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  •  /  Friends  /  S02E24 The One With Barry and Mindy's Wedding


    • new scene
    • Scene 1

      Central Perk, the whole gang is there as Joey enters

    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hey Joey, how'd the audition go?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Incredible! I met the director this time and you'll never believe who it was.
    • Everyone
      Who?
    • joey
    • Joey
      All right. I'll give you one hint. Warren Beatty.
    • Everyone
      Wow!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah, there's just one thing that might be kind've a problem. See, I, uh, had to kiss this guy.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      'Cause he was just so darn cute.
    • joey
    • Joey
      No, as part of the audition. See, I'm up for this part of this guy, who the main guy kisses.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, hey. You're an actor, I say you just suck it up and do it. (Rachel looks at him in disbelief) Or you just do it.
    • joey
    • Joey
      I did do it, I'm a professional.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Then what's the problem?
    • joey
    • Joey
      See after the scene, Mr. Beatty comes up to me and says 'good actor, bad kisser'. Can you believe that, me not a good kisser, that's like, like Mother Theresa, not a good mother.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well, come on, who cares what that guy thinks. What does Warren Beatty know about kissing (Chandler and Monica, give her a look that says 'think about it') Ooh.
    • OPENING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 2

      continued from earlier

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey, what did your agent say?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yep, this kiss thing is defiantly a problem, Mr. Beatty wants to see it again on Monday. Man, I gotta figure out what I'm doing wrong. Oh, okay, one of you girls come over here and kiss me.
    • monica
    • Monica
      What, forget it!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, right.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Come on, I need your help here.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      All right. I'll do it, I kissed him before I can do it again.
    • joey
    • Joey
      You see this, this is a friend.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Uh-huh, let's go. (they move in to kiss) Oh, wait I have gum. Okay. (they kiss rather passionately) Good, very good, firm but tender. I'd recommend you to a friend.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Then I don't know what it is. What's the problem?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Joey, you know, maybe your just not used to kissing men, maybe you just tensed up a little, maybe that's what you need to work on.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah, that makes sense. (looks at Ross)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Over my dead body! (Joey looks at Chandler)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      And I'll be using his dead body as a shield.
    • new scene
    • Scene 3

      Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Monica, and Richard are there

    • ross
    • Ross
      (entering from Rachel's bedroom) Come on out, honey! I'm telling you look good! (turns around, and under his breath, to the rest of the guys) Tell her she looks good, tell her she looks good.
    • (Rachel enters in this hideous pink bride's maid dress, with a huge silver bow on her chest, and a big, huge skirt, kinda like the one's women wore in the 1800s, Monica and Richard both stare in shock)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (laughing) Oh my God, you look so good!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I can not believe I have to walk down the aisle in front of 200 people looking like something you drink when your nauseous.
    • ross
    • Ross
      So don't, I don't see why we have to go to this thing anyway, it's your ex-fiancee's wedding.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Because I promised Mindy I would.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah, well you promised Barry, you'd marry him. (Rachel glares at her, and she retreats to safety between Richard's legs)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Look you guys, I have to go, I'm the Maid-of-Honor. And besides you know what I just need to be in a room again with these people and feel good about myself.
    • (Chandler enters, sees Rachel in the dress and starts laughing)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ooh-oh! Someone's wearing the same clothes they had on last night. Someone get a little action?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I may have.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Woo-hoo, stuud!
    • ross
    • Ross
      What's she look like?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, we haven't exactly met, we just stayed up all night talking on the internet.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Woo-hoo, geeek!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I like this girl, okay, I seriously like this girl, you now how sometimes I tend get a little defended and quipy...
    • ross
    • Ross
      Get out!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Nooo!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Please!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well she totally called me on it, okay. She said, 'cut it out, get real', and I did.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Wow! What's that like?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      It's like this, me, no jokes.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      All right, stop it, you're freaking me out.
    • Richard
      Oh, yeah, I don't like you this way. All right, I'll see you guys later.
    • Everyone
      Bye, Richard.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Bye sweetie, (kisses him) I love you.
    • Richard
      I love you, too.
    • (Monica stares longingly at the door, after Richard leaves)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I think my boyfriend ever so dreamy, I wonder what our wedding's gonna be like.
    • monica
    • Monica
      What are you talking about? What wedding?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Come on, like you never talk that.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Nooo! Never! I mean, we're living in the moment. God, it is so nice for once to not have to get all hung up on 'Where is this going?'
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Afraid to ask him?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Could not be more terrified.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, I think you should seriously consider the marriage thing, give Rachel another chance to dress up like Princess Bubble Yum.
    • new scene
    • Scene 4

      Monica and Rachel's, Richard and Monica are playing with Ben.

    • monica
    • Monica
      (holding up a blanket) Where's Benny? (drops the blanket) There he is! (does it again) Where's Benny, there he is.
    • Richard
      Awww! You know that's probably why babies learn to talk, so they can tell grown ups to cut it out.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey, you know I got a question for ya. Just a little thing, no pressure.
    • Richard
      Okay.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Did you ever, uh, like, think about the future?
    • Richard
      Sure I do.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah, am I in it?
    • Richard
      Honey, you are in it.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh God, you are about to get sooo lucky.
    • Richard
      Oh, yeah!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Keep talkin'.
    • Richard
      Well, uh, sometimes I think about selling my practice, we could move to France, make French toast.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay, so, uh, we're in France, we're making the toast. Do you see a little bassinet in the corner?
    • Richard
      Like a hound?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Not a basset, a bassinet.
    • Richard
      You really need the bassinet?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well, I just think the baby would keep falling off the dog. Do you, uh, do you , do you not see kids in our future.
    • Richard
      Oh, hey. I love children, I have children. I just don't want to be 70 when our kids go off to college, and our lives can finally start.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Uh-huh.
    • Richard
      Look I want you, now.
    • monica
    • Monica
      That's Great. You know we don't need to talk about this now. Really, I mean this is, is so way, way, way, in the future, I'm talkin' hovercrafts and apes taking over the planet.
    • new scene
    • Scene 5

      Chandler and Joey's, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are there, Chandler is talking to his new friend on the internet.

    • joey
    • Joey
      Come on, Chandler, I want this part soo much. (Chandler ignores him) Just one kiss, I won't tell anyone.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Joey, no means no!
    • [Rachel, in her bridesmaid dress, complete with hat, which makes her look like Little Bo Peep, and Ross enter]
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hey!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'm sorry we, we don't have your sheep.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Aww, Rach, I think you look cute (kisses her on the cheek, then looks at Ross) And you, uh, you, you I could eat with a spoon (goes to kiss him).
    • ross
    • Ross
      Get away from me I said no!
    • monica
    • Monica
      (entering) Richard buzzed. He's waiting downstairs.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, Richard's here. I should run down say bye to him (runs out)
    • Everyone
      Bye.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Bye, good luck.
    • (Rachel, Ross, and Monica exit)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      So how's your date with your cyberchick going. Ooh, hey, what is all that (points at the computer screen).
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, it's a website, it's the, uh, the Guggenheim (sp?, I'm not an art guy) museum. See, she likes art, and I like funny words.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      What does she mean by HH?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (shyly) It means we're holding hands.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Are you the cutest?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'm afraid I might just be.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      You know, what I think is so great that you are totally into this person and yet for all you know she could be like 90 years old, or have two heads, or. It could be a guy.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Okay, it's not a guy, all right, I know her.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      It could be like a big giant guy.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (entering) Man, I got this close to him (holds up his fingers) and Monica kneed me in the back. What's going on?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      We were just wondering if Chandler's girlfriend is a girl.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, well. Just ask her how long she's gonna live. Women live longer than men.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      How do you not fall down more?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay, ask her 'What is her current method of birth control?'
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      All right. (reading her answer) "My husband is sleeping with his secretary." She's married!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well at least we know she's a woman.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I can't believe she's married.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Aw, man I'm sorry (starts rubbing Chandler's shoulder). This must be very tough for ya, huh (and starts comfroting him looking for a kiss).
    • new scene
    • Scene 6

      Barry and Mindy's wedding, Monica and Richard are standing in the lobby

    • monica
    • Monica
      So, I read this article in the paper the other day that says you're not supposed to throw rice at weddings, because when pigeons eat rice it kills them.
    • Richard
      Oh, that's why you never see pigeons at sushi bars.(they both start laughing at Richard's poor joke) See, we're having fun.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh, absolutely. Yeah, you know I'm not even thinking about that thing that we're not supposed to think about.
    • Richard
      Neither am I.
    • new scene
    • Scene 7

      Later the bridesmaids and ushers are getting ready to start, Ross is looking for Rachel

    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey, there.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hi.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Are you all right?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, when I was in the bathroom I saw the window that I crawled out of at my wedding, and God, I just started thinking that I shouldn't be here, you know I shouldn't, people are going to be looking at me and judging me and, and thinking about the last time.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Sweetie, it's be gonna okay, all right. It's a wedding, generally people focus on the bride.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      God I know, you're right.
    • (Annoying wedding planner enters)
    • Wedding planner
      All rightie, everybody look at me. Good. All right, its time. Bridesmaids and ushers let's see two lines, thank you.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay, I'll see you after the thing.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay, good luck (kisses her and leaves)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Thank you, Okay, Okay.
    • [Starts to walk down the aisle, unfortunately she doesn't realize that her dress is bunched up in her underwear and her butt is showing.]
    • COMMERCIAL BREAK
    • new scene
    • Scene 8

      After the wedding, Ross and Rachel are in the lobby

    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Why the hell didn't you tell me!
    • ross
    • Ross
      I'm sorry. What was I supposed to do stand up and shout 'Hey, Rachel, your butt is showing!'
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh my God this is sooo humiliating. I think the only thing that tops that was, was, was when I was in the eight grade and I had to sing the Copa Cabana in front of the entire school. I think I got about two lines into it before I ran and freaked out. Oh my God, my entire life is flashing before my eyes.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Rach, hey look, I remember that, it wasn't so bad.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh Ross, would you stop, you got me, I'm dating you.
    • Mr. Wineburg
      Rachel!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh hi, Mr. Wineburg, hi Mrs. Wineburg.
    • Mr. Wineburg
      It's so wonderful to see you again, my dear, in fact I hardly expected to see so much.
    • Mrs. Wineburg
      You told me you didn't see anything.
    • Mr. Wineburg
      I tell ya a lot things!
    • Mrs. Wineburg
      Well it's wonderful to have you up and about, again, dear.
    • Mr. Wineburg
      Stay well.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay, now that is the third time someone has said something like that to me today.
    • Mindy
      (entering) Rach! Rach!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, hi!
    • Mindy
      Oh my God, I'm married!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I know.
    • Mindy
      I'm Mrs. Dr. Barry Hunter hyphen Farber.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh honey, I'm so proud of you, Min.
    • Barry
      (entering) Min. Oh Rach, you're still here, at our wedding, they were packing up the chopped liver about now.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, I love that story. Um, I got a question for you guys. Why do people keep is saying that is good to see me up and about?
    • Mindy
      Well uh, after you ran out on your wedding, Barry's parents told people that you were sort of....insane.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Insane!
    • Mindy
      ...from the syphilis.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What?!
    • Barry
      Yeah, what are they gonna say you didn't love me anymore. Come on.
    • new scene
    • Scene 9

      Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are there, Joey is on the phone.

    • joey
    • Joey
      Angela? Joey Tribbiani. Listen, what are ya doing tonight. I know your seeing that guy I was thinking maybe you could bring him.....Hello? Hello? (picks up a statue of an Indian and walks into his room)
    • (the computer bing, bongs)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Aren't you gonna answer her, that's like the tenth bing-bong message she sent. She wants to know what's wrong?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What's wrong? What's wrong? You're married that's what's wrong.
    • (bing, bong)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, my.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      She wants to meet you in person.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey, look, Phoebe I wanted to meet her in person too, okay, but she's married, she has a husband.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      What if the husband person is the wrong guy, and you are the right guy. I mean you don't get chances like this all the time, if you don't meet her now, you're gonna be kicking yourself when your 80, which is hard to do, and that's how you break a hip.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Okay, I'll do it!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, yeah! Okay! Great! Go, man, go put on your shoes, and, and march out there and meet her! (Chandler runs and picks up his shoes) Oh, wait, no, no you have to take a shower, 'cause, eww. (Chandler runs to the bathroom, as the computer bing-bongs) No, you know what you have to answer her, answer her first. (Chandler runs to the computer) No, no, you know what make some coffee 'cause its too much. (Chandler walks slowly into the kitchen)
    • new scene
    • Scene 10

      At Barry and Mindy's reception, Monica and Richard are sitting at a table, and Monica is trying to throw a piece of candy into his mouth.

    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay, one more, please. Come on, I'm gonna get it in this time, I will.
    • Richard
      Okay, last chance. (Monica throws the candy and hits some woman in the back of the head, Richard turns around and says) Again, I'm sorry.
    • monica
    • Monica
      You know what, maybe I don't need to have children. You know maybe I just think I do because that is what society, and by that I mean my mom, has always convinced me that I...(sees two little girls dancing together) I do, I have to have children, I'm sorry, I just do.
    • Best man
      (standing up) Yo! Can I have your attention, please, Best Man, making a toast here. Thank you. (clears throat, and starts reading his toast) I remember when Barry got home from his first date with Rachel...
    • Everyone
      What?!
    • Best man
      What, (to Barry) you hired the same band I can't use the same speech. (gets a 'da-doom-chesh' from the drummer) Thank you, thank you very much. Anyway, I wish you both a wonderful life together. And Rachel...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What.
    • Best man
      No, no, no now in all seriousness, its not a lot of women would've had the guts to come back here tonight, and even fewer, who would do it with their asses hanging out! (da-doom-chesh)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (standing up) Uh, I like to, uh, to add something to that...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Why are you adding, why are you adding, why are you adding, why are you adding?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Most of you don't know me, I'm Rachel's boyfriend.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh dear God.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Ross, uh and uh, I'd just like to say that it did take a lot of courage for Rachel to come here tonight. And, uh, for the record she did not run out on Barry because she had syphilis. (da-doom-chesh) (to drummer) What are you doing I'm serious. Uh, the reason she walked out on, on Barry is simply that she didn't love him, which incidentally worked out pretty well for me (looks for the da-doom-chesh, and doesn't get one) Cheers.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (to Ross) She you in the parking lot.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (runs after her) No, Rach!
    • Barry
      And once again she is out of here. Okay who had 9:45? Um?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (after a pause with everyone staring at her, she goes up to the microphone) Ya, know what Barr, I'm not gonna leave. I probably should, but I'm not, see 'cause I promised myself that I would make it through at least *one* of your weddings (da-doom-chesh). See now, tonight, all I
    • really wanted was to make it though this evening with a little bit of grace and dignity. Well (laughing), I guess we can all agree that's not gonna happen. There's nothing really left to say except....(starts singing) "Her name was Lola. She was a showgirl. With yellow feathers (band joins in), feathers in her hair, and a dress cut down to there. She would..."
    • ross
    • Ross
      Marenge,
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (singing) "...marenge, thank you honey, and do the cha-cha. And while she like to be a star, Tony always tended bar. At the, wait, wait, everybody.."
    • ross
    • Ross
      Everybody!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      At the Copa, Copa Cabana (everyone joins in) The hottest spot north of Havana. At the Copa, Coo-pa Ca-ban-a, music and fashion were always the passion, at the Copa....
    • new scene
    • Scene 11

      Later, Richard and Monica are dancing

    • Richard
      Okay, I'll do it.
    • monica
    • Monica
      You'll do what?
    • Richard
      If kids is what I takes to be with you then kids it is.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh my God!
    • Richard
      If I have to I'll, I'll do all again , I'll do the 4 o'clock feeding thing, I'll go to the P.T.A. meetings, I'll coach the soccer team.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Really?
    • Richard
      Yeah, if I have to. Monica, I don't wanna lose you, so if I have to do it all over again, then I will.
    • monica
    • Monica
      You're the most wonderful man. And if you hadn't of said 'if I have to' like seventeen times, then I'd be saying 'okay, let's do it.'
    • Richard
      But you're not.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh my God, I can't believe what I'm getting ready to say. I wanna have a baby, but I don't wanna have one with someone who doesn't really wanna have one.
    • Richard
      God. I love you.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I know you do. Me too. (pause) So what now?
    • Richard
      I guess we just keep dancing.
    • new scene
    • Scene 12

      Central Perk, Chandler, Rachel, Ross, Joey, and Phoebe are there waiting for Chandler's cyberchick to arrive

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Where is she, Where is she? (grabs Rachel) Oh, hey, I have a question, where is she?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Chandler, relax, Chandler, she'll be here.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (noticing a beautiful blond walking in) Ooh, oh, oh, that's her.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (seeing her also) Yeah, 'cause life's just that kind.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Chandler, you gotta stop staring at the door. It's like a watched pot, you know if you keep looking at it then the door is to, never gonna boil. I think what you have to do is try not to...
    • (Chandler's date walks in)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh my God! (it's Janice)
    • JANICE
      OH.....MY.....GAWD!! (Chandler rushes over and kisses her)
    • Everyone
      OH.....MY.....GOD!!
    • CLOSING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 13

      Chandler and Joey's, Joey is reading a script as Ross enters

    • ross
    • Ross
      All right I've been feeling incredibly guilty about this, because I wanna be a good friend, and dammit I am a good friend. So just, just shut up and close your eyes (kisses Joey).
    • joey
    • Joey
      Wow, you are a good friend, 'course the audition was this morning, and I didn't get it. But that was a hell of a kiss. Rachel is a very lucky girl.
    • END