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Scene 1
Chandler and Joey's Bathroom, Chandler and Monica are sharing a candlelight bubble bath while drinking champagne and they clink their glasses.
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- MonicaYou look cute in bubbles.
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- ChandlerEhh, you're just liquored up.
- (They move into kiss but are interrupted by Joey knocking on the door.)
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- JoeyHey, it's me! I'm comin' in!
- (Monica quickly dives under the water as Joey enters. He looks a little shocked at what Chandler's doing.)
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- ChandlerI've had a very long, hard day.
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- JoeyAhh, I'm gonna go get some chicken. Want some?
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- ChandlerAhh, no thanks. No chicken, bye-bye then.
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- JoeyOkay.
- (Joey turns to leave but stops at the door.)
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- JoeyYou sure? Some extra crispy? Dirty rice? Beans?
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- ChandlerFor the last time no! Get out! Get out, Joey!
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- JoeyAll right!
- (Joey leaves and Monica comes up for air.)
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- ChandlerAre you okay? I'm so sorry, he wouldn't leave. He kept asking me about chicken.
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- MonicaChicken? I could eat some chicken.
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- ChandlerHey Joe!
- (Monica goes back underwater as Joey re-enters.)
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- ChandlerYeah, can I get a 3-piece, some cole slaw, some beans, and a Coke (Yelps in pain as Monica grabs him underwater) Diet Coke.
- (Joey gives him a thumbs up and heads for the chicken.)
- OPENING CREDITS
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Scene 2
Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are eating breakfast.
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- Phoebe(entering) Hey!
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- ChandlerHey, Pheebs!
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- JoeyMornin' Pheebs!
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- PhoebeI have to tell you this story. Okay, I was coming over here and this driver...
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- Joey(interrupting) Was his name Angus? (Monica and Chandler laugh.)
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- PhoebeWhat?
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- JoeyOh, he was this cab driver we had in London.
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- PhoebeOh. Ha-ha-ha. All right, anyway...
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- MonicaWait, what that place, that pub he took us too?
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- ChandlerUh, The Wheatsheaf.
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- JoeyYeah-yeah-yeah, and they had that beer! That uh...
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- MonicaBodington's!
- EveryoneBodington's! Woohoo! (And they all high-five each other.)
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- ChandlerOoh! Ahh, Pheebs, was gonna tell a story.
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- PhoebeYeah, so, he had a really funny hat-I don't want to talk about it.
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- Ross(entering) Hey!
- EveryoneHey!
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- JoeyHey, Ross, Bodington's!
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- RossYeah! (They high-five.)
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- JoeyThat was good beer.
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- RossOhh...
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- JoeyY'know, I'd walk back to London for another frosty one of those bad boys.
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- RossY'know, I think they have those at that British pub near the trade center.
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- JoeyLater! (Exits.)
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- RossIsn't Rachel supposed to be back by now?
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- MonicaYeah, but her plane got delayed in Athens. But actually, (Checks watch) she should be here by now.
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- RossOh, so-so you talked to her. Did she, did she sound mad?
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- MonicaNo, but she likes me. You abandoned her on a plane to Greece.
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- RossOkay, I did not abandon Rachel! Okay? Emily showed up at the airport! I had to go after her! I mean, I-I did what I had to do! She's my wife! Rachel is my wife! Y'know-Emily! Emily, is my wife! Man, what is that?
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- PhoebeSo you still hadn't heard from Emily?
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- RossNo, not since I lost her at the airport.
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- ChandlerI can't believe she can out run you man!
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- RossHEY, SHE'S FAST!! OKAY?!! (Chandler is so shocked at Ross's outburst that he drops his spoon and backs up) Oh! You-you think you can be beat me? Let's go! Outside!!
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- Rachel(entering) Hi!
- EveryoneHey! (They all go hug her, except for Ross.)
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- RossRach, Rach, I am so sorry. I am so-so sorry.
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- RachelOh Ross, come on! You just did what you had to do.
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- RossThat's it? You're not mad? I mean, it must've been terrible.
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- RachelTerrible? Hell, I was in Greece! That was a nice hotel! Nice beach, met the nice people. Not to shabby for Rachel. (Goes and puts her luggage away.)
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- RossSo, what? That's it?
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- RachelWell, yeah! We're cool. Totally cool.
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- RossOh, thanks. Oh, you're the best. (They hug.)
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- RachelOh no, you're the best.
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- Ross(breaking the hug) Ohh, I gotta go to the flower store! (Runs to the door.) Check it out, no one will tell me where Emily is, so I'm gonna send 72 long-stem, red roses to Emily's parent's house, one for each day that I've known and loved her. That oughta get her talking to me again.
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- ChandlerOh, Ross, when you make out card; be sure to make it out to, EM-I-LY.
- (Ross bangs his fists together to tell Chandler off, like what was learned last season. Read about it here.)
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- MonicaRach, that's great! It's so good that you had a good time in Greece!
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- RachelWhat?! I didn't have a good time in Greece! Ross abandoned me! Okay, I couldn't get a plane out, so I had to stay in their honeymoon suite with people coming up to me all the time going, "Oh, Mrs. Geller, why are you crying?" I mean, it was sooo humiliating. I felt like such an idiot! I mean, it's all my fault! And you know why, because I make very bad decisions.
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- ChandlerOh that's not true.
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- RachelYes it is! It is true! I went, I went after Ross in stupid London.
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- PhoebeLondon is stupid! Stupid!
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- RachelPhoebe, you were right. I should've never gone to London, and from now on you make all of my decisions for me.
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- PhoebeOh... No, I did that for someone once and I'm not comfortable having that kind of power and control over someone's life.
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- MonicaI'll do it!
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- RachelThat's fine. So Monica, you are now in control of my love life.
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- ChandlerOkay, I gotta go to work.
- (He gets up and gives Monica a rather passionate kiss as Rachel and Phoebe look on in amazement. After the kiss ends, Chandler suddenly realizes what he just did, so he decides to do something rather rash.)
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- ChandlerAnd uh, Rachel, glad to have you back.
- (He goes over and gives Rachel the same treatment he gave Monica, only Rachel is shocked.)
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- ChandlerPheebs! (He goes over and kisses Phoebe, who is also stunned.) Always a pleasure. (And he struts out leaving the girls to stare at each other.)
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Scene 3
Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Chandler and Joey are there looking at pictures from the trip to London.
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- MonicaOh, Rachel, sweetie, look, here's a really cute picture of Joey and you at the reception.
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- RachelOhh, he's married! Ross is married. I can't-I still can't believe it. (Rachel grabs the picture from Monica)
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- MonicaHoney, sweetie, by the edges.
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- RachelI mean, y'know I'm just gonna have to accept it (She grabs the rest of the pictures)...
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- MonicaOhh. (Monica covers her eyes in horror.)
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- Rachel...I mean it's my fault.
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- MonicaSweetie! Edges! Fingers! Smudgey! Pictures!
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- RachelOh my God! (She licks the top picture and hands them back.)
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- MonicaOkay. That's okay. I-I know that you're very upset right now. I know, I know that wasn't about me.
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- Joey(To Chandler) I bet it was about her a little.
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- MonicaIf you would stop thinking about Ross for one minute you would notice that there are great guys everywhere! I mean, look! Look, Gunther! (Gunther turns to listen in.) I mean, he's nice, he's cute.
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- RachelYeah, I guess Gunther is kinda...
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- Monica(Interrupting) Oh, what about that guy over there? (She points at another guy and Gunther is deflated.) Remember? That is the guy you flirted with at the counter that time.
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- RachelOh, I don't know. I don't know.
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- MonicaYou're going to talk to him! Y'know what? We made a deal, I make your decisions and I say you're going to talk to him.
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- RachelAll right, you're the boss. I guess I gotta do what you tell me.
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- JoeySay that to him and you're golden. (She just glares at him.)
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- Phoebe(entering) Hey!
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- RachelHey!
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- JoeyHey, Pheebs!
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- MonicaWe got out pictures back from London. (Shows her one.) Here's all of us at the Tower of London.
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- Phoebe(Grabs the pictures) Oh! Here we all are! Yeah, there's Ross and Joey and you and me. (She picks up a magic marker and draws herself in. Monica can't watch.)
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- ChandlerAll right, y'know what, we've been talking about London too much haven't we?
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- PhoebeNo. I'm sorry. It's just 'cause I couldn't be there. 'Cause all I ever get to do now is pregnant stuff, it just bums me out.
- EveryoneSorry.
- (Rachel returns.)
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- MonicaWhat happened?
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- RachelWell, y'know, a little of this, a little of that. Got myself a date tomorrow night.
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- MonicaSee, didn't I tell you?! You're getting over Ross already!
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- RachelWell...
- (Gunther goes up to the guy and holds a sign that reads, "We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.")
- Gunther(To the guy) Get out!
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Scene 4
Monica and Rachel's, Chandler enters to find Monica waiting patiently for him. He closes the door and they start kissing.
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- MonicaWhat took you so long?
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- ChandlerI got caught up and work, but I'm quitting tomorrow.
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- MonicaOh, good.
- (They start kissing and turn around so that Chandler is facing the door. And Chandler sees Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey walk in and quickly ends the kiss with Monica.)
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- ChandlerSo, thanks for having me over! Rach. (Goes over, grabs her, and kisses her.) Pheebs. (After a moment while he decides how to kiss her around her belly, grabs her and kisses her.)
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- Joey(Jumping out of his way) See ya!! (To the girls.) What the hell was that?!
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- MonicaProbably some y'know, European good-bye thing he picked up in London.
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- RachelThat's not European!
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- PhoebeWell, it felt French.
- (Joey is intrigued.)
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Scene 5
The hallway between the apartments, Rachel is returning from her date with Dave.
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- RachelOh God, I really had a good time!
- DaveYeah, me too. (They reach her door.) So, I guess this is it.
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- RachelYeah. Umm, unless you wanna come inside?
- DaveYeah!
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- RachelOkay. Oh, uh, wait a minute, y'know what? I uh, I can't decide this. Umm, okay, just hold on a second.
- DaveOkay, yeah!
- (She enters the apartment, leaving Dave in the hallway, to find Ross sitting on the couch with a big box.)
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- RachelUmm, hi!
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- RossHi.
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- RachelIs Monica around? I-I have to ask her something.
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- RossShe's doing her laundry.
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- RachelWhat's that? (Points to the box.)
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- RossIt came in the mail today, it's uh, 72 long-stemmed red roses, one for each day that I've known and loved Emily, cut up into mulch!
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- RachelOh, honey that's awful.
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- RossOh, it's not so bad. Monica's gonna make potpourri! I think I'm gonna go wander out in the rain for a while.
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- RachelBut, it's not raining.
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- RossI can't catch a break!
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- RachelY'know what Ross? You're not going anywhere. You're gonna sit right here. I'm gonna make you a cup of tea and we're gonna talk this thing whole out. All right? (She goes out to talk to Dave) Hey, Dave!
- DaveYeah?
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- RachelUmm, listen, I'm gonna need to take a rain check, my roommate is just really sick. Okay? Bye! (She goes back in to talk to Ross.) Honey, listen, I know, I know things seem so bad right now.
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- Monica(Poking her head in) Rach? Can I talk to for just a minute? I-I dropped some socks.
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- RachelYeah. (She goes out to join her in the hall and starts looking for the dropped socks.)
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- MonicaWhat is the matter with you?! Do you want to fall into the trap? Do you want to fall into the trap?!
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- RachelOhh! You did not drop any socks!
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- MonicaI just ran into Dave and he told me that you blew him off! I mean, you listen to me! Now, I'm calling the shots! I say you leave Ross alone and go get Dave! What the hell were you trying to do?
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- RachelWell, ultimately, I was trying y'know, I-I wanted...tell him y'know, that I'm still in love with him.
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- Monica(Gasps) What?!! You cannot tell him that!!
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- RachelWhy? Why not?! People love to hear that!
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- MonicaI make the decisions, and I say no.
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- RachelWell, y'know what, no, you do not make my decisions because y'know what, you're fired.
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- MonicaYou can't fire me. I make your decisions and I say, "I'm not fired!" Ha!
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- RachelWell... (At a loss for words, she grabs some of Monica's laundry and throws it on the floor as a diversion to allow Rachel to run back inside and close the door. Monica chases her to find that Rachel had locked the door.)
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- MonicaRachel!! Come on! Let me in!
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- Joey(Poking his head out.) Havin' some trouble?
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- MonicaRachel locked the door.
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- JoeyI'll kick that door in if you give me a little sugar.
- COMMERCIAL BREAK
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Scene 6
The hallway, continued from earlier. Monica is still locked out.
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- MonicaRachel! Let me in! Rachel!
- [Cut to inside the apartment, Ross decides to let Monica in and goes over and opens the door in mid-pound.]
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- MonicaThank you. Rachel, can I talk to you outside for a sec?
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- RachelNo.
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- MonicaI really need to talk to you.
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- RachelWell, then talk!
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- MonicaOkay, I will. Remember that thing that we just discussed that you wanted to do?
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- RachelYes!
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- RossWhat thing?
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- MonicaWell, Rachel wants to take swing dance lessons. Which I think is a really stupid idea! It's dangerous, she's never gonna get what she wants, and who knows who she might (Turns to look at Ross) end up hurting.
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- RossMonica's right, swing dancing can be tricky. I'm gonna use the phone. I gotta cancel those five giant teddy bears I sent to Emily. (Looks at the rose mulch.) My God, think of the massacre.
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- RachelI'm gonna do it.
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- MonicaAll right, Rachel, I know-I know you think I'm crazy, please, before you tell him you love him, just-just try to find one person who thinks this is a good idea. Because I bet you, you can't.
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- RachelBut I...
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- MonicaPlease!
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- RachelAll right, fine.
- (There's a loud bang on the door.)
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- MonicaJoey, I'm in!
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- Joey(In tremendous pain) All right. Good deal.
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Scene 7
Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there as Phoebe enters.
- EveryonePheebs! Hey Pheebs!
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- JoeyUh, okay, Pheebs?
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- PhoebeYeah?
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- JoeyUmm, y'know how the other day you were talking about how you didn't get to go to London and how you were kinda feeling left out?
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- PhoebeYeah?
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- JoeyAll right, well, we felt really bad about that so we decided we should all take a little trip together!
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- PhoebeOhh, that's so nice! How great! Well, where? Where's the trip?!
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- MonicaWell, we thought we would all go to a picnic (Phoebe gasps), in Central Park!
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- Phoebe(excited) Central...(not so excited) Park!
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- JoeyYeah, all of us! All day!
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- PhoebeThat sucks! That's not a trip! I just came from the park! What are we gonna high five about at the stupid Central Park? "Well, it's right by my house, all right!"
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- ChandlerWell, I'm gonna go home and bask in the triumph of my Central Park idea. (Gets up to leave.)
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- Rachel(stopping him) Hey-whoa-whoa-whoa!! Ho-ho-hold on a sec there, Mr. Kissey! Y'know, I've been meaning to talk to you about this whole, little, new European thing you got going on, and I just need to tell you that it makes me very uncomfortable and I just-y'know-stop it!
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- ChandlerI was just trying to bring a little culture to the group.
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- PhoebeThat's fine, just don't bring it in my mouth.
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- MonicaMakes me wanna puke! (Chandler looks at her, quizzically.)
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Scene 8
Central Perk, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, and Joey are there as Ross enters with Phoebe.
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- RossHey everybody, Pheebs is here!
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- JoeyPhoebe!
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- ChandlerHey, Pheebs!
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- RachelPhoebe, woo!
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- PhoebeOkay, woo! Hi.
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- ChandlerOkay, Pheebs, we decided the picnic idea was a little... Y'know, it didn't have any... It-it, well it blew. So, we thought, that this afternoon that we would all go away for the whole weekend to, Atlantic City!
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- PhoebeOoh, Atlantic City! Oh, that's a great plan! Who's plan was that?
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- JoeyMine!
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- RossWait! It was my plan.
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- JoeyNooo, I said we needed a new plan.
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- RossAnd, I came up with Atlantic City.
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- JoeyWhich, is the new plan!
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- MonicaOkay, well, why don't we all meet upstairs in an hour?
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- PhoebeOkay! Ooh-ahh, I'm gonna go pack. I'm gonna go pack my ass off!
- (They all go pack except for Ross.)
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- MonicaCome on Rach, let's go.
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- RachelYeah, y'know what? I'm-I'm gonna meet you upstairs in a minute.
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- MonicaNo! Rachel, you didn't find anyone so you can't tell him.
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- RachelWell, y'know what, that doesn't matter.
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- MonicaOkay, Rachel, do you have any idea how painful it is to tell someone that you love them and not have them say it back?
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- RachelYeah, I-I don't care.
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- MonicaOkay. I-I can't watch. (Leaves as sits down to read the paper.)
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- RachelWhat 'cha readin'?
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- RossThe paper.
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- RachelYeah, what's it about?
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- RossEvents from around the globe.
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- RachelOkay. Uhh, Ross, y'know what, there's something that I-that I have to talk to you about and everybody's saying that I shouldn't tell you, but I think they're wrong. I mean, and you know how people can be wrong.
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- RossSure. Once, at work I-I thought carbon dating was fossilized...
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- RachelOkay, Ross, I'm really trying to tell you something here.
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- RossYeah.
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- RachelOkay.
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- RossGo ahead.
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- RachelUmm, okay, I think I'm-I'm just gonna-just gonna say it. Just gonna say it. Uhh, (pause) I'm still in love with you Ross.
- (Ross is stunned.)
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- RossWow. Umm... Huh... I'm-I'm not sure what to do with that right now.
- (Rachel starts laughing hysterically.)
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- RossWhat? What? Was that a joke? 'Cause it's mean.
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- Rachel(Laughing) I'm so dead serious. I'm totally serious.
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- RossWhy are you laughing?
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- RachelBecause (laughs), because, I just heard it. I heard it, and it's ridiculous! I mean, you're married. You're-you're married and it's just ridiculous, and it's like, it's like when said it, I sort of like, I floated up out of my body, y'know? And, and-and then I heard myself say it and then the floating Rachel (laughs) was like, "You are such an idiot!"
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- RossWell, well I am married. Even though I haven't spoken to my wife since the wedding.
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- Rachel(laughs) I'm sorry, that's not funny.
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- RossActually, it kinda is. My wife won't return my calls. I don't know where my wife is. (Laughs) "Hey Ross, where's the Mrs.?" Don't know!
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- RachelOh God, ohh, okay, y'know what, do you think ah, do you think that you just forget that I told you this?
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- RossWell, I kinda half to. I mean, because the thing is...
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- RachelThe thing is y'know, that you're married to Emily.
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- RossThat is what the thing is.
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- RachelRoss, things aren't gonna be weird between us, right? I mean was that just the stupidest thing, me telling you that?
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- RossNo. No. No, I'm-I'm glad you did. Look, if nothing else, it's-it's always great when someone tells you they love you.
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- RachelThat's what I said! Thank you for being so nice. (They hug.)
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- RossNo thank you for... Thank you.
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Scene 9
Monica and Rachel's, the gang is about ready to leave for Atlantic City.
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- RossOkay, let's go!
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- ChandlerAtlantic City!
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- PhoebeAtlantic City, baby! Let's roll some bones! Hey Joey, high-five for rolling bones!
- (They high-five and howl, but Phoebe suddenly stops and the guys gasp and retreat in shock.)
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- JoeyUh, Pheebs, you're leaking?
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- MonicaOh my God! You're water broke!
- The GuysOhh!
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- PhoebeAll right. Well, don't worry, I call shotgun! (She starts out the door.)
- EveryoneWhoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Wait-wait!
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- ChandlerPheebs! We have to take you to the hospital now!
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- RossPheebs, Pheebs, the babies are coming now.
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- RachelHigh-five, the babies are coming! (They all high-five.)
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- PhoebeWait, wait, remember when my water broke? (They all high-five again.)
- CLOSING CREDITS
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Scene 10
The hallway between the apartments, they are taking Phoebe to the hospital but Chandler and Monica hold back.
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- MonicaI can't believe Phoebe's gonna have her babies!
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- ChandlerI know, it's beautiful. Amazing.
- (They both kiss.)
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- ChandlerY'know what else I can't believe? I had to kiss Phoebe and Rachel every time I left a room, I mean it's too bad they didn't see us having sex.
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- MonicaDo you know anything about women?
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- ChandlerNo.
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- MonicaThat's all right.
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- ChandlerOkay. (They kiss again.)
- END