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  •  /  Friends  /  S09E20 The One With The Soap Opera Party


    • new scene
    • Scene 1

      Monica's apartment

    • joey
    • Joey
      (enters the room) Hey, you guys, what are you doing tomorrow night?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (browsing through a diary) Well, let me see... I-I believe I'm... yes, falling asleep in front of the TV.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Look, my agent hooked me up with six tickets to a great play.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I could fall asleep at a play.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      What is it?
    • joey
    • Joey
      It's a one-woman play called "Why don't you like me: a bitter woman's journey through life".
    • monica
    • Monica
      It sounds interesting!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, it does sound interesting, I mean, to listen to a woman complain for two hours, I don't think it gets bett... (Ross starts snoring, faking to fall asleep)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I know, I know, we can drive, we can vote, we can work, what more do these broads want?
    • joey
    • Joey
      You guys are gonna have a great time, I promise!
    • ross
    • Ross
      What? How come that you don't have to go!
    • joey
    • Joey
      I wish I could but I just found out that I have to be at work really early the next day, so I can't go, but, you know, take the extra ticket and invite whoever you want.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (browsing through a diary) Uh, let's see, who do I hate?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (gets up from the sofa and moves to the kitchen but Joey blocks her way) Oh, sorry... Oops, sorry.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (lifts Rachel up and moves her behind him so she can walk on) Hey, here you go.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ooh... oooh... (pause) (Rachel is all bah-jiggity about Joey) oh, ah... (pause) (to Monica) Can I ask you a question?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Do you think it's possible for two friends to fool around and... and not have it be a big deal?
    • monica
    • Monica
      No, I don't think it ever works. Why?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No reason.
    • monica
    • Monica
      No, no, Rachel?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah
    • monica
    • Monica
      Who do you wanna fool around with?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (with high pitched voice) Nobody, forget it!
    • (Monica points at Joey, Rachel turns and sees him)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (giggling and whispering) Maybe.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (whispering) You can't!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (whispering) Why? (Monica gesticulates mumbling something that starts with "because") Seriously I did not understand a word that you said.
    • monica
    • Monica
      In the hall.
    • new scene
    • Scene 2

      In the hall

    • monica
    • Monica
      You wanna fool around with Joey?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah! You know, ever since I had that dream about him, and can't get it out of my head! And what's the big deal, people do it all the time!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Who? Who do you know that are friends that just fool around?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ok, off the top of my head... Don and Janet.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Who, who are they?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I know them from work.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Both of them?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No, one of them...
    • monica
    • Monica
      Which one?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I don't know, what were the names I just said?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Rachel, things can get incredibly complicated.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      All right, all right, you're right, I won't do anything with Joey, I just thought that we (Joey enters the hall) Ok so that would be two cups of tarragon, one pound of baking soda and one red onion? (Joey enters his apartment)
    • monica
    • Monica
      What the hell are you cooking!
    • OPENING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 3

      Central Perk, Ross enters

    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey, you guys won't believe what I have to do for work today.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yes, but, Ross you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (covering with his hand Chandler's face, like pretending he's not there) (to Monica) There're these two professors who are joining my department and I have to meet them here and show them around campus.
    • monica
    • Monica
      What's so bad about that?
    • ross
    • Ross
      It's I just know they're gonna be a couple of windbags wearing tweed jackets with suede elbow patches.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (fingering her elbow): Ross?
    • ross
    • Ross
      (looking his elbow, where there's a patch) These aren't suede.
    • (a woman walks in)
    • Charlie
      (to Gunther) Excuse me, I'm looking for someone. You don't, by any chance, know a Ross Geller?
    • Gunther
      No.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hi, hi, I'm Ross Geller.
    • Charlie
      Oh, hi. I'm professor Wealer.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, oh, that's, that's, that's nice.
    • Charlie
      It's a... It's good to meet you! Thank you so much for taking the time out to show me around.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, no, it's no big deal, I mean, if I weren't doing this I'd just, you know, be at the gym working out.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (to Chandler) Is he gonna introduce us?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (to Monica) No, I think we're just blurry shapes to him now.
    • Charlie
      And, by the way, I really enjoyed your paper on the connection between geographic isolation and rapid mutagenesis.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, ha, I wrote that in one minute.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (to Chandler) Twenty bucks says they're married within the month.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (hitting Monica with his suitcase) (to Charlie) We should probably get going, you know, we got a lot of ground to cover.
    • Charlie
      Oh, ah, isn't there another professor that is supposed to come with us?
    • ross
    • Ross
      I don't think so.
    • Charlie
      I'm pretty sure, professor Spafford from Cornell?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, well he's obviously late and the rule in my class is "if you can't come on time, then don't come at all". (pause) An option that many of my students use. (pause) Shall we?
    • Charlie
      You don't think we should wait for him?
    • ross
    • Ross
      You know what, he's a big boy, I'm sure he'll find us, ok?
    • Professor Spafford
      Professor Geller?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, damn it!
    • new scene
    • Scene 4

      Joey's apartment

    • (Rachel enters the room and checks the answering machine)
    • Jane
      (from the answering machine) Hi Joey it's Jane Rogers, can't wait for your party tonight. Listen, I forgot your address, can you give me a call? Thanks, bye.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (entering the room) Hey!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hey!
    • joey
    • Joey
      What's happenin'?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, it's a real shame you can't make it to that one-woman show tonight.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, I'd love to, but I gotta get up so early the next day and so, you know me, work comes first
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah... (she plays the answering machine)
    • Message
      "Hi Joey, it's Jane Rogers can't wait for your party tonight" (Joey's upset and stops it)
    • joey
    • Joey
      (yelling) Stupid Jane Rogers!!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (angry) You are having a party tonight??
    • joey
    • Joey
      Kinda have a... a thing for the Days Of Our Life's people.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      And you weren't going to tell us? How did you think you were gonna get away with that?
    • joey
    • Joey
      I do it every year.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      You do that every year??
    • joey
    • Joey
      I didn't have to tell you that!! I'm stupider than Jane Rogers!!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, that's why you got these tickets to that play, to get rid of us??
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      And last year is that why you sent us to that medieval times restaurant?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      OH! And the year before that, when you set up that nighttime tour of that button factory?
    • joey
    • Joey
      (Smiling) I can't believe you guys went for that one!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Joey, why wouldn't you invite us to your parties?
    • joey
    • Joey
      You're fine, ok? But everyone else acts like an idiot around famous people!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, then so you just invite me...!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (speaking aloud) Please, I was trying to be nice, you're the worst one!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, Joey, come on! Please, please! Let me come, I will behave, I promise! I will behave! Please, please, please...
    • joey
    • Joey
      Ok, ok! Fine! You can come, but don't tell anybody else. It's up on the roof at 8.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (yelling and jumping like a child) OH, a soap opera roof party!! I'm going to a soap opera roof party!! Oh my God, oh my God!! (realizing how she's behaving) And it's out of my system!
    • new scene
    • Scene 5

      Ross, Charlie and Professor Spafford are sitting at the table in a restaurant

    • Professor Spafford
      (speaking very slowly) And then my wife and I went on a cruise to the Galapagos. There was a sea food buffet you wouldn't believe. There were clams, and mussels, and oysters, and cracked crab, and snow crab, and king crab. It's a pity I'm allergic to shellfish.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (very bored, he tries to avoid the conversation speaking to Charlie) So, where did you get your undergraduate degree?
    • Professor Spafford
      And that's not all I'm allergic to.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (to Charlie) Oh, it's not over!
    • Professor Spafford
      I'm also allergic to peanuts, and cashews, and almonds, and filberts...
    • ross
    • Ross
      So basically all nuts?
    • Professor Spafford
      Interestingly... no.
    • Charlie
      Kinda playing fast and loose with the word "interesting".
    • Professor Spafford
      If you'll excuse me I'm going to use the restroom. (he goes away)
    • Charlie
      Oh my God!!
    • ross
    • Ross
      I've lost the will to live.
    • Charlie
      Let's ditch him!
    • ross
    • Ross
      What?
    • Charlie
      Come on, he's still in the bathroom! I'm begging you!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh... ok, fine. But... ehm... I just have one question for you, ehm... (aping Professor Spafford) When we exit should we walk, or run, or prance, or stroll...
    • Charlie
      Stop it, stop it! He talks slow but he might pee fast! Ok, let's go!! (they run outside)
    • new scene
    • Scene 6

      Monica and Chandler's apartment

    • ross
    • Ross
      (entering with Charlie) Oh, hey you guys! This is Charlie! Charlie, this is Phoebe and my sister, Monica.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hi!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, Charlie is gonna be joining my department.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, you're a paleonthologist, too! (pause) Oh, ok, now, what do you think of Ranion's new theory of species' variegation in segmented arthopods?
    • Charlie
      Well, I think he's a little out there, but he does have some interesting ideas...
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ah, ah.
    • Charlie
      (her mobile phone rings) Oh, I'm sorry. I'll take this. Excuse me. (she cuts herself off for a moment)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (to Phoebe) Ranion's theory of species variegation?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, I saw the article on your coffee table and I memorized the title to freak you out!
    • monica
    • Monica
      (to Ross) So, did you two have fun?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh my God, she's great! I mean, we-we have so much in common and she's just cool, and funny...
    • monica
    • Monica
      And I don't know if you've noticed but she's a (aloud) HOTTY!! (Charlie looks at her) HI!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (she enters wearing a bath-robe) Hey... Hi you guys! Listen, you know what? I'm not feeling really well. I think I can't get out for the play.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Really? Wh-what's wrong?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I don't know! I think it's kind of serious! Oh, you know... I was watching this thing on TV this morning about... Newcastle disease... and I think I might have it!!
    • Charlie
      Oh, Newcastle disease is a secretion borne virus that only affects chickens and... other poultry.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      ... Ok, who is this?
    • ross
    • Ross
      I'm sorry, Rachel, this is Charlie Wealer, she's a collegue.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, hi! I would check your hand but... I'm sure you don't want to get my chicken disease!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey, Rachel, Can-can I see you for a sec?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Sure! (Monica takes her apart) Oh...
    • monica
    • Monica
      You're not sick!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What? Yes, I am!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ok, then, why are you... (she opens her robe revealing a nice black dress) all dressed up??
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      When you're sick, you do whatever you can to make yourself feel better! (she closes her robe)
    • monica
    • Monica
      You just wanna stay home so you can make a move on Joey!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, no, no! I heard you before, that is so not what this is!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ok, what is this?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ok! (whispering) Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof and he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you!
    • monica
    • Monica
      (aloud) WHAT?
    • ross
    • Ross
      (looking at them) Wh-what's going on?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      And he didn't want you guys to know about it but I came over here to tell you!!
    • Charlie
      I thought you came to say you were sick.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ok professor or detective?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Joey's having a party and he wasn't gonna invite us?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, and he does it every year! That's why he's sending you to that play! That's why he sent us to that medieval restaurant and to that button factory!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      And that horrible museum tour!
    • ross
    • Ross
      No, I arranged that...
    • (Joey enters, wearing a bathrobe)
    • joey
    • Joey
      (sounds tired) Hey you guys, I'm turning in. Have fun.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      We know about your party Joey.
    • joey
    • Joey
      What party?
    • monica
    • Monica
      The game's over! Take off your robe!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (looks perplexed and opens up his robe) Ok... I mean...
    • Everyone
      No!! Cover it up!!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (to Charlie after covering himself up again) Nice to meet ya! (Charlie waves hesitantly and Joey leaves)
    • new scene
    • Scene 7

      The Roof

    • joey
    • Joey
      (To some people) Hey! Hey alright! Hey, glad you could make it (Shakes a man's hand) Thanks for coming.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh my God! Kyle Lowder!
    • Kyle Lowder
      (to Monica) Hi. (walks on)
    • monica
    • Monica
      (Yells after him) I love you!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey, that's why I didn't invite you. you have to calm down, alright... go, go get yourself a drink or something...
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh yeah that's what you want - my inhibitions lowered.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey!
    • monica
    • Monica
      (Excited) Oh my God, can you believe we are surrounded by all this? I can barely control myself.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Monica, you might want to remember that you are married. Where is Chandler anyway? (Looks around)
    • monica
    • Monica
      (Shocked) Oh my God! Chandler!
    • new scene
    • Scene 8

      The theater. Chandler is sitting in the otherwise empty front row, looking around nervously

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Where the hell is everybody?
    • (The lights dim and Chandler tries to get away but as the bitter lady comes on stage and starts yelling he promptly changes his mind and sits down)
    • Bitter lady
      (yelling) Why don't you like me?! Chapter One
    • new scene
    • Scene 9

      The Roof, Rachel is talking to a guy who hands her a tissue with something written on it

    • monica
    • Monica
      (to Rachel) Hey! Joey said no autographs! But if she's gettting one, then I want one too: To Monica. And none of this "best wishes" crap. I want "love".
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ok actually Mon, Matthew was just giving me his phone number.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh man! If I had known I was coming to this party I never would have gotten married!
    • Matthew Ashford
      It was nice to meet you Rachel.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Nice to meet you.
    • Matthew Ashford
      Call me.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ok
    • (Matthew leaves)
    • monica
    • Monica
      (yelling after him) We will!!
    • monica
    • Monica
      (to Rachel) Look at you with all the guys!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah!
    • monica
    • Monica
      I guess you have forgotten all about Joey?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, well, I guess I have forgotten about Joey and clearly you've forgotten about Chandler!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Please... Chandler is the love of my life... (At which point a man in leather pants walks by)... oooh leather pants! Have Mercy! (Follows the man in the leather)
    • (cut to Ross and Charlie)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (to Charlie) So, eh... it's probably gonna be hard for you to leave Boston, huh?
    • Charlie
      Actually, I'm kinda happy to be leaving... I just broke up with someeone.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Ooh... so sad... Still, it can't be easy for you to leave Harvard? Especially after working alongside a Nobel Prize winner like Albert Wintermeyer?
    • Charlie
      Actually, Alby is the guy I broke up with.
    • ross
    • Ross
      You... you dated Albert Wintermeyer?
    • Charlie
      Yeah...
    • ross
    • Ross
      ... And you called him Alby!? (laughs) I mean that's like... like calling Albert Einstein... er... Alby...
    • Charlie
      Yeah, well, he is a brilliant man.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Eh, you think? I mean, you went out with a guy who improved the accuracy of radiocarbon dating by a factor of 10!
    • Charlie
      Yes! And while that is everything one looks for in a boyfriend, he had a lot of issues...
    • ross
    • Ross
      (very interested) Oh! like what?! (Charlie looks at him confused, but smiling) Oh I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry... it's just that this must be what regular people experience when they watch "Access Hollywood".
    • Charlie
      Ok, you want the dirt? Alby was seriously insecure. I mean, he was really intimidated by the guy I dated before him.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Who is intimidating to a guy who won the Nobel Prize?
    • Charlie
      A guy who won two.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (a little suprised) Two? Wha...? Don't tell me you dated Benjamin Hobart
    • Charlie
      Yeah... for three years.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh my God! Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who hasn't won the Nobel Prize?
    • Charlie
      (smiling and thinks for a moment)... no... bu but there was my first boyfriend Billy.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh yeah? no, no Nobel Prizes for him?
    • Charlie
      No, but he did just win the McArthur genius grant.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Huh... huh... what a loser! Some more wine? (takes the half-full glasses and goes to the counter)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey Ross!
    • Rache
      How is it going with Charlie?
    • ross
    • Ross
      (sarcastically) Oh Great! After I finish my wine I'm going to blow my... eh. average-sized brains out.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, What's the matter?
    • ross
    • Ross
      She... she only dates geniuses and Nobel Prize winners. Oh my God, at the chinese restaurant earlier today, I put chopsticks in my mouth and pretented to be a woolly mammoth.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I always loved that!!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Of course you would, your brains are smaller than mine!! (Rachel nods) Man, I can't compete with the guys she goes out with, they are so out of my league! oh my God!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Worse?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh much, much worse. I did my impression of Joan Rivers as one of the earliest amphibians... (gestures with his hands and says in an impression voice?) "Can we walk"? (Phoebe starts laughing) Oh, you... you like that?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (still laughing) No. (points to Rachel who stuck two straws in her mouth to look like a mammoth's tusks)
    • ross
    • Ross
      What? (turns around to look at Rachel)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Come on! I think this is funny! (Ross leaves)
    • new scene
    • Scene 10

      Chandler in the theater

    • Bitter lady
      Well, I bet you are all thinkin' "Now would be a really great time for an intermission", huh?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (To himself) oh yes, God yes!!
    • Bitter lady
      (now yelling) Well, you're not gonna get one! Because in life there are no intermissions, people. Chapter 7
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I... I don't know... you seem lovely.
    • new scene
    • Scene 11

      The roof, Joey is walking towards Ross with a guy

    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey Ross, this is one of my co-stars, Dirk. (To Dirk) Dirk, this is my good friend Ross. (Ross and Dirk shake hands)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Nice to meet you.
    • Dirk
      Hey! So what show are you on?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, I'm no actor, I'm a professor of palaeontology.
    • (Dirk is confused)
    • joey
    • Joey
      It's a science.
    • Dirk
      Oh! Hey well listen, I play a scientist on "Days". And my character has just won the Nobel prize.
    • (Ross looks annoyed hearing that even Dirk's character won a Nobel prize)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey Ross, listen, Dirk was wondering about the woman that you brought and if you guys were together, or...
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, well no, but I mean, she only goes out with really, really smart guys.
    • Dirk
      Hey, I got a 690 on my SATs.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I'd lead with that.
    • (Cut to Monica holding up her shirt, revealing her bra. An actor stands beside her, holding a pen in his hand.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      That's it, just sign right on the bra (the actor does so).
    • joey
    • Joey
      Monica!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Don't worry Joe, I won't come next year!
    • (Joey, resigned, walks to Rachel's table)
    • joey
    • Joey
      (To Rachel) What have you got there?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Just some boys gave me their phone numbers.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Ah, let me see! (she hands him a pile of tissues) Damn, that's a lot of guys! Are you a little slutty?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (drunken voice) I think I am.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (browsing the tissues) Let me see if I approve any of these clowns. This guy wears a rug (discards one). This guy's Canadian (discards another). And this guy is in a cult, ok, and it costs you 5,000$ to get to level three and I don't feel any different.
    • (Rachel is puzzled)
    • joey
    • Joey
      (discarding all the remaining tissues one by one) Pass, pass, oh, pass, double-pass, pass...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (picking up the tissues) Why, why, what's wrong with these guys?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Nothing major, it's just that, you know, they're not really good enough for you, and you deserve the best.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Joey, you're so sweet.
    • joey
    • Joey
      That's true. But you know what, it doesn't matter because I already know who you're gonna go home with tonight.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Who (looks around)?
    • (Joey motions for Rachel to lean in. She does so.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Me.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (surprised) What? (with a nervous smile) Really?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yes, 'cause we live together, that's a joke!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh! Screw it, I didn't get it! (they high-five)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Gotcha.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, Very funny... Joey.
    • (Joey leaves. Rachel gulps down what's left of her drink and grimaces.)
    • (Chandler walks in)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (to Monica) So, how did you enjoy the play?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh my god, honey, I'm so so so so so sorry.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well you should be. You missed the most powerful three hours in the history of the theater.
    • monica
    • Monica
      You really liked it?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh yeah! I mean at first I hated it, but why wouldn't I, because as a man I've been trained (bitter woman's tone) not to listen! (pause) But after chapter 16: "fat, single and ready to mingle", I was uplifted.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh really!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh yeah, I had no idea the amazing journey you go through as a woman! Tell me, tell me about your first period!
    • monica
    • Monica
      No!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Did somebody sign your bra?
    • monica
    • Monica
      So I got it when I was 13...
    • new scene
    • Scene 12

      At the counter. Ross is sitting there, drinking. Phoebe approaches him.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey Ross! So listen, about you and the dinosaur girl, are you really just gonna let a couple of Nobel prizes scare you off? What is that, come on, a piece of paper?
    • ross
    • Ross
      It's actually a 1,000,000$ prize.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Go Charlie! But my point is, ok so she dated them but she also broke up with them. Maybe she's looking to, you know, slum it with some average Joe Phd.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, maybe. I do have my whole career in front of me. I mean, I can still win a Nobel prize. Although the last two papers I've written were widely discredited.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      You're so much more than just brains! You're sweet, and kind, and funny...
    • ross
    • Ross
      And sexy.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ok well give her a chance to see all of that!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, you're right, thanks Pheebs, I'm gonna go find her.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Good for you! And hey, I thought your paper on punctuated equilibrium in the Devonian era was top notch!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Stop going through my stuff (walks away)!
    • (Rachel approaches Monica)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (to Monica) Hey!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I just wanted to let you know I've changed my mind: I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna kiss Joey.
    • monica
    • Monica
      No, you can't! Friends hooking up is a bad idea.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Please, what about you and Chandler?
    • monica
    • Monica
      That's different! I was drunk and stupid!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well hello (points to herself)!
    • monica
    • Monica
      What about all the guys that you've got the phone numbers from? Why don't you just kiss one of them?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I could, I could but I don't want to! I want to kiss Joey!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Alright (shrugs). I think it's a big mistake but it's your decision.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (pause) I'm gonna do it.
    • monica
    • Monica
      And I can't stop you.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No.
    • (Rachel goes look for Joey. She sees him and Charlie kissing passionately.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (to Rachel) Hey Rach, have you seen Charlie anywhere?
    • (Rachel just stands there staring at Joey and Charlie in silence. After a while, Ross turns around and sees them.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      I'm smarter than him!
    • Closing credits
    • new scene
    • Scene 13

      The theater. Monica, Phoebe and Chandler are sitting in the first line

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey, thank you so much for these tickets, Chandler.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh well, this was a really important experience for me, and I wanted to share it with you.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh, you're so wonderful.
    • Bitter woman
      Why don't you like me! Chapter one
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Can't believe you guys bought that, enjoy your slow death (runs away).
    • END