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  •  /  Friends  /  S05E11 The One With All The Resolutions


    • new scene
    • Scene 1

      Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are hosting a New Year's party. So the place is crowded and in a shameless promotion for NBC they're watching Jay Leno's coverage of New Year's from Time Square.

    • Jay Leno
      (On TV to Dick Clark) Is there any entertainment there? What are people doing?
    • joey
    • Joey
      All right! Here we go! 1999! The year of Joey!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (deadpan, standing next to Monica) We're very happy for you.
    • joey
    • Joey
      What's the matter?!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      We wanted to kiss at midnight, but nobody else is going to so y'know...
    • joey
    • Joey
      All right, I'll take care of it.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh no, wait! Joey!
    • (They try to stop him, not sure of what he's planning. He ignores them and goes to talk to Ross.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (hopping) 73! 72! 71!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Ross! Ross! Ross, listen! Who are you kissing at midnight, huh? Rachel or Phoebe?
    • ross
    • Ross
      What?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well you gotta kiss someone, you can't kiss your sister.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, who's gonna kiss my sister.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Chandler.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Awww, man! Really?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Dude-dude, who would you rather have kiss your sister, me or Chandler?
    • ross
    • Ross
      That's a good point.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh well, since I have that whole history with Rachel, I guess Phoebe.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Okay, great!
    • ross
    • Ross
      All right.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Pheebs! Pheebs! Ross wants to kiss you at midnight!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      It's so obvious, why doesn't he just ask?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Rach! Rach! Listen, I'm gonna kiss you at midnight.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What?!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, everyone's gotta kiss someone. You can't kiss Ross you got the history.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      So?
    • joey
    • Joey
      So? Who would you rather have kiss you, me or Chandler?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, good point.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah!
    • Everyone
      (watching the ball drop) 3! 2! 1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
    • (And with that everyone starts playing tonsil hockey. Chandler with Monica, Ross with Phoebe, and Joey with Rachel.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (To Monica) Happy New Year!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Happy New Year.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (To Phoebe) Happy New Year, Pheebs!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      You too!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (To Joey) Happy New Year, Joey!
    • joey
    • Joey
      So did that do anything for ya?
    • (Rachel slowly walks away.)
    • OPENING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 2

      Monica and Rachel's, after the party. Everyone has left, except for the gang.

    • ross
    • Ross
      Y'know what? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no divorces in '99!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      But your divorce isn't even final yet.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Just the one divorce in '99! Y'know what, I am gonna be happy this year. I am gonna make myself happy.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Do you want us to leave the room, or?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Everyday I am gonna do one thing that I haven't done before. That my friends is my New Year's resolution.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ooh! That's a good one! Mine is to pilot a commercial jet.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      That's good one too, Pheebs. Now all you have to do is find a planeload of people who's resolution is to plummet to their deaths.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Maybe your resolution is to not make fun of your friends, especially the ones who may soon be flying you to Europe for free on their own plane.
    • monica
    • Monica
      She has a better chance of sprouting wings and flying up your nose than you do of not making fun of us.
    • ross
    • Ross
      In fact, I'll bet you 50 bucks that you can't go the whole year without making fun of us. Eh, y'know what, better yet? A week.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'll take that bet my friend. And you know what, paying me the 50 bucks could be the "new thing you do that day!" (Ross looks at him.) And it starts right now!
    • joey
    • Joey
      All right, my New Year's resolution is to learn how to play the guitar.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Ohh.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Really?! How come?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well, y'know those special skills I have listed on my resume? I would love it would be great if one of those was true.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Do you want me to teach you? I'm a great teacher.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Really? Who-who have you taught?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well, I taught me and I love me.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah that'd be great! Thanks Pheebs!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Op, look! Claire forgot her glasses! And she's gonna be really needing these to keep an eye on that boyfriend, who, I hear, needs to keep his stapler in his desk drawer, if you know what I'm talking about.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey Rach, maybe your resolution should be to umm, gossip less.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I don't gossip!
    • (They all laugh.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, maybe sometimes I find out things or I hear something and I pass that information on y'know kinda like a public service, it doesn't mean I'm a gossip. I mean, would you call Ted Kopel a gossip?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well if Ted Kopel talked about his coworkers botched boob jobs, I would.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What? They were like this!
    • (She puts her hands over her breasts and indicates that the coworkers boob job resulted in one pointing up and one pointing down with her hands by pointing up with one hand and down with the other.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 3

      Central Perk, Ross is talking to a beautiful woman as Chandler and Joey enter.

    • Woman
      I'll see you tomorrow.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay! (She leaves.) (To Chandler and Joey.) Hey!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey!
    • ross
    • Ross
      I just asked that girl out.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Nice!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Nice!! Yeah! Is that part of your resolution, your new thing for today?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yes it is. See. (Shows them the piece of paper she gave him with her name and phone number on it.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (reading it) Elizabeth Hornswoggle?
    • ross
    • Ross
      That's right, uh, Elizabeth Hornswoggle.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Horn-swoggle.
    • joey
    • Joey
      You all right Chandler? Is there something funny about that name?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      No. No, I just think that maybe I-I'd heard it somewhere before. (Sits down rubbing his temple.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh really! Where? Somewhere funny I'd bet! (Chandler is straining to keep quiet as Phoebe enters.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hi, Pheebs!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh-oh, guess what? I-I have a date with Elizabeth (Talking into Chandler's ear.) Hornswoggle.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hornswoggle? (To Chandler) Ooh, this must be killing you.
    • ross
    • Ross
      All right, see you later.
    • joey
    • Joey
      See ya! All right Pheebs, I am ready for my first lesson.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay. (Joey tries to take the guitar.) Oh no-no-no, you don't touch the guitar! First you learn here, (Points to her head.) then you learn here. (Points to the guitar.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Umm, okay.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay, lesson one: chords. Now, I don't know the actual names of the chords but umm, I-I-I made up names for the way my hand looks while I'm doing them. (She starts to show Joey the chords. Transcribers Note: For this one you'll have to use your imagination, 'cause it would take me 50 pages to describe each one. So if you want to see them, you'll have to wait for this episode to come to a TV near you.) (Holding up her hand and then reconfiguring her hand with each name.) So then, this is Bear Claw. Okay, umm, Turkey Leg and Old Lady. (Joey tries to imitate them.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What an interesting approach to guitar instruction. Y'know some might find it amusing, I myself find it regular.
    • new scene
    • Scene 4

      Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering with Rachel.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey everybody, Rachel was so good today. She didn't gossip at all.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I didn't! Even when I found out...umm, all right, well let's just say I found something out something about someone and let's just say she's gonna keep it. (Goes into her room.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey, Pheebs! Check-check this out. (Holds up his hand in one of Phoebe's chords.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ooh, you nailed the Old Lady! (They both laugh at what she said.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah listen so, I thought I was getting better, so on my way home today I stopped by this guitar store and...
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Did you, did you touch any of the guitars while you were there? Did you?!
    • joey
    • Joey
      No.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Give me your hands. (He does and she smells his left hand.) Strings. Gimme it! (He gives her his right hand and she smells it as well.) Pick. Do you want to learn to play guitar?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yes!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Then don't touch one!!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (entering, with Ben) Hi!
    • Ben
      Hi!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hi Ben!
    • Ben
      Auntie Monica!! (He runs to hug her.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (notices something) Ross is wearing leather pants! Does nobody else see that Ross is wearing leather pants? (Pause, no one speaks.) Someone comment on the pants!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I think they're very nice.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I like 'em.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah! (Chandler bangs the table in frustration.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      I like them a lot.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      That's not what I had in mind! See, people like Ross don't generally wear these types of pants. You see, they're very tight. (Motions to Ross's buttock.) Maybe there's something in that area.
    • (They all speak at once in general approval of his pants selection; Joey asks where he got them. I can't pick out the rest of it.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh see, I-I needed a new thing for today and there's this leather store that always smells so good and I thought to myself, "Wow, (To Chandler) I never really owned a good smelling pair of pants before."
    • (No one says anything.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh come on!! (Storms out.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (after he's left) Okay, seriously, what do you think?
    • joey
    • Joey
      You look like a freak.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Awful, absolutely awful. (Plus other negative comments from Phoebe and Monica.)
    • (Monica starts taking pictures of Ross and Ben, with the flash.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      What are you, what are you doing?
    • monica
    • Monica
      It's my New Year's resolution!
    • ross
    • Ross
      What, to blind my child?
    • monica
    • Monica
      No! To take more pictures of all of us together. I mean I really think it's the best resolution because everyone will enjoy the pictures.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well, everyone will enjoy my music as well. (Does a chord and Monica starts taking pictures of him and Phoebe. They both start to strike a pose with the excessive amount of pictures that Monica takes.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 5

      Elizabeth Hornswoggle's apartment; Ross is there on his date with her. They are sitting on the couch watching a movie. Ross is obviously hot.

    • ross
    • Ross
      (talking to himself) My God! These pants are burning up! (He's still wearing the leather pants.) (She snuggles closer.) Oh come on, she wants to snuggle now! What is she trying to kill me? It's like a volcano in here! (Out loud.) Are you hot?
    • Elizabeth Hornswoggle
      No.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay, it must just be me then.
    • (He shifts on the couch and a ripping sound emanates from his lower regions, the sound reminds one of a brief explosion of gas. In other words, it sounds like he farted. She has a look of horrific wonderment, wondering "Did he just fart?")
    • ross
    • Ross
      That was just the pants on the couch. Umm, hey, do you, do you mind if I use your bathroom?
    • Elizabeth
      No, go ahead.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Thanks. (Gets up and as he does so, the sound returns. Without another word he heads into her bathroom.)
    • [Cut to Elizabeth Hornswoggle's bathroom, Ross frantically pulls his shirt out and drops his pants. He exhales in sheer ecstasy as the coolness of the bathroom envelops his legs. He sits on the cast iron bathtub, again gasping in pleasure. He next grabs a magazine and starts to blow air on his exposed legs, but that doesn't work the way he wants it to. So he throws the magazine down, looks around for another idea, and finds one. He jumps up and hops to the sink. He turns on the water and starts to splash some on his legs, cooling them further.]
    • ross
    • Ross
      (in ecstasy) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh..........
    • Elizabeth
      (yelling from outside) Hey, my favorite part is coming up!
    • ross
    • Ross
      'Kay!
    • (He goes to pull up his pants, but can't seem to get them past his knees. He frantically tries to pull them up to no avail. Panic sets in.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh my God!
    • new scene
    • Scene 6

      Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is drilling Joey on the chords as Monica looks on.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Tiger! (Joey moves his hand in an attempt to do the chord, in fact he does it with each name.) Dragon! Iceberg!! (He fails.) Joseph, did you even study at all last night?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yes! Yes, I did.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Then do Iceberg!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (thinks) (quietly) G-sharp.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      G-sharp? Have you been studying the real names of the chords? (Joey doesn't answer.) Have you? (He looks away in shame.) Oh my God!
    • joey
    • Joey
      What?! I didn't touch a guitar!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No, but you're questioning my method!
    • joey
    • Joey
      No, I'm not questioning it, I'm saying it's stupid! (Notices Monica standing between them and smiling.) What?! (The camera clicks, taking another picture.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Thank you. (Leaves.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Y'know none of my other student thought I was stupid.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Your other student, was you!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, well, y'know maybe you just need to try a little harder!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (looking in the Yellow Pages) Look, maybe I need to try a real teacher! Right here! Here! Andy Cooper, he teaches guitar and look ooh, there's a nice picture of him with a little kid and THE KID'S GOT A GUITAR!!!!!! (Storms out.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Fine! You go learn from your qualified instructor! But don't come crying to me when everyone's sick and tired of hearing you play Bad, Bad Leroy Brown!!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (entering, singing) "Baddest man in the whole damn town."
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, fine! Take his side! (Storms out.)
    • (Rachel looks shocked, gets over it, notices she's alone, and picks up the phone. The last part of which is something she shouldn't have done, because the phone is already in use. By Monica, and now Rachel can hear every word.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      (on phone) I can't wait to be with you! I'll sneak over as soon as Ross picks up Ben. I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (on phone) Laundry. Huh. Is that my new nickname? (Rachel is absolutely stunned, she opens her mouth in absolute amazement.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      (on phone) Awww, y'know what your nickname is, Mr. Big...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Arghh!! (She quickly hangs up the phone and starts to pace around wondering what to do.)
    • COMMERCIAL BREAK
    • new scene
    • Scene 7

      Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, The phone rings and Joey answers it.

    • joey
    • Joey
      (answering phone) Hello?
    • ross
    • Ross
      (calling from Elizabeth's bathroom) Joey, it's Ross! I need some help!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Uhh, Chandler's not here.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well, you can help me!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Okay.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Listen, I'm in Elizabeth's bathroom...
    • joey
    • Joey
      Nice!
    • ross
    • Ross
      No, I-I got really hot in my leather pants so I took them off but they must have shrunk from the-the sweat or-or-or my legs expanded from the heat. Look, I-I can't put them back on. I can't!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh. That is quite a situation. Uh, do you see any like, powder?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Powder! Yeah! Yeah, I have powder! (Grabs some of her shelf.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Good-good, okay, sprinkle some of that on your legs, it'll absorb some of the moisture and then you can get your pants back up.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, okay, hold on! (He puts the phone down and proceeds to spread a large amount of powder on his legs and makes another attempt at pulling up his pants. It doesn't work, and without picking up the phone leans down to it.) (Almost in tears.) They're not coming on man.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Umm, do you see any-oh, Vaseline?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Ohh, I-I see lotion, I have lotion! Will that work?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah, sure, spread some of that on there.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hold on.
    • (Ross proceeds to apply copious amounts of the lotion on his legs. He literally starts spraying the back of his legs with the lotion, and as he applies some to his butt he makes a happy face like he enjoyed that sensation. After using about half the bottle he again tries to pull up his pants, but at the first sign of resistance, his hand slips off of the pants and hits him in the forehead.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Ross? You okay?
    • ross
    • Ross
      They're still, they're still not coming on man and the lotion and the powder have made a paste!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Really?! Uhh, what color is it?
    • ross
    • Ross
      What difference does that make?!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well, I'm just-if the paste matches the pants, you can make yourself a pair of paste pants and she won't know the difference!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (entering) Joey, do you have a minute?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Dude, what am I gonna...
    • joey
    • Joey
      (To Ross) Uh, Rachel's here, so good luck man, let me know how it works out. (He hangs up the phone and strands Ross in the bathroom.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, Joey, I have such a problem!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh well, you're timing couldn't be better. I am putting out fires all over the place.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay. Okay. Okay. Joey, I have got to tell you something!
    • joey
    • Joey
      What-what is it, what is it?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh my God, it's so huge, but you just have to promise me that you cannot tell anyone.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh no, no-no-no-no! I don't want to know!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yes! Yes! Yes, you do want to know! This is unbelievable!
    • joey
    • Joey
      I don't care, Rach! Look, I am tired of being the guy who knows all the secrets but can't tell anyone!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What? What secrets? You know secrets? What are they?
    • joey
    • Joey
      And you're not supposed to be gossiping!!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I know, I know! I just can't keep this one in, so I pick up the phone... (Joey in a childish attempt to not hear what Rachel is about to say, puts his fingers in his ears and starts to scream loudly. Rachel turns and walks out upon seeing that Joey's not gonna listen, and as she exits Chandler walks in and sees Joey in his current state.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      I'm not listening to you!
    • (Chandler seeing that Joey has his eyes closed sneaks over and picks up the chicken. The chicken starts flapping it's wings in protest as Chandler holds the chicken inches from Joey's face. Joey stops yelling and upon opening his eyes sees the chicken, screams, and falls to the ground in horror.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 8

      Elizabeth's apartment; Elizabeth is inquiring as to the delay in Ross's exit from her bathroom.

    • Elizabeth
      Ross, umm, you've been in there for a long time. I'm starting to get kinda freaked out.
    • ross
    • Ross
      All right, I'm coming out. Hey, can you turn the lights off.
    • Elizabeth
      No, let's just leave the lights on.
    • (Ross opens the door and steps into the living room. He has fully removed his pants and holds them wrapped into a ball in front of his crotch. His legs are covered in the powder and lotion paste. He looks terrible.)
    • Elizabeth
      Oh my God!
    • ross
    • Ross
      I had a problem.
    • new scene
    • Scene 9

      Central Perk, Joey is there to apologize to Phoebe.

    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey, Pheebs?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No, I can't talk to you! I don't have a fancy ad in the Yellow Pages!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Look, Pheebs, I just, I wanna apologize for, for saying that your method was stupid and-and maybe ask you to be my teacher again. And-and I promise, I won't touch a guitar until you say I'm ready. (After a short pause she hands him her guitar.) You really think I'm ready?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Uh-huh!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Wow! Cool! (He takes the guitar, stands up, and goes to play a note. However, while strumming it, he knocks it out of his hands and it bounces off the table and lands on the floor. Phoebe just stares at the guitar.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      (sitting back down) Was the chord at least right...
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No!
    • new scene
    • Scene 10

      Monica and Rachel's, Ross is returning from his horrible trek back home without pants on. The whole gang is there.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh my God!
    • monica
    • Monica
      We heard about your pants, I'm so sorry.
    • ross
    • Ross
      This year was supposed to be great! But, it's only the second day and I'm a loser with stupid leather pants that don't even fit!
    • Everyone
      No. No, you're not a loser.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Look at me! (Chandler squeaks in an attempt not to make fun of him.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey, hey, look. Look Ross, Ben drew a picture of you! (Shows him Ben's picture.) Huh? You're-you're a cowboy!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, be-because of the leather pants.
    • monica
    • Monica
      See? Ben doesn't think you're a loser, he thinks you're a cowboy! Now that's something.
    • (All at once.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      That really is something; that's really cool.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Howdy partner!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Maybe I should get another pair! Ooh, y'know, they-they had some with fringe all down the sides. (Chandler starts rubbing his temple again.) I'm gonna go kiss Ben goodnight. (He starts to head for Monica's bedroom.) I can't believe he thinks I'm a cowboy. (Pause.) I would make a good cowboy. (He struts into Monica's room.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay, now that everything's wrapped up here, I think I'm, I'm gonna go do my laundry.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh yeah, me too. Y'know if this shirt is dirty. (Smells it.) Yep.
    • (They both exit.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay, I'm gonna go too. I'm gonna go to the airport. I figure if I hang around there long enough, someone's bound to leave one of those planes unattended.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Good luck, honey!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Bye! (She exits, leaving Rachel and Joey alone.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hey, uh, Joey?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Umm?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Remember that big thing I was gonna tell you about?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, no! (Starts that screaming thing again. Rachel stops him by pulling his fingers out of his ears.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I'm not gonna tell you, but if you found out on your own, that would be okay and then we could talk about it. Right?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well, then it wouldn't be a secret. So yeah, that would be okay. Yeah. Yeah!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (quietly) Yeah. Well. (Pause.) Hey uh Joe, would mind going over to Chandler's bedroom and get that book back that he borrowed from me?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Now? You want me to go over there now?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Do you know something?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Do you know something?
    • joey
    • Joey
      I might know something.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I might know something too.
    • joey
    • Joey
      What's the thing you know?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh no, I can't tell you until you tell me what you know.
    • joey
    • Joey
      I can't tell you what I know.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well then I can't tell you what I know.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Okay, fine.
    • (Silence ensues.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      You don't know!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      All right, how about I go over there and I will walk into Chandler's bedroom and I will see that thing that I think that I know is actually the thing that I think that I know! (Note: Kudos to Ms. Aniston on the delivery of that line. She said it very quickly and didn't screw up a word. Try it yourself, it ain't that easy.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      (gasps) YOU KNOW!!!!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      AND YOU KNOW!!!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah, I know!!!!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Chandler and Monica?!! Oh, this is unbelievable!! How long have you known?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Too long! Oh my God, Rach, I've been dying to talk to someone about this for so long! Listen, listen, we can't say anything about this to anybody, they're so weird about that! Listen... (Phoebe returns and interrupts them.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hey!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey! It's raining. I don't want to fly in the rain. So...
    • (Pause.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, I am going to go for a walk in the rain.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ohhh, yeah, me too.
    • (They both exit.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      That's weird. (Pause.) I bet they're doing it.
    • CLOSING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 11

      Central Perk, Phoebe, Ross, and Monica are there.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (entering) Oh good, okay, I can't take it anymore. I can't take it anymore. So you win, okay? Here! (Hands him the 50 bucks he's about to owe him.) Pheebs? Flying a jet? Better make it a spaceship so that you can get back to your home planet! And Ross, phone call for you today, Tom Jones, he wants his pants back! And Hornswoggle? What are you dating a character from Fraggile Rock?! (He sits down and sighs in relief.)
    • END