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  •  /  Friends  /  S06E09 The One Where Ross Got High


    • new scene
    • Scene 1

      Monica and Chandler's, Monica is mixing some Thanksgiving treat (I'm assuming mashed potatoes) in a bowl.

    • monica
    • Monica
      (on phone) Okay, great! Bye. (Hangs up as Chandler enters.) So guess who's coming to Thanksgiving dinner?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Sydney Portier? Hehheh.
    • [Chandler throws his coat on the couch]
    • monica
    • Monica
      (not amused by Chandler's joke) I miss Rachel. (To Chandler) No, my parents.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh! That's great, they haven't seen the place since I moved in!
    • [Monica goes to fiddle with something on the table.]
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah, and y'know, if you could not mention to them that we live together, that would be great! (Quickly trying to change subjects), I was thinking we would eat around four.
    • [Monica goes to the stove.]
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (shocked at the news) Why can't I tell them that we live together?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Because they don't know we're dating. (Again, trying to quickly change subjects.) Do you think we should eat in the kitchen? (Goes to the sink and the stove to cook.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Why haven't you told them?!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Um, well, I was going to, I-I-I really was. But um, then somewhere, just out of nowhere, I didn't.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Why haven't you told them?! Wouldn't they be happy?!
    • monica
    • Monica
      (trying to change subjects, excitedly) So! Dinner in the kitchen around four! I'll see you then. (Pats Chandler on the shoulder and goes into the living room.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Why wouldn't they be happy?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well, um, because mainly, um, they don't like you. I'm sorry.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What? What? Why?!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Maybe because you used to be aloof, or that you're really sarcastic, or that, y'know, you joke around all the time. Or that you take off your clothes and throw them on the couch.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Is this why they don't like me or why you don't like me?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Look, I know that I should've told them. I know I shouldn't care what they think. I'm sorry.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Y'know, it'll be okay. It'll be okay. Because when they come over, I will be all charming, I will make them fall in love with me, and then we'll tell 'em.
    • monica
    • Monica
      You really think that'll work?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey, I can be pretty charming, babe, I won YOU over, didn't I?
    • monica
    • Monica
      (hugging Chandler) I don't think you'll ever get my parents that drunk!
    • OPENING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 2

      Joey and Janine's, Joey and Ross are playing Sony Playstation. Chandler enters.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey! (Sees Ross is there) Oh, good, Ross! You're parents like me, right?
    • [Chandler goes to stand to the side of the TV.]
    • ross
    • Ross
      (only half-paying attention) Yes, of course they like you!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well Monica just told me that they don't.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (not paying attention) Yeah, they don't like you.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (annoyed) Do you know why?
    • ross
    • Ross
      I dunno, maybe it's because you're really sarcastic. Or maybe it's cause you uh-
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (angry) Well if people don't know they shouldn't just guess!
    • [Joey and Ross get annoyed with Chandler's outburst.]
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      This is great, another Thanksgiving with nothing to give thanks for.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Maybe I could give thanks for you shuttin' up, eh?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Maybe I could give thanks by taking my Playstation over to my new apartment.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well maybe I love ya'.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      [mocks that last comment].
    • [Chandler starts to leave as Janine enters]
    • Janine [to Chandler]
      Hey.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey.
    • [Chandler exits]
    • Janine
      Hey guys!
    • [Joey and Ross drop their video game controllers.]
    • ross
    • Ross
      (trying to act manly in front of Janine) No I don't want to play video games, Joey!
    • Janine
      Are you guys going to Chandler's for Thanksgiving?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah! Yeah, why? What's up?
    • Janine
      Well, me and my dancer friends are thinking of doing Thanksgiving uptown. I thought you guys might like to come.
    • ross
    • Ross
      For real?
    • Janine
      No, but you should go to Chandler's. Because none of us knows how to cook, we'll probably just end up drinking all day.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Ye-ye, we go to yours!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, see, we-we-we have to stop across the hall, because it's my sister. But, uh, uh y'know actually, growing up with a sister was nice because it really helped me understand women. Yeah, you-you should tell your friends that.
    • Janine
      (not sure of what to make of that) Okay.
    • [Janine leaves]
    • [Ross looks at Joey coyly.]
    • joey
    • Joey
      How you got three women to marry you, I'll never know.
    • new scene
    • Scene 3

      Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe enters with a paper turkey.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey!
    • Everyone
      Hey!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hey! Hey, Pheebs, check it out. Yeah, for my desert, I have chosen to make a traditional English truffle!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Wow, that sounds great! And what are you making Monica, in case Rachel's dessert is...[about to say "bad"] so good that I eat all of it. There's none left for anybody else!
    • [Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel laugh]
    • monica
    • Monica
      Nothing.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (worried) Nothing?
    • monica
    • Monica
      No, sweetie, I-I trust you.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      So, if-if I mess this up, there's nothing else for dessert?
    • monica
    • Monica
      You're not gonna mess it up.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Wow, Monica, I love that, you really have faith in me. Thank you. Technical question, how do you know when uh, the butter's done?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well, it's done about two minutes before it looks like that.
    • [Joey and Ross enter.]
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey!
    • Everyone
      Hey!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, ooh the food smells great, Mon!
    • ross
    • Ross
      And the place looks so nice!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah, hey hey, Happy Thanksgiving everybody!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Happy Thanksgiving!
    • The Girls
      Happy Thanksgiving!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well, this has been great!
    • ross
    • Ross
      See ya!
    • [Joey and Ross go to the door, ready to leave.]
    • monica
    • Monica
      Whoa whoa whoa! Where're you goin'?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, oh, we did say we'd stop by this little thing Joey's roommate is having.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh, Janine, the really hot dancer girl?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Some would say she's attractive, yes.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      And who else is going to be there?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Uh, some of her friends, yeah.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Her dancer friends?
    • joey
    • Joey
      (frustrated) Yes, all right? All of her hot dancer friends are gonna be there and they're gonna be, be drinkin' and dancin, and we really wanna go!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (to Joey) Dude, we were good!
    • monica
    • Monica
      You're not gonna go anywhere, you said you were gonna eat here, and you're gonna eat here!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, and-and leaving us to go see hot dancer girls is not very Thanksgivingy.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, but-but it is, uh, it's just like the first Thanksgiving, when the Indians and the Pilgrims uh, sat down to dinner.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah, yeah, and the Indians taught the Pilgrims what it meant to be hot in the new world!
    • [Enter Jack and Judy Geller]
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      Hello everybody!
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      Hi!
    • Everyone
      Hi!
    • [Kisses and hugs are exchanged.]
    • monica
    • Monica
      Dad [kisses Jack], Mom [kisses Judy]. Look! Look who it is it's Chandler!
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      (less than pleased) Oh yes of course, hello Chandler.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Mr. and Mrs. Geller, you look wonderful, it is great to have you hear, let us take off your coats!
    • [Chandler goes to take off Jack's coat. He then notices little white flakes on Jack's shoulders. He begins to wipe them off.]
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Whoa, snowing out there?
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      (angry) No.
    • [Time lapse. The gang is sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is at the head of the table, Mr and Mrs. Geller are to his right. Joey and Ross are to his left. Monica is serving things. Phoebe is in the living room and Rachel is at the sink.]
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      Monica, all this food looks wonderful, you should think about doing this for a living.
    • [Chandler, trying to make nice with Jack, laughs at his joke and points at Jack.]
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      Ok, I have dandruff. There's no need to laugh and point.
    • [Monica rushes over to Chandler's side.]
    • monica
    • Monica
      Dad, Chandler was just laughing at your joke.
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      My joke wasn't funny.
    • [Phoebe walks from the living room to the kitchen and talks quietly to Rachel.]
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Rach, Rach, I just remembered. I had a dream about Mr. Geller last night.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Really?!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, I dreamt that he saved me from a burning building and he was so brave and so strong! And it's making me look at him totally differently. Y'know, I mean he used to be just, y'know "Jack Geller Monica and Ross's dad" and now he's he's "Jack Geller, dream hunk."
    • [We see a shot of Jack stuffing his face with food. Some dream hunk!]
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I dunno. Y'know to me he'll always be "Jack Geller, walks in while you're changing."
    • [Time lapse. Ross and Joey are cleaning the table while Judy and Phoebe talk by the window. Jack and Chandler are sitting on the couch while Monica sits on the coffee table.]
    • monica
    • Monica
      Y'know dad, Chandler is one of Ross's very best friends!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah, Ross sure is a great guy, y'know I've always felt that how a young man turns out is a reflection on his father.
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      I always thought that too. Tell me, what does your father do?
    • [Chandler and Monica exchange worried looks.]
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (worried) He's the headliner of a gay burlesque show.
    • [Rachel is in the kitchen fiddling with her English truffle. Joey and Ross, anxious to leave and go to Janine's party, are egging her on to hurry up.]
    • joey
    • Joey
      Rach, you're killin' us here, will ya serve the dessert already? Those drunken dancers are waiting!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (looking at her truffle) Look at it, isn't it beautiful?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, yeah, what is it?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      It's a truffle. It's got all of these layers. First there's a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam, then custard, which I made from scratch, [Joey and Ross make impressed faces] then raspberries, more ladyfingers, then beef sauteed with peas and onions, [Joey and Ross look like something's wrong.] then a little more custard, and then bananas, and then I just put some whipped cream on top!
    • [Joey and Ross make confused faces.]
    • ross
    • Ross
      W-What was the one right before bananas?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      The beef? Yeah, that was weird to me, too. But then, y'know, I thought "well, there's mincemeat pie," I mean that's an English dessert, these people just put very strange things in their food, y'know. [To Joey] Oh! by the way, can I borrow some Rum from your place?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Y-sure!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (teasingly) And while I'm gone don't you boys sneak a taste.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (faking dissapointment) Okay.
    • [Rachel leaves]
    • ross
    • Ross
      Beef in a dessert?! I- no no no, there is no way!
    • [Ross goes to look in the magazine Rachel got her recipe from.]
    • joey
    • Joey
      I know, and only one layer of jam?! What is up with that?
    • [Ross looks up as if saying that Joey was weird. He begins flipping through the pages, only to find that they are sticky. So one page is overlapping another, making two recipes look like one.]
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh my God, the pages are stuck together!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (turning to Chandler in a scolding tone) Chandler!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh My God, she-she made half a English Trifle, and half a...Sheperd's Pie!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (sad) Oh man! Now she's gonna start all over! We're never gonna get to introduce the hot girls to the new world!
    • ross
    • Ross
      No, no, we will. We just won't tell her she messed up.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Just let her serve the beef-custard thing?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, it'll be like a funny Thanksgiving story!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (shrugging his shoulders to go along with it) Vomiting stories are funny...
    • [Rachel enters]
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Joey, God, your apartment is like a hundred degrees!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Did-did it make you wanna walk around in your underwear?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (frustrated) Still not hot enough!
    • [Joey leaves]
    • [Phoebe walks over to talk to Rachel.]
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Rachel?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay, look at him. Look at those strong hands. Oh what I wouldn't give to be that can of (looks closer to see what Jack is drinking) condensed milk.
    • [We see a shot of Jack drinking condensed milk on the couch.]
    • [Ross and Judy enter the living room. Judy and Ross sit down on the couch beside Jack. Monica and Chandler are sitting on the coffee table.]
    • monica
    • Monica
      Mom, uh, Chandler was just saying how beautiful your sweater is.
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      Oh, thank you Chandler! I just bought it.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh, yes. Well it's very beautiful. It's cream-colored and tight [Realizes what he just said and looks worried. Monica and Ross also looked shocked. Judy and Jack give Chandler a very dirty look.] I don't mean tight, I mean it's not too tight, not that I was looking at-[giving up all hope, he puts his head into his hands.]
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      What's the matter with him?
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      (whispers to Jack a little loudly) I think he's stoned again.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (shocked) What?
    • monica
    • Monica
      (shocked) What?
    • ross
    • Ross
      (worried) Dude, I need to talk to you a sec.
    • [Ross and Chandler get up and go into Rachel's old room.]
    • new scene
    • Scene 4

      Rachel's old room. It's pretty much empty except for a few boxes against the walls. Ross and Chandler enter.

    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay, I think I might know why my parents don't like you.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      You do? Why?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay, remember, we were young. Hey, Spring break, sophomore year, I got high in my bedroom and my parents walked in and smelled it and so I told them that you had gotten stoned and jumped out the window.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What?! Why did you do that?
    • ross
    • Ross
      I don't know, aheh, your's was the first name that-that popped into my head, I'm I'm sorry. I-I didn't think it would matter.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      How could it not matter?!
    • ross
    • Ross
      How was I supposed to know we'd end up being friends after college, let alone you-you would be living with my sister?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      What about all that "friends forever" stuff?
    • ross
    • Ross
      I don't know, I-I was all high.
    • COMMERCIAL BREAK
    • new scene
    • Scene 5

      Rachel's Old Bedroom, Continued from earlier. Monica enters the room.

    • monica
    • Monica
      Mom and dad just sent me in here to find out if you (points to Chandler) were trying to get Ross stoned!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Your parents caught Ross smoking pot in college and he blamed it on me!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ross, I can't believe you'd do that!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      The reason we haven't told them we're together is because they hate me, okay? So will you fix this?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay, okay, I'll tell 'em it wasn't Chandler who got high. Now who should I say it was?
    • monica
    • Monica
      You! It's not like it's a big deal! You-you don't still do it or anything!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Alright, alright, now-now who should I say tricked me into doing it?
    • new scene
    • Scene 6

      Monica and Chandler's, Time lapse. Jack is still on the couch, picking his teeth with his feet on the table. Phoebe and Judy are sitting on the table looking at him. Ross and Chandler are sitting by the window talking. Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen fooling with Rachel's trifle. Monica walks into the living room from the kitchen.

    • monica
    • Monica
      Dad, please don't pick your teeth out here! Alright, and if you're gonna put your feet up, why don't you sit on the-
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Monica, leave him alone!
    • [Monica gives Phoebe a surprised expression and goes over to Ross and Chandler.]
    • joey
    • Joey
      (to Rachel) Will you hurry up? Did you not hear me before when I told you that all of Janine's friends are dancers?! And that they're going to be drinking alot!?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (sarcastically) No, I did, but tell me again, because it's so romantic.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well you're whippin' so slow! Can't you do it any faster?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Joey! Come on! I don't wanna make any mistakes, alright? This is the only dessert and if I screw it up everybody's gonna be like "Oh, remember that Thanksgiving when Rachel screwed up the trifle?"
    • [Joey gives her an understanding look.]
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      So why don't you just let me worry about making the trifle and you just worry about eating it, alright?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh I am!
    • [Chandler and Monica are by the window pressuring Ross to tell his parents the truth.]
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ross, if you don't tell them, then I will!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay, fine!
    • [Ross gets up to go tell his parents.]
    • [Joey rushes over.]
    • joey
    • Joey
      Ross! Can I talk to you for a second?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh, uh, can it wait a second Joey? I have to tell my parents something. No it can't? Okay.
    • [Monica and Chandler make "What was that?" gestures. Joey and Ross go into Rachel's old room.]
    • new scene
    • Scene 7

      Rachel's old room, Ross and Joey enter.

    • joey
    • Joey
      Okay, look, I think we have to tell Rachel she messed up her dessert.
    • ross
    • Ross
      What?! What is with everybody? It's Thanksgiving, not...Truth-Day!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Look, when everyone eats that...that...Banana-Meat thing, they're all gonna' make fun of her, do you want that?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Okay, okay, we'll just get everyone to act like they like it. That-that way noone makes fun of her and we still get to go to Sweet Potatoe Pie! (Referring to the dancers.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      (scolding) Dude, they're not objects.
    • [Ross makes a sorry face.]
    • joey
    • Joey
      Just kiddin,' I'll talk to them, you distract Rach.
    • [Joey and Ross go back out into the main area.]
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey Rach, can I talk to you outside for a second?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay...
    • [The hallway. Rachel and Ross go out and they just stand there for a few seconds.]
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What's up, Ross?
    • ross
    • Ross
      So um...Thanksgiving. The holiday season is upon us, hm?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah!
    • ross
    • Ross
      And um...You look nice today.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh no. No Ross, don't do this.
    • ross
    • Ross
      What?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I just- I don't think us getting back together is a good idea.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (shocked) Eh?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I thought this might happen today. Ross, I know the holidays can be rough. Y'know? And it's probably really hard for you to be alone right now.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (cutting her off) You're alone.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No, I-I live with Phoebe. I mean you're [pity-tone] alone, alone. And I just-it's just not the time for us. I'm sorry.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (just trying to get out of the conversation) Ah well, can't blame a guy for trying!
    • [Inside Monica and Chandler's. Joey is almost done explaining the situation to everyone.]
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh and (Ross begins to open the door and Joey says some gibberish word to indicate to Ross that he's not done yet. Ross closes the door again.) Okay, and uh if anyone needs help pretending to like it, I learned something in acting class, try uh, rubbing your stomach (Rubs his stomach) or uh, or saying "mmm" and uh, oh oh! And smiling (Smiles while pretending to stir a bowl), okay?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah, I'm not gonna pay for those acting classes anymore.
    • [Ross and Rachel re-enter.]
    • joey
    • Joey
      Rachel, there you are! Come on, let's serve that dessert already!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Joey, you're gonna have to stop rushing me, you know what? You don't get any dessert.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (happily) Really?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No, I'm just kidding I would never do that to you! Okay, everybody, it's trifle time!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      So, now, Rach, this is a traditional English trifle, isn't it?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      It sure is.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Wow. So then did you make it with beef or Eggplant?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Beef.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I can't have any. You know I don't eat meat. (Faking dissapointment.) Ohhh no.
    • [Phoebe gets up and goes into Rachel's old room, a smile on her face.]
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Alright, Monica, I want you to have the first taste.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Really?
    • [Rachel hands Monica a plate. Monica takes a spoonful of the whipped cream portion.]
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh oh oh, wait! You only got whipped cream in there! Ya gotta take a bite with all the layers!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay.
    • [Monica takes a bigger spoonful and a pea falls off]
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Op! Wait, you dropped a pea.
    • [Monica puts the pea on top of the spoonful and takes a bite.]
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well?
    • monica
    • Monica
      (faking joy. Rubbing her stomach and smiling at the same time, like Joey said) Mmmm! It's good!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Really? How good?
    • monica
    • Monica
      It's so good, that I feel really selfish about being the only one who's eating it, that I think we should have everyone taste how good it is. Especially Ross.
    • [Ross glares at Monica.]
    • [Everyone takes a bite of their trifle.]
    • Everyone
      (faking enjoyment) Mmm.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (clearly lying and hating the dessert) Yeah, this is so good, that I'm gonna go enjoy it on the balcony so that I can enjoy the view whilst I enjoy my dessert.
    • [Chandler exits to the balcony.]
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      (lying) I've gotta call my friend Mary and tell her how good this is, from Monica's room.
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      (also lying) I'll help you dial.
    • [Jack and Judy exit to Monica's room.]
    • monica
    • Monica
      (again, lying) I'm gonna go into the bathroom so I can look at it in the mirror, as I eat it.
    • [Monica exits to the bathroom.]
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay, now what was that all about? Is it-does it not taste good? Let me try it.
    • [Rachel reaches for Ross's plate]
    • ross
    • Ross
      Wha? No no! Ah! (Ross scarfs all of his trifle down in about a second. He looks like he's going to throw up.) (Lying) All gone! So good! Maybe Chandler has some left.
    • [Rachel leaves to the balcony.]
    • ross
    • Ross
      It tastes like feet!
    • joey
    • Joey
      I like it.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Are you kidding?
    • joey
    • Joey
      What's not to like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Meat? Gooooood.
    • [Rachel and Chandler re-emerge from the balcony.]
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      ...So a bird just grabbed it, and then tried to fly away with it and, and then just dropped it on the street?
    • [Chandler makes a fake "I know I couldn't believe it either" gesture.]
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (lying) Yes, but if it's any consolation, before the bird dropped it, he seemed to enjoy it.
    • [Phoebe comes back from Rachel's old room.]
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Rachel, come here. (Rachel walks over to Phoebe. Chandler sits down on the lounge-chair.) Okay, I was just starting to take my Thanksgiving nap, and I had another dream about Jack.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, Phoebe, do I wanna hear this?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I dunno, let's see! So, okay, I dreamt that we were gonna get married, and he left, becuz he had to go fight a fire. And, um, so okay, I went to a night club, and I saw him making out with a girl.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (humoring Phoebe) Oh my God, he dream-cheated on you!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, but then Jacques Cousteau came and he kicked his ass for betraying me! It was soo cool! Then, he took me diving and he introduced me to his pet seahorse, who, by the way, was totally coming on to me, and please, that is not gonna happen.
    • [Jack and Judy come out of Monica's room and sit down on the couch.]
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      Boy, I'm glad I wore the big belt today.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Five minutes ago, a line like that would've floored me. Now nothing. Well, not nothing, I am still a woman.
    • [Rachel and Phoebe walk into the kitchen. Monica comes out of the bathroom and goes over to Ross.]
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ross? Let's go.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh yeah, about telling Mom and Dad, I was thinking about maybe writing a letter.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Alright, you know what? That's it. You've had your chance.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Wha-what?
    • monica
    • Monica
      (out loud, to her parents) Mom! Dad! Ross smoked pot in college!
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      What?!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (in a 5 year old's tone) (To Monica) You are such a tattletale! Mom, Dad, you remember that-that time you walked in my room and smelled marijuana?
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      Yes. (They look at Chandler angrily.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well I told you it was Chandler who was smoking the pot but it was me. I'm sorry.
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      It was you?
    • monica
    • Monica
      And Dad, y'know that mailman that you got fired? He didn't steal your Playboys! Ross did!
    • [The Gellers stare at Ross. Ross looks at his parents with an afraid, shocked look.]
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah, well, Hurricane Gloria didn't break the porch swing, Monica did!
    • [The Gellers glare at Monica.]
    • [Joey, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting at the table, looking at the Geller siblings like they're weirdos.]
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ross hasn't worked at the museum for a year!
    • [The Gellers glare at Ross.]
    • ross
    • Ross
      Monica and Chandler are living together!
    • [The Gellers glare at Monica, shocked]
    • [Monica and Chandler both are shocked. Ross gives Monica a "take that!" look.]
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ross married Rachel in Vegas! And got divorced! Again!!!!
    • [The Gellers glare at Ross.]
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (joining in) I love Jacques Cousteau!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (reading the recipe magazine, finally figuring out that...) I wasn't supposed to put beef in the trifle!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (pounding the table) I wanna gooooooo!
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      (rubbing her temples) That's alot of information to get in in thirty seconds! Alright Joey, if wanna leave, just leave. Rachel, no you weren't supposed to put beef in the trifle. It did not taste good. Phoebe, I'm sorry, but I think Jacques Cousteau is dead. (Phoebe makes a sad face.) Monica, why you felt you had to hide the fact that you were in an important relationship is beyond me.
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      And we kinda figured about the porch swing.
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      Ross, drugs? Divorced? Again?
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      What happened son?
    • ross
    • Ross
      I-I uh, I got tricked into all those things!
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      Chandler! You've been Ross's best friend all these years, stuck by him during the drug problems. (Ross gets disgusted.) And now you've taken on Monica as well. Well, I don't know what to say. You're a wonderful human being.
    • [Chandler is mega shocked!]
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Thank you!
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mr. Geller
      No! Thank you! (Hugs Chandler) Monica, and Ross! I don't know what I'm gonna do about the two of you!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (In a parent-like tone) I'll talk to them!
    • CLOSING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 8

      Monica and Chandler's, Everyone is helping clean the table.

    • rachel
    • Rachel
      You guys! It was bananas, cream, and beef! I-I just cannot believe that you ate that so that I wouldn't feel bad!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well actually, I-I didn't eat mine. It's still in the bathroom.
    • joey
    • Joey
      No it isn't, I ate that.
    • Mr. Geller
    • Mrs. Geller
      (pointing to herself and Jack) Well we left ours in Monica's bedroom.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Nope, got it and I got yours (Pointing to Jack) too.
    • END