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  •  /  Friends  /  S02E17 The One Where Eddie Moves In


    • new scene
    • Scene 1

      Joey's new apartment. Everyone but Chandler is there. Joey has decorated the place with tons of tacky stuff.

    • joey
    • Joey
      Huh? So whaddya think? Casa de Joey. Huh? I decorated it myself.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Get out.
    • Everyone
      No.
    • monica
    • Monica
      [looking at some kind of glass sculpture thing] Wow Joey, this is, uhh...
    • joey
    • Joey
      Art.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Art it is.
    • ross
    • Ross
      [looking at a glass table with a panther shaped base] Look, check this out. Is it a coffee table, is it a panther? There's no need to decide.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      [holding a pillow made out of 4 inch red fur] Hey, nice pillow. So now tell me, is this genuine Muppet skin?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      [looking at a water sculpture that looks like a window with rain running down it] Hey, excellent, excellent water-table thing.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Thanks, yeah. I love this but ya know what, it makes me wanna pee.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, well me too, yeah. I think that's the challenge.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey, how come, uhh, Chandler didn't come?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well uh, it's cause he had a thing with, wi-, with the thing.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Right, I go-, I got it.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      So why don't ya show us the rest of your casa?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah. Uh, oh, OH, the best part, c'mon. [leads them to the bathroom, gestures towards toilet, everyone stares, uncomprehending] Heh?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hey, nice toilet.
    • joey
    • Joey
      No no no, behind it.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Wha-, you have a phone in here?
    • joey
    • Joey
      That's right, I have a phone in here.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Joey, promise me something.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Never call me from that phone.
    • OPENING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 2

      Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Ross are seated. Rachel is walking over with coffee and a piece of pie.

    • [Someone bumps into Rachel and she drops the pie in a guy's hood that's seated at the table. She improvises by using the plate as a saucer for the coffee.]
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      OK, here we go. Honey, I'm sorry, they were all out of apple pie, someone just got the last piece.
    • [Phoebe enters]
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. You are not gonna believe this. I have just been discovered.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Now wait a minute, I claimed you in the name of France four years ago.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Anyway, OK, now promise you won't like, freak out and say how great this is until I'm done, OK.
    • Everyone
      OK.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      OK. I just met this producer of this like, teeny record company, who said that I have a very fresh, offbeat sound and she wants to do a demo of Smelly Cat.
    • Everyone
      [congradulating her and celebrating]
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I told you not to do that yet. And, she wants to do a video.
    • Everyone
      [celebrating more]
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I'm not done yet, OK. God. OK, if that goes well, they may even want to make an album.
    • [everyone is quiet, unsure if she's done or not]
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I'm done now.
    • Everyone
      [celebrating]
    • [the guy with the pie in his hood get up to leave]
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh God. Ross, OK, if you care about me at all, you will get the pie out of the man's hood.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Get the what?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Pie in the hood, pie in the hood. Go.
    • [Ross goes over behind the guy and grabs the pie out of his hood as he leaves]
    • Guy
      What're you doing?
    • ross
    • Ross
      I'm sorry, my pie was, was in your hood. Now I just have to get the coffee out of that guy's pants and I'll be back in the hospital by 7. [swats at an imaginary insect by his head, guy leaves promptly]
    • new scene
    • Scene 3

      Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is outside the bathroom yelling at Ross who's in the bathroom.

    • monica
    • Monica
      Damnit Ross, get your butt out of the bathroom.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Calm down, I'm blow drying.
    • [Rachel enters with laundry and starts folding]
    • monica
    • Monica
      Blow drying what, you have no hair.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What's goin' on?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Your boyfriend has been in there for over an hour. I can't believe it, it's like I'm living with him again. He's here when I go to sleep, he's here when I wake up, he's here when I want to use the shower, ughh. It's like I'm sixteen all over again .
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, you're not sixteen, you're both adults now.
    • monica
    • Monica
      GET OUT YOU DUFUS!!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Or ya know, he's rubber and you're glue.
    • ross
    • Ross
      [comes out] All yours.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I hope you cleaned your hair out of the drain.
    • ross
    • Ross
      [in a childish voice] I hope you cleaned your hair out of the drain.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Shut up.
    • ross
    • Ross
      [childish voice] Shut up.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Cut it out.
    • ross
    • Ross
      [childish voice] Mi-mi-mii.
    • [Monica goes in the bathroom]
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      [sarcastically] I've never wanted you more.
    • new scene
    • Scene 4

      Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting on the bar wearing huge dog-slippers

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      So, whaddya say boys, should I call him? [squeezes the ear of one of the slippers and it barks] Well, ya know what they say. Ask your slippers a question... you're going crazy.
    • [Joey's apartment, phone rings]
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hello.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Listen, I'm, I'm sorry I didn't make it over there today.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, that's OK. You uh, you had a thing.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah well, I hear the place looks great.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Ahh, forget about it, I'm havin' a ball. How's the apartment doin'
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh hey, it's, it's terriffic. I mean it's a regular space... fest.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, well great.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah I just... wanted to call and say hey.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well OK then. [oven timer goes off behind Chandler] Was that the oven timer?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      That's right my friend. It's time for...
    • Both
      Baywatch!! [both turn on TV's]
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, can you believe they gave Stephanie skin cancer?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I still can't believe they promoted her to lieutenant.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Naa, you're just sayin' that 'cause you're in love with Yasmine Blepe.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, how could anyone not be in love with Yasmine Blepe?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey, hey, they're runnin'
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      See, this is the brilliance of the show. I say always keep them running. All the time, running. Run. Run Yasmine, run like the wind.
    • new scene
    • Scene 5

      Central Perk. Joey is sitting between Monica and Phoebe.

    • monica
    • Monica
      But I thought you wanted to live by yourself.
    • joey
    • Joey
      I did. I thought it'd be great. I figured I'd have like, time alone with my thoughts but, ya know, it turns out I don't have as many thoughts as you'd think.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Joey, why don't you talk to Chandler about moving back?
    • joey
    • Joey
      You really think he'd take me? I mean, we had a pretty good talk last night but, when I moved out, I hurt him bad.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I promise you, he would definitely want you back.
    • new scene
    • Scene 6

      Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting between Rachel and Ross.

    • ross
    • Ross
      I'm telling you, there's no way he's moving back.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      But we had one of the greatest talks we ever had last night. I mean it was, it was like when we first started living together.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Look, I know you don't want to hear this right now but, we've seen him in his new place, alright. And he's happy, he's, he's decorated.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Look, Chandler, he has moved on, OK, you have to too.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      But...
    • ross
    • Ross
      No. You're just gonna have to accept the fact that you're just friends now, OK, you're not... rommmates anymore.
    • new scene
    • Scene 7

      Recording studio. Phoebe is getting ready to record Smelly Cat.

    • Producer
      OK Phoebe, you ready to try one?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      OK. [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat [back up singers start singing smelly, smelly, smelly, smelly behind her] Oh woah, oh my God. I mean like, who was that?
    • Producer
      They're your backup singers... beind you.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      OH!! Oh I thought they were just watching me. You know, like at, like at an aquarium, ya know.
    • Producer
      Alrighty. From the top.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      OK. [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat [back up singers - smelly, smelly, smelly, really bad smelly cat, it's not your fault] OK, sorry. I'm just, I'm just not getting that everyone um, gets how smelly this cat acually is. I just think that maybe if we could talk about this, 'cause I need to feel that you really care about the cat.
    • Producer
      Honey, uh we, we can talk about this. It's just that it's costing about a hundred dollars a minute to be in here.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh OK. So, um, the cat stinks but you love it, let's go.
    • new scene
    • Scene 8

      Monica and Chandler's apartment. Ross is on the phone.

    • ross
    • Ross
      No, there is no way he was a velociraptor. No Tony, look at the cranial ridge, OK. If Dino was a velociraptor, he would have eaten the Flintstones. Yeah, yeah. [Monica comes out of her room] Oh, were you takin' a nap?
    • monica
    • Monica
      I was.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh I-, Oh wait, Tony can you hang on? That's the other line. [gets the other line] Hello. Oh yeah she's here but uh, can she call you back? OK thanks. [hangs up the other line] Call Joanna. [back on with Tony] Hi.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Did she leave a number?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Did you see me write one down?
    • monica
    • Monica
      I don't have her number, butt-munch.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, she'll call back, don't be such a baby.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I'm not a baby, you're the baby.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Look, you wanna get off my back?
    • monica
    • Monica
      You wanna get out of my face?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Wait hold on Tony, hold on. [answers second line] Hello. Hi, yeah no, she's right here. Um hold on. [gets first line] Hi Tony, can I call you back? That's uh, that's my sister's boyfriend.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Give me that.
    • ross
    • Ross
      OK.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hi sweetie, look before I forget, did I leave my diaphram at your place? Hi mom. [she starts throwing oranges at Ross who's looking pleased with himself]
    • new scene
    • Scene 9

      Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting on the bar, bouncing a ball against the door. Joey walks in right as he throws the ball and catches it.

    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      So uhh, how's the palace?
    • joey
    • Joey
      You know it's funny you should mention that 'cause I was thinkin'... what's with the boxes?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, uhh, actually I uh, have some news.
    • Eddie
      Hey Chan, is that Joey guy gonna come by and pick up his moose hat or should I just toss it out?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, uh, why don't you ask him yourself. Joey, this is my new roommate Eddie.
    • Eddie
      Nice to meet ya.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Likewise. Uh, I'll take that. [grabs moose hat] It's what I came for. So, this is new. Where'd you two meet?
    • Eddie
      At the uh, supermarket, in the uh, ethnic food section. I helped him pick out a chorizo.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Wow.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well you know, we got to talking and uh, he said he needed a place and I had a spare room.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, now it's a spare room?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well yeah, in that it's not being used and I... have it to spare.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well I uh, got what I came for. [puts on moose hat] I'll uh, I'll see you guys.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey Jo. When'd you start usin' mousse in your hair?
    • Eddie
      [annoying laugh] Is this guy great or what?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah, yeah he is. [leaves]
    • new scene
    • Scene 10

      Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel, and Ross are there.

    • monica
    • Monica
      I can't believe he has a new roommate. Who is this guy?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Uh, Eddie something. He just met him.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      It'll never last, he's just a rebound roommate.
    • [Phoebe enters]
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey.
    • Everyone
      Hey.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, check it out, oh check it out. It's Smelly Cat the video.
    • Everyone
      [cheer]
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Now OK, I haven't seen it yet so, if you don't like it, well, so what, none of you ever made a video. [puts the tape in] OK.
    • [The video is a very dramatic episode with an obviously dubbed voice for Phoebe. Everyone watches in disbeliefe]
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh my God.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I know.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I sound amazing. I, I, I've never heard myself sing before. I mean, except in my own head. Oh, this is so cool, now I can hear what you hear.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Pretty uhm, different huh?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, I am sorry but I am incredibly talented.
    • new scene
    • Scene 11

      Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Joey stops by. Chandler is reading the paper and Eddie is fixing eggs.

    • Eddie
      Hi Joey, what's goin' on man?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Eddie.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Morning.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Morning. I just uh, came by to pick up my mail. [looks for the mail on the table by the door, it's not there] Where's the mail?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh it's uh, over there on the table.
    • joey
    • Joey
      You don't keep it over here on this table any more?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      No, Eddie likes to keep it over there.
    • Eddie
      Alright, here you go my friend. Eggs a-la Eddie, huh?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, ooh.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Huh.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What?
    • joey
    • Joey
      No I just uh, thought you liked your eggs with the bread with the hole in the middle, a-la me.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well I do, but uh, Eddie makes them this way and, well they're pretty darn good.
    • Eddie
      Well you guys, I'm outta here. See ya pals.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      See ya. [Eddie leaves]
    • joey
    • Joey
      So how you two gettin' along?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, I couldn't be happier.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Great, well, I'm happy for ya. [picks up the orange juice carton and it's empty] Alright that's it. He just comes in here, Mr. Jonny Neweggs, with his, his, his movin' the mail and his, his 'see ya pals'. And now there's no juice. There's no juice f or the people who need the juice and want the juice. I need the juice.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      There's another carton right over there.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey, this isn't about juice anymore, alright man.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Alright, so what's it about?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Eggs. Who's eggs do you like better, his or mine, huh?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well I like both eggs equally.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh come on. Nobody likes two different kinds of eggs equally. You like one better than the other and I wanna know which.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well what's the difference? Your eggs aren't here anymore, are they? You took your eggs and you left. You really expect me to never find new eggs?
    • new scene
    • Scene 12

      Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Monica are fighting over the remote.

    • monica
    • Monica
      I wanna watch Entertainment Tonight.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Tough noogies, we're watching Predators of the Serengetti.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Would you guys stop.
    • monica
    • Monica
      It's my TV.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Wha-, oh, quit it.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Bite me.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh my God.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, Monica keeps changin' the channel.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh that's great, why don't you tell mommy on me.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Now I'm mommy in this little play? Alright look, I refuse to get sucked into this like, weird little Geller dimension thing OK. So I'm gonna go and take a nice long hot bubble bath because you kids are driving me crazy. [goes in the bathroom]
    • monica
    • Monica
      OK, what're we gonna do about this?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, I guess we could tape Entertainment Tonight.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Not that, this, US. Oh my God, Ross, you-re, you're, it's jus-, you-, ever sin- you been here.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Ow, ow, OK. Alright, alright, Mon, Mon, you've gone ultrasonic again, alright.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I just can't stand you being here all the time.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Why, why, why can't you stand me being here? I don't, I, we're just, ya know, we're just havin' fun.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Fun? Fun, you think this is fun?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, c'mon I mean I though, you know, I thought we're just foolin' around. Like when, uh, when we were kids.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ross, I hated you when we were kids.
    • ross
    • Ross
      You hated me when we were kids?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yes. I hated you. I mean I, I, loved you in a 'you're my brother so I have to' kind of way, but basically, yeah, I hated your guts.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Why did you hate me?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Because, you were mean to me and you, you teased me and you always, always got your way.
    • ross
    • Ross
      And that wasn't fun for you?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Duh-huh!
    • ross
    • Ross
      I can't believe you hated me.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Now I love you. And not just 'cause I have to.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Really?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah. You're just gonna have to stop pissing me off.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I can do that.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Then I won't have to kill you.
    • ross
    • Ross
      So you wanna watch uh, Entertainment Tonight?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah, thanks. You know what?
    • ross
    • Ross
      What?
    • monica
    • Monica
      If you really want to watch that Serengetti thing, you can.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Ohh... OK. [changes the channel]
    • new scene
    • Scene 13

      Central Perk. Ross, Rachel, and Monica are hanging out.

    • [Phoebe enters]
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey.
    • Everyone
      Hey.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Listen. You are not going to believe this but, that is not me singing on the video.
    • Everyone
      No.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yes.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, how did you find out?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well, OK, the record company sent over this piece of paper for me to sign, saying that it's OK for someone else to sing for me. That was my first clue.
    • monica
    • Monica
      So what're you gonna do?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well, I can't work with people who would do this.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Sure.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I mean this poor woman.
    • ross
    • Ross
      What woman?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      The voice woman. Ya know, I mean, she has a great voice but she doesn't have a video.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      OK, Phoebs. But what about you?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well I have a video, you have to pay attention. No this, this voice woman, she's so talented but, according to the producer people, they said she doesn't have like the right look or something, ya know. I mean, it's like, she's like one of those an imals at the pound who like nobody wants 'cause they're not pretty enough or you know. Like, like some old dog who's just kind of like stinky and. Huuuuh, oh my God, she's smelly cat. Oh, oh that song has so many levels.
    • new scene
    • Scene 14

      Chandler and Eddie's apartment.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey Eddie, you uh, wanna play some foosball?
    • Eddie
      No thanks man, I'm not uh, I'm not really into sports.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      [stares in disbeliefe] Yeah o-, OK, alright. [oven timer goes off] Doesn't matter, time for Baywatch.
    • Eddie
      Y-, y-, you like that show?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You don't like that show?
    • Eddie
      Wha-, n-, no. I mean it's just a bunch of pretty people runnin' around on the beach, ya know.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well that's the brilliance of it. The pretty people... and the running.
    • Eddie
      I tell ya, I-, I'm gonna go read in my room for a little while.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh o-, OK man.
    • [Joey's place. He's watching Baywatch, lauging. He goes to say something to Chandler in the other chair but no one's there. He goes to call Chandler but decides not to.]
    • [Chandler's. He's playing foosball by himself.]
    • [Joey's. Playing ping pong by himself.]
    • [All by myself is playing. Chandler is sitting in front of a window while it's raining outside. We see Joey through a rainy window. The camera zooms out to show it's just his tabletop water sculpture.]
    • CLOSING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 15

      Central Perk. Phoebe is performing Smelly Cat.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Everybody.
    • Everyone
      Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, it's not your fault.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Monica.
    • monica
    • Monica
      [sings] They won't take you to the vet.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Chandler.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      [reluctantly sings] You're obviously not their favorite pet.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Joey.
    • joey
    • Joey
      [sings] It may not be a bed of roses.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Rachel.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      [sings] And you're no friend to those with noses.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Uh, Ross, those are the only lines we have, sorry. OK, you guys, once more.
    • END