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Scene 1
Central Perk. Everyone is there.
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- MonicaTell him.
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- RachelNo.
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- PhoebeTell him, tell him.
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- MonicaJust...please tell him.
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- RachelShut up!
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- ChandlerTell me what?
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- MonicaLook at you, you won't even look at him.
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- Chandler(sarcastically) Oh, come on tell me. I could use another reason why women won't look at me.
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- RachelAll right, all right, all right. Last night, I had a dream that, uh, you and I, were...
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- PhoebeDoing it on this table. (points at the table)
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- ChandlerWow!
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- JoeyExellent dream score.
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- RossWhy, why, why would you dream that?
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- ChandlerMore importantly, was I any good?
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- RachelWell, you were pretty damn good.
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- ChandlerInteresting, cause in my dreams, I'm allways surprisingly inadequate. (Monica pats him on his lap)
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- RachelWell, last night you seemed to know your way around the table.
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- RossI love it, when we share.
- (Ross goes over to the counter. Chandler follows him.)
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- ChandlerYou're okay there?
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- RossI can't belive you two had sex in her dream.
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- ChandlerI'm sorry, it was a one-time-thing. I was very drunk and I was somebody else's subconscious.
- OPENING CREDITS
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Scene 2
Central Perk, continued from earlier, Chandler is sitting on the table.
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- ChandlerHello Rachel.
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- RachelGet off.
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- Phoebe(points at Joey's pen) Uh, uh, gimme. Can you see me operating a drill press?
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- JoeyI don't know. What are you wearing?
- (Chandler, Monica and Phoebe looks at him)
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- RossPheebs, why would you want to operate a drill press?
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- PhoebeJust for some short-term-work. You know, until I get back some of my massage clients.
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- ChandlerPirates again?
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- PhoebeNo, nothing like that. I was just...such a dummie. I taught this "massage-yourself-at-home-workshop." And they are.
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- JoeyHey, hey, Chan. She could work for you.
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- Chandler(sarcasticly) Thanks Joey, that's a good idea.
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- PhoebeWhat... I could, I could do it. What is it?
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- ChandlerWell, my secretary is gonna be out for a couple of weeks. She is having one of her boobs redused. (Ross looks at her.) It's a whole big boob story.
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- PhoebeI could be a secretary.
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- ChandlerWell, you know Phoebs. I don't know if it's your kinda thing, because it involves a lot of being normal. For a large portion of the day.
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- PhoebeI could do that.
- (Ross's beeper goes off)
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- RachelWhat are you playing with?
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- RossOh, it's my new beeper.
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- JoeyWhat the hell does a paleontologist need a beeper for?
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- MonicaIs it like for dinosaur emergencies. 'Help, come quick, they're still extinct.'
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- RossNo, it's for when Carol goes into labor. She can get me wherever I am. I mean, all she has to do is to dial 55-JIMBO.
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- ChandlerA cool phone number, and a possible name for the kid.
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- MonicaAll right, I'll see you guys later. (raises)
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- RachelOff to see young Ethan?
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- MonicaThank you.
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- JoeyHow young is young Ethan? Young?
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- MonicaHe's... our age.
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- ChandlerWhen we were?
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- MonicaOkay, he's a senior in college.
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- RossCollege?
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- ChandlerWhoa! And this manchild has no problem with how old you are?
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- MonicaNo, of course not. It's not even an issue. Cause I told him I was 22.
- EveryoneWhat?
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- MonicaOh, I can't pass for 22?
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- PhoebeWell, maybe 25-26.
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- MonicaI am 26.
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- PhoebeThere you go.
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Scene 3
Chandler's office, he and Phoebe are there when the phone starts ringing.
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- ChandlerCan you hear that?
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- Phoebe(plays with a thumbtack remover) Yeah?
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- ChandlerSee that'll stop when you pick up the phone.
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- PhoebeOh. Uh, I'm on. (picks up the phone)
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- Phoebe(with a deep voice) Mr. Bing's office. (Listens) No I'm sorry, he's in a meeting right now.
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- ChandlerI'm not in a meeting. I'm right... Whoops.
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- PhoebeWill he know what this is in reference to? (Listens) And he has your number? (Listens) All right, I'll see that he gets the message. Bye bye.
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- ChandlerWhat?
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- PhoebeRoss says hi.
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- ChandlerAh!
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- PhoebeThis is so fun. All right, what do we do now?
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- ChandlerWell, now, I actually have to get to work.
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- PhoebeMost likely. (raises and goes toward the door) Okay, I'm gonna be out there.
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- ChandlerOkay.
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- PhoebeAll right. Bye bye.
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- ChandlerBye bye.
- (The intercom buzzes)
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- Chandler(answering it) Yes?
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- PhoebeWhatcha doin'?
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- ChandlerOoh. (leans against the desk)
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Scene 4
Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are there. Monica is just finishing cleaning the windows.
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- MonicaWindows are clean, candels are lit. Uh, belt's to tight, gotta change the belt. Did I turn the fish? (goes over to the kitchen to check on the dinner) No, cause I made lasagne. (to Rachel) Am I out of control?
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- RachelJust a touch. Mon, I don't understand. I mean, you've been dating this guy since like, what... his midterms? I mean, why all the sudden are you so... Oh.
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- MonicaWhat?
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- RachelCould tonight be the Night?
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- MonicaI don't know. Look he's a great guy and I love being with him but... you know. Things happen, and they happen. You don't plan these things.
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- RachelSo, did you shave your legs?
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- MonicaYeah.
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- RachelA-ha!
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Scene 5
Central Perk. Joey and Ross are there.
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- JoeyWould you let it go Ross. It was just a dream. It doesn't mean...
- (Ross's beeper goes off)
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- RossOh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh this is it. Oh my god it's baby time. Baby time.
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- JoeyAll right, relax, relax. Just relax, just relax. Be cool, be cool.
- (Ross dials a number on his cellular phone)
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- Ross(on phone) Yeah, hi, I was just beeped. (pause) No, Andr' is not here. (to Joey) Third time today. (on phone) Yes, I'm sure... No, sir. I don't perform those kind of services.
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- JoeyServices? (Ross looks at him) Oh, services.
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- Ross(on phone) Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO. Yeah, that's right. That's right, JUMBO with a U, sir. (pause) No, belive me, you don't want me. Judging by his number, I'd be a huge disappointment. (pause) All rightie, bye bye.
- (Phoebe and Chandler enter)
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- JoeyHey, hey. How was the first day?
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- PhoebeOh, exellent. Everyone was so, so nice.
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- ChandlerSee, it pays to know the man who wears my shoes. (Joey and Ross wonder what he means) Me.
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- PhoebeNo, I didn't tell anybody that I knew you.
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- ChandlerWhy not?
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- PhoebeOh, because, you know... they don't like you.
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- ChandlerWhat?!
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- PhoebeI thought you knew that.
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- ChandlerNoho. Who doesn't they like me?
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- PhoebeEveryone. Except for uh... no everyone.
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- ChandlerWhat are you talking about?
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- PhoebeDon't feel bad. You know they used to like you a lot. But then you got promoted, and, you know, now you're like "Mr. Boss Man". You know, Mr. Bing. Mr. Bing, "Boss Man Bing".
- (Joey and Ross laughs)
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- ChandlerI can't belive it.
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- PhoebeYeah, yeah. They even do you.
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- ChandlerThey do me?
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- PhoebeYou know like... uh okay... uh... 'Could that report be any later?'
- (Joey and Ross laughs)
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- ChandlerI don't sound like that.
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- RossOh, oh Chandler...
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- JoeyOh... Yeah, you do.
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- Ross'The hills were alive with the sound of music.'
- (Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs)
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- Joey(reaches for hi scones) My scones.
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- Ross'My scones.'
- (Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs again)
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- ChandlerOkay, I don't sound like that. That is so not true.
- (Joey and Chandler laughs)
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- ChandlerThat is so not... That is so not... That... Oh, shut up!
- (Phoebe, Joey and Ross laugh)
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Scene 6
Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Young Ethan are sitting in the couch.
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- MonicaDid not.
- Young EthanI am telling you, up until I was, like nine, I thought that gunpoint was an actual place where crimes happen.
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- MonicaHow was that possible?
- Young EthanWell, think about it. It's always on the news. 'A man is being held up, at gunpoint.' 'Tourists are being terrorised, at gunpoint.' And I just kept thinking
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- MonicaOkay.
- (They kiss)
- Young EthanOkay.
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- MonicaUnless...
- Young EthanWhat?
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- MonicaUh, ah. Unless you wanna stay over? I mean, I'm going to, so...
- Young EthanYeah, I'd really like that.
- (They kiss)
- Young EthanUuh, before we get into any staying-over-stuff, there is something you should know.
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- MonicaOkay, is this like 'I have an early class tomorrow' or 'I'm secretly married to a goat?'
- Young EthanWell it's somewhere in between. You see, in a strictly technical sense, of course, I'm not uh..., well I, I mean I haven't ever uh...
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- MonicaEthan?
- Young EthanYeah?
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- MonicaAre you a virgin?
- Young EthanWell, if that's what you kids are calling it these days then, yes I am. I uh, I've kinda been waiting for the right person.
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- MonicaReally?
- Young EthanYeah. You do know I was talking about you, right?
- (They kiss)
- [Time lapse. They are now in Monica's bedroom, on the bed.]
- Young EthanWow!
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- MonicaYou keep saying that.
- Young EthanYou know, you read about it, you see it in the movies. Even when you practice it at home, man oh man, it is nothing like that.
- (They kiss)
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- MonicaListen, uh, you told me something that was really difficult for you. And I, I-I figured if you could be honest, then I can to.
- Young EthanOh god, don't tell me, I did it wrong.
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- MonicaNo-no. Nothing wrong about that.
- Young EthanOh.
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- MonicaUm, okay, here it goes. I'm not 22. I'm, I'm 25... and thirteen months.
- Young EthanHuh!
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- MonicaBut I figured, you know, that shouldn't change anything. I mean, what the hell does it matter how old we are.
- (They kiss)
- Young EthanUh, listen um, as long as we're telling stuff, uh, I have another one for you. I'm a little younger than I said.
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- MonicaYou're not a senior?
- Young EthanOh, I'm a senior... in High School.
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- MonicaOk...ay.
- COMMERCIAL BREAK
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Scene 7
Monica's Bedroom, continued from earlier.
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- MonicaWhat we did was wrong. Oh god, I just had sex with somebody that wasn't alive during the Bicentennial.
- Young EthanI just had sex.
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- MonicaEthan, focus. How could you not tell me?
- Young EthanWell, you never told me how old you were.
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- MonicaWell, that's different. My lie didn't make one of us a felon in 48 states. What were you thinking?
- Young EthanI wasn't thinking. I was too busy fallin'...
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- MonicaDon't say it. (closes Ethan's mouth with her hand)
- Young Ethan...in love with you.
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- MonicaReally?
- Young Ethan(nods) Sorry.
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- MonicaWell,fall out of it. You know, you shouldn't even be here, it's a school night. Oh god, oh god. I'm like those women that you see with shiny guys named Chad. I'm Joan Collins.
- Young EthanWho?
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Scene 8
Monica and Rachel's, everyone exept Monica is there.
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- Ross(on phone) Okay, Andr' should be there in like 45 minutes. All rightie, bye bye. (to Phoebe) Just easier that way.
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- ChandlerOh, come on. You told me about the last dream.
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- RachelNo, forget it.
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- ChandlerOh, why not. Was I doing anything particularly... saucy?
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- RachelAll right, fine. Um, you were not the only one there. (Camera fades to Ross, who's listening very carefully) Joey was there too.
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- JoeyAll right. (Moves closer.)
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- RossWas there...uh, huh, huh, huh... andybody, anybody else there.
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- RachelNo.
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- RossYou're sure? Nobody uh, handed out uh, mints or anything?
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- RachelNo, it was just the three of us.
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- RossHuh!
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- JoeySo, tell me. Was it like you and Chandler, and then you and me, or you and me and Chandler?
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- Rachel(laughs) You know what?
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- JoeyWhat?
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- RachelThere were times when it wasn't even me.
- (Chandler and Joey laughs, until they look at each other then recoil in horror.)
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- PhoebeThat is so sweet, you guys. (hugs them)
- (Monica enters, wearing a walkman, so she doesn't hear what the others say)
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- PhoebeHey, Mon.
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- RachelMon, Ethan called again. Mon?
- Everyone(shouting) Mon!
- (Monica takes of her walkman)
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- MonicaWhat?
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- RachelEthan called again.
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- MonicaOh.
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- RossAre you not seeing him anymore?
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- MonicaNo. You know, sometimes just things doesn't work out.
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- ChandlerAnd this has nothing to do with the fact that he needs a note to get out of gym.
- (Monica stares at Rachel)
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- RachelI, I didn't say any... I sw... I did not say anything, I swear. He stopped by.
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- JoeyListen, the next time you talk to him, can you ask him which one the strongest Power Ranger is?
- (Ross and Chandler laughs)
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- RossOh, yeah.
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- MonicaHa,ha, ha, oh my life is just so amusing. Could we drop it now?
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- RossSorry.
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- RossIt's morphin time!
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- JoeyStegosaurus!
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- ChandlerTyrannosaurus!
- (They all cross they're arms like the Power Rangers do)
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- PhoebeOoh, oh, I've gotta go. (raises) Whoa, oh, head rush. One more, and then I have to go. (sits down, and then raises again) Cool!
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- RachelWhere are you going?
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- PhoebeUm, oh, I've got a birthday party, with some work people.
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- ChandlerWork people? Nobody told me.
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- PhoebeNo, I know. That's a part of the whole, you know, them-not-liking-you-extravaganza.
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- ChandlerYou know, I don't get this. A month ago, these people were my friends. You know, just because I'm in charge doesn't mean I'm a different person.
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- PhoebeWell, then you should come tonight. You know, just hang out with them. Let them see what a great guy you still are.
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- ChandlerYou think I should?
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- PhoebeI really do, yeah.
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- ChandlerOkay.
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- PhoebeOkay.
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- ChandlerOkay.
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- PhoebeOh, but, could we not go together? I,I don't wanna be the geek that invited the boss.
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Scene 9
Chandler's office, he and Phoebe are taking a break from work.
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- ChandlerI Think last night was great. You know, the Karaoke thing. Tracy and I doing Ebony and Ivory.
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- PhoebeYou were great. But they still made fun of you.
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- ChandlerWhat?
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- PhoebeYou know, now you're more like, you know like, "Mr. Caring Boss," "Mr.", you know, "I'm one of you, Boss," "Mr., I wanna be your buddy, Boss Man Bing!"
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- ChandlerThen, I don't get it.
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- PhoebeWell, you know what Chandler? I think you've gotta face it. You're like, the guy in the big office, you know. You're the one that hires them, that fires them... They still say you're a great boss.
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- ChandlerThey do?
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- PhoebeUh huh. But they're not your friends anymore.
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- ChandlerI just wan't to...
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- PhoebeNo, but you can't.
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- ChandlerBut I just wa...
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- PhoebeUh uh.
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Scene 10
Central Perk. Everyone exept Phoebe and Chandler is there. Ross's beeper goes off and everyone exept him react.
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- MonicaAren't you gonna...
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- RossOh, Carol and I have a new system. If she punches in 911, it means she's having a baby, otherwise I just ignore it.
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- JoeyWhat about Andr'?
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- RossOh, well this morning he got a call from who I think was our cousin Nathan, and frankly, it was a little more than I needed to know.
- (Ethan enters)
- Young EthanHey.
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- MonicaThat was gonna be my opener.
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- Rachel(understands that Monica and Ethan wanna be alone) Hey, did you guys check out those new hand-dryers in the bathroom?
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- RossI thought that was just a rumour.
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- RachelTrue story.
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- JoeyThey're here already?
- (Rachel, Ross and Ross go to the bathroom)
- Young EthanAll right, look. I've gotta tell you something. I'm not 17. I only said so that you'd think I was cute and vunerable. I'm actually 30, I have a wife, I have a job, I'm your Congressman. Monica, this is ridiculous, we're great together. We can talk, we make each other laugh, and the sex. Oh, man, okay i have no frame of graft, but I thought that was great.
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- MonicaIt was.
- Young EthanThen, what's the problem?
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- MonicaEthan, it's um... it's icky.
- Young EthanIcky? You're actually gonna throw this away because it's icky?
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- MonicaThis isn't easy for me either. I wish things were different, I... If you were a few years older, or if I was a few years younger, or if we lived in biblical times, I would really...
- Young EthanNo, don't say it. (closes Monica's mouth with his hand)
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- Monica...love you.
- (Ross, Rachel and Joey come back from the bathroom. They discover that Monica and Ethan aren't finished talking to each other yet.)
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- RossAre you're hands still wet?
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- JoeyUh, moist, yeah.
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- RachelLet's dry 'em again.
- (They go to the bathroom again)
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Scene 11
A hall on the floor where Chandler works. Chandler and Phoebe enters, and overhears some employees's conversation. One of them is doing Chandler.
- GerstonUh, like, could these margaritas be any stronger? (They discover that Chandler is listening) Hey, Chandler.
- SantosHello, Mr. Bing.
- PetrieLoved your Stevie Wonder last night.
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- ChandlerThanks. Listen, about the weekly numbers, I'm gonna need them on my desk by nine o'clock.
- SantosSure.
- GerstonNo problem.
- (They go away, trying very hard not to laugh at Chandler)
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- ChandlerYou have to give 'em something, you know. Okay, now that was Gerston, Santos, and who's the guy with the moustache?
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- PhoebePetrie.
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- ChandlerPetrie, right, right. Okay, some people gonna be working this weekend.
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Scene 12
Monica and Rachel's, Ross is watching TV, but turns it off, and Rachel is sleeping on the couch. Ross puts a blanket over her.
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- Rachel(talking in her sleep) Oooooooooh. (Rachel strokes her hand over the pillow. Ross mimicks her silently) Oh, that's nice. Oh, oh. Huh, Ross!
- (Ross gets all excited and starts to dance on the coffee table, but slips allmost immediatly, and falls onto the couch. Rachel wakes up.)
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- RachelRoss?
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- RossI'm here.
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- RachelYou are. Well, um... We, we, we were just... Wow!
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- RossWhat? (his beeper goes off) Great, now I'm having a baby.
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- RachelWhat?
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- RossOoh, Ooh.
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- RachelWhat?
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- RossI'm having... I'm having a baby. (jumps back onto the table again) I'm having a... Where's the phone? The phone?
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- RachelI don't know where the phone is.
- (Ross runs from the table, over the couch but slips and falls onto the floor)
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- RachelRoss?
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- RossI'm hurt.
- CLOSING CREDITS
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Scene 13
The Hallway, Ross is eagerly waiting for the others to get ready, to go to the hospital.
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- RossMonica, let's go. Come on now people, woman in labor.
- (Chandler struts out from his apartment)
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- Chandler(doing a little dance) Hey Ross, look what I've got going here.
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- RossYeah, save it for the cab, okay.
- (Rachel comes out from their apartment with a mirror and a lipstick in her hands)
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- RossWhat are you doing? We're going to a hospital.
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- RachelWhat, so I can't lokk nice? There might be doctors there.
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- RossJoey, get out of the fridge.
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- JoeyAll right, all right. (he comes out from their apartment with a huge sandwich in his hand)
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- RossWhat is that? (refering to the sandwich)
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- JoeyFor the ride.
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- ChandlerYeah, like in a cab...
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- RossSave it.
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- ChandlerOkay, hating this.
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- RossMonica, come on now. Let's go, baby coming.
- (Monica enters from their apartment, crying)
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- MonicaI can't belive it, I'm gonna be an aunt. I'm gonna have like a nephew.
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- RossThat's nice. Get out Let's go, come on.
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- JoeyAll right, I'm going. I'm going.
- (They all go down the stairs, but Ross turns around, looking like his in a coma. The others also turns around to get him.)
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- ChandlerHere we go, here we go.
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- RachelRossy, Rossy.
- END