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  •  /  Friends  /  S06E04 The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance


    • new scene
    • Scene 1

      Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is packing her belongings to move to Ross's. She's standing in the kitchen.

    • rachel
    • Rachel
      So, which of this kitchen stuff is mine?
    • monica
    • Monica
      This bottle opener. (She grabs it off of the freezer door.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      And?
    • monica
    • Monica
      And it's a magnet!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Look at that!
    • ross
    • Ross
      How weird is that? Y'know? You're moving in with me and have the one thing I don't have. It's like uh, in a way you-you complete me (Phoebe glares at him) kitchen.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What?!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (in an Australian accent) You complete me kitchen, matey!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ross, I know what you're thinking.
    • ross
    • Ross
      What?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      That she's gonna move in with you and maybe then she'll fall in love with you and then when she finds out you're already married, she'll just be happy. Y'know? You're just, you're very sad.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh...my...God! I-I see what this is! You are in love with Rachel!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      What?!!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Of course! It all adds up! I mean you you're obsessed with her. It's always, "Ross, what are you gonna do about Rachel?" "Ross, why-why are you moving in with Rachel?" "When are you gonna confess your secret marriage to Rachel?" You want her!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No! (Ross's phone rings.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (answering it) Uh-oh, saved by the bell. (On phone) Hello?
    • [Cut to the living room where Monica is helping pack a box.]
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey Rach, aren't these candlesticks (holds up a pair) mine?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No-no, I bought those.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ohh! Yeah, I forgot.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah. (Rachel walks away.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      (under her breath) That you're a liar. (Hides the candlesticks in a drawer.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (on phone) No-no-no, that's great! I'll be there Monday. And thank you again! (Listens) Okay. (Hangs up) (To All) Umm, that was the head of the Paleontology department at N uh, Y, uh U!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Wow! Uh what, did he uh, say?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well remember that paper I had published last year on sediment flow rate, huh? They loved it.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, who wouldn't?!
    • ross
    • Ross
      I know! Anyway, they asked me to be a guest lecturer! I mean it's temporary, but uh, if they like me it could lead to a full time job. How great would that look great on a mailbox, huh? "Professor Geller."
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, Professor and Mrs.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      And Mrs.?!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh! Yeah, y'know you and Ross are still married.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What?!!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Just kidding!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ohh! Oh God! (Laughs her way into the living room.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (To Ross) Saved your ass.
    • OPENING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 2

      Central Perk, Joey, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are all there as Phoebe enters dejectedly.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hi.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, what's the matter?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well, you know that psychic I see?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well, she told me that I'm gonna die this week, so I'm kinda bummed about that.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What?!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, and I know you guys don't know a lot about psychic readings, but that one is pretty much the worse one you can get.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Phoebe that's crazy!
    • joey
    • Joey
      I can't believe she would say that too you.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah honey you don't believe her do you?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I don't-she said y'know that I'd have triplets! But she also said one of them would be black.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Just out of curiosity did she tell you how you're gonna go?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No, 'cause she didn't tell me I was gonna die until the very end of the session, and I was not gonna waste a whole another hour there! I mean I've only got a week left, y'know? I've really gotta start living now! (So she picks up the latest copy of Car and Driver (a U.S. auto magazine), leans back, and starts reading.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (entering) Hey everyone!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh hi!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey uh, well, today's my first lecture and I kinda wanted to try it out on you guys, do you, do you mind?
    • (They pause to think about it.)
    • Everyone
      Oh that'd be great. Sure!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (he starts reading directly from his cards word for word very quietly) "There are three primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. Each of these theories can be further subcategorized into two distinct..."
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, this is it. This what's gonna kill me.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (continuing) "...subcategories. The first of these subcategories is..."
    • joey
    • Joey
      (interrupting him) Uh Ross! Are there uh, are there naked chicks on that piece of paper?
    • ross
    • Ross
      No! Why?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well, I've just never seen a guy stare so hard at a piece of paper that didn't have naked chicks on it.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Ohh! Okay! Okay. (Resumes reading word for word from the card) "There are three (pauses and looks at Joey) primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. (Pauses and darts his eyes between Chandler and Rachel.) (Rachel starts laughing) Each of these theories (glances at Phoebe) can be further subcategorized (glances at Chandler) into..."
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Why don't you open with a joke?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Open with a joke? It's a university, not a comedy club!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Wait a minute, hold the phone! You're not talking about Chuckles University?!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (gets up) Okay!
    • Everyone
      Ohh! We're kidding! Oh, we're kidding!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ross, hey you know what might make it less boring?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Thank you!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Some uh, some visual aides.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh-ooh-ooh! Y'know what's a good visual aide?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Please don't say naked chicks.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Why not?!
    • ross
    • Ross
      I-I-I don't even know why I bother to talk to you guys about it. Y'know what? I'm just gonna do it on my own with no naked chicks.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      That's the way I did it 'til I was 19.
    • new scene
    • Scene 3

      Chandler and Joey's, Joey is playing that string game with the two hands and the weird crossing patterns as Chandler enters with the mail.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey! Any good mail?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yes, you got something from the Screen Actor's Guild.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Ooh, it's probably a residual check, hey can you open it for me, I'm kinda....
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (opens and reads it) "Benefits lapsed."
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hmm that's weird. I don't remember being in a move called benefits lapsed.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Okay, it's not a check. They're saying your health insurance expired because, you didn't work enough last year.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Let me see that!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      All right.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (reads it) Oh, I can't believe this! This sucks! When I had insurance I could get hit by a bus or catch on fire, y'know? And it wouldn't matter. Now I gotta be careful?!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'm sorry man, there's never a good time to (pauses) stop catching on fire.
    • joey
    • Joey
      All right well, I guess I gotta go get a job. I'm gonna go see my agent.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Okay, make sure you look both ways before you cross the street.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (mocks him, in a whiney voice) ...look both ways before you cross the street. (Turns and walks headlong into the closed door.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 4

      Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe enters to find Rachel still packing.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hey Pheebs, you're still alive! How are you doing?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Ugh, it's so exhausting waiting for death. Ohh, by the way, do you think you could-(Groans, hacks, and then freezes with her eyes open and her tongue hanging out.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Pheebs, what-what are you doing?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I was preparing you for my-didn't you think I was dead? Did that not come off?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh yeah, scared the hell out of me. I thought we'd lost you forever. Pheebs, you lie down?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, thanks. And listen, can you do me a favor? Could you just umm, wake me up in a couple hours, y'know if you can.
    • (Phoebe goes and lies down as Rachel opens the drawer Monica hid the candlesticks in and as Monica walks out of her room.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Monica!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hmm? (Rachel holds up the candlesticks.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Did-did you take these back?
    • monica
    • Monica
      No-no, I-I just, I liked them so much that I went out and bought some for myself.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh yeah, they're really great! Aren't they?
    • monica
    • Monica
      I loved them!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah. (Monica walks away) Nice try! (Rachel puts them in a box.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (entering) Hello!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hey!
    • monica
    • Monica
      How'd the lecture go?
    • ross
    • Ross
      It went great! And I didn't need any jokes or naked chicks either!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Wow, that's great Ross, I'm sorry we weren't more supportive before.
    • ross
    • Ross
      I knew all I had to do was let the material speak for itself. Everyone's all, "Ross you have to be funny and sexy." Well, I proved them wrong! And now, I'm gonna pass the news onto Joey and Chandler.
    • monica
    • Monica
      That you're not funny or sexy?
    • ross
    • Ross
      That's right!
    • new scene
    • Scene 5

      Estelle Leonard Theatrical Agency, Joey is there to see his agent.

    • joey
    • Joey
      (entering) Hey Estelle, listen...
    • Estelle
      Well! Well! Well! Joey Tribbiani! So you came back huh? They think they can do better but they all come crawling back to Estelle!
    • joey
    • Joey
      What are you talkin' about? I never left you! You've always been my agent!
    • Estelle
      Really?!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah!
    • Estelle
      Oh well, no harm, no foul.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Estelle, you gotta get me some work. I-I lost my health insurance.
    • Estelle
      All right, first thing we gotta do, damage control.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Why?
    • Estelle
      Well, I think uhh, someone out there may have been bad mouthing you all over town.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Bastard!
    • new scene
    • Scene 6

      Chandler and Joey's, Chandler enters to find Joey lying in the fetus position on the floor.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (in obvious pain) Hey! So Estelle lined up a bunch of auditions for me tomorrow and I'll have my health insurance back in no time.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      That's great, but shouldn't you be on the toilet right now?
    • joey
    • Joey
      What?!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What's wrong with you?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Nothing! Well, I-I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, then I uh passed out and uh, haven't been able to stand up since. But um, I don't think it's anything serious.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      This sounds like a hernia. You have to-you-you go to the doctor!
    • joey
    • Joey
      No way! 'Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything it's gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      That's a hernia.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Why did I have to start working out again? (Looks at the weights he was using.) Damn you 15s!
    • new scene
    • Scene 7

      a NYU lecture hall, Rachel and Monica are arriving to talk to Ross after the lecture, but are there early.

    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, we're a little early, the lecture doesn't end for 15 minutes.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah, but y'know we could sneak in and watch.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, we could. Oh hey look! There's some Kappa Kappa Deltas! I was a Kappa. (to them) Hey sisters! (They ignore her.) (To Monica) Wow, we really are bitches.
    • (They enter the lecture hall to find Ross speaking in an English accent for some unknown reason.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (to the class) Right! So when Rigby got his samples back from the laboratory he made a startling discovery! What he believed to be igneous, was in fact sedimentary. Imagine his consternation when-(sees Monica and Rachel.) Oh bloody hell.
    • COMMERCIAL BREAK
    • new scene
    • Scene 8

      a NYU lecture hall, the scene is continued from earlier, only Ross has dismissed the class and is now talking to Monica and Rachel.

    • monica
    • Monica
      What the hell are you doing?!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Look, I was nervous! You guys had me all worried I was going to be boring! I got up there and they were all like staring at me. I opened my mouth and this British accent just came out.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, and not a very good one.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Will you-will you please?
    • (Another professor walks down from the back of the lecture hall.)
    • The Professor
      Dr. Geller, Kurt Rathman, I'm a professor in the paleontology department here.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh.
    • The Professor
      Do you have a moment to talk about your lecture?
    • ross
    • Ross
      (in his British accent) I'm sorry, I've got plans with my sister.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (in an Irish accent) Monica Gellerrr. (She rolls her 'R')
    • ross
    • Ross
      (in accent) Right, will you excuse us for one moment? (Takes Monica aside.) (In his normal voice.) What are you doing?
    • monica
    • Monica
      (normal voice) Oh, you can have an accent and I can't?! (To an exiting student in accent.) Top 'O the morning to ya laddies!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Just please stop!
    • (They turn back to Rachel and Professor Rathman.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (in an Indian accent) Yes, yes, Bombay is bery, bery nice time of year.
    • new scene
    • Scene 9

      Central Perk, Chandler is reading on the couch while Joey, still suffering from his hernia, is returning with coffee for them both. After a series of grunts and groans he manages to painfully walk back from the counter, sit down, and slide Chandler his coffee.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey, will you grab me a cruller? (Joey starts to groan and get up.) Sit down! Will you go to the hospital?!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Dude! Hernia operations cost like, a lot probably. Besides it's getting darker and more painful, that means it's healing.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I will loan you the money. Just go to the hospital and let's just get that thing...pushed back in.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Thank you, but it would take me forever to pay you that money back and I don't want that hanging over my head. Okay? Besides, as soon as my insurance kicks in I can get all the free operations I want! Yeah, I'm thinking I'll probably start with that laser eye surgery too.
    • (Phoebe enters.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      What's going on?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh Joey's got a really bad hernia, but that's nothing a little laser eye surgery won't fix!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Look, I'm telling you if I put my hand on my stomach right here (He puts his hand down his pants, like Al Bundy on Married...With Children always used to do.) it doesn't hurt that bad.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey! Maybe you'll die!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Sure, now I'm scared.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No, we can go together! Just don't wait too long though, okay? 'Cause I'm outta here sometime before Friday.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah, but I don't wanna die!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No-no, it'll be fun! We can come back and we can haunt these guys!
    • new scene
    • Scene 10

      Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are having a tug-of-war over the disputed candlesticks.

    • monica
    • Monica
      Gimme 'em!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No! They are mine!
    • monica
    • Monica
      You stole them from me!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      You stole them from me!!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Gimme them!
    • (With one last mighty tug the combatants lose their grip and split, each holding one candlestick.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      You just wanna each take one?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah that seems fair. We never use them.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (entering) Look, I really need some help, okay? Why? Why did I have to speak in a British accent?! What do I do?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well...
    • monica
    • Monica
      Why don't you phase it out? Yeah, fade the accent out and people will think you're, y'know, that you're adjusting to life in America.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, I mean, come on Ross, no one will even notice. I mean they're probably not even listening!
    • ross
    • Ross
      They're not listening too me?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Of course they're listening to you! Everybody listens to you.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Monica you really think I should try this phasing out thing?
    • monica
    • Monica
      I think you look fine.
    • new scene
    • Scene 11

      Casting Director #1's office, Joey is on his first audition. His partner is an 8-year-old boy.

    • Casting Director #1
      Whenever you're ready.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (in a gravely, painful voice) Okay. "Hey, Timmy, I've got a surprise for you."
    • Casting Director #1
      Hold it. I'm sorry, the surprise is a new swing set, if you could play it a little less...intense?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh yeah, sure, no problem, I'll just-hold on one second. (He turns around and puts his hand in his pants and groans in relief.) (In a relaxed voice.) "Hey Timmy, I've got a surprise for you!"
    • Casting Director #1
      Oh my God!!
    • (Joey pulls his hand out and reverts back to intense pain.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 12

      Casting Director #2's office, Joey is on his second audition. This one is for Purina One Dog Chow, an actual item. Please note the gratuitous product placement.

    • joey
    • Joey
      So that's why I feed my dog Purina One! Pick up a bag today! (He turns, looks at the bag and realizes he won't be able to pick it up.)
    • Casting Director #2
      That's where you pick up the bag.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Exactly.
    • Casting Director #2
      No, the line is pick a bag, so you need to pick up the bag.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Or, I could just point to it! Huh? Blah, blah, blah, Purina One, point to a bag today. (She just looks at him.) I didn't get it, did I?
    • Casting Director #2
      No.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah, okay. (Leaves)
    • new scene
    • Scene 13

      Casting Director #3's office, Joey is entering.

    • joey
    • Joey
      Hi. I'm Joey Tribbiani; I'm here to audition for (Groans) man.
    • Casting Director #3
      You mean dying man?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yes!
    • new scene
    • Scene 14

      Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are playing phone pranks on Ross.

    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay, come on, do it one more time!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Really? Really?!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yes!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay! (Picks up the phone and starts dialing.) (In an Irish accent) "Hello Ross, this is Dr. McNeeley from the Fake Accent University, we'd like you to come on board with us full time! (Hangs up.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (entering) Hey!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hey!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Listen to this! My reading was wrong, I'm not going die!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Really?! How do you know?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Because my psychic is dead! She must've read the cards wrong!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, I'm sorry.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Eh, better her than me! Hey, let's bake cookies!
    • new scene
    • Scene 15

      Silvercup Studios, Joey has won the part of dying man and is now able to play the role he was injured for. Chandler is helping to carry him in.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Listen, I'm really glad you got the part.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (barely audible through the pain) Thank you.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      But are you sure you can do this?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah! And hey, thanks for coming with me. And thanks again for helping me take a shower.
    • (Chandler steps away quickly.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Now, is that never talking about it again?!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (to the director) Hiya!
    • The Director
      Hey Joey, we're ready for ya! (Joey stumbles over) Joey, this is Alex he's going to be playing your son.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hi Alex! (to the director) And uh, as you can see my hands are not in my pants. (Holds them both up.)
    • The Director
      Okay. (to Alex) All right uh, Alex now when Joey says his line, "Take good care of your Momma son," that's your cue to cry. Got it? (Alex nods yes.) All right, let's do this.
    • (Joey lies down on the gurney.)
    • A Crew Member
      (with that board thingy) Scene 5, take 1.
    • The Director
      And Action!
    • joey
    • Joey
      "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex just looks at him and the director motions for him to continue so he tries it again.) "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex does nothing.) "Come on son! Your Momma's good people!"
    • The Director
      Cut! Alex, remember you're supposed to cry. Can you cry for us this time?
    • Alex
      Okay.
    • The Director
      All right, from the top.
    • A Crew Member
      Scene 5, take 2.
    • [Time lapse.]
    • A Crew Member
      Take 36 is up!
    • The Director
      All right! Let's try this again! You ready Joe?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Ah, just one thing umm, is it all right with you if I, if I scream right up until you say action?
    • The Director
      Uh sure.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Okay. (Starts screaming.)
    • The Director
      Action!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (he stops screaming at action) "Take good care of your Momma son." (Again Alex does nothing.)
    • The Director
      Cut!!!!!!!!!! (Joey starts screaming again.)
    • (Chandler decides to help out.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'm sorry! Hey-hey Joe, why don't you uh, lift up your shirt? (He does.) Take a look at this kiddo. (Alex finally starts crying.) We have a crying child! Roll the damn cameras!
    • new scene
    • Scene 16

      Ross and Rachel's apartment, Rachel is unpacking as the phone rings.

    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (answering it) Hello?
    • Russell
      (Ross's divorce lawyer.) Hello, is Ross there?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Uh no, he's not. Can I take a message?
    • Russell
      Yes, this Russell, Ross's divorce lawyer, just tell him that since I haven't heard from him, I assume he's decided to give the marriage a try.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ross got married again-Nooooooo!!!!!!!!!
    • new scene
    • Scene 17

      a NYU lecture hall, Ross is trying to phase out his accent.

    • ross
    • Ross
      (in his head) All right, keep going. We are phasing the accent out, phasing it out. So without out re-testing the results in the laboratory (pronounced the British way) the team would never have identified (British) the initial errors in their carbon dating analysis (British). Were there any questions at this point? (One student raises his hand.) Yes. (Points to him.)
    • A Student
      What's happening to your accent?
    • ross
    • Ross
      (British) Come again? What's-what's this nonsense? (Giggles.) (American.) All right, I'm-I'm not English. I'm from Long Island. I was really nervous and the accent just uh, just came out. I'm sorry. So, if we could just get back to the lecture. Umm, were there any questions? (Everyone raises their hands) About paleontology. (They all put their hands down.) All right, look I was just trying to make a good first impression. Obviously, I screwed up. But what you guys think of me is really important because I'm-I'm hoping to get a permanent job here. So if you just give me another chance to make a good impression...
    • (At this moment Rachel bursts through the door. Needless to say, she's not in the best of moods having just found out Ross's dirty little secret.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ross!! Are you crazy?! I am still your wife!! What, were you just never gonna tell me?!! What the hell is wrong with you?!!!! Ugh, I could just kill you!!!!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (in the accent again) Well, hello Rachel!
    • CLOSING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 18

      Chandler and Joey's, Joey is holding a football helmet; and apparently, in a rather disgusting scene, Joey wants Phoebe to beat him senseless. (Luckily it isn't a long trip.) Because he's made a miraculous recovery from his hernia and wants to take advantage of all those free surgeries he can get now since he's re-established his health insurance.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Have you really done this before?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You just take a big, big swing. Now, don't hold back. (He dons his protective helmet (Why, I have no clue.) and Phoebe picks up a wooden baseball bat and starts to swing as Chandler and Monica enter.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey-hey-hey!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What are you doing?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      We're just celebrating that Joey got his health insurance back.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, all right.
    • (Decided that they are less than human as well, Chandler picks up a golf club and Monica a frying pan, to join in on the fun of beating their good friend to within an inch of his life!)
    • END