
    • (Rachel turns around and sees Chandler and Monica arriving)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Alright, I don't wanna alarm anybody, but Monica's hair is twice as big as it was when we landed!
    • (Monica and Chandler reach the group)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ok! When I go places with high humidity, it gets a little extra body, ok?!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      That's why our honeymoon photos look like me and Diana Ross!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Come on, I'll show you guys where to check in (Joey, Chandler and David leave)
    • monica
    • Monica
      (to Chandler) Oh, honey, can you make sure we get a King size bed!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (shouts after David) Oh! David, get one for us too! Oh, oh, and see if they have a heart-shaped one! And with mirrors on the ceiling!
    • monica
    • Monica
      (shouts to Chandler) And make sure our room isn't next to theirs (points to Phoebe).
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ooh! You guys are so lucky you are here with people, you known it's such a romantic place. That's all, I just wish I could (looks at Joey who is at the check in desk) share that with a guy.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Not Joey.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Not Joey, no, I was just lusting after Chandler.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah, right!
    • [Cut to the guys]
    • David
      So, ehm... I'm proposing to Phoebe tonight. (Removes a ring box from his pocket and opens it to show Chandler the ring)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Tonight?! (looks at the ring) Isn't an engagement ring supposed to have a diamond? (squints at the ring to emphasize how tiny the diamond is) Oh, there it is!
    • David
      Yeah, well, being a failed scientist doesn't pay quite as well as you might think. That's uhm... one seventieth of a karat. And the clarity is uhm... is quite poor.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (slaps him on the shoulder) Nice! (goes to Monica)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Monica, can I talk to you for a sec? (Pulls her away from Phoebe and Rachel)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ok!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      David is going to propose to Phoebe tonight!
    • monica
    • Monica
      See what happens when you give people advice? I hope you told him not to?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      That would be advice!!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ok fine. I'll handle this. (goes to Phoebe who's talking to Rachel) Phoebe?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah?
    • monica
    • Monica
      (looking very serious) I need to talk to you.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Are you leaving "The Supremes"? (Monica and Phoebe go to one side)
    • MOnica
      Ok, my husband just gave your boyfriend some very bad advice. Look, David is going to propose to you tonight.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Wow? Really? That's fantastic!
    • monica
    • Monica
      What are you serious? You wanna marry him? Wha... What about Mike?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, ok, you want me to marry Mike? Alright, well, let's just gag him and handcuff him and force him down the aisle. I can just see it: "Mike, do you take Phoebe..." (gestures with her hand as if someone is covering her mouth and tries to shout "No! No!") You know, it's every girl's dream!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Do you really think marrying someone else is the right answer?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Sure! Look, ok, bottom line: I love Mike... David! David. I love David. Don't look at me that way, Roseanne Rosannadanna!
    • new scene
    • Scene 8

      Ross's hotel room. Ross and is reading his keynote speech to Charlie from his laptop

    • ross
    • Ross
      By using CT scans and computer imaging we can in a very real way, bring the Mesozoic era into the 21st century.
    • Charlie
      It's great. You're gonna be the hit of the conference.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh and you know what, it will be even better tomorrow, because I won't be constantly interrupted by Joey checking to see if they put chocolates on my pillow yet. (Someone knocks on the door, Ross goes to open and it's Joey, Rachel and Chandler).
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey guys!
    • ross
    • Ross
      The chocolates aren't here yet.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Damnit!
    • Charlie
      Ross just read me his speech. It's fantastic!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, is it on the computer, cuz I'd love to give it a read...?
    • ross
    • Ross
      If you want to check your email, just ask! (Chandler tries to look offended)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (offended) What? (pause) May I?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (looking out the window) What's with the rain, Geller? I mean, when I signed up for Dino Week, nobody said anything about it being monsoon season.
    • Charlie
      Actually the wet season is June to December.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      It's not the time Charlie.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (at the laptop) Oh, no, no, no dear God, no!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh what, did someone outbid you for the teapot? (Chandler looks annoyed at him and Joey leans in to him) Oh! Secret teapot?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Your computer, I don't know wha... everything's gone!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Wha... what do you mean? (Goes to the laptop)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      It must be a virus. I think it erased your hard drive.
    • ross
    • Ross
      What, oh my God. What did you do?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Someone I don't know sent me an e-mail and I opened it.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Why, why would you open it?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, it didn't say "This is a virus"!!
    • ross
    • Ross
      What did it say?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Nude... (Ross looks at him)... pictures of Anna Kournikova. I'm so sorry.
    • ross
    • Ross
      What... what am I gonna do? My speech is gone, Chandler!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      It's not gone! I mean, I'm sure you printed out a copy. You have a hard copy, right?
    • ross
    • Ross
      NO! I don't!!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, you must be pretty mad at yourself right now...!
    • [Time lapse
      Ross looks likes he's been trying to fix his computer but just closes it as if giving up]
    • joey
    • Joey
      It's really gone?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yep! I'd like to thank you guys for coming down here to complain about the rain and ruin my career!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I just feel awful.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, well you should! I mean, nude pictures of Anna Kournikova? I mean, she's never even won a major tournament!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, I tried Billy Jean King, but... (Ross glares at him) you know, you and Monica have the same "I'm gonna kill you" look...? I can usually make it go away by kissing her... (Ross continues to glare at him and Chandler leans in as if he's going to kiss Ross)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Get out! (Chandler runs out)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      You know, this happens all the time to my computer at work.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, what do you do?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, I usually go... play Tetris on somebody else's computer.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I can't believe this. I can't believe this is happening. I have to give the keynote speech tomorrow! Ok? I have to stand up in front of all these people. What am I gonna say?
    • joey
    • Joey
      I could teach you a speech that I memorized for auditions.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I don't think that your monologue from Star Wars is gonna help me right now, Joe!
    • Charlie
      Ross, we can solve this. I just heard your speech. We can recreate it! We've got all night!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Wha... what you really think we can do that?
    • Charlie
      Oh wait, Joey and I are supposed to have dinner (Looks at Joey).
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey don't worry about that! I mean, Ross needs you! And Rachel and I will stay and help anyway we can.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ugh.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Alright, ok, let's do it. (Ross sits down at the desk and they all gather around him) Uhm, I know we start by discussing the shortcomings of carbon dating... uhm, and then, then I move on to what is clearly the defining moment of the Mesozoic era, the breakup of Pangea, hello! (Rachel and Joey look confused) And then, there's the... eh... there's the overview of the Triassic.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, oh! Any chance any of this happened in a "Galaxy far, far away"? (Ross turns aroud and glares at him. Joey and Rachel decide to leave).
    • new scene
    • Scene 9

      Mike's apartment. His phone rings and he picks up

    • Mike
      Hello?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ok, Mike, enough is enough, now you love Phoebe and she loves you, so you need to get over your whole "I never want to get married" thing and step up!
    • Mike
      Who is this?
    • monica
    • Monica
      This is Monica! I'm Phoebe's friend. Listen, Phoebe is back with David and he's going to propose to her, and she is going to say "yes" but I know she really wants to be with you!
    • Mike
      (sounds shocked and sits down) He... he's gonna propose?
    • monica
    • Monica
      I... I'm sorry, did you say something? I can't hear through all this damned hair! (Tries to move her huge hair away from the phone, in vain)
    • Mike
      Look, if Phoebe wants to marry David, she should, I'm not gonna stand in the way of that and neither should you.
    • monica
    • Monica
      You don't tell me what to do! I tell you what to do! Just call her. She's at the Paradise Hotel in Barbados. And while I've got you, you've got curly hair. What do you do in humidity? (Mike hangs up the phone) Damnit!
    • (Chandler walks in)
    • monica
    • Monica
      (sarcastically) Well, I hope you're happy!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (pretending not to sense the tone) Oooh! I hope you're happy too, honey!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Phoebe is going to say "Yes" to David. See, that's what happens when you meddle in people's lives!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Phoebe is going to say "yes"? That's, that's great!
    • monica
    • Monica
      No it's not, b'cause she's still in love with Mike!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      And there's not chance that will work?
    • monica
    • Monica
      No, I called him. It's not gonna happen.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (pointing at her) Oooooooh! Meddler! Meddler!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well, if you hadn't meddled to start with, I wouldn't have had to go in there and meddle myself. Now, no matter how much we meddle, we will never be able to un-meddle the thing that you meddled up - in the first place!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      This vacation sucks!!
    • new scene
    • Scene 10

      The hall, full of paleontologists. Rachel and Joey are walking around

    • joey
    • Joey
      I'm so bored! Stupid rain, we... we can't do anything.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, I've brought some books. We could read.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey, it hasn't come to that yet.
    • (A waiter walks by carrying appetizers or something on a tray)
    • joey
    • Joey
      (stopping the waiter) Hey hey hey! Don't mind if I do!
    • Waiter
      I'm sorry sir, these are for the pharmaceutical convention (walks away)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey Rach, do you feel like going to a convention?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      We can't. We're not pharmacists!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (walking to a table with many badges on it) I know we're not, but (he picks up a badge) Frank Medeio and... (picks up another badge) Eva Trorro... womba...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (picking up another random badge) Kate Miller?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Kate Miller it is. (he picks up the Kate Miller badge and sticks it on Rachel's breast)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      And... that's the most sex I'm gonna have this weekend.
    • joey
    • Joey
      In that case should I make sure it's on real good? (he does so, repeatedly tapping on her breast and stroking it)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Thank you. (they walk away)
    • new scene
    • Scene 11

      Ross's room. Charlie is sitting on the bed, while Ross is walking up and down nervously

    • Charlie
      And then, and then you said that thing about, about bringing the Mesozoic era in the 21st century.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, that's it?
    • Charlie
      Yeah.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh my God, we did it! (he sits beside her and skims through her notes excitedly)
    • Charlie
      Actually I did it Ross. You remembered shockingly little of your own speech.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yes, but I did make a pyramid out of the bath products. This is amazing, thank you, thank you so much. (he leans in, and they look at each other for a moment) That's a pretty necklace.
    • Charlie
      Thank you.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey, what do you say we celebrate? Champagne? (he goes to get the champagne)
    • Charlie
      Oh yeah! Hey, save the cork and then we can fill the bottle with water and put it back so they don't charge you.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh my God, I love you.
    • Charlie
      Oh, this is such a cute picture of Emma. And is this your son... or just some kid whose picture you bring on vacation?
    • ross
    • Ross
      That's Ben, my son from my first marriage.
    • Charlie
      Your first marriage?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah.
    • Charlie
      You're married more than once?
    • ross
    • Ross
      No. (they clink glasses and drink)
    • Charlie
      So, why did you break up?
    • ross
    • Ross
      (embarassed) Oh, it was... it's complicated, you know? She... she was... eh... gay.
    • Charlie
      Oh my God, this is so cool!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Ok, odd thing to get excited about!
    • Charlie
      No, it's just... I was enganged to a guy who turned out to be gay!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey! High-five! (they high-five)
    • Charlie
      Didn't you feel so stupid that you didn't see the signs? My fiancé was always going away on these long weekends with his tennis partner.
    • ross
    • Ross
      My wife had a workout friend she went to the gym with everyday for a year. She didn't get any fitter.
    • Charlie
      Right and then everybody finds out and they're like
    • ross
    • Ross
      I know! It's like, if you knew, why didn't you tell me, you know? I mean, call, or leave a note: "Hi, I just dropped by to say your wife's gay"
    • Charlie
      I know!
    • ross
    • Ross
      And then, you try to make the best of a bad situation, so you float the idea of a threesome?
    • Charlie
      I didn't do that.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (embarassed) Me neither.
    • new scene
    • Scene 12

      the Pharmacist convention. Joey and Rachel are walking out of it, drinking cocktails

    • joey
    • Joey
      Well, who knew? Pharmacists are fun.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I know, that old lady at the end was ready to take you home.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Not enough pills in the world, Rach. What about you, you're the single one, seen anybody in there you like?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, let's see. There was a really big guy that I was talking to, with the really nice breasts...
    • joey
    • Joey
      But what about back home, anything going on there? Anybody you like?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (takes a sip from her drink, embarassed) No.
    • joey
    • Joey
      There it is, you're blushing!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No, I'm not blushing, I'm sunburnt! From, you know, the rain.
    • joey
    • Joey
      You like someone. Tell me who it is. Who is it? (tickles her a little)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Tell me who it is.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Joey! (she walks away; Joey goes after her teasing and tickling her)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Come on who? Who do you like? Tell me. You're not getting away that easy. Who do you like, who?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Joey, come on! It doesn't matter, you know, it's not like anything's gonna happen.
    • joey
    • Joey
      What? Why not? Rach, who can you not get?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh! (pause) Ok. Ok, you really wanna know who it is?
    • joey
    • Joey
      (eagerly) Yeah, who is that?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Do ya?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah.
    • (Ross and Charlie walk into the hall from Ross's room)
    • Ross and Charlie
      Hey!
    • (Joey smiles at them. Rachel looks annoyed)
    • Charlie
      (to Joey) I just left you a message! Ross and I were gonna go grab a bite, but now that you're here, maybe we can go have that dinner.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Right, of course. Hey, did you guys finish the speech?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yep, we got it, we got it. (To Charlie) Thank you so much.
    • Charlie
      I had a great time.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Alright, hey look, and this isn't over, because I really wanna know who...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Later! La...
    • Charlie
      So, shall we?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah. (they leave)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ok. See you, bye.
    • Charlie
      Bye.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Good night.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Night.
    • (Ross and Rachel watch them walk away and sigh. They look at each other, embarassed.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ok, good night!
    • new scene
    • Scene 13

      The restaurant. Chandler and Monica are sitting at a table

    • (Phoebe and David walk in)
    • monica
    • Monica
      I can't believe she's gonna say yes to David. She's clearly in love with Mike.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You know, it's very hard to take you seriously when you look like that.
    • (David and Phoebe sit down at a table close to Chandler and Monica's)
    • David
      Uh, Phoebe, uh, I have... something I wanna say.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh my God, he's gonna do it now. Please, I cannot watch this, let's go.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I think we have some time. Have you ever heard him talk? (doing David) "Uh, Phoebe, uh, I would be honoured, uh..." Spit it out, David!
    • David
      Uh, Phoebe, uh... (Chandler hits his own head) you're an amazing woman, and the time we spent apart was, was unbearable. Of course the sanitation strikes in Minsk didn't help!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Sure, ok, yeah.
    • David
      But well, now that we're together again, I don't ever want to be apart. So, to that end...
    • (David produces the ring. At the same time, Mike walks in, behind David)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh my God, Mike!
    • David
      It's David, actually!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No, Mike's here.
    • David
      (turns around) Hi Mike!
    • Mike
      Hi David. Chandler. Monica... (Looks at Monica, checking her big hair, aghast) Oh!
    • monica
    • Monica
      IT'S THE HUMIDITY!
    • Mike
      Hi Phoebe.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      What are you, what are you doing here?
    • Mike
      I have a question I need to ask you.
    • David
      I have a question I was kinda gonna ask her myself.
    • Mike
      Yeah, I understand, but before you do, she really needs to hear this.
    • David
      (annoyed) Ok, would you care for my seat as well?
    • Mike
      Actually yeah, that'll be great.
    • David
      That's fair, you've had a long trip. (he leaves his seat to Mike, and stands there looking for a chair. He finally goes to Monica and Chandler's table)
    • Mike
      Phoebe, I love you. I mean, I missed you so much these last few months and I thought we were apart for a good reason, but then I suddenly realized that there was no reason good enough to keep me from spending the rest of my life with you.
    • David
      Kinda stepped on the toes of what I was going to say.
    • Mike
      Sorry David, but she really has to know this.
    • David
      Alright, but after this I want to see you outside. If the rain stops.
    • monica
    • Monica
      You're the most incredible woman I've ever met. How can I lose you? (Phoebe looks very flattered) Now, I don't actually have a ring...
    • David
      I have a ring.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I wouldn't brag too much about that thing, big guy.
    • David
      Phoebe, will you marry me?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (smiles at him happily for a few seconds before answering) No!
    • David
      Uhm... Ha ha!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I love you. But I never needed a proposal from you. I just needed to know that we were headed somewhere, you know, that we had a future.
    • Mike
      We can have any future you want.
    • (they hold their hands, gazing at each other)
    • David
      Ok, I'm gonna take off.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      David, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry.
    • David
      Just so I know, if I had asked first...
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, I might have said yes, but that would have been wrong.
    • David
      Please, you don't have to explain. I mean, perhaps if I hadn't gone to Minsk things would have worked out for us. And I wouldn't have ruined my career, or lost that toe to frostbite. It was a good trip! (he leaves)
    • Mike
      Is it ok if I hug you now?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yes! (they hug)
    • monica
    • Monica
      (to everybody) BECAUSE OF OUR MEDDLING! Alright?
    • new scene
    • Scene 14

      Monica and Chandler's room. Monica and Chandler are in bed.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, ain't this nice? It's so quiet, I could just lie here all day.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I know (she snuggles to him)
    • (Rachel runs in)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (walking in hurriedly) Open your drapes! Open your drapes!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'm so glad we've got adjoining rooms!
    • (Rachel opens the drapes)
    • monica
    • Monica
      The sun is out!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey! Remember when I had corneas?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ok listen, you go down to the pool and reserve the chairs, and I'll get the magazines and the lotion.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Ladies? Ross's speech is in 45 minutes.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Nooo!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Damn it!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (from across the wall) Walls are pretty thin, guys!
    • new scene
    • Scene 15

      Conference room. Ross is making his keynote speech

    • ross
    • Ross
      Then we have to await the data from recent MRI scans and DNA testing which call into question information gathered from years of simple carbon dating.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Look at that woman sitting by the pool getting tan... so leathery and wrinkled, I'm so jealous!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Finally, factoring the profusion of new species recently discovered: Gigantosaurus, Argentinasaurus...
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (to a paleontologist sitting next to him) Not to mention the cold sores.
    • (the paleontologist glares at Chandler)
    • ross
    • Ross
      And that's just the herbivores. I'm not even gonna discuss the carnivores, their heads are already too big. Which is ironic considering their stunted cerebral development.
    • (all the paleontologists laugh)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (to the one sitting next to him) Really?
    • ross
    • Ross
      But all kidding aside, in much the same way that Homo ergaster is now thought to be a separate species from Homo erectus...
    • (Joey laughs)
    • Charlie
      What?
    • joey
    • Joey
      He said "erectus"!
    • Charlie
      You're... you're kidding, right?
    • joey
    • Joey
      No, he really said it.
    • ross
    • Ross
      ... and while there are certainly vast differences between these Mesozoic fossiles and the example of Homo erectus...
    • (Rachel laughs)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Erectus?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Homo.
    • new scene
    • Scene 16

      the hotel conference room

    • ross
    • Ross
      (concluding his speech)... in a very real way we can bring the Mesozoic era into the 21st century. (pauses) Thank you!
    • (Everybody stands up and applauds. Ross looks flattered and surprised. His friends and other members of the audience go to congratulate him)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, thanks guys!
    • Man with a bow tie
      (shaking hands with Ross) I thought... it was wonderful!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh!
    • Man with a bow tie
      Jarvis Oberblau, Cornell. (sighs) I mean, the ideas you put forth and, and from someone... so... young... and... (sighs again and smiles at Ross blissfully).
    • ross
    • Ross
      (with a frozen smile on his face, realizing something's wrong with Jarvis) Ok... now... now we're just holding hands! (pulls his hand away)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      All right! Well, uh... (to Monica) we're gonna hit the beach?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (to Ross, in a flattering tone) It was really... great!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, thank you so much!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah, and so funny!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh!
    • (Rachel, Joey and Chandler pat him on his shoulders and walk off, together with Monica)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (puzzled) Ok!... All right, thanks! Thank you so much, you guys! (to Phoebe) Oh, I can't tell you how much it means to me that you were here!
    • Mike
      (popping by, smiling) You're kidding, we wouldn't have missed it!
    • (Ross is dumbfounded to see Mike instead of David)
    • Mike
      Oh... I'm back!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (skating over, embarrassed) Ok!... Uh... excuse me? Yeah?
    • Phoebe & Mike
      Yeah! (they leave)
    • (Ross goes towards Charlie, who's conversing with a fellow paleontologist, and touches her shoulder to get her attention)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey! (she turns to him) Well...? (in expectation)
    • Charlie
      You were incredible!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah?
    • Charlie
      You blew them away!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, I can't tell you how great it was to look at the crowd and see your face! I mean... uh, did you know you were (giggles) mouthing the words along with me?
    • Charlie
      (smiling broadly) I was not!
    • ross
    • Ross
      No, it's ok! Made me feel like a rock star!
    • Charlie
      Oh my God! (pauses) I'm your groupie!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (joking) I'd better not found you naked in my hotel room!
    • (Ross giggles, but Charlie isn't amused at all.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (realizing his joke wasn't so good, but still giggling) Look, I took it too far!
    • new scene
    • Scene 17

      the hotel lobby. Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk in from the outside.

    • monica
    • Monica
      (her hair bigger then before) I can't believe it's raining again! Oh, it's so unfair!!!
    • (They approach the buffet, where a couple of paleontologists are sipping their drinks)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well, on the bright side, now you won't have to see all these paleontologists with their shirts off. (Grabs a drink and notices that the two men are upset) Not you guys. You got it going on!
    • (Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk away, sipping their drinks)
    • monica
    • Monica
      So, what are we gonna do today?
    • Mike
      They have a game room downstairs! Ping pong and stuff.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (pleasantly surprised) Ping pong? (to Chandler) Honey, they have ping pong! Let's play!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I don't think so!
    • monica
    • Monica
      (disappointed) Why not?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Because you know how competitive you get and well, I say it's cute, others disagree, and I'm lying!
    • monica
    • Monica
      I'm not always that bad!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, yeah? What happened when we played last time?
    • monica
    • Monica
      (hesitatingly) I punched you...?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      And...?
    • monica
    • Monica
      ... Phoebe...?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      ... and...?
    • monica
    • Monica
      I clunked your heads together!
    • (Chandler turns to Mike and gives him a "See what I mean?" look)
    • new scene
    • Scene 18

      Joey and Charlie's room

    • (Joey is sitting in an armchair and wearing a diving mask. He pulls out a grape from a bunch of fake grapes on the coffee table, puts it on the snorkel's breathing tube and blows it out, then giggles to himself)
    • Charlie
      (walking in) Hey! There you are!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey! (stands up) As soon as it stops raining we have got to go snorkeling! Some kid told me about the sea turtle and, if you blow bubbles in its face, it chases ya! (smiles ecstatic)
    • Charlie
      I'm sorry, I can't! I'm running a discussion group all afternoon.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (disappointed) Oh... oh, but that's ok, I'll find someone else to do it... I'll do it alone, but... I don't know what happens if the sea turtle catches you...
    • Charlie
      You know... I feel so bad! I haven't seen you this whole trip and (pauses) especially last night...
    • joey
    • Joey
      (interrupting her) Hey! Don't worry about it! It was fine! I ended up having the best time with Rachel! I just felt bad for you, stuck in that room, working on Ross's speech... (pulls a face)
    • Charlie
      Actually, it turned out to be a lot of fun!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (bewildered) Oh! Oh, well! At least we're both having fun!
    • Charlie
      Yeah...
    • (There's an awkward moment of silence)
    • Charlie
      ... is it weird that it's not with each other?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah! A little bit, yeah...
    • Charlie
      (sitting down on the bed) I think we need to talk...!
    • (pause)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah... I think we do... (sighs, with folded arms)... about what?
    • new scene
    • Scene 19

      the hotel game room. There is a ping pong table in the middle of the room. Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk in

    • monica
    • Monica
      C'mon guys, it'll be fun!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      All right, all right... I'll play if we don't keep score!
    • monica
    • Monica
      But then how do we know who wins?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Nobody wins!
    • monica
    • Monica
      So, we're just four losers... SUPER!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'm not playing with you.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, I'm out.
    • Mike
      I'll play ya!
    • monica
    • Monica
      (smiling) OK!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Mike, you don't know, you don't know what you're doing!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      She gets crazy! This scar (points to his forehead) is from Pictionary!
    • (Monica rolls her eyes)
    • Mike
      (disbelieving) I think I will be all right! (to Monica) You wanna volley a bit for a serve?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Sure! Got to!
    • (Monica and Mike start to play ping pong. Mike scores)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Aww!
    • Mike
      Oh, by the way... I'm awesome!!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (nearly whispering) Oh dear God, there's two of them!
    • Mike
      You're ready to play?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hell, yeah!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (to Phoebe) Did you know this about him?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No idea! I though he was soft like you!
    • Mike
      Wanna make it more interesting?
    • monica
    • Monica
      How much were you thinking?
    • Mike
      Ten bucks a game?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Make it fifty!
    • Mike
      I'll make it a hundred!
    • monica
    • Monica
      (nearly shouting) One thousand...
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (interrupting her) OK!
    • Mike
      To see who goes first, you got a quarter?
    • monica
    • Monica
      (going through her pockets) No... (to Chandler and Phoebe) Either of you girls got a quarter?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Honey, try to focus the trash talk on him!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (picks up a coin from her bra) Monica, you call it.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Heads! No, Tails! He-he-heads!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Tails!
    • monica
    • Monica
      (angry) Ow, what are the chances!
    • (They start playing again)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ha! My point!
    • Mike
      Oh, no! I don't think so! You know, according to standard table tennis rules if at any time a player uses his non racket bearing hand to touch the playing surface he or she forfeits the point.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (smiling proudly) He was a lawyer!
    • new scene
    • Scene 20

      Rachel's hotel room. She is watching the Weather Channel on TV.

    • Alexandra Steele
      (meteorologist) (pointing to the East Coast)... all these coasts having beautiful weather. In New York, it's 72 and sunny!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh! Weather bitch! (turns the TV off)
    • (Someone knocks on the door)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      It's open! (Joey walks in) Hi, Joe!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (downhearted) Hey...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (worried) What, is everything ok?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Uh... Charlie and I broke up.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Nooooo, why?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh well, she said we have nothing in common.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (laughing) Oh, that's crazy!
    • joey
    • Joey
      No, it's not, we have nothing in common!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      ... yeah, it's true.
    • joey
    • Joey
      I mean, she should be with someone like... Ross! You know what I mean, he uses all those big words too! Man, smart people are dull!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (pretending to be offended) What, hey!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (laughing sarcastically) Ok, Rach!
    • (He punches her on her shoulder mockingly, then goes and sits down on her bed)
    • joey
    • Joey
      I feel so stupid, you know? Why... why do I keep going after the wrong girls?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      W-What are you, what are you talking about?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, c'mon, I mean, there's you, then there's Charlie, and it's like... (sighs) What the hell is my problem? OH! (He falls back on the bed)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ok... uh... maybe you're not always going after the wrong girl...
    • joey
    • Joey
      (sitting up again) I'm telling you, Rach, Charlie is not right for me!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, I'm not talking about her...
    • joey
    • Joey
      But then who? The waitress I went out with last month? (gives her a meaningful look)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      You know? Forget it!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (stands up) No-no-no-no, no! Who, who were you talking about?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No, I-I-I-I don't, I actually don't know who I'm talking about! So!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Ok! All right, well... I'm gonna see if I can get a room for the night and I'll... I'll see you later!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, sure!
    • (Joey walks out, while Rachel is pensive. Once he's out of her room, he suddenly realizes who she was talking about and goes back in. He looks at her in disbelief and she looks like she was caught red-handed)
    • new scene
    • Scene 21

      Rachel's hotel room. Joey is standing at the door, facing Rachel

    • joey
    • Joey
      You like me? (shuts the door)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (nearly whispering) Ok, let's not make a big thing about this!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (shocked) That's a huge thing!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Not working with me, Joe! Here's the thing: lately I have been having thoughts (pauses) musings, if you will!
    • joey
    • Joey
      What... for how long?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Only like a month!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (outraged) A MONTH??
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What the... DIAL IT DOWN! (Joey goes to sit on the bed) Listen, ok, and maybe they're crazy thoughts, but sometimes I do, I have, I've been thinking about... you know, us! (looks at Joey, who's totally distraught) Ok, dial it up a little!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (stands up) I just have one question!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Shoot!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (desperate) What the hell are you doin'???
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I don't know, I'm not trying to do anything, it's just, we have such a good time when we're together, you know... I mean, aren't you just a... little curious... (insinuating) what that would be like?...
    • joey
    • Joey
      Uh, am I curious? I mean, I am as curious as... as... George!!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (puzzled) Who...?
    • joey
    • Joey
      CURIOUS GEORGE (see link)! You know, the monkey, and the guy with the yellow hat!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh yes, of course, I remember him!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah, he had a paper route.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, he did! (smiling) Oh, see, this is what I'm talking about!
    • joey
    • Joey
      No, I know, yeah I know we're great but Rach no... this... this can't happen!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      But can it... just... happen a little bit?
    • joey
    • Joey
      (charmed, but then recoiling) NO, NO! It can't happen at all!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      But why, why not?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Because... look, no one wants this to happen more than me, ok? (in a trembling voice) I have gone over this moment in my head a hundred times and not once did I ever say no! (sighs) I couldn't do it to Ross!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      But that wasn't gonna stop you before!
    • joey
    • Joey
      I know, I know! But I've thought about it a lot since, and it just wouldn't be right... (painfully) I'm sorry...!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (regretful) I'm sorry, too! (they look at each other sadly, then she recollects, and puts her hands over her eyes) OH GOD! I shouldn't have said anything!
    • joey
    • Joey
      NO! No-no-no-no-no-no! Hey! Hey, we'll be fine! Li... hey, like you said: no big deal!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      It's not a big deal!
    • joey
    • Joey
      NO BIG DEAL!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      It's so not a big deal!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah! I'll see ya later! Yeah!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ok!
    • (They shake hands, he walks out and shuts the door, then seems to change his mind, moves to open the door, than changes his mind again and leans over the door. Just then, Rachel opens the door)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ok, I...
    • (Joey falls backwards into the room)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      AAAHHHH!
    • (Joey hurriedly stands up, arms akimbo, gives her an embarrassed look and walks away)
    • new scene
    • Scene 22

      the hotel game room. Monica and Mike are still playing ping pong

    • monica
    • Monica
      Ooh! I'm sorry! I think, I THINK, that may have missed the table!
    • Mike
      Do you?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ah, yeah!
    • Mike
      Do you?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ah, yeaaah!
    • Mike
      DO YOU?
    • monica
    • Monica
      AH YEAAAAH!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (to Phoebe) Do you really find this attractive on him?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (looking at Mike) Oh, yeah! (turning to Chandler) Are you telling me you... you're not even... a little turned on by Monica, right now?
    • (Chandler turns to look at Monica, who has the biggest hair ever, is flushed and in a sweat, and is decidedly sniffing her armpits)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I think this is the first time in our marriage that I've felt like the more attractive one.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      C'mon Mike, you can beat her! Knock that dog off her head!
    • (Mike scores)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh, damn it!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (pointing at Mike and shouting) I sleep with him!
    • Mike
      (boasting) Game, point!
    • monica
    • Monica
      (threatening) Don't get too cocky! Remember I won the last one! Oh, by the way, how did that feel, losing to a girl?
    • Mike
      You know, you should really look in a mirror before you call yourself that.
    • (they continue to play ping pong and then Mike scores, winning the game)
    • monica
    • Monica
      NO, NO, NOOO!
    • Mike
      And that's how it's done! (Phoebe kisses him)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Okay-dokay, you've each won a game and I've lost what's felt like a year of my life. So everybody goes home a winner.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Best out of three?
    • Mike
      That's what I'm thinking.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Should I use my invisibility to fight crime or for evil?
    • monica
    • Monica
      (to Mike) Serve the ball, chump!
    • Mike
      (doing Monica and mumbling)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (to Mike) Ok Mike, better come back Mike, better come back.
    • new scene
    • Scene 23

      hotel's bar, Ross and Mr. Oberblau are talking

    • Mr. Oberblau
      I'm just saying, I have a cabin in the Adirondacks if you ever want to get away from the city, well, that'd be (pause) just nifty!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Ooh, well. Ah, I kinda have got a lot on my plate right now, not that I wouldn't love a weekend in the country with a strange man. (Mr. Oberblau giggles)
    • Woman
      Jarvis?
    • Mr. Oberblau
      (seeing her) Oh, you're back... (to Ross) this is my wife, Nancy.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Get Out!
    • (Charlie walks by)
    • Charlie
      Ross, can I talk to you for a minute?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yes, please! (they move and sit down on a sofa) So, what's going on?
    • Charlie
      Uh, well... Joey and I broke up.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh my God, wh-what happened?
    • Charlie
      Joey is a great guy, but we're just... so different! I mean, during your speech he kept laughing at homo erectus!
    • ross
    • Ross
      I knew that was him!
    • Charlie
      Anyway I just, uh, I think it's for the best.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (holding her hand) Hey, you ok?
    • Charlie
      I guess. There was hum... (she breathes deeply) there was another reason that I thought it was time to end it with Joey. I started to realize that I was having feelings for someone (pause) else.
    • (some paleontologists interrupt them)
    • Paleontologist
      (merrily) Ok Geller. Last day of the conference, you know what happens to the keynote speaker.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, professor Clerk we're kind of in the middle of a conversation, here.
    • Charlie
      Yeah, can you guys just throw him in the pool later?
    • Professore Clerk
      Or we could throw you both in now!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (standing) Ok, gentlemen! Please! Aren't we a little old for this? I mean, we're scientists, right? We're academics. And most importantly I... you-you will have to catch us first. (he starts to run away with Charlie). GO, GO, GO! (the paleontologists starts chasing them)
    • new scene
    • Scene 24

      game room, Monica and Mike are still playing ping pong

    • (Chandler and Phoebe look bored to death. Monica scores and laughs)
    • Mike
      Ok, so it's a tie again, 41 to 41.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (exhausted) Ok, look! Enough is enough!
    • monica
    • Monica
      No, I have just to have two more points to beat him!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Monica, that was also true an hour ago! I mean, please, look at you! Your hand is blistered, you can barely stand, your hair is inexplicable! Ok, you've already proven you are just as good as he is, now we've missed our dinner reservations, so now let's just go upstairs, order room service, take a shower and shave your head!
    • monica
    • Monica
      I can't just walk away! I've put in four hours!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      But...
    • monica
    • Monica
      Look! You knew this about me when you married me! You agreed to take me in sickness and in health. Well, this is my sickness!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What about the obsessive cleaning?
    • monica
    • Monica
      That's just good sense!
    • (they start playing again; suddenly Monica hits the table with her hand)
    • monica
    • Monica
      (in pain) Aww! (she holds her hand, moaning like she's biting back a scream)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You ok?
    • monica
    • Monica
      No, no, no. Honey, I'm ok. Shake it off! (she shakes the wrist and it's more painful) Oh, no! No shaking, no shaking! Ooh! Ooh! (pause) Oh my God! I can't play!
    • Mike
      So you forfeit?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Mike wins?
    • monica
    • Monica
      I can't believe it! (pause) I lost!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      No, you didn't.
    • monica
    • Monica
      What?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Because I'm gonna play for ya.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      You can't do that!
    • Mike
      Oh, that's ok. I don't care which of them I beat.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ok, we're taking that paddle home, mister.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (to Chandler) Honey, you don't have to do this.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (In a loving voice) Yes, I do. Now, I may not understand why you have to win so badly, but if it's important to you then it's important to me, because I love you.
    • monica
    • Monica
      But... you suck!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (Still in a loving voice) You're welcome, sweetheart.
    • (Chandler prepares to play)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      All right Mike, let's get this over with. Sudden death. Whoever wins this point, wins.
    • Mike
      Ok!
    • (They start playing and Chandler does not suck at all)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh my God! You're good!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      It's like watching porn!
    • (Chandler scores and wins the match)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      And that's... how... it's done!
    • monica
    • Monica
      (to Chandler) Oh my God. That was so amazing! When did you (pause) Hold on! I almost forgot (she turns to Mike) loser! (back to Chandler) When did you stop sucking?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I never sucked, I actually didn't want you to know how good I was!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Why?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I don't know.
    • monica
    • Monica
      This is so great! Now we can enter into doubles tournaments!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      That's why!
    • new scene
    • Scene 25

      Hotel's bar. Ross is running to Charlie trying not to be seen with two cocktails in his hands. She's hidden behind a huge plant

    • Charlie
      Thanks!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hi.
    • Charlie
      Are they still looking for us?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah. The bartender said that they split up into two search parties, the herbivores and the carnivores. (pause) You know, we as a group are not the coolest.
    • (Three paleontologists walk by and Ross hugs Charlie trying not to be seen)
    • ross
    • Ross
      I don't think they saw us.
    • Charlie
      I don't think they did.
    • (They realize that they are hugging closely and he draws back)
    • Charlie
      Hum, so, I started to say you something earlier, hum... (pause) There was another reason I realized it was time to end it with Joey. I kind of realized I... was starting to have feelings... for someone else.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (apparently unruffled) Oh. Can I... can I ask who?
    • Charlie
      I think you know.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I think I know too but I've been really wrong about this stuff in the past, so...
    • (Charlie kisses Ross, they stop for a moment and then he kisses her back)
    • ross
    • Ross
      I'm sorry... we... we can't.
    • Charlie
      All right, all right.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I mean, you just went out with my best friend, and I just think it'd be a really really bad idea. (pause) Or-or not! (they kiss passionately)
    • (Joey walks in and sees Ross and Charlie kissing. He gives a faint, rueful smile, then he seems to recollect something and suddenly he moves back to Rachel's room. He knocks on her door and she opens)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What?
    • (Joey says nothing, but enters the room and kisses her. They are kissing passionately only to stop for a brief "oh" from Rachel. They continue their passionate kiss and Joey closes the door with his foot and it shuts in the camera's "face". And that's the end of the ninth season.)
    • END