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  •  /  Friends  /  S05E08 The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks


    • new scene
    • Scene 1

      Monica and Rachel's, everyone has just finished Thanksgiving dinner and are groaning over their fullness.

    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh Monica that was the best Thanksgiving dinner ever! I think you killed us.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I couldn't possibly eat another bite.
    • joey
    • Joey
      I need something sweet.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Does anyone wanna watch TV?
    • Everyone
      Yeah, sure.
    • (She starts pushing the power button on the remote, but it's not facing the TV so it doesn't work.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Monica your remote doesn't work.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Phoebe, you have to lift it and point.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh. Aw, forget it.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, you know what we should all do? We should play that game where everyone says one thing that they're thankful for.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Ooh-ooh, I! I am thankful for this beautiful fall we've been having.
    • monica
    • Monica
      That's very nice.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      That's sweet, Joey.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah, the other day I was at the bus-stop and this lovely fall breeze came in out of nowhere and blew this chick's skirt right up. Oh! Which reminds me, I'm also thankful for thongs. (Note: Actually, I think every guy is thankful for thongs. That and spandex. J )
    • OPENING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 2

      Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier. Joey is talking about the wonder that is the thong.

    • joey
    • Joey
      I mean, it's not so much an underpant as it is a feat of engineering. I mean, it's amazing how much they can do with so little material! And the way they play with your mind! Is it there? Is it not there?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Are you aware that you're still talking?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Is anyone thankful for anything else besides a thong?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Huh, I don't know what to pick. Am I more thankful for my divorce or my eviction? Hmm.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Wow! See, and I didn't think you'd be able to come up with anything.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I'm sorry. It's just that this is the worse Thanksgiving ever.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      No-no-no! I am the king of bad Thanksgivings. You can't just swoop in here with your bad marriage and take that away from me.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, you're not gonna tell the whole story about how your parents got divorced again are you?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh God, no.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, come on! I wanna hear it! It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without Chandler bumming us out!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      It's a tradition, like the parade. If the parade decided it was gay, moved out, and abandoned its entire family.
    • (And with that, we start a series of flashbacks to Thanksgiving's of years gone by.)
    • Thanksgiving 1978
    • new scene
    • Scene 3

      The Bing household, Mr. and Mrs. Bing and Young Chandler are eating Thanksgiving dinner as a housekeeper serves them.

    • Mrs. Bing
      Now Chandler dear, just because your father and I are getting a divorce it doesn't mean we don't love you. It just means he would rather sleep with the house-boy than me.
    • The Housekeeper
      More turkey Mr. Chandler? (And he makes eyes at him.)
    • Present Day
    • new scene
    • Scene 4

      Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.

    • ross
    • Ross
      You're right. Yours is worse. You are the king of bad Thanksgivings.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I don't know about that. I've got one that's worse.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Really? Worse than, "More turkey Mr. Chandler?"
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, did the little rich boy have a problem with the butler? Yes, mine's worse!
    • Thanksgiving 1862
    • new scene
    • Scene 5

      A Union battlefield hospital, Phoebe, in a past life, is tending to a wounded Union soldier. (By the way, for historical perspective, 1862 was the second year of the American Civil War.)

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      More bandages! More bandages! Please, can I get some more bandages in here! This man is dying-(She is cut off by an exploding shell just outside the tent. When the smoke clears, she's missing an arm and the blood is pumping out like you'd see in a horror movie. And upon seeing her condition, she says...) Oh no.
    • Present Day
    • new scene
    • Scene 6

      Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.

    • ross
    • Ross
      In this life, Phoebe.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, this life! Oh okay no, Chandler's is worse.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Man, it must be so cool remembering stuff like that! I don't have any past life memories.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Of course you don't sweetie. You're brand new.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I know Monica's worst Thanksgiving.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh, let's not tell this story.
    • Everyone
      Oh, come on!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh no, I know! I know! It's the one where Joey got Monica's turkey stuck on his head!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What?! Joey got a turkey stuck on his head?!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey, it's not like it sounds.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      It's exactly like it sounds.
    • Thanksgiving 1992
    • new scene
    • Scene 7

      Monica and Phoebe's, Phoebe is entering.

    • joey
    • Joey
      (muffled) Hello?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (surprised) Hello?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Phoebe?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Joey? What's going on?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Look. (He walks out of the bathroom with his head stuck in a huge turkey.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh my God!
    • joey
    • Joey
      I know! It's stuck!!!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (walks him to the kitchen) Easy. Step. How did it get on?
    • joey
    • Joey
      I put it on to scare Chandler!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh my God! Monica's gonna totally freak out!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well then help me get it off! Plus, it smells really bad in here.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well, of course it smells really bad. You have your head up a dead animal.
    • (They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      (entering) Hey!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey, did you get the turkey basted-Oh my God! Oh my God! (She sees someone is stuck in the turkey.) Who is that?
    • joey
    • Joey
      It's Joey.
    • monica
    • Monica
      What-what are you doing? Is this supposed to be funny?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No, it's not supposed to be funny, it's supposed to be scary.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well, get it off now!
    • joey
    • Joey
      I can't! It-it's stuck!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well, I don't care! That-that turkey has to feed 20 people at my parent's house and they're not gonna eat it off your head!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      All right, hold on! Okay, let's just all think.
    • (They all start thinking. Joey starts rubbing his chin, of course his chin is currently inside the turkey so he ends up rubbing the turkey. And I didn't do that joke one bit of justice. It's one of those you have to see it to get it jokes.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay, I got it. Phoebe? All right, you pull. I'm gonna spread the legs as wide as I can. (Joey starts giggling.) Joey? Now is not the time!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Sorry! Sorry.
    • (They get into position to pull the turkey off.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay, count to three. 1. 2. 3!
    • (They both pull but Joey slips out and starts to fall backwards just as Chandler enters, scaring him.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Arghhhhhh!! (Joey turns around to taunt him, but Chandler is in the doorway and Joey is facing the kitchen.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      (pointing) It worked! I scared ya, I knew it! Ha-ha!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'm over here big guy.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (turning all the way around, and still not facing Chandler) Yeah, you are! (Starts dancing.) I scared you!
    • Present Day
    • new scene
    • Scene 8

      Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (laughing) You did look like an idiot.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey, I wasn't the only one who looked like an idiot. All right? Remember when Ross tried to say, "Butternut squash?" And it came out, "Squatternut buash?"
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah that's the same.
    • monica
    • Monica
      That's it. That's my worse Thanksgiving.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh wait! That can't be the one Rachel's talking about. She didn't even know that happened. So which one was it?
    • Everyone
      Which one?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Umm, I-I really don't want to tell this story.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, come on Monica, reliving past pain and getting depressed is what Thanksgiving is all about. Y'know, for me anyway. And of course, the Indians.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Look umm, of all people, you do not want me to tell this story!
    • Thanksgiving 1987
    • new scene
    • Scene 9

      The Geller household, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are getting ready for Thanksgiving dinner. The doorbell rings.

    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      Monica! I think Rachel's here!
    • monica
    • Monica
      I'll get it! (She runs in, and she's her old fat self like The One With The Prom Video. Not only that, she's out of breath after running a short distance. She goes over and opens the door to reveal Rachel with her old nose.) Happy Thanksgiving!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Not for me. Chip and I broke up!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh, why? Why? What happened?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, you know that my parents are out of town and Chip was going to come over...
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah, yeah, and you were going him y'know, your flower.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay, Monica, can you just call it sex?! It really creeps me out when you call it that! Okay, and by the way, while we're at it, a guy's thing is not called his tenderness. Believe me! (Walks into the living room and greets Monica's parents.) Hi!
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      Hi Rachel!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Happy Thanksgiving!
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      You too sweethart!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (entering) Hey!
    • (He brought home Chandler for Thanksgiving. Chandler is sporting the very popular Flock of Seagulls haircut. Yeah, it's another you have to see it to believe it kinda thing.)
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      Oh my!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Uh, everyone, this is Chandler! My roommate and lead singer of our band!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ross! (Wanting to be introduced.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, this is Monica.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hi, I'm Ross's little sister.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (seeing her) Okay.
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      I'm so glad you could come Chandler, we've got plenty of food so I hope you're hungry.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, mom. Mom. Chandler hates Thanksgiving and doesn't eat any Thanksgiving food.
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      Oh, well, I'm so glad you brought him here then.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Umm, Chandler, if you want I can make you some macaroni and cheese for dinner.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, as long as the pilgrims didn't eat it, I'm in.
    • (As she is drinking, Monica laughs and Chandler's joke and Diet Coke comes out of her nose.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      dammit! (Runs off.)
    • (Ross points out Rachel to Chandler and goes over to talk to her. Rachel is checking out her nose in her compact mirror.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      So uh, Rach? Does it, does it feel weird around here now? Y'know since I've been away at college.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh! No, not really.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, that's cool. So did... (She walks away from him and he shuts up.)
    • (Rachel wanders into the kitchen where Monica is making Chandler's dinner.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ugh! I cannot believe Chip dumped me for that slut Nancy Branson. I am never going out with him again. I don't care how much he begs!
    • monica
    • Monica
      I think his begging days are over now that he's going out with Nancy Branson.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Y'know what? I've just had it with high school boys! They are just silly. (Ross is overhearing this.) Silly, stupid boys! I'm going to start dating men!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Umm, I'm sorry Judy, I couldn't find that bowl that you and Jack were looking for.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Call them mom and dad you loser!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (in a high pitched voice) Monica!
    • [Time lapse, dinner has finished and Chandler is sitting on the couch eating some pie. Monica sits down beside him, and he gets pushed up a little by the wave she makes in the couch.]
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey Chandler! Did you like the macaroni and cheese?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh yeah, it was great. You should be a chef.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay!
    • (He gets up and walks away as Rachel come running over all excited.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Guess what?! All that stuff about Nancy Branson being a slut was all a rumor so Chip dumped her and he wants to come over to my house tonight!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh that's so great!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I know!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh gosh, listen if you and Chip do it tonight, promise me you'll tell me everything.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh totally, totally. Y'know it's not that big of deal, we already kinda did it once y'know.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I know, but y'know, this time you're gonna definitely know whether or not you did it!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I know, I know. And oh, and this time Chip promised that-that this time it will last at least for an entire song!
    • [Cut to the kitchen, Ross and Chandler are doing the dishes.]
    • ross
    • Ross
      So I'm thinking about asking Rachel out tonight. Y'know maybe play her that song we wrote last week.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Emotional Knapsack?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Right on! Oh! Uh, but, don't take to long okay? 'Cause uh, we're gonna test out our fake ID's tonight, right Clifford Alverez.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Listen, Roland Chang, if things go well, I'm gonna be out with her all night.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Dude, don't do that too me!
    • (Monica enters behind them.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      All right, it's cool you can stay here. My parents won't mind.
    • (Monica suddenly gets very happy.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      No, it's not that, I just don't want to be stuck here all night with your fat sister.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey!
    • (Upon hearing this, Monica starts to break down and storms out. Only to be stopped by her parents.)
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      (holding two pies) Monica, why don't you finish off these pies? I don't have any more room left in the fridge.
    • monica
    • Monica
      No. No, thank you!
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      Well Judy, you did it! She's finally full!
    • COMMERCIAL BREAK
    • new scene
    • Scene 10

      Monica and Rachel's, back to the present day.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I called you fat?! I don't even remember that!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well, I do.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I am so sorry. I really am. I was an idiot back then. I rushed the stage at a Wham concert for crying out loud!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, I can't believe you called her fat.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I can't believe you let George Michael slap you.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I am really sorry. That is so terrible. I am so, so sorry.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Actually, y'know that's not the Thanksgiving I was talking about.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yes, it was!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No, it wasn't. It was actually the...
    • monica
    • Monica
      (interrupting her) Okay, now Thanksgiving's over, let's get ready for Christmas. Who wants to go get a Christmas tree?!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, no, I have the cutest Christmas story!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      We wanna hear Monica's Thanksgiving story!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Fine, all right, mine had a dwarf that got broke in half, but y'know whatever.
    • Thanksgiving 1988
    • new scene
    • Scene 11

      The Geller household kitchen, Mrs. Geller is cooking and Rachel, post nose job, is helping her.

    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      So Rachel, your mom tells me you changed your major again.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, yeah, I had too. There was never any parking by the Psychology building.
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      (entering) Hi Rachel.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh hi!
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      Wow, love your new nose!
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      Jack.
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      What? Dr. Wilson's an artist! He removed my mole cluster. Wanna see? (He starts to show her as the doorbell rings.)
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      I'll get it.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No, God! Please, let me! (Runs out.)
    • (She opens the door to reveal Chandler and Ross. Unfortunately, they seem to have their holidays mixed up. They think it's Halloween and they're going as Crockett and Tubbs from that legendary TV show of the late 80's, Miami Vice. God, we looked silly back then!)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hey!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey. (To his parents) Happy Thanksgiving!
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      (To Chandler) God, your hair sure is different!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah, we were just talking about that. I can't believe how stupid we used to look. (They both quickly push their sleeves over their elbows.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      So uh, where's Monica?
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      She's upstairs. Monica! Come down! Everyone's here! Ross, Rachel, and the boy who hates Thanksgiving.
    • (Monica enters, but she forgot something. Oh, about 150 pounds. In other words, she lost weight, big time!)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hi, Chandler.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh my God!
    • monica
    • Monica
      What-what's the matter? Is there, is there something on my dress? (She turns around making sure he gets a good look.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You just, you look so different! Terrific! That dress! That body!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Dude!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Sorry!
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      Yes, yes Monica is thin. It's wonderful. But what we really want to hear about is Ross's new girlfriend.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh mom! Okay, umm, her name is Carol. And she's really pretty. And smart. And uh, she's-she's on the lacrosse team and the golf team. Can you believe it? She plays for both teams!
    • monica
    • Monica
      So Chandler, I guess I'll see you at dinner.
    • (She heads for the kitchen and Chandler watches her leave and admires the view.)
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      Dude!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Sorry.
    • (In the kitchen.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (entering) Oh-ho, my God! That was so awesome! You totally got him back for calling you fat! He was just drooling all over you. That must've felt so great!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well it didn't!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What?!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah, I mean yeah, I look great. Yeah, I feel great and yeah, my heart is not in trouble anymore! Blah, blah, blah! Y'know I still don't feel like I got him back, y'know? I just want to humiliate him. I wanna, I want him to be like naked and then I'm going to point at him and laugh!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay, that we may be able to do.
    • monica
    • Monica
      How?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well guys tend to get naked before they're gonna have sex.
    • monica
    • Monica
      What?! I mean, I didn't work this hard and-and-and lose all this weight so that I can give my flower to someone like him!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay, first of all, if you keep calling it that, no one's gonna ever take it. Then, second of all you're not actually gonna have sex with him! You're just gonna make him think that you are.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah.
    • monica
    • Monica
      And when he's naked I can throw him out in the front yard and lock the door and all the neighbors will just humiliate him!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Then, you will definitely get him back!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay, so how do I make him think I wanna have sex with him?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay, oh, here's what you do. Just act like everything around you turns you on.
    • monica
    • Monica
      What do you mean?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, like anything can be sexy. Like umm, oh-oh, like this dishtowel! (She grabs it and starts rubbing it on her cheek.) Ooh, ooh, this feels sooo good against my cheek! And-and if I feel a little hot, I can just dab myself with it. Or I can bring it down to my side and bring it through my fingers while I talk to him.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (excited) I can do that!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah? Okay! Good, good, because he's coming. He's coming. (To Chandler) Hey, what's up? (She leaves and closes the door behind her.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Monica, I was wondering if you can make me some of that righteous mac and cheese like last year.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Umm, I'd love too! (She goes over and picks up the box and decides to follow Rachel's advice and holds the box up to her cheek.) Ooh, I love macaroni and cheese. I love-I love the way this box feels against my cheek.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Okay.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Boy, I love carrots! Oh! (She picks up a bunch of them and holds them between her fingers.) Sometimes I like to put them between my fingers like this and-and hold them down here while I talk to you. (She is rubbing her hip with the carrots.) Umm, and-and-and y'know if I get really hot umm, I-I like to pick up this knife (She picks up a knife without putting the box down. She's holding the box between her cheek and shoulder) and-and umm, I-I put the cold steal against umm, (Pause) my body. (She doesn't have any exposed skin within reach of the knife, so while holding the carrots in one hand and the box between her face and shoulder, she rubs the knife on her stomach.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Are you all right?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh yeah, of course. I'm fine it's just that-(She drops the box and in a reflex action tries to catch it with her arm, the knife slips out and slowly flips through the air and comes point first down into Chandler's shoe.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 12

      The hospital, Chandler has been rushed to the emergency room.

    • The Doctor
      What do we got here?
    • The Paramedic
      Twenty year old has got a severed toe on his right foot.
    • (They go through the doors into the trauma room, opening them by ramming the gurney through them, only Chandler's foot is hanging off the end and he screams in pain.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Can you please not do that feet first? You know where his injury is! Severed toe, you just said it!
    • The Doctor
      It says here that the knife went right through your shoe.
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      Of course it did. They're made of wicker.
    • The Doctor
      Did you bring the toe?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh yes! I have it right here, on ice! (She takes a bag of ice out of her purse and hands it to the doctor.)
    • The Doctor
      (opening it) Don't worry son, we'll just attach it and-(Stops suddenly.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      What?! What is it?
    • The Doctor
      You brought a carrot.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What?
    • The Doctor
      This isn't your toe, this is a small, very cold piece of carrot.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      You brought a carrot?!
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      Oh my God! There's a toe in my kitchen.
    • monica
    • Monica
      God, I'm sorry! I'll go back and get it!
    • The Doctor
      It's too late, all we can do now is sow up the wound.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Without my toe?! I need my toe!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Wait, no-no-no, I can go really fast! Dad, give me the keys to your Porsche!
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      Oh, I'm not falling for that one!
    • Present Day
    • new scene
    • Scene 13

      Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is reacting to the story.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      That's why I lost my toe?! Because I called you fat?!
    • monica
    • Monica
      I didn't mean to cut it off. It was an accident.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      That's why for an entire year people called me Sir Limps-A-Lot?!
    • monica
    • Monica
      I'm sorry! It wasn't your whole toe!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah, well, I miss the tip! It's the best part. It has the nail. (He storms out.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Chandler! (Follows him out.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (To Joey) Sir Limps-A-Lot, I came up with that.
    • joey
    • Joey
      You're a dork.
    • [Cut to the hallway, Chandler is standing in front of his door.]
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I can't believe this.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Chandler, I said I was sorry.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah, well, sorry doesn't bring back the little piggy that cried all the way home! I hate this stupid day! And everything about it! I'll see you later.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh wait, Chandler, come here is there anything I can do? Anything?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah, just leave me alone for a while. (He goes into his apartment.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 14

      Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Chandler is sitting on one of the chairs and the duck is running around him and quacking.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh-oh, I'm a duck! I go, "Quack, quack!" I'm happy all the time!
    • (There's a knock on the door and Chandler gets up to answer it. He opens the door to reveal Monica with a turkey over her head.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Nice try.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Wait, wait, wait! (She puts a Shriner's hat on the turkey.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Look, Monica...
    • monica
    • Monica
      Look! (She puts a big, yellow pair of sunglasses on the bird.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      This is not going to work.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I bet this will work! (She starts dancing and Chandler cracks up.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You are so great! I love you!
    • (Monica stops suddenly and turns around slowly.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      What?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Nothing! I said, I said "You're so great" and then I just, I just stopped talking!
    • monica
    • Monica
      You said you loved me! I can't believe this!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      No I didn't!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yes, you did!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      No I didn't!
    • monica
    • Monica
      You love me!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      No I don't! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
    • (Joey walks in and sees Monica. He freaks out and runs back into the hallway, screaming.)
    • CLOSING CREDITS
    • Thanksgiving 1915
    • new scene
    • Scene 15

      The Western front during World War I, Phoebe, in yet another past life, is once again a nurse tending to yet another dying soldier. But this time she's doing it with a French accent.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Gauze! Gauze! I need to get some gauze in here! Can I please get some gauze in here! (A shell explodes outside next to the tent and when the smoke clears, Phoebe still has her arm.) Whew! (Her arm falls off and starts pumping out blood.) This is getting ridiculous uh!
    • END