S6 • The Messers Become the Messies

S7 • 'They Don't Know That We Know They Know We Know!'

S05E14

The One Where Everyone Finds Out

Phoebe and Rachel scheme to make Monica and Chandler admit their relationship.

11 Scenes295 Lines

Scene 1:Monica and Rachel's, everyone is eating some Chinese food.

12 lines

phoebe

Phoebe

(looking out the window) Oh hey, you guys, look! Ugly Naked Guy is putting stuff in boxes!

They all run and join her at the window.

rachel

Rachel

I'd say from the looks of it; our naked buddy is moving.

ross

Ross

Ironically, most of the boxes seem to be labeled clothes.

rachel

Rachel

Ohh, I'm gonna miss that big old squishy butt.

chandler

Chandler

And we're done with the chicken fried rice.

ross

Ross

Hey! Hey! If he's moving, maybe I should try to get his place!

Everyone

Good idea! Yes!

ross

Ross

It would be so cool to live across from you guys!

joey

Joey

Hey, yeah! Then we could do that telephone thing! Y'know, you have a can, we have a can and it's connected by a string!

chandler

Chandler

Or we can do the actual telephone thing.

OPENING CREDITS

Scene 2:Ugly Naked Guy's apartment, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are checking out the place. Luckily, Ugly Naked Guy is nowhere to be seen.

25 lines

ross

Ross

Oh my God! I love this apartment! Isn't it perfect?! I can't believe I never realized how great it is!

rachel

Rachel

Well that is because your eye immediately goes to the big naked man.

phoebe

Phoebe

It's amazing! You better hurry up and fill out an application or I'm gonna beat you to it.

ross

Ross

(laughing) Ohh. (Phoebe takes a couple of steps to the door and Ross quickly hurries out.)

rachel

Rachel

Well, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm gonna go use Ugly Naked Guy's bathroom. (Does so.)

phoebe

Phoebe

(looking out the window) Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler! (Starts yelling.) Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! (Chandler and Monica start taking each other's clothes off.) Ohh!! Ohh! Ahh-ahhh!!

rachel

Rachel

What?!

phoebe

Phoebe

(screaming) Ahhh!! Chandler and Monica!! Chandler and Monica!!

rachel

Rachel

Oh my God!

phoebe

Phoebe

CHANDLER AND MONICA!!!!

rachel

Rachel

OH MY GOD!!!

phoebe

Phoebe

OH!! MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!!

rachel

Rachel

Phoebe!! Phoebe!! It's okay!! It's okay!!

phoebe

Phoebe

NO! THEY'RE DOING IT!!!

rachel

Rachel

I KNOW!! I KNOW!! I KNOW!

phoebe

Phoebe

YOU KNOW?!!!

rachel

Rachel

Yes, I know! And Joey knows! But Ross doesn't know so you have to stop screaming!!

ross

Ross

(entering) What's going on?

phoebe

rachel

Phoebe & Rachel

Ohhh!!!

rachel

Rachel

(trying to divert his attention from the window by jumping up and down) HI!! Hi!

ross

Ross

What?! What?!

rachel

Rachel

Nothing! Oh God, we're just so excited that you want to get this apartment!

ross

Ross

Actually, it looks really good. (Turns towards the window and now Phoebe starts jumping to divert his attention.)

phoebe

Phoebe

(Screaming incoherently.) Get in here!!! (Motions to join her and Rachel.)

Ross starts jumping and screaming incoherently and hops over and joins in on the group hug.

Scene 3:Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are there talking about Chandler and Monica.

42 lines

phoebe

Phoebe

You mean whenever Monica and Chandler where like y'know doing laundry or going grocery shopping or-Oh! All that time Monica spent on the phone with sad Linda from camp!

rachel

Rachel

Uh-huh, doing it. Doing it. Phone doing it.

phoebe

Phoebe

Oh! Oh, I can't believe it! I mean I think it's great! For him. She might be able to do better.

joey

Joey

(entering) Hey guys!

rachel

Rachel

Joey! Come here! Come here!

joey

Joey

What? What?

rachel

Rachel

Phoebe just found out about Monica and Chandler.

joey

Joey

You mean how they're friends and nothing more? (Glares at Rachel.)

rachel

Rachel

No. Joey, she knows! We were at Ugly Naked Guy's apartment and we saw them doing it through the window. (Joey gasps) Actually, we saw them doing it up against the window.

phoebe

Phoebe

Okay, so now they know that you know and they don't know that Rachel knows?

joey

Joey

Yes, but y'know what? It doesn't matter who knows what. Now, enough of us know that we can just tell them that we know! Then all the lying and the secrets would finally be over!

phoebe

Phoebe

Or, we could not tell them we know and have a little fun of our own.

rachel

Rachel

Wh-what do you mean?

phoebe

Phoebe

Well y'know every time that they say that like they're doing laundry we'll just give them a bunch of laundry to do.

rachel

Rachel

Ohhh, I-I would enjoy that!

joey

Joey

No-no-no! No-no wait Rach, you know what would even be more fun? Telling them.

rachel

Rachel

Ehhh, no, I wanna do Phoebe's thing.

joey

Joey

I can't take any...

phoebe

Phoebe

No! You don't have to do anything! Just don't tell them that we know!

joey

Joey

Noo! I can't take any more secrets! (To Rachel) I've got your secrets. I've got their secrets. I got secrets of my own y'know!

rachel

Rachel

You don't have any secrets!

joey

Joey

Oh yeah? Well, you don't know about Hugsy, my bedtime penguin pal. (Joey shies away.)

rachel

Rachel

(To Phoebe) So umm, how-how are we gonna mess with them?

joey

Joey

Ugh.

phoebe

Phoebe

Well, you could use your position y'know as the roommate.

rachel

Rachel

Okay.

phoebe

Phoebe

And then. I would use y'know the strongest tool at my disposal. My sexuality.

chandler

Chandler

(entering) Hello children!

Everyone

Hey!

phoebe

Phoebe

Okay, watch, learn, and don't eat my cookie.

She gets up and goes over to Chandler who's ordering some coffee from Gunther.

chandler

Chandler

Hey.

phoebe

Phoebe

Hey! Ooh, wow that jacket looks great on you!

chandler

Chandler

Really?

phoebe

Phoebe

(feels his arm) Yeah the material feels so soft-hello Mr. Bicep! Have you been working out?

chandler

Chandler

Well, I try to y'know, squeeze things. (Phoebe giggles uncontrollably.) Are you okay?

phoebe

Phoebe

Well, if you really wanna know, I'm-Oh! I can't tell you this.

chandler

Chandler

Phoebe, it's me. You can tell me anything.

phoebe

Phoebe

Well actually you're the one person I can't tell this too. And the one person I want to the most.

chandler

Chandler

What's going on?

phoebe

Phoebe

I think it's just y'know that I haven't been with a guy in so long and how sometimes you're looking for something and you just don't even see that it's right there in front of you sipping coffee-Oh no, have I said to much? Well it's just something to think about. I know I will.

She makes a show of bending over to get her coat and showing off her bum. She then walks out, leaving no one to eat her cookie.

Scene 4:Chandler's bedroom, Chandler and Monica are there, of course. Like who else would it be, duh!

16 lines

monica

Monica

You are so cute! How did you get to be so cute?

chandler

Chandler

Well, my Grandfather was Swedish and my Grandmother was actually a tiny little bunny.

monica

Monica

Okay, now you're even cuter!!

chandler

Chandler

Y'know that is a popular opinion today I must say.

monica

Monica

What?

chandler

Chandler

The weirdest thing happened at the coffee house, I think, I think Phoebe was hitting on me.

monica

Monica

What are you talking about?

chandler

Chandler

I'm telling you I think Phoebe thinks I'm foxy.

monica

Monica

That's not possible!

chandler

Chandler

Ow!

monica

Monica

I'm sorry it's just, Phoebe just always thought you were, you were charming in a, in a sexless kind of way.

chandler

Chandler

Oh, y'know I-I can't hear that enough.

monica

Monica

I'm sorry, I think that you just misunderstood her.

chandler

Chandler

No, I didn't misunderstand, okay? She was all over me! She touched my bicep for crying out loud!

monica

Monica

This bicep?

chandler

Chandler

Well it's not flexed right now!

Scene 5:Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, and Chandler are there. Monica is entering from her room.

39 lines

rachel

Rachel

Hey Mon, what are you doing now? Wanna come see a movie with us?

monica

Monica

Uhh, y'know actually I was gonna do some laundry.

rachel

Rachel

Oh.

monica

Monica

Hey Chandler, wanna do it with me?

chandler

Chandler

Sure, I'll do it with ya.

monica

Monica

Okay.

rachel

Rachel

Okay great, hold on a sec! (She runs to her room and returns carrying a huge bag of laundry.) Oh, here you go! You don't mind do ya? That would really help me out a lot! Thanks!

monica

Monica

I mean I-I don't I think I have enough quarters.

phoebe

Phoebe

I have quarters! (She holds up a bag of quarters.)

ross

Ross

(entering) Hey!

rachel

Rachel

Hey Ross! Any word on the apartment yet?

ross

Ross

Well, I called over there and it turns out Ugly Naked Guy is subletting it himself and he's already had like a hundred applicants.

rachel

Rachel

Oh.

ross

Ross

No-no, I got the edge. I know it's not exactly ethical but I sent him a little bribe to

tip the scales in my direction. Check it out, you can probably see it from the window. (They all head to the window.)

monica

Monica

Oh, is it that pinball machine with the big bow on it?

ross

Ross

No.

chandler

Chandler

That new mountain bike?

ross

Ross

No.

monica

Monica

Well what did you send?

ross

Ross

A basket of mini-muffins.

phoebe

Phoebe

But there's a whole table of mini-muffin baskets. Which one did you send?

ross

Ross

The small one.

rachel

Rachel

What?! You-you actually thought that basket was gonna get you the apartment?

ross

Ross

Well yeah! Someone sent us a basket at work once and people went crazy over those little muffins. It was the best day.

chandler

Chandler

Your work makes me sad.

ross

Ross

Oh man! I want that place so much!! I was so sure that was gonna work! There's twelve bucks I'll never see again! (Exits.)

rachel

Rachel

All right honey, we'd better go if we wanna catch that movie.

monica

Monica

Bye!

Everyone

Bye!

phoebe

Phoebe

Bye Chandler! (She walks up to him.) (Quietly.) I miss you already. (She pinches his butt.)

chandler

Chandler

(after they've left) Okay, did you see that?! With the inappropriate and the pinching!!

monica

Monica

Actually, I did!

chandler

Chandler

Okay, so now do you believe that she's attracted to me?

monica

Monica

Ohhh, oh my God! Oh my God! She knows about us!

chandler

Chandler

Are you serious?

monica

Monica

Phoebe knows and she's just trying to freak us out! That's the only explanation for it!

chandler

Chandler

(a little hurt) Okay but what about y'know my pinchable butt and my bulging biceps-She knows!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Scene 6:The Messers Become the Messies

Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is snoozing with Hugsy, his bedtime penguin pal and Chandler and Monica come storming in.15 lines

Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is snoozing with Hugsy, his bedtime penguin pal and Chandler and Monica come storming in.

Secret couple vs exhausted middlemanInformation AsymmetryDramatic IronyCounter-Prank

This scene flips the episode's information hierarchy: once Monica and Chandler learn that Rachel and Phoebe are pranking them, they keep the secret alive to turn the prank back on the pranksters.

Joey tries to hide Hugsy, his bedtime penguin pal, before accidentally leaking that both Phoebe and Rachel know.
Monica pivots immediately from panic to counter-espionage, refusing Joey's plea to end the secrecy.

chandler

Chandler

(entering) Joey!

Joey quickly tries to hide Hugsy by throwing it over his head.

joey

Joey

Yeah?

chandler

Chandler

Phoebe knows about us!

joey

Joey

Well I didn't tell them!

monica

Monica

Them?! Who's them?

joey

Joey

Uhhh, Phoebe and Joey.

monica

Monica

Joey!

joey

Joey

And Rachel. I would've told you but they made me promise not to tell!

chandler

Chandler

Oh man!

joey

Joey

I'm sorry! But hey, it's over now, right? Because you can tell them that you know they know and I can go back to knowing absolutely nothing!

monica

Monica

Unless...

joey

Joey

No! Not unless! Look this must end now!

monica

Monica

[Breakdown]

Oh man, they think they are so slick messing with us! But see they don't know that we know that they know! So...

ironyLayer 3: 'They Don't Know That We Know That They Know'

Monica establishes the third layer of information asymmetry: Rachel and Phoebe know about the relationship, Monica and Chandler know that they know, and neither side will admit it.

→See Phoebe add the fourth layer in Scene 7 (#S7L35)

chandler

Chandler

[Breakdown]

Ahh yes, the messers become the messies!

irony'The Messers Become the Messies'

Chandler coins the thesis statement of the episode's second half as the hunters become the hunted.

Scene 7:'They Don't Know That We Know They Know We Know!'

Monica and Rachel's, Ross is looking at Ugly Naked Guy's apartment through binoculars.36 lines

Monica and Rachel's, Ross is looking at Ugly Naked Guy's apartment through binoculars.

Four-layer knowledge spiral vs double-bluff seductionInformation AsymmetryDramatic IronyDouble Bluff

The pinnacle of sitcom dramatic irony: Chandler's fake seduction call backfires because Rachel immediately deduces that Joey leaked their prank, creating a four-deep recursion of who knows what.

Chandler holds the telephone out so Monica can listen in while he calls Phoebe's bluff.
Rachel freezes mid-sentence ('I can not believe he would do that to Mon-Whoa!') and slowly points at Joey as the double-cross dawns on her.

ross

Ross

Noooo.

rachel

Rachel

Oh Ross, honey you gotta stop torturing yourself!

phoebe

Phoebe

Yeah, why don't you just find another apartment?

ross

Ross

Look I've already looked at like a thousand apartments this month and none of them even compares to that one!

rachel

Rachel

Y'know what you should do?

ross

Ross

Huh?

rachel

Rachel

You should find out what his hobbies are and then use that to bond with him. Yeah! Like if I would strike up a conversation about say umm, sandwiches. Or uh, or my underwear.

joey

Joey

I'm listening.

rachel

Rachel

(To Ross) See?

ross

Ross

That is a great idea! And! I know Ugly Naked Guy because we've been watching him for like five years so that gives me back my edge! Oh, let's see now he had the trampoline.

phoebe

Phoebe

He broke that.

ross

Ross

Well, he had gravity boots.

rachel

Rachel

Yeah, he broke those too.

joey

Joey

So he likes to break stuff.

ross

Ross

Okay, I've got to go pick up Ben but I-I will figure something out. (He opens the door and stops.) Hey, didn't he used to have a cat?

phoebe

Phoebe

I wouldn't bring that up, it would probably just bum him out.

joey

Joey

Yeah, poor cat, never saw that big butt coming.

ross

Ross

Right. (Exits.)

The phone rings and Rachel answers it.

rachel

Rachel

Hello! (Listens) Oh yeah! Hey! Hold on a second she's right here! (To Phoebe) It's Chandler.

phoebe

Phoebe

(in a sexy voice) Oh? (Takes the phone from Rachel.) Hello you.

chandler

Chandler

Hello Phoebe, I've been thinking about you all day. (He's holding the phone so that Monica can hear it as well.)

phoebe

Phoebe

Eh?

chandler

Chandler

Well you know that thing you said before, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued.

phoebe

Phoebe

Really?

chandler

Chandler

[Breakdown]

Yeah, listen, Joey isn't gonna be here tonight so why don't you come over and I'll let you uh, feel my bicep. Or maybe more.

ironyThe Fake Bicep Invitation

Chandler attempts to weaponise Monica's Layer 3 advantage by inviting Phoebe over, unaware he is overplaying his hand.

phoebe

Phoebe

I'll have to get back to you on that. Okay, bye! (Hangs up.) Oh my God! He wants me to come over and feel his bicep and more!

rachel

Rachel

Are you kidding?!

phoebe

Phoebe

No!

rachel

Rachel

I can not believe he would do that to Mon-Whoa! (She stops suddenly and slowly turns to point at Joey. Joey is avoiding her eyes.) Joey, do they know that we know?

joey

Joey

No.

rachel

Rachel

Joey!

joey

Joey

They know you know.

rachel

Rachel

Ugh, I knew it! Oh I cannot believe those two!

phoebe

Phoebe

[Breakdown]

God, they thought they can mess with us! They're trying to mess with us?! They don't know that we know they know we know! (Joey just shakes his head.) Joey, you can't say anything!

ironyLayer 4: The Four-Deep Knowledge Loop

Phoebe locks in the iconic four-level epistemic loop: Phoebe and Rachel know (1) that Monica and Chandler know (2) that Phoebe and Rachel know (3) that Monica and Chandler are together (4).

→Back to Monica's Layer 3 turn in Scene 6 (#S6L14)

joey

Joey

[Breakdown]

I couldn't even if I wanted too.

escalationCognitive Overload

Joey's deadpan button confirms that the recursion has completely outrun his working memory.

Scene 8:Outside Ugly Naked Guy's apartment, Ross is knocks on the door and Ugly Naked Guy answers it. He's ugly. He's naked. And he's holding a huge jumbo soda.

1 lines

ross

Ross

Good evening, sir. My name is Ross Geller. I'm one of the people who applied for the apartment. And I-I realize that the competition is fierce but-I'm sorry. I, I can't help but notice you're naked and (He claps his hands.) I applaud you. Man, I wish I was naked. I mean, this-this looks so great. That is how God intended it.

Scene 9:Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica and Rachel and Phoebe are planning their respective strategies to break the other pairing. Joey is not amused.

18 lines

monica

Monica

(in the kitchen with Chandler) Look at them, they're-they're panicked!

chandler

Chandler

Oh yeah, they're totally gonna back down!

monica

Monica

Oh yeah!

[Cut to Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch.]

phoebe

Phoebe

All right. All right! If he wants a date? He's gonna get a date. All right, I'm gonna go in.

rachel

Rachel

All right. Be sexy.

phoebe

Phoebe

(laughs) Please.

She saunters over to Chandler with a mean pair of 'Come hither' eyes and she glares at Monica.

phoebe

Phoebe

So Chandler, I-I'd love to come by tonight.

chandler

Chandler

(initially worried, but gets over it) Really?

phoebe

Phoebe

Oh absolutely. Shall we say, around seven?

chandler

Chandler

Yes.

phoebe

Phoebe

Good. I'm really looking forward to you and me having sexual intercourse.

As she walks away, Chandler mouths a scream to Monica. How motions and mouths, "It's okay, it's okay."

joey

Joey

(looking out the window) Hey-hey, check it out! Check it out! Ugly Naked Guy has a naked friend!

They all run over to the window.

rachel

Rachel

Oh yeah! (She gasps.) Oh my God! That is our friend! (Monica covers her face.) It's Naked Ross! (Monica turns and buries her face in Chandler's shoulder.)

Everyone

Yeah, it is! Naked Ross!!

Scene 10:Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is getting Phoebe ready for her date.

85 lines

rachel

Rachel

Show time!

phoebe

Phoebe

Okay, Rachel, get me perfume!

rachel

Rachel

Okay! (She runs to get some.)

phoebe

Phoebe

And Joey, get me a bottle of wine and glasses? (He begrudgingly does so.)

In the meantime, Rachel has returned with the perfume and sprays a mist out in front of Phoebe who walks through the mist and does a little spin.

[Cut to Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Monica is getting Chandler ready for his half of the plan.]

monica

Monica

All right, it'll be great! You just make her think you wanna have sex with her! It'll totally freak her out!

chandler

Chandler

Okay, listen, how far am I gonna have to go with her?

monica

Monica

Relax, she-she's gonna give in way before you do!

chandler

Chandler

How do you know?!

monica

Monica

Because you're on my team! And my team always wins!

chandler

Chandler

At this?!

monica

Monica

Just go get some! (Kisses him.) Go! (She runs to hide in the bathroom.)

[Cut to the hallway, Phoebe is outside getting some last minute instructions from Rachel.]

rachel

Rachel

(handing her the wine) Okay honey, now I'm gonna try to listen from right here!

phoebe

Phoebe

Okay.

rachel

Rachel

Okay? Whoa, wait! (She undoes one button on Phoebe's dress.)

phoebe

Phoebe

Good idea!

rachel

Rachel

Yeah, oh wait! (She goes for another one.)

phoebe

Phoebe

Oh now, don't give away the farm!

Phoebe knocks on the door with the wine and Chandler answers it. Rachel hides next to the door.

chandler

Chandler

Phoebe.

phoebe

Phoebe

Chandler.

chandler

Chandler

Come on in.

phoebe

Phoebe

I was going too. (They go inside and he closes the door.) Umm, I brought some wine. Would you like some?

chandler

Chandler

Sure.

She makes a big show out of pulling out the cork and pours the wine.

phoebe

Phoebe

So, here we are. Nervous?

chandler

Chandler

Me? No. You?

phoebe

Phoebe

No, I want this to happen.

chandler

Chandler

So do I.

They click their glasses and take a sip. That sip turns into a gulp, which quickly progresses into their mutual draining of their glasses at once.

chandler

Chandler

I'm gonna put on some music.

phoebe

Phoebe

Maybe, maybe I'll dance for you. (She starts doing a rather suggestive and seductive dance that's silly at the same time.)

chandler

Chandler

You look good.

phoebe

Phoebe

Thanks! Y'know, that when you say things like that it makes me wanna rip that sweater vest right off!

chandler

Chandler

Well, why don't we move this into the bedroom?

phoebe

Phoebe

Really?

chandler

Chandler

Oh, do you not want to?

phoebe

Phoebe

No. No! It's just y'know first, I wanna take off all my clothes and have you rub lotion on me.

chandler

Chandler

(swallowing hard) Well that would be nice. I'll go get the lotion.

[Cut to the bathroom, Chandler is entering.]

chandler

Chandler

Listen, this is totally getting out of hand! Okay? She wants me to put lotion on her!

monica

Monica

She's bluffing!

chandler

Chandler

Look, she's not backing down! She went like this! (He does a little mimic of her dance.)

[Cut to the hallway where Phoebe is conferring with Rachel.]

phoebe

Phoebe

He's not backing down. He went to get lotion.

joey

Joey

(entering the hall) Oh man! Aren't you guys done yet?! I wanna sit in my chair!

rachel

Rachel

Joey look, just look at it this way, the sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler the sooner this is all over and out in the open.

joey

Joey

Ooh!

rachel

Rachel

Okay!

joey

Joey

I like that! (To Phoebe) Oh, okay! Show him your bra! He's afraid of bras! Can't work 'em! (He swiftly rips open the front of Phoebe's dress revealing her bra.)

phoebe

Phoebe

Joey! (Examining the dress.) Wow, you didn't rip off any buttons.

joey

Joey

It's not my first time.

[Cut to the bathroom.]

monica

Monica

You go back out there and you seduce her till she cracks!

chandler

Chandler

Okay, give me a second! (Pause) Did you clean up in here?

monica

Monica

Of course.

Cut back to the living room. Chandler slowly exits the bathroom and gets pushed from behind by Monica and sees Phoebe closing the apartment door.

chandler

Chandler

Oh, you're-you're going?

phoebe

Phoebe

Umm, not without you, lover. (She slowly walks over to him and is showcasing her bra.) So, this is my bra.

chandler

Chandler

(swallowing hard) It's very, very nice. Well, come here. I'm very were gonna be having all the sex.

phoebe

Phoebe

You should be. I'm very bendy. (Pause) I'm gonna kiss you now.

chandler

Chandler

Not if I kiss you first.

They move closer to together and Phoebe hesitantly puts her hand on Chandler's hip. He puts his hand on her left hip but then decides to put his hand on her left hip. Phoebe then grabs his butt. Chandler goes for her breast, but stops and puts his hand on her shoulder.

phoebe

Phoebe

Ooh.

chandler

Chandler

Well, I guess there's nothing left for us to do but-but kiss.

phoebe

Phoebe

Here it comes. Our first kiss.

They slowly and hesitantly move their lips together and kiss gently. Phoebe has her eyes wide open in shock and Chandler is squinting. He finally breaks the kiss after only a short while and pushes Phoebe away.

chandler

Chandler

Okay! Okay! Okay! You win! You win!! I can't have sex with ya!

phoebe

Phoebe

And why not?!

chandler

Chandler

Because I'm in love with Monica!!

phoebe

Phoebe

You're-you're what?!

Monica comes out of the bathroom like a bolt, and Rachel and Joey both enter.

chandler

Chandler

Love her! That's right, I...LOVE...HER!!! I love her!! (They walk together and hug.) I love you, Monica.

monica

Monica

I love you too Chandler. (They kiss.)

phoebe

Phoebe

I just-I thought you guys were doing it, I didn't know you were in love!

joey

Joey

Dude!

chandler

Chandler

And hats off to Phoebe. Quite a competitor. (Pause) And might I say your breasts are still showing.

phoebe

Phoebe

God! (She turns and buttons up.)

joey

Joey

All right! So that's it! It's over! Everybody knows!

monica

Monica

Well actually, Ross doesn't.

chandler

Chandler

Yes, and we'd appreciate it if no one told him yet.

Joey suddenly gets very angry.

CLOSING CREDITS

Scene 11:Ross's new apartment, he is showing his boss, Dr. Ledbetter his new place and new outlook on life.

6 lines

ross

Ross

A new place for a new Ross. I'm gonna have you and all the guys from work over once it's y'know, furnished.

Dr Ledbetter

I must say it's nice to see you back on your feet.

ross

Ross

Well I am that. And that whole rage thing is definitely behind me.

Dr Ledbetter

I wonder if its time for you to rejoin our team at the museum?

ross

Ross

Oh Donald that-that would be great. I am totally ready to come back to work. I-What? (He notices something through the window.) No! Wh... What are you doing?!! (Dr. Ledbetter is slowly backing away.) GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

END

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