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  •  /  Friends  /  S03E25 The One At The Beach


    • new scene
    • Scene 1

      Central Perk, everyone except Phoebe is there. Bonnie is telling them of her sex-capades.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (to Bonnie) So ah, your first sexual experience was with a woman?!
    • Bonnie
      All right, I was 15, it was my best friend, Ruth, and we got drunk on that hard cider, and then suddenly, I don't know, we were, we were making out.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Tell it again. (pause, we see Rachel is not amused.) Seriously.
    • [cut to Rachel and Monica at the counter.]
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (to Monica) I mean is that woman capable of talking about anything else but sex?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah, sure. Well y'know, earlier she was talking about geography.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Joey, she was listing the countries she's done it in.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well, I think we all learned something.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (entering, hurridly) Hey, you guys! Look what I found! Look at this! (She hands Chandler a picture) That's my Mom's writing! Look.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (reading the back of the picture) Me and Frank and Phoebe, Graduation 1965.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Y'know what that means?
    • joey
    • Joey
      That you're actually 50?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No-no, that's not, that's not me Phoebe, that's her pal Phoebe. According to her high school yearbook, they were like B.F.F. (Ross and Bonnie look at her quizzically) Best Friends Forever.
    • Everyone
      Oh!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      That is so cool.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I know! So this woman probably could like have all kinds of stories about my parents, and she might even know like where my Dad is. So I looked her up, and she lives out by the beach. So maybe this weekend we could go to the beach?
    • Everyone
      Yeah! Yeah, we can!
    • Bonnie
      (to Ross) Shoot! I can't go, I have to work!
    • ross
    • Ross
      That's too bad.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (sarcastic) Ohh, big, fat bummerrr.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      So great! Okay! Tomorrow we're gonna drive out to Montauk.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey, Bonnie had sex there!
    • (Rachel turns and gives him a look, and Joey quickly apologises.)
    • OPENING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 2

      Outside Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are waiting for Phoebe to arrive with the cab.

    • monica
    • Monica
      (watching a happy couple walk by, arm in arm) Would you look at them. Am I ever gonna find a boyfriend again? I gonna die an old maid.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You're not gonna die an old maid, maybe an old spinster cook.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (sarcastic) Thanks!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey now besides, if worst comes to worst, I'll be your boyfriend.
    • (At that suggestion Monica starts laughing.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah right.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Why is that so funny?
    • monica
    • Monica
      You made a joke right? So I laughed.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Ha-ha-ha. A little to hard. What am I not ah, boyfriend material?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well, no. You're Chandler. Y'know, Chandler! (hits him on the arm)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Okay, so we've established my name, and hit me. But theoretically y'know, I mean say we weren't friends, say it's a blind date. I show up at your door, and I'm like (in a fake voice) "Hey, nice to meet, ya. Hey, oh-hey."
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well I'd probably be scared of a guy using a fake voice.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (walking up carrying a brown paper bag) Hey!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh, hey! Oh good, you brought food!
    • joey
    • Joey
      No, it's just my luggage.
    • (Phoebe drives up.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey!!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Woo-hoo! All right! Yeah!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, I am having the best karma this week. First, I find this woman who knew my parents, and then my client with the fuzzy back gives me his beach house.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah? What about ah, that bike messenger you hit?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, I wasn't talking about his karma.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (approaching) Hey!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey-hey, check out the hat!
    • (She is wearing this giant straw hat, the brim on it must be at least, least foot wide.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What a minute, I know that hat! I was taken aboard that hat! They did experiments on me! I can't have children!!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Seriously, where did you get the hat?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ross gave it to me.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, I think she looks good.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ohh, thank you.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Buy it for ya, or win it for ya?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well excuse me, my fashion-impaired friends, I am here to tell you that hats are back.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      And this time, they've ganged up to form one giant, super hat.
    • new scene
    • Scene 3

      At the Beach, it's raining cats and dogs as the gang arrives. Chandler and Monica are taking shelter under Rachel's hat.

    • ross
    • Ross
      Go, go, go!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh yeah, now everybody wants to be under this hat!
    • (They get inside and notice on small problem.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oy!!
    • monica
    • Monica
      What's with all this sand? (picking a handful of sand off of the floor, which is covered in sand)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, yeah, Bob said there might be flood damage.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, either that, or he has a really big cat.
    • new scene
    • Scene 4

      Phoebe Sr. house, she is a real estate agent and is trying to sell a house over the phone. By the way, it's still raining outside.

    • Phoebe Sr
      Well, yes, it's kind've an unusual house. It has umm, three beautiful bedrooms and ah, no baths. But y'know, the ocean is right there.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (at the door) Knock, knock, knock.
    • Phoebe Sr
      (on phone) Ah, oh, hang on a second. (to Phoebe) Come in, come in. (on phone) All right, so think about it, and call me back. (hangs up)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (entering) Are you ah, Phoebe Abott?
    • Phoebe Sr
      Ahh, yes.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hi Phoebe Abott, I'm your best friends daughter!
    • Phoebe Sr
      You're Erwin's daughter?!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No, I-I mean your-your old best friend, here. (hands her the picture) Lily, from high school. Remember?
    • Phoebe Sr
      Oh gosh, Lily, yes. Of course I remember Lily. I... Then you must be?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (points to herself) Phoebe. (points to her) Phoebe. Phoebe, yeah. She named me after you I guess.
    • Phoebe Sr
      Uh-huh. Wow! Well, look! There's Frank. (points to the picture.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yes!! Yes! Yes! Yes!! That's my Dad, that's Frank! Yeah! I'm sorry I'm getting all flingy.
    • Phoebe Sr
      Take it easy--if you want, there's cookies on the counter, or, or--sangria! (jumps up) I can make sangria!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No-no, sorry. Cookies are good, thanks.
    • Phoebe Sr
      Oh.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (goes and gets some cookies) Well, so, umm, anyway umm, I've been, I've been looking for my Father, and umm, have you heard from him, or seen him?
    • Phoebe Sr
      Oh no, I-I'm sorry, I guess we lost track of everybody after high school.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (disappointed) Oh, okay. Well, so tell me everything about my parents. Everything.
    • Phoebe Sr
      Ohh, well. Y'know we were always together, in fact the had a nickname for the three of us.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, what? What was it?
    • Phoebe Sr
      The three losers. Oh, poor Lily. (Phoebe notices a picture on the fridge, takes it, and puts it in her pocket.) Ohh, y'know I-I heard about what happened, that must have been just terrible for you, losing your mother that way.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (happily) Yeah, no, it was great.
    • new scene
    • Scene 5

      The beach house, it's still raining. Chandler is building a sand castle, Rachel is doing Monica's nails, and they're all drinking margaritas, obviously bored.

    • joey
    • Joey
      (getting an idea) Hey, y'know what a really good rainy day game is?
    • monica
    • Monica
      What?!
    • joey
    • Joey
      I mean naked game. Strip poker, we should totally play strip poker.
    • Everyone
      No, no!
    • monica
    • Monica
      What are you crazy?!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Come on! When you go away, you-you have to play, it's like a law!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (to Monica) Allll done!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Aww, thank you.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay, who's next?! (She looks around the room, and stops when she comes to Ross.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      No-o-o! (Rachel gives him a "Please?" look.) No way!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Come on, please?! I'm boredddd! You let me do it once before.
    • (Ross shoots Joey a look, who shoots Chandler a look, who gives Joey an "Oh my God." look back.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah well, if ah, if that's the rule this weekend... (She gets up) No!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yes! (she starts creeping up on him)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Get away!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Just once!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Stay away!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Take it like a man, Ross!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (he gets up and starts to run away from her) No! (in his escape attempt he crushes Chandler's sand castle) No!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, come on!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Big bullies!!
    • (Ross dives over the couch, Rachel goes the other way, and lands up top of him.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Ow! Ow! Oh, no-no-no!
    • (They get into a wrestling match, that ends with Ross making Rachel paint her forehead with the nail polish. They both end up lying next to each other, stop, and look at each other for a moment.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (entering) Oh, hey!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, so, how are we doing?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Bored and bored!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey, you know what naked card game is never boring?
    • Everyone
      Noo!!
    • monica
    • Monica
      (to Phoebe) So what's Phoebe like?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I'm kind, caring, and sweet. What's Monica like?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ah no, the other Phoebe, the one you went to go see.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ohh, I think she knows where my Dad is.
    • joey
    • Joey
      What?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Really?!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh well, where is he?!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      She was acting, she was pretending like she hasn't heard from him on years, but I found this picture on her fridge, and look (shows Monica)! Isn't this what he would look like now?
    • monica
    • Monica
      (gasps) Totally familiar. (Phoebe shows the rest of them.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, yeah.
    • The Guys
      Yeah!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well, why would she lie to you?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I don't know, but we're having dinner tomorrow night, so I figured, she's gonna tell me then. Y'know maybe she just wanted to give him time to, buy me presents, I don't know! So, you're all bored?
    • Everyone
      Ohh!!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yes!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      All right, I'm gonna close my eyes and point to someone, and you, whoever I point has to come up with something fun for us to do, and we have to do it.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Okay, all right.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Fan out! Fan out!
    • (They do so, and Phoebe gets in the middle, closes her eyes, and starts spinning in a circle.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay. (Starts to spin) Ooh, y'know we could just do this. (She stops at Chandler)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Okay, umm, we all have to play strip poker.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (jumping in triumph) OH YES!!!!!
    • [cut to later]
    • monica
    • Monica
      Strip Happy Days Game?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah, well, I couldn't find any cards, so it was either this or Strip Bag Of Old Knitting Stuff.
    • (Monica rolls, and Ross goes first.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay, (reading the card) Fonzy gives you two thumbs up, collect two cool points. Yeah.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Monica, if you get five cool points, you get to make somebody take off one item of clothing. It hasn't happened yet, but we're all very excited.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay, come on! (blows on the dice) Daddy needs a new pair of electromagnetic microscopes for the Prehistoric Forensics Department! (They all look at him, and he shuts up and rolls the dice.) (he moves his piece) Okay. (reading a card) Take Pinky Tuscadero up to Inspiration Point, collect three cool points!! Yeah! Which gives me five, and let's see who is gonna lose their clothes. Ummmm, I think I pick our strip poker sponsor Mr. Joey Tribianni.
    • The Girls
      Woo-hooooo!!!!
    • joey
    • Joey
      All right, relax. It's just a shoe.
    • Everyone
      Wooooo!!!!
    • [cut to later in the game]
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (reading a card) Okay, your band is playing at Arnold's, collect three cool points. Which means, I have five, and that means I get Joey's boxers!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Fine. Gang up on me! I got you all right where I want you.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Come on, take 'em off!!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Actually, y'know it's kinda cold, so how about I keep my boxers on, and give you all a peek at the good stuff?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (getting up) All right, I'm gonna make more margaritas! (She pours the rest of the pitcher into Ross's glass.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Whoa, hey! What are doing? Trying to get me drunk?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I'm just making margaritas.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I think I'll help her out. (She gets up to go over and help Rachel, and reveals she has no pants.) (to Rachel) What is going on here?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What?!
    • monica
    • Monica
      You painting his toenails?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, come on!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Chasing him all around the room?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Monica, please?
    • monica
    • Monica
      He's totally flirting with you too.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (pause) He is, isn't he? I don't know, I don't know, I mean maybe it's just being here at the beach together or, I don't know. But it's like something... (she's interrupted by the sound of Bonnie entering)
    • Bonnie
      Hey!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey! (Rachel is shocked) Hi Bonnie!
    • Bonnie
      Hi! My boss let me off early, so I took the train.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh.
    • Bonnie
      What are you guys doing?!
    • joey
    • Joey
      We're playing Strip Happy Days Game!
    • Bonnie
      Cool! I'll catch up! (She takes off her sweater.)
    • COMMERCIAL BREAK
    • new scene
    • Scene 6

      The beach house, the next morning. Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen eating breakfast.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      So, you still don't think I'm boyfriend material?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Huh?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I saw you checking me out during the game last night.
    • monica
    • Monica
      You didn't even take off your pants.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah, well, lucky for you.
    • monica
    • Monica
      What?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I don't know.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (entering) Well! Is everybody else having just the best time?!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Shhh! Shhhh! Joey's asleep.
    • (Joey is sleeping on the floor and is buried in sand that has been carved into a mermaid complete with breasts.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      After he passed out, we put the sand around him to keep him warm.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well I assume the ah, happy couple isn't up yet. Did you guys hear them last night?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, yeah, I don't know what they were doing, but at one point sea turtles actually came up to the house.
    • (Ross and Bonnie enter)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Good morning.
    • Everyone
      Hey.
    • Bonnie
      Hey! How did everybody sleep?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, great.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Like a log.
    • Ross and Bonnie
      Us too.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I'm going for a walk.
    • (Joey finally wakes up.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (to Joey) Good morning. Nice breasts by the way.
    • (Joey looks down and his look turns from shock to satisfaction.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 7

      The porch, Bonnie is coming back from swimming, Rachel is reading.

    • Bonnie
      Hey, what happened to you?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, ah nothin'. I just felt like hangin' out here and reading.
    • Bonnie
      Oh, the water was sooo great! We jumped off this pier and my suit came off.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ohhhh, sorry I missed that.
    • Bonnie
      Yeah, Joey and Chandler sure are funny.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ohh-ha-ha!
    • Bonnie
      I think I brought back half of the beach in my hair. It was so much easier when I used to shave my head.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Y'know, I gotta tell ya, I just loved your look when you were bald.
    • Bonnie
      Really?!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ohh!
    • Bonnie
      Because I think about shaving it all off again sometime.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Really?!
    • Bonnie
      Yeah!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I mean you definitely should do that.
    • Bonnie
      Y'know what, I should do it.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah!
    • Bonnie
      Yeah, thank you Rachel, you are soo cool.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Awww, stop. Come on. Now go shave that head!
    • Bonnie
      All right.
    • (As Bonnie goes to do just that, Rachel smiles to herself, proud of what she's done.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 8

      The beach house, at night. Phoebe is hangs up the phone, and gently pushes one of the stools over.

    • joey
    • Joey
      What's the matter, Pheebs?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      She cancelled! My namesake cancelled on me!
    • joey
    • Joey
      What?!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, she clamed she had to go out of town suddenly. She's avoiding me, she doesn't want to tell me where my Father is. She knows, and she won't tell me.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Aww Pheebs, that sucks!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, well, don't "Aww Pheebs, that sucks!" me yet. (she starts to leave)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Where ya going?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well, she's out of town so, there's gotta be something in her house that tells me where my Father is.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Uh, Pheebs, some people call that breaking and entering.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well, are any of those people here?!
    • Everyone
      Oh, no!! No, no!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay, look I-I-I do something nice, okay? I'll-I'll fill her ice trays.
    • (She exits just as Bonnie comes down the stairs, as bald as Michael Jordan.)
    • Bonnie
      Hey, everybody!
    • Everyone
      Wow!! (they all recoil in shock and horror)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Wh-haa-haa! Look what 'cha did! (Rachel has her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing.)
    • Bonnie
      You wanna touch it?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Nooo, but it, but it's great.
    • Bonnie
      Come on, touch it!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay. (He gently touches it.) You can feel all the bones in your skull.
    • new scene
    • Scene 9

      Outside the beach house, Ross is coming out to talk to Rachel.

    • ross
    • Ross
      Hi.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hi!
    • ross
    • Ross
      I was having a little chat with ah, Bonnie, and ah, guess what, she-she happened to bring up y'know, who was behind the um, whole head shaving idea, and now, who was it? Oh, that's right, that's right, it was you!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      That was her idea, I just gave her a nudge.
    • ross
    • Ross
      She said you gave her the razor!
    • Bonnie
      (joining them) Hey guys.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hey!
    • Bonnie
      So, anyone up for a midnight dip in the ocean?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Ahh, no, I'm good.
    • Bonnie
      Okay, I'll see you in a bit.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay, have fun! Wooo!!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Come on see, she doesn't look that bad.
    • ross
    • Ross
      You can see the moonlight bouncing off her head! What the hell were you thinking?!!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I don't know.
    • ross
    • Ross
      You don't know?! Rach, you balded my girlfriend!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      All right! Ross, do you think it's easy for me to see you with somebody else?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Y'know, hey! You're the one who ended it, remember?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, because I was mad at you, not because I stopped loving you!
    • ross
    • Ross
      You still love me?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Noo.
    • ross
    • Ross
      You still love me.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, y-yeah, so, you-you love me!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Noo, nnnnn. What does this mean? What do you, I mean do you wanna, get back together?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Noo! Maybe! I, I don't know. Ross, I still can't forgive you for what you did, I can't, I just, but sometimes when I'm with you I just, I feel so...
    • ross
    • Ross
      What?!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I just, I feel, I-I just...
    • ross
    • Ross
      What?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I feel...
    • (Ross leans in and kisses her. They both look at each other for a moment, and then embrace in a more passionate kiss, only to be interrupted by Joey and Chandler coming outside.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (to Joey) Noo!! I don't care! I'm not, I'm not gonna playing one-on-one strip poker with you for practice!
    • (Rachel and Ross both stop kissing, and quickly step back from each other.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      But I made cards!!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well! Good night. (to Ross) I'm going upstairs.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      G'night.
    • (Rachel walks inside, stops, and turns back to look at Ross for a moment then goes upstairs.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      (to Ross) Wanna play strip poker for practice?
    • new scene
    • Scene 10

      Phoebe Sr.'s house, Phoebe is breaking in through a window.

    • (She throws her bag inside, and starts to climb through the window. She gets halfway in and the window slams shut on her butt.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ow! My ass. Okay. Okay. (She manages to climb completely inside and the window slams shut.) Oh, shhh!
    • (She starts walking across the darkened room and hits her head on a wind chime hanging from the ceiling, to stop it from making a noise she grabs it and "Shhh's" it. She goes into the kitchen and finds Phoebe Sr.'s appointment book, to read it she opens the freezer. Just as she starts to read, Phoebe Sr. jumps out from her bedroom with a coat hanger, startling Phoebe.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No! No!! It's me! It's me! I-I didn't want to make any noise!
    • Phoebe Sr
      Then don't break in!!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I'm sorry.
    • Phoebe Sr
      What are you doing here?!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I-I, came to fill your ice cube trays.
    • Phoebe Sr
      What?!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Umm, okay, okay, look. I took this picture from your fridge. Okay, because I know that this is my Father. Yeah, this is Frank Buffay and you are standing right there next to him. Now, look I deserve to know where I came from. All right? So if you can help me find my Father then you should! Otherwise, you're just mean! (pause) So, just tell me the truth!
    • Phoebe Sr
      All right, the man in the picture is Chuck Magioni.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      My Father is Chuck Magioni?
    • Phoebe Sr
      No, no, that's just Chuck Magioni, I-I sold him a house last year! And I'm very sorry, but I don't know where your Father is, and that's the truth.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh.
    • Phoebe Sr
      But umm, you're right. I think that a person should know where they come from. Wh-which is why I ah, (pause) ahh, (pause) okay. I'm your mother.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Heh?
    • Phoebe Sr
      Y'know I wanted to tell you yesterday, but I just, I kinda felt all floopy, and...
    • (At that Phoebe's eyes open in shock.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 11

      Outside the beach house, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler what happened with Rachel.

    • joey
    • Joey
      I'm telling ya, you guys are totally getting back together!
    • ross
    • Ross
      That's not true! Her, she doesn't even know what she wants! Rachel's still mad about the whole thing.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Okay, then you gotta back away, all right? You don't need that kind've hurt. Take it from a guy who's never had a long term relationship......
    • ross
    • Ross
      I know, but ahhhhhh!! I really wanna go up there and finish that kiss!
    • Bonnie
      (coming back from her swim) Hey!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Ahhhh! (Steps away from her.)
    • Bonnie
      You guys, the water's great. You should really go in.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, ahh, no thanks, I just had an M&M.
    • Bonnie
      Okay, well g'night.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Good night.
    • Bonnie
      (kisses Ross) Don't be too long.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okey-dokey!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      There is not one hair on that head.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey, it'll grow back, right? And she-she's really fun, and she's cool, and-and I'm finally moving on. Y'know? I mean getting over Rachel was so (makes an incoherent nasal sound), y'know? Y'know, and I'm finally feeling sane again. And now if I go up there, and-and I kiss her, and, Gooood I wanna kiss her, and-and-and it doesn't work out, right? Do I really wanna put myself through that again?
    • joey
    • Joey
      So let me get this straight. If you go with Bonnie tonight, you're doing the smart, healthy thing and moving on.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Right, and you go with Rachel, Bonnie's free tonight?
    • new scene
    • Scene 12

      The hallway between the bedrooms. Ross is coming upstairs and stops between two doors. He looks at the one on the right, then he looks at the one on his left, thinks about it, and goes in the one on his right.

    • ross
    • Ross
      (entering the bedroom) Hi. (closes the door)
    • CLOSING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 13

      The beach house, Chandler is simulating he's coming to pick up Monica for a date. Chandler knocks on the door, and Monica answers it.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (in a fake voice) Hi there.
    • monica
    • Monica
      That's that weird voice again.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Okay! Okay! Let me try it again, you're gonna wanna date this next guy, I swear!
    • (Monica closes the door, Chandler knocks, and Monica opens it to reveal Chandler on his knees.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hi! I'm Dorf! You're date for the evening. (Monica walks away in disgust) Oh come on! Dorf on dating, that's good stuff!!
    • END