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  •  /  Friends  /  S09E10 The One With Christmas In Tulsa


    • new scene
    • Scene 1

      Monica and Chandler's Apartment, everyone's there; Phoebe recites the last verse of a poem to Joey. This poem is known as "The Night Before Christmas" by Clement Clarke Moore, but it seems that it's rather "Account of a visit from St. Nicholas" by Henry Livingston.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      ...sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle;
    • and away they all flew like the down of a thistle;
    • but I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
    • "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!"
    • joey
    • Joey
      (impressed) Wow, that was great! You really wrote that?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (smiling) Uh-huh.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (coming from the bedroom) Say goodbye elves, I'm off to Tulsa.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I can't believe you're not gonna be here for Christmas.
    • ross
    • Ross
      You're really not coming back?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah, we have all this paperwork that needs to be filed by the end of the year. If I don't get it done, I'll be fired.
    • monica
    • Monica
      It's so unfair, you don't even like your job!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      So, who does?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, I like my job.
    • joey
    • Joey
      I *love* my job.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, I can't *wait* to go back to work.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I can't get *enough* dinosaurs!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'm sorry, I won't be here.
    • monica
    • Monica
      It's just... It's hard enough not seeing you during the week, but for Christmas... alright, if this is what you have to do, I understand.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Thanks. (they kiss) I'll see you New Year's Day.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (shocked) You're not gonna be here New Year's Eve??
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Did I not mention that?
    • monica
    • Monica
      No!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (thinks for a second, then waves his arms, exclaiming:) AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! (and runs out of the apartment)
    • OPENING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 2

      Chandler's Office in Tulsa, in the conference room. Chandler's staff/co-workers are sitting round the table; Chandler is walking around, when he notices a piece of paper attached to the back of his chair.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      All right everybody, I know that it's Christmas Eve and you'd rather be with your families, but there's *no* call (he takes it off) for writing "Screw you, Mr. Bing!" on the back of my chair! (he looks at it) -- By the way, you can all call me Chandler.
    • (Wendy enters the conference room, carrying a cardboard box.)
    • Wendy
      Hey!
    • Others
      Hey.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey. Where've you been?
    • Wendy
      I was, uh, checking out that insurance company's Christmas party on three, oh, it was really beautiful, they have all these decorations and this huge tree and I just, uh... to hell with them, we have to work. -- So I stole ther ham. (She turns the cardboard box upside down over the conference table, a big piece of ham falls out.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (to the others) You hear that? You may not be with your families, but at least it's gonna smell like ham in here.
    • Claudia
      My kid's in a play right now.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Y'know what, I know what will cheer you guys up! (he starts spreading envelopes among them) I had a little talk with the boys in New York, told 'em about all the hard work you've been doing and that a little Christmas bonus may be in order.
    • Ken
      (reading off his card) "A donation has been made in your name to the New York City Ballet".
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, that's like money in your pocket! - Alright look, you want me to say it? This sucks. Being here sucks! This work sucks!
    • Wendy
      *Now* it feels like Christmas.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'm sorry. Hey, at least you guys get to go home and be with your families tonight. I have to go back to an empty hotel room and lay down on a very questionable bedspread. And then tomorrow morning, you get to have Christmas morning in your own houses, wich, by the way, none of you have invited me to.
    • Ken
      You can come to my house!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Haha, no thanks!
    • Wendy
      That was a nice pep-talk.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, thanks! I'm... actually thinking about becoming a motivational speaker.
    • Wendy
      So, if you were home right now, what would you be doing?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Typical Christmas-y stuff, you know? Our holidays are pretty traditional...
    • [Flashback to 410 - TOW The Girl From Poughkeepsie]
    • new scene
    • Scene 3

      Central Perk, Phoebe is singing her holiday song.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      So here is a, a very special holiday song that I wrote for some very important people to me. (singing:)
    • "Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap.
    • Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap.
    • Said all you need is to write them a song.
    • Now, you haven't heard it yet, so don't try to sing along.
    • No, don't sing along.
    • Monica, Moncia, have a happy Hanukkah.
    • Saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross.
    • And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy!
    • And Rachel and Chandler, have err-umm-glander!!"
    • Happy holidays, everybody!
    • [Flashback to 610 - TOW The Routine]
    • new scene
    • Scene 4

      Monica and Chandler's apartment, Chandler is there. Phoebe and Rachel enter.

    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay, Pheebs, you look in the kitchen, I will look in the back closet.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I can save you time ladies, I'm right here.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, Chandler why don't you take a walk? This doesn't concern you.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      We are looking for our Christmas presents from Monica.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What? That's terrible!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No-no, we do it every year!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh well, that, that makes it not terrible.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No, yeah, we never find them! She's always best at us, that wily... minx.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Don't worry, we're just gonna search here for an hour, and then we're gonna go over to Joey's and search, OK?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      No not okay, you can't look for Monica's presents!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh no, we have to!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      No, you don't have to, and you can't because I, I live here too.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well then, you should look with us.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Why?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Chandler, aren't you worried about what to get Monica for Christmas?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      No, I have a great idea for a present for her.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, that's it? (Mimics Chandler) A great idea! Oh yeah.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Chandler, that's not enough. I mean what if she gets you a great present, two medium presents, and a bunch of little presents? And you've just gotten her one great present? I mean that's just gonna make her feel bad. Why would you do that to her Chandler? Why? Why?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      If I help, we can find 'em faster!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      That's right!
    • (Phoebe looks under the couch)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ooh ooh, we have a live one!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, it's a Macy's bag!
    • (Phoebe tips it upside down, and a shoe falls out)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ooh, who's it for?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (Reading from a tag that's attached to the shoe) "Dear losers, do you really think I'd hide presents under the couch? P.S.: Chandler, I knew they'd break you."
    • [Flashback to 209 - TOW Phoebe's Dad]
    • new scene
    • Scene 5

      Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out their Christmas presents out of a cardboard box from a case of motor oil.

    • joey
    • Joey
      Rach, these are for you.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Wiper blades. I don't even have a car.
    • joey
    • Joey
      No, but with this new car smell, you'll think you do.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      OK, Pheebs, your turn.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ahh, toilet seat covers! Is that what you were doing while I was getting gas?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Uh-huh.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      You guuuyys.
    • joey
    • Joey
      And for Ross, Mr. Sweet-tooth.
    • ross
    • Ross
      You got me a cola drink?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      And, a lemon lime.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well this, this is too much, I feel like I should get you another sweater.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      And last but not least.
    • (Chandler and Joey give Monica a pack of condoms.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      They're ribbed for *your* pleasure.
    • [Flashback to 710 - TOW The Holiday Armadillo]
    • new scene
    • Scene 6

      Monica, Chandler and Phoebe's, Ross is costumed as an Armadillo.

    • ross
    • Ross
      Ooh, hey Ben, what if the Holiday Armadillo told you all about the Festival of Lights?
    • Ben
      Cool!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Come on Ben.
    • (Monica and Ben sit down on the couch.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees...
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (entering in a Santa costume) Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
    • Ben
      Santa! (Runs to Chandler and hugs him)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey! (Grunts as Ben hits him at full speed.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      What are you doing here, Santa?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird...turtle-man?
    • ross
    • Ross
      I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more presents, and Santa, the Armadillo and I have a little talk in the kitchen? There's a sentence I'd never thought I'd say.
    • (They walk to the kitchen; everyone is lowering their voices)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (to Chandler) What are you doing?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You called everyone and said you were having trouble finding a Santa costume, so I borrowed one from a guy at work!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Thank you, but, but you, you gotta leave.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Why?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Because, I'm finally getting him excited about Hanukkah, and, and you're-you're wrecking it.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      But I didn't get to shake my belly like a bowl full of jelly.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I'm sorry Chandler, but this, this is really important to me.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Fine, I'll give the suit back.
    • (Ross turns around and walks back to Ben.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      (to Chandler) Hey, you think, you can keep it another night? (She has a really teasing look on her face and keeps twirling Chandler's beard.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Santa? Really?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah, is that okay?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Did your Dad ever dress up like Santa?
    • monica
    • Monica
      No.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Then it's okaaay! (They kiss.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 7

      Back in the conference room in Tulsa.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You know what, everybody? Go home. You should be with your families. It's bad enough that we're working New Year's Eve.
    • (All others are looking up, surprised)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Did I not tell *anyone* about New Year's Eve? -- Alright, look, go! Go home, okay? Merry Christmas! Go.
    • (All are leaving, wishing each other a Merry Christmas, peace on earth, etc. Only Wendy stays.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Good, God's speed, good people! (he starts to close the door, turns around and sees Wendy) You're not gonna go?
    • Wendy
      Naah... I couldn't leave you alone.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Ah. Thanks.
    • Wendy
      Besides, I can't leave until their Christmas party downstairs clears out; there are some *pissed off* insurance people looking for that ham.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Ah. (The phone rings; he answers it) Chandler Bing.
    • new scene
    • Scene 8

      Changes back an forth, Monica and Chandler's Apartment, Monica's on the other end of the line. The phone's speaker is turned on, so the rest of the gang, sitting around the phone, can hear Chandler.

    • monica
    • Monica
      Hi Honey! We're all here; we just want to wish you a Merry Christmas.
    • Others
      (simultaneously) Merry Christmas! (except for Phoebe...)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (simultaneous to the others) Ble-blah-blar Blargh!
    • (All the others look at her, stunned/incredulous)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Ahh, Merry Christmas; I miss you guys!
    • monica
    • Monica
      So is it horrible? Is everybody working really hard?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Ah, well no, it's just uh, me and Wendy.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Wendy? -- That sounds like a girl's name.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      It is. Did I... not tell you about her?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Umhmm, umhmm, about the time you told me about New Year's Eve. Where is everybody else?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I sent them home.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ohh, you are such a good boss! Is she pretty?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Uhh, uh...
    • ross
    • Ross
      (in a low voice) Answer faster, answer faster!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I don't know!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (in the same low voice) Answer better, answer better!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I don't think of her that way, you know, she's a, she's a colleague.
    • monica
    • Monica
      What does she do there?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, she's regional Vice President; She's... just below me.
    • monica
    • Monica
      She did WHAT?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      BE-LOW me!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Ahh, wait, is Wendy the runner-up Miss Oklahoma?
    • monica
    • Monica
      *What*??
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, she... she didn't win...
    • monica
    • Monica
      Alright, well, maybe I should let you and the second prettiest girl in Oklahoma get back to work.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, second prettiest that year; I mean, of *all* the girls in Oklahoma, she's probably...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (interrupting him) Oh Chandler, stop talking!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Honey, there's really nothing to worry about.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'm serious!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Merry Christmas.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Merry Christmas.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Merry Christmas, you guys!
    • Others
      (simultaneously) Yeah, Merry... Christmas. (again, Phoebe...)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (simultaneous to the others) Blah blargah, blar-blab.
    • (Again the others just look at her, silent, puzzled.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 9

      back in the conference room in Tulsa

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (hanging up the phone) The wife says "Hi!".
    • Wendy
      Ah. Fun conversation?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Ah well, she's got this weird idea, that, uh, y'know, just because you and I are alone, that something is gonna happen.
    • Wendy
      Huh? Really? -- Hm, that'd be so terrible? (She gets hold of Chandler's tie, slowly moving her hands upwards on the tie, getting closer and closer to him, seductive.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      This is probably the wrong thing to be worrying about, but... you're getting ham on my only tie.
    • (She's getting closer to him, the scene fades to black.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 10

      The conference room in Tulsa again, Chandler is trying to evade Wendy

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Whoa-ho, back off, Missy! (He takes a step back, but she still keeps her grip on his tie.)
    • Wendy
      (laughs) ...Missy?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I don't know; I'm not used to girls making passes at me! ... (She lets go of his tie) Wait a minute... am I sexy in Oklahoma?
    • Wendy
      You are to me... (She gets closer again, putting her arms around his torso.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (flattered) No,... no... (realizing) NO! (He quickly gets several steps away from her.) Look, I'm, I'm married!
    • Wendy
      So? I'm married. (Showing him the ring on her finger.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'm *happily* married.
    • Wendy
      Oh. - What's *that* like?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Right. So, I'm sorry...
    • Wendy
      Seriously? Happily married. So that phone call before, that was ... happy?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well look, it's not easy to spend this much time apart, you know. She's entitled to be a little paranoid... or, in this case: right on money! ... You know, she's amazing, and beautiful, and smart, and if she were here right now, ...she'd kick your ass. Look, you're a really nice person... ham stealing and adultery aside. But, what I have with my wife is pretty great, so nothing is ever gonna happen between us.
    • Wendy
      Okay, let me ask you something
    • (Chandler starts to think about it...)
    • [Flashback to 716 - TOW The Truth About London]
    • new scene
    • Scene 11

      London, Chandler's hotel room. He was getting ready for bed when Monica pays him a visit and they started talking

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I mean, you were the most beautiful woman in the room tonight!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Really?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You kidding? You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms... (She jumps up and kisses him.) (Breaking the kiss.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What's going on? You and I just made out! You and I are making out?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well, not anymore.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      But we don't do that.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I know, I just thought it would be fun.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      How drunk are you?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Drunk enough that I know I wanna do this. Not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (thinks) That's the perfect amount!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay!
    • (They run to the bed, sit down, and start making out again.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      (breaking the kiss) Y'know what's weird?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What?
    • monica
    • Monica
      This doesn't feel weird!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I know.
    • monica
    • Monica
      You're a really good kisser.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, I have kissed over four women. (They kiss again.) Do you wanna get under the covers?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hm-hmm!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Okay!
    • (They do so and they take off their clothes.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Wow! You are really fast!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      It bodes well for me that speed impresses you.
    • monica
    • Monica
      We're gonna see each other naked.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yep!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Do you wanna do it at the same time?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Count of three?
    • monica
    • Monica
      One!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Two!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Two!
    • Both
      Three! (They lift up the covers and check each other out, then come back up with silly grins on their faces.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well I think it's safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Eh, we weren't that close anyway!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Eh! (They start making out again)
    • [Flashback to 503 - TOW The Triplets]
    • new scene
    • Scene 12

      A hallway in the hospital, Monica and Chandler are talking.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      So, are you really gonna go out with that nurse man?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well uh, you and I are just goofing around, I thought, why not just goof around with him.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary... Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am *so* bad at this.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I think you're better than you think you are.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Really? Okay, so...
    • monica
    • Monica
      (interrupting) Know when to stop.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Y'know, I sensed that I should stop. So we're okay?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah. (They kiss and as she starts to leave, Chandler starts to dance. Without turning around:) Don't do the dance.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Right!
    • [Flashback to 524 - TOI Vegas, Part II]
    • new scene
    • Scene 13

      The Gift Shop, Monica and Chandler are entering.

    • monica
    • Monica
      I can't get married until I get something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Okay, all right, all right, all right! Okay! (Picks up a blue sweater.) Okay, here's something, here's something blue and new.
    • monica
    • Monica
      You're so efficient. I love you!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Let's go! (Starts to leave.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      No-no-no, wait! We need something old!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, okay, I have condom in my wallet that I've had since I was twelve.
    • monica
    • Monica
      That'll work!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I don't think so.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay, now we just need something borrowed!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (looks around) Here just...take this. (Hands her the sweater.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      That's stealing!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      No, we'll-we'll bring it back! Just put it under your dress.
    • (She does so and it makes her look pregnant.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ohh. (Rubs her fake stomach.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Okay, one thing at a time. (They run out to get married.)
    • [Flashback to 702 - TOW Rachel's Book]
    • new scene
    • Scene 14

      Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the wedding book as Monica enters.

    • monica
    • Monica
      Listen umm, I've been thinking, it's not fair for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding. I mean, you work, you work really hard for that.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Ehh.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Eh, you work for that.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Look, I thought about it too, and I'm sorry. I think we should spend all of the money on the wedding.
    • monica
    • Monica
      You do?!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah, I'm putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy, then, then that's what we're gonna do.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh, you're so sweet. (They hug and kiss.) Oh, but wait, what about our, what about the future and stuff?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Eh, forget about the future and stuff! So we only have two kids, y'know? We'll pick our favorite and that one will get to go to college.
    • monica
    • Monica
      You thought about that?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah.
    • monica
    • Monica
      How many kids were we gonna have?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Uh, four, a boy, twin girls and another boy.
    • monica
    • Monica
      What else did you think about?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, stuff like where we'd live, y'know? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Y'know, we could have a cat that had a bell on its collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, we'd have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (laughs) Y'know what? I-I don't want a big, fancy wedding.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Sure you do.
    • monica
    • Monica
      No, I want everything that you just said. I want a marriage.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You sure?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Uh-hmm.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I love you so much.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I love you. (They kiss.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 15

      Monica and Chandler's Apartment, everyone except Chandler is there; they're opening their presents

    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (opens her present from Ross; it's a dark-red scarf) Oohh, I love it!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Really? You're not gonna return it?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, not this second!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (at the window) Hey look, you guys, it's snowing!
    • (The others all get up and go to the window.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh wow, it's so beautiful...
    • ross
    • Ross
      Wow, it really is!
    • (They all stand a moment in silence, staring out of the window.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      "Wendy" is a fat girl name.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Aren't we done with that?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay, fine. Let's talk about snow. -- Do you think it's snowing in Tulsa, where my husband is having sex on a copying machine?
    • (Shortly after that, Chandler enters.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey!
    • (Surprised, uttering Ahhs and Ohhs, the others are coming over to him.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh my god...
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey-heeyyy - Look at that, it's a Christmas miracle!
    • monica
    • Monica
      What are you doing here?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I wanted to be with you. I missed you so much.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey, hey, uh, who did you miss the most?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Monica.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Got ya. (blinks an eye)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I never want to leave you again!
    • monica
    • Monica
      But I thought if you left, you get fired.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Turns out they can't fire me. Because I quit.
    • monica
    • Monica
      What?
    • ross
    • Ross
      What, you, you really quit your job?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah! It's a stupid job, and I could not stand leaving you. And why should I be the only one who doesn't get to do what he *really* wants to do?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What do you really want to do?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (realizing) I have *not* thought this through!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh my god!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I know, I, I should have talked to you first about it.
    • monica
    • Monica
      No, I think that this is what you wanna do, I think it's great!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Thanks!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Chandler, your being here is the best Christmas present I could have ever imagined.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (flattered) Ahh...
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Now give me my real gift.
    • (Chandler hands Phoebe an envelope, and some more to Monica)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (to Chandler) Thank you.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (to Monica) Here, pass these, will ya.. (points to the others)
    • (Monica passes the Envelopes on to Ross, Joey and Rachel.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, hey...
    • (They all open their envelopes.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (reading off his card) "A donation has been made in your name to the New York City Ballet." -- How did you know?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Wha... are you kidding? I can't return this.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I... thought it was a timely start to thinking about other people. Besides, this gift still says I love you guys.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Mine's is to Lilian Myers.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I don't have a *job*!
    • CLOSING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 16

      Monica and Chandler's Apartment, Monica is cleaning up, Chandler is sitting on the couch, checking the Job offers in a Newspaper.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Actuary... no. Book-keeper... no. Topless dancer... (he looks down on himself, checking, then nods satisfied and marks the offer with a pen) (to Monica:) Hey, d'you know what I just realized? You are the sole wage earner. *You* are the head of the household. I don't do anything - I'm a kept man!
    • monica
    • Monica
    • monica
    • Monica
      You are! (she picks up a bill from the table, handing it to Chandler) Hey, here's twenty bucks. -- Why don't you go buy yourself something pretty while I'm at work tomorrow?
    • (Chandler looks at the bill, thinking... then looks at the offer in the Newspaper and makes some dancing moves to see if he's up for the job...)
    • END