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  •  /  Friends  /  S03E22 The One With The Screamer


    • new scene
    • Scene 1

      Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is on the phone, Chandler and Monica are sitting in the living room, and Ross is in the kitchen as Rachel enters from her bedroom.

    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, Phoebe, are you still on hold? I was supposed to call my Dad back like two hours ago.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, yeah, he clipped on, he said call him as soon as you get a chance, he's at Flimby's.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What's Flimby's?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, yeah, that's the word I use when I can't remember the real thing.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay. Hang up! That's it! Come on!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No! Rachel, that's what they want me to do. My warranty expires tomorrow, if I don't get through, they're not gonna fix my crappy, broken phone for free! We cannot let them win! It's us versus them!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Ye-e-es!!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (entering) Hey.
    • Everyone
      Hey.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Uh, listen I gotta double check for tickets tonight. Who-who got what?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I had one.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I need two. I'm bringing Pete. My boyfriend. I have a boyfriend now!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Two it is. Ross, how about you?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Uh, yeah, I ah, I also need two.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Really? Who's number two?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Who's number two? One of the more difficult games sewer workers play.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Uh, no, it's-it's just this person.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Like a date type (looks at Rachel) person?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, kinda. It's this woman from work. I hope that won't be too weird. Will it, Rach?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No. No, not at all, not at all. I actually was gonna bring someone myself, so...
    • joey
    • Joey
      But you said one.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I meant, me plus one!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Okay. (to Phoebe and Chandler) Did ah, you guys mean you plus one?
    • ross
    • Ross
      All right, I'll see you tonight.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Okay.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay, bye-bye!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Bye!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Bye-bye!
    • (Ross exits)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay, I need a date! (runs to her bedroom)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, hey, you guys are finally gonna get to meet Kate!
    • Everyone
      Oh!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (to Chandler) And I ah, borrowed some of your cologne. I hope she likes it.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Joey, what are you doing?! It's never gonna happen, she's seeing somebody.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah, and I don't have any cologne.
    • joey
    • Joey
      The green bottle next to the shaving cream.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh! Worm medicine for the duck.
    • (In horror, Joey wipes his neck and smells it.)
    • OPENING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 2

      Monica and Rachel's, Monica is getting ready to go to Joey's premiere and Phoebe is still on hold.

    • monica
    • Monica
      (to Phoebe) Here you go. You can wear this. (hands her a sweater)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Thanks!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Uh-huh.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay. (on phone) Ooh, I'm setting the phone down. (does so) But I'm still here! Just don't go anywhere I'm still here. (starts to put on the sweater) Don't-don't switch or anything, 'cause I'm, I'm right here. (She has pulled the sweater over her head, but her head is stuck in a sleeve.) Just one sec. One sec! One second!! (She is now frantically trying to get the sweater on, as Monica returns from the bathroom.) Wait! One second! Just...
    • monica
    • Monica
      Phoebe?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      What?! Monica, I'm scared!!
    • monica
    • Monica
      All right. Honey, that's-that's a sleeve. Okay?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah.
    • monica
    • Monica
      And! We also have speaker phone. (She turns on the speaker phone.)
    • Hold Voice
      Please, stay on the line. Your call is important to us.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay, wait, you gotta hang up 'cause we're gonna be late.
    • (Phoebe starts to hang up the phone, but...)
    • Hold Voice
      Thank you for your patience, you're the next caller.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yes!! Yes!! I'm the next caller! You were gonna have me hang up.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (entering, carrying the chick and duck) Hey! Can you take a duck and a chick to the theatre?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Of course not.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Okay. I just wanted them to hear it from somebody else.
    • new scene
    • Scene 3

      Joey's Premiere, Rachel is already there with her date, Tommy who's played by Ben Stiller who will be in There's Something About Mary and Meet The Parents, as Ross and his date, Cailin, arrive.

    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey, hey Rach!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, hi!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hi!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      How are you? (She goes to kiss him on the cheek, but stops because of the dates and pats him on the shoulder.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Good.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hey.
    • ross
    • Ross
      So it's looks like we're the first ones here.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, looks that way. First ones here! Wooo!!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yay!!
    • (An awkward silence follows.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh! Tommy, this is Ross. Ross, Tommy.
    • Tommy
      Hey.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey. Oh, I'm sorry, this is Cailin.
    • (They all try and shake hands at once. They end up criss-crossing they're arms to shake each other's hand, and Ross says...)
    • ross
    • Ross
      And! Break!!
    • (Awkward laughter follows.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay, uhh, I think I'm going to run to the ladies room.
    • Tommy
      Okay.
    • Cailin
      I'll join you.
    • Tommy
      I'll get our seats.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay. (The girls leave.) (to Tommy) So uh, well, this-this is uh, this is awkward.
    • Tommy
      Yeah?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well y'know 'cause Rachel and I used to go out.
    • Tommy
      Oh, I didn't, I didn't know that.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh! Well then this is awkward. So what do you uh...
    • Tommy
      I think we're here.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh! Yeah.
    • Tommy
      Yeah.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay. (sees two people sitting in their seats.) Uh, huh. Excuse me, I'm sorry, I-I think you may be in our seats.
    • Man
      Umm, no, I don't think so.
    • Tommy
      Can-can we take a look at your ticket?
    • Man
      Sure. (Hands him the ticket.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (looking at ticket) Yep! Yeah, see this says D-13, and uh...
    • Man
      Oh, well I thought that ah...
    • Tommy
      Oh, you thought, huh? Yeah, well that didn't really work out too well for you did it you idiot!! What are you?! A moron!! Huh?! It says D-13! Okay?! Look you're surrounded by even numbers!! Did that give you some clue?!
    • Man
      Uh, the usher told us to come...
    • Tommy
      Oh! Oh! The usher must be right! What, with all that training they go through! Get out!! (They start to leave.) Here! (He throws him back his ticket.) (to Ross, calmly) Hey man, you want the aisle?
    • ross
    • Ross
      No, I'm good. (He sits down, stunned.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 4

      The Theatre, at the post premiere party. The gang is already there, except Phoebe. Joey runs in.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (seeing Joey) There he is!
    • monica
    • Monica
      There's our star!
    • joey
    • Joey
      So, so, what'd ya think?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Almost as good as that play with the two naked girls on the see-saw.
    • joey
    • Joey
      I-I wasn't in that.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I know.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (sees Kate) Oh-oh, hey-hey, Kate! Listen I want you to meet everybody. Everybody, this is Kate.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hi!
    • The Director
      (stepping in) Excuse me. Excuse me. (to Kate) Sweetheart! (Kisses her.) Come! (They leave.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      So that's the girl you like.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (drags Chandler over to buffet table) I'm telling you, this guy Rachel is with is crazy! Okay? He viscously screamed at total strangers! I think he's baaad news!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Wait a minute, wait a minute, you don't like the guy Rachel's dating? Well, that's odd.
    • [cut to Joey, Rachel, and Tommy.]
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, hey, Lauren. Uh, you guys this is, this is Kate's understudy, Lauren.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, hi!
    • Lauren
      Hey.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hey. Gosh, you look soo familiar.
    • Lauren
      Oh, yeah! I-I ran into you in the hallway in your building. It was right after I slept with Joey. He dumped me the next day.
    • [cut to Monica, Pete, and Cailin]
    • Cailin
      So. How'd you guys meet?
    • Pete
      Well ah, the short version is, I ah pursued her for a couple of months, then I gave her a check for 20,000 dollars, and she was mine.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah, and in the long version, I dump him for telling people the short version.
    • [cut to Joey as Estelle, Joey's agent, approaches]
    • Estelle
      Joey, sweetheart, you were fabulous!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey you guys, this is my agent, Estelle.
    • Estelle
      How do you do. (to Rachel and Monica) Ooh, you two girls were outstanding! (to Joey) Did they have representation?
    • joey
    • Joey
      No, they-they weren't in the play.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      We're not actors.
    • Estelle
      Ooh, what a shame! Because with her face (points to Monica) and her chest (points to Rachel) I could really put something together.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Could I borrow it?
    • [cut to later]
    • Cailin
      (to Ross) Hi! Remember me?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hi! Yeah! Tommy's in line for the bathroom and someone just cut in front of him, I think he's gonna snap. (He's watching very intently)
    • Cailin
      Ross, I'm gonna go.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Go? Why?
    • Cailin
      I don't know. Could be because I don't feel like standing around all night waiting for some guy who may or may not scream.
    • ross
    • Ross
      But-but Cailin, he definitely will scream.
    • Cailin
      Good bye Ross.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Uh, oh-ho bye.
    • The Director
      (entering carrying a newspaper) Here we go people! (starts reading the review) Boxing Day! The Lucille Lortel Theatre, blah-la-la-la... Ah-ha! Joey Tribianni, gives an uneven performance, but Mr. Tribianni is not the worst thing in this production.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yes!!! Ha-ha-ha!
    • The Director
      Kate Miller's awkward and mannered portrayal is laughable. (Kate walks away depressed.) Badda-badda-badda. Ah-ha! Here it is! The direction by Marshal Talmant is... (stops, reads it again, and throws down the paper in disgust) Thank you, boys and girls, you've ruined my life. Please, stuff your talentless faces with my Mother's crab cakes! (starts to leave) Excuse me!!
    • (Joey steps in a picks up the paper, the gang all look at him.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Anyone mind if I save this?
    • new scene
    • Scene 5

      Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are returning. Phoebe is still on hold.

    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hey!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, is the play over?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah. Where were you?
    • Hold Voice
      Thank you for your patience, you're the next caller.
    • monica
    • Monica
      You were the next caller five hours ago. You must be going crazy.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Nah. I kept myself busy.
    • (Both Rachel and Monica walk into their bedrooms, stop, and come back into the living room with confused looks on their faces.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, okay, yeah. (to Monica) I put your stuff in her room, and her stuff in your room.
    • (They both look at each other, nod their heads 'All right' and follow their stuff into their new rooms.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 6

      The Theatre, after the party. Joey is trying to comfort Kate.

    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey! Are you okay?
    • Kate
      Fabulous.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Listen, drama critics they're nothing but, but people who couldn't make it as actors. You know what you should do?
    • Kate
      Become a drama critic!
    • The Director
      (entering, drunk) I am hurt! (to Joey and Kate) A plague on both your houses! (walks away)
    • Kate
      By the way, he dumped me tonight after he read my review.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, classy.
    • Kate
      Yep! I sure know how to pick 'em, huh? Y'know I gave up a part on a soap for this!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Wow! Yeah I ah, I gave up a job too.
    • Kate
      Really. What?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Uh, de-clawing cats. Hey, tell ya what. Let me walk you home. We'll stop by every news stand and burn every copy of their Times and the Post.
    • Kate
      Why the Post?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, you didn't see the Post?
    • Kate
      No. You?
    • joey
    • Joey
      No. Why?
    • new scene
    • Scene 7

      Kate's Apartment, Joey and Kate are returning from a night out on the town.

    • Kate
      (drunk) So you really think those newspapers are just jealous of me?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, absolutely! You're talented and you're good looking.
    • Kate
      Oh, you're sweet and cute.
    • joey
    • Joey
      I know! That's why they trashed me!
    • (They kiss.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Whoa. Wait a minute, wait a minute.
    • Kate
      What?
    • joey
    • Joey
      I, I don't get you. I mean first, you hate me. Then you sleep with me. Then you want nothing to do with me, now you want me again.
    • Kate
      What? So you never went out with an actress before?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Kate, do you even like me?
    • Kate
      Of course I do.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well so, how come you blew me off? Y'know? How come you were with him?
    • Kate
      I don't know! I just, just do this! I-I always have to pick the like the smartest guy, or-or the most talented guy... Why can't I just pick someone like you?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Thanks.
    • Kate
      You know what I mean. I mean like the sweetest guy. Joey, you're just so, you're so, so... (She passes out and slumps against his shoulder.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      (Checks to see if she's drooling on his shirt.) Okay. Okay, okay, hey. (Lays her down and covers her with a blanket.) There we go, let's get your feet up there. (Looks at her) Good night, Kate. Sweet dreams. (Picks up a garbage can) I'm gonna put this can right here in case you have to hurl.
    • COMMERCIAL BREAK
    • new scene
    • Scene 8

      Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Phoebe is STILL on hold.

    • Hold Voice
      Please stay on the line. You're call is very important to us.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (entering from her bedroom) Pheebs, you've been up for 24 hours! Go to sleep, honey. Th-this isn't healthy.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No, no, I'm fine, and y'know why? 'Cause of all the riboflavin.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (entering, happily) Hey!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey! Didn't you have that outfit on last night?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah! I stayed at Kate's, but ah, nothing happened. Hey, Pheebs, where were ya?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I'm so, so, so sorry, Joey. I definitely am gonna see you're play. I swear you're play is very important to us, thank you for your patience. You're play is the next play is the next play I'm gonna see.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Anyway, how did it go with Kate?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, it was great! Yeah, I-I walked her home, and it was amazing how much we connected, y'know? Then ah, then she passed out, but then she woke up. Yeah? And we stayed up all night talking, and now we're like totally crazy about each other!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Joey, you had the night!
    • joey
    • Joey
      What?
    • monica
    • Monica
      When two people finally realise their feelings for each other, and-and they talk for hours, and they-they learn all about the other person!
    • joey
    • Joey
      You-you think?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Did you like learn about her family?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Two brothers, one died!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yes!!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah?!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh! (They hug, triumphantly.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 9

      Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are sitting on the couch, Rachel is on the chair.

    • Gunther
      (bringing Chandler a cup) This is from the woman at the bar.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh-ho-ho-ho.
    • (He turns and looks at her. The woman whispers something to Gunther; who comes back and takes the mug away from Chandler.)
    • Gunther
      Sorry. She thought you were somebody else.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What time is it?
    • monica
    • Monica
      One.
    • ross
    • Ross
      One.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      7:15. (Monica looks at him) Watch doesn't work.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Tommy's supposed to be here soon, we're going to lunch.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Look. Look, I wasn't going to say anything to you, but... All right, I don't think you should be seeing Tommy anymore.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      You don't?!
    • ross
    • Ross
      No! The guy is mean. I mean really mean. I think you should stay away from him.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Umm, or, maybe, I should stay away from all men.
    • ross
    • Ross
      No, it's not just 'cause I'm jealous. (Both Monica and Chandler give him a 'Come on' look) I mean I'm not, I'm not, I'm not jealous, okay? It's... Look, the guy, he screamed, he actually screamed at this couple sitting in our seats.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah, and at the end of the play, he, he got up y'know, and he just started like, (claps his hands) banging his hands together!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay, fine, fine. You don't want to believe me? No, that's fine. (starts to leave)
    • monica
    • Monica
      We're kidding!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Ross, don't. Ross!
    • Monica; Ross!
    • [cut to outside of Central Perk]
    • ross
    • Ross
      You don't want to believe me, I'm Mr. Funny to you. Mr. Funny... (turns around and almost spills his coffee on Tommy)
    • Tommy
      Whoa!!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Whoa, sorry Tommy.
    • Tommy
      What's in the cup, Ross?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Umm...
    • Tommy
      What is in the cup?!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay, it's coffee.
    • Tommy
      Ice coffee? Tell me it's ice coffee!
    • ross
    • Ross
      It's-it's hot...
    • Tommy
      Hot coffee!!! You idiot!! You were gonna spill hot coffee all over me, huh?!! What are you just some big, dumb, stupid, doofy idiot, with a doofy idiot hairdo, huh?! Huh?!
    • [cut to inside Central Perk, we see Ross quietly tapping on the window, desperately trying to get the gang's attention, while Tommy is still screaming at him]
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (not seeing Ross) What's your favourite thing about summertime?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Umm, going to the beach. When it stays light real late.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah...
    • Tommy
      (entering, finished with yelling at Ross, who follows him in shell shocked) (happily) Hey!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Tommyyyy! Say, what's your favourite thing about summer?
    • Tommy
      Ooh, I don't know. Probably the smell of freshly cut grass.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Ohh, that's a good one.
    • (Ross is having a fit, about how calm Tommy is now)
    • new scene
    • Scene 10

      Backstage at Joey's play, Joey is arriving, late.

    • joey
    • Joey
      Sorry! Sorry, I'm late; sorry, I'm late! My duck and my chick and a fight, it-it was ugly.
    • Stage Manager
      Look, we held the curtain for you buddy. Come on, let's go! Let's go!
    • [cut to onstage with Lauren standing in for Kate, the doorbell rings.]
    • Lauren
      (answering the door) Vic! Where have you been, baby?!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (surprised it's Lauren) (hugs her) (whispering) Where's Kate?
    • Lauren
      (whispering) She got a job in L.A.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (stunned) What?!
    • Lauren
      I've been waiting up all night for ya. Where have you been? (Joey doesn't answer) Where have you been? Vic?!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, ahh, go to the window. I'm wanna run down to the truck and show you something.
    • Lauren
      (at the window, she's looking down out of the window) What do you got down there, Vic? What do you got under that tarp?
    • joey
    • Joey
      (grabs the window from the outside and sticks his head in) (whispering) When is she leaving?
    • Lauren
      (whispering) Tonight. What are you doing?
    • joey
    • Joey
      (making like he is yelling up to the second floor) I'm coming up!
    • new scene
    • Scene 11

      Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are in the kitchen, Rachel and Monica are sitting in the living room, and Phoebe is, you guessed it, still on hold.

    • Tommy
      Hey, mind if I use the phone?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, I... (starts jabbering incoherently)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Why don't you use ours across the hall, 'cause she...has...problems.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (coming out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee, almost running into Tommy) Oh-ho, whoa! Sorry, Tommy. I almost spilled this hot coffee on you.
    • Tommy
      Yeah, but you didn't.
    • ross
    • Ross
      No, but it's-it's-it's hot!
    • (We see Tommy go into Joey and Chandler's apartment)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ross, would you just stop it! It's getting really old.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I can't believe no one believes me!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I do, I believe you.
    • ross
    • Ross
      You do Pheebs?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah. But I also believed her (points to the phone) when she said I was next.
    • [cut to Chandler and Joey's apartment, Tommy is using the phone]
    • Tommy
      (noticing the chick) Ooh, hey! Hey, there little fella. (picks up the chick) Mr. Fuzzy-Man, how are you doing? (starts to pet him) Aww. (The chick poops on his hand.) Eww! Oh! Eww! Gross! Idiot!! Stupid little, fuzzy, yellow creature!! Oh look at me, I'm so cute, I'm a little chick who's disgusting! God, you're so stupid, how are you not yet extinct!! (the duck wattles behind him and quacks) (to the duck) Quack-quack, quack-quack!! What are you quacking about?! Dumb Donald Doo-Doo!!
    • (We see the gang staring at him through the doorways.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Step away from the duck.
    • Tommy
      Ooh, sorry little Mr. Chic-A-Dee, sorry you went doody in my hand! (starts to walk out and stops) (to Rachel) Well, I guess we're not going out anymore. Whaa!!!
    • (He leaves the gang in stunned silence.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 12

      Backstage at Joey's play, Joey is changing for the next scene as Kate arrives, carrying her bags.

    • Kate
      Joey!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey!
    • Kate
      I'm soo glad I caught you, I couldn't find you before.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Wh-wh-what's going on? Wh-what's this about L.A.?
    • Kate
      They still want me for General Hospital.
    • joey
    • Joey
      But, but wh-what about us?
    • Kate
      Last night was wonderful. But I-I can't stay here just for you.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well, so, stay for the museums!
    • Kate
      I'm sorry.
    • Stage Manager
      Joey, onstage!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well can you at least stay to the end of the play? I mean, I'll go to the airport with ya, I-I wanna say good bye.
    • Lauren
      (yelling from onstage) Where are you Vic?
    • Kate
      Flight's in an hour. I-I gotta go.
    • Lauren
      Vic! Vic! Vic!!!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (to Lauren) In a minute!!
    • [cut to the end of the play]
    • Lauren
      So this is it? Victor?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah, I guess it is. (sees Kate is watching, he turns Lauren so that he can talk directly to Kate, but still look like he is talking to Lauren) Listen, I ah, I gotta say good bye, and-and I gotta say it quick 'cause this is killing me. One thing you gotta know, is that I will never forget you. But, you've got things you have to do now, and so do I. And so... I'm gonna get on this spaceship, (smoke starts pouring in from the ceiling, and a ladder comes down, with flashing, colored lights on the side of it) and I'm gonna go to Blargon 7 in search of alternative fuels. But when I return, 200 years from now, you'll be long gone. But I won't have aged at all. (gets on the ladder) So you tell your great-great-granddaughter to look me up, because Adrienne, baby, I'm gonna want to meet her.
    • (The ladder retracts, taking Joey up into the spaceship for his voyage to Blargon 7, and Kate waves good bye.)
    • Lauren
      So long, Vic! (waving good bye as the ladder retracts)
    • CLOSING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 13

      Monica and Rachel's, the gang, except Joey, is there. Phoebe is, well you y'know.

    • monica
    • Monica
      Phoebe, it's been two days.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, I know. Oh, good thing it's one of those 801 numbers. Right?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Phoebe, 800 is toll free, 801 is-is Utah.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No, no, no, oh no-no-no, it's has to be 800. (picks up the instruction manual to check the phone number) 'Cause all those big companies have 800 numbers, every one. (Finds the number) Yeah, every big Utah-based company has one.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Phoe-be!!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Sorry, I'm so sorry, I will pay you back.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      And yet, she's still not hanging up the phone.
    • Everyone
      Hang it up! Hang up the phone!!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Fine! Fine! (slams the phone down, breaking it) Oh-oh!
    • monica
    • Monica
      What?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well, I think I broke it. But that's all right, here's the number you can call.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (sarcastic) Oh.
    • END