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  •  /  Friends  /  S07E19 The One With Ross and Monica's Cousin


    • new scene
    • Scene 1

      Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are on the couch as Joey enters.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (To Joey) Oh hey! How was your audition?
    • joey
    • Joey
      I'm sorry, do I know you?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      What are you doing?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Nothing, I'm just practicing blowing you off because I'm gonna be a big movie star!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh! You got it?!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well, no not yet. But the audition went really good.
    • monica
    • Monica
      What was it for?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, it's this big budget period movie about these three Italian brothers who come to America around the turn of the century. It's really classy! Oh, and the director is supposed to be the next, next Martin Scorcese.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      The next, next?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah, there's this guy from Chicago who's supposed to be the next Martin Scorcese, all right? But then this guy's right after him. (Joey's cell phone rings and he answers it.) Hello!
    • Estelle
      Joey! It's Estelle! I just talked to the casting people; they loved you!
    • joey
    • Joey
      (to Monica and Phoebe) They loved me!
    • Estelle
      Yeah, they wanna see you again tomorrow.
    • joey
    • Joey
      (on phone) Oh my God!
    • Estelle
      There's just one thing. Do you have a problem with full frontal nudity?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Are you kidding me? I never rent a movie without it! (Listens) Oh. (Listens) Uh, okay uh let me call you back. (Hangs up.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      What's the matter?
    • joey
    • Joey
      They want me to be totally naked in the movie!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Wow!
    • joey
    • Joey
      I know! My grandmother's gonna see this!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Grandma's gonna have to get in line.
    • OPENING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 2

      Monica and Chandler's, (although its really just Monica's now with Matthew Perry in rehab) Monica is folding her laundry with Ross reading the paper and Phoebe standing in the kitchen.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey the wedding is so close! Are you getting nervous?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah. But a part of me also can't wait 'til it's over. Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex again until the wedding.
    • ross
    • Ross
      A no sex pact huh? I actually have one of those going on with every woman in America.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey Phoebe, will you give me a hand?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Sure.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I gotta make up the guest bedroom. (To Ross) Hey, Cousin Cassie is coming to stay with us a few days.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Cassie?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Uh-hmm.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Wow, I haven't seen her for like forever. I wonder if she still carries that Barbie everywhere she goes.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ross, she's 25 years old.
    • ross
    • Ross
      So what! I still have-No you're probably right.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (entering) Hi!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hey Pheebs, can I talk to you over here for a second?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Subtle guys!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      What?!
    • monica
    • Monica
      I know you're planning my surprise bridal shower.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (laughs) Well okay-Well don't ruin it! Just play along at least!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay. Sorry. (She goes into the guest bedroom.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (To Phoebe) Oh my God! We have to throw her a shower?!
    • new scene
    • Scene 3

      Monica and Chandler's, Joey is entering.

    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey! What did you decide to do about the movie?
    • joey
    • Joey
      I don't know! It's not like it's porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Y'know? And the nudity is really important to the story.
    • monica
    • Monica
      That's what you say about porn.
    • joey
    • Joey
      You're right. Maybe I shouldn't even go on the call back.
    • monica
    • Monica
      No! No you should! A lot of major actors do nude scenes! I mean the chance to star in a movie? Come on!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well that's true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My character's catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. It's really sweet and-and tender.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Plus, everyone's gonna see your thing. (Giggles.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 4

      Phoebe's apartment, Phoebe and Rachel are trying to plan Monica's shower.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well when can we have this shower?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      She has got so much going on we-we have only two options. We have Friday...
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well that's only two days away. What is the other option?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yesterday!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well if we make it yesterday, woo-hoo! We're done!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh my God Phoebe, this is impossible! We can't do this by Friday! We have to find a place. We have to invite people! We have to get food! There's just too much to do! It's impossible! We can't do it! We cannot do it! We cannot do it!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Rachel, calm down!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (calmly) Okay. I'm sorry. You're right, you're right.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (grabs and shakes Rachel) Just calm down woman!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Phoebe, I already, I already did.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh okay. All right, then I need to calm down a little.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay. Okay. (They sit down.) I think we can do this if we just get organized. All right? We have two days to plan this party. We just need to make fast decisions! Okay? All right, where are we gonna have it?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Uh, here. What time?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      4 o'clock. Food?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Finger sandwiches and tea.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ooh great! Very Monica.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      And chili!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ah you went one too far. Uh, flowers or balloons?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Both!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      We're paying for this y'know.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Neither.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay. Umm, what should we do for the theme?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Lusts of the flesh.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (pause) What?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I don't know. (Timidly) A cowboy theme?
    • new scene
    • Scene 5

      Monica and Chandler's, Monica is on the couch writing when Chandler enters to make his brief cameo.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Y'know I'm-I'm really glad we decided not to sleep together before the wedding.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh boy me too!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Y'know I was thinking if we had a...a big fight and uh we broke up for a few hours...
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Technically we could have sex again. What do you think, bossy and domineering?!
    • monica
    • Monica
      The wedding is off, sloppy and immature!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      That's me! Come on!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay. (They both jump up to head for there room, but Monica stops.) But wait, we can't. My Cousin Cassie is in the guest room, we're supposed to have lunch.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well get rid of her, obsessive and shrill.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Shrill?! The wedding is back on!
    • (Cassie enters from the guest room, with her hair up. The extremely beautiful and sexy Denise Richards is playing Cassie. Woo hoo! For those of you who don't know who she is, rent Wild Things and she was also the last Bond girl in The World Is Not Enough.)
    • Cassie
      I thought I heard voices. You must be Chandler.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (transfixed) Hi! Nice to meet you!
    • Cassie
      Nice to meet you too.
    • monica
    • Monica
      So, are you ready to go?
    • Cassie
      Yeah.
    • (She lets her hair down and whips her hair around in Baywatch-esque slow motion with a Barry White song in the background. Chandler needless to say can't help but stare along with the rest of the male and lesbian population of North America.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      (catching him) Chandler!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I'll be right with you.
    • new scene
    • Scene 6

      Central Perk, Ross is there as Chandler and Monica enters.

    • monica
    • Monica
      (To Ross) Cassie needs to stay at your place.
    • ross
    • Ross
      What-why?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Because Purvry Perverson over here can't stop staring at her.
    • ross
    • Ross
      What?! Chandler she's our cousin!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I was not staring at her. Okay? I was just listening intently. It's called being a good conversationalist. Watch. (Stares at Monica's eyes.) Say something.
    • monica
    • Monica
      You were staring about eight inches south of there.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Fine, she can stay at my place. By the way, what-what does Cassie even look like now.
    • monica
    • Monica
      She looks exactly like Aunt Marilyn.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Umm, so this Aunt Marilyn is-is-is-is she coming to the wedding?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Wafer thin ice!
    • new scene
    • Scene 7

      A Casting Director's Office, Joey is entering for his callback.

    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey, I'm back!
    • The Casting Director
      Hi-hi Joey.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Uh so, will-will I be reading the same scene again?
    • The Casting Director
      Actually, I tried to call to you. You didn't need to come down here today.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh great! Y'know I would've been perfect for this part, but whatever! Y'know, thanks for making a bad decision and ruining your movie! Good day! (Starts to leave.)
    • The Casting Director
      Wait Joey! You didn't need to come down because the director saw your tape from yesterday and loved it.
    • joey
    • Joey
      And scene! Huh? Wasn't that fun? We did a little improv there. Yeah! Okay! So you-you-you-you were saying?
    • The Casting Director
      Well, the director thinks you're really right for the part and wants to meet you tomorrow.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Wow! Sure! That's great!
    • The Casting Director
      Oh and your agent said you were okay with the nudity.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah! Yeah sure, just long as it's handled tastefully and that barn is not too cold.
    • The Casting Director
      Terrific! Well uh, there's one more thing. Uhh, uh it's really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how she's never seen a naked man who wasn't Jewish. So... (Laughs.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      So...What?
    • The Casting Director
      So uh well the director is insisting that whoever play that part be authentically, anatomically not Jewish. Do you know what I'm saying?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yes!
    • The Casting Director
      Okay.
    • joey
    • Joey
      No. What?
    • The Casting Director
      An Italian Catholic immigrant at this time would not be...
    • joey
    • Joey
      Barmifsaed?
    • (The casting director shakes her head.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 8

      Monica and Chandler's, Joey is telling Monica what the casting director was trying to get too.

    • monica
    • Monica
      So to get this part you can't be?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Nope.
    • monica
    • Monica
      But you are?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yep.
    • monica
    • Monica
      But you told them you weren't?
    • joey
    • Joey
      That's right.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Wow! Wow! And it's definitely all gone? There's nothing there to work with? (Joey glares at her.) What were you thinking?
    • joey
    • Joey
      I don't know! I really want this part! And they tell you no matter what you get asked at an audition you say yes. Like if-if they want you to ride a horse, you tell 'em you can! And just figure out how to do it later.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Joey! This is not like learning to ride a horse! This is like learning to...grow a turtleneck!
    • joey
    • Joey
      I kn-I know! I know! Okay? And apparently tomorrow when I go in to meet the director I have to take off my clothes so that they can see what my body looks like.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh my God, what are you gonna do?!
    • joey
    • Joey
      I just have to call my agent and tell her I can't do the part. (Gets up for the phone.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Unless!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Unless what?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well, this may sound crazy, but there maybe something we could fashion.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Like what?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well I'm not sure yet, but umm of the top of my head I'm thinking double sided tape and some sort of luncheon meat.
    • new scene
    • Scene 9

      Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering and Rachel is still planning.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey! I've got a great idea for party favors for the shower. Okay, we get some uh mahogany boxes and carve everyone's names in them and inside is everyone's individual birth stone.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay. Okay. All right, you take care of that. And meanwhile, the party is tomorrow and we still don't have a guest list.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay. Okay! Well okay, who do we know that's coming? Me. Are you?
    • monica
    • Monica
      (entering) Hey!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hey! What's up Mon?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well uh, I'm trying to make something for Joey. Do you mind if I raid your fridge?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Have at it.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay. (Opens the fridge.) All right, turkey. Eh, that won't work. Cheese? (Picks it up) That won't work. Olive loaf? (Picks it up) I hope that won't work.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Are you makin' him a sandwich?
    • monica
    • Monica
      No it's umm, more like a wrap. Okay so uh, I'm gonna go guys.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I guess you can get back to deciding on what to get me for a present! (Runs out.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (To Phoebe, after Monica's gone) We have to get her a present?!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay but look! Look at what I got! It's her address book! (Holds it up.) We have a guest list!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh my God you're amazing! Did you just pull that out of her purse?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Uh-huh, and a little seed money for the party. (Holds up $40.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 10

      Ross's apartment, there is a knock on the door and Ross opens it to Cassie.

    • ross
    • Ross
      (shocked at her beauty) Cassie?!
    • Cassie
      Hey Ross!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey!
    • Cassie
      (hugs him) It's been so long! Last time I saw you, you were setting up your tent in line to see Return of the Jedi.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh. Oh, that's right. So-so you did see me that day because it seemed like you didn't.
    • Cassie
      Ah yeah, sorry about that.
    • ross
    • Ross
      It's okay. Come, come on in.
    • Cassie
      Thanks for letting me stay here! I mean Monica's place was nice, but her fiancee sure stares a lot.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh.
    • (She sets down her bag and we travel back to slow motion world. She once again whips her hair around in slow motion with the love doctor Barry White singing in the background. And I'd also like to take this opportunity to mention that she can also be seen in Starship Troopers and that she was born in Downers Grove, Illinois which just happens to be a few miles from where I live. Anyway Cousin Ross is now staring.)
    • Cassie
      Oh my God! You do a great Chandler!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Uh-huh. Yeah I-I have a knack for impressions.
    • Cassie
      Well, maybe after we get reacquainted uh, you can do me.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah-No!!
    • COMMERCIAL BREAK
    • new scene
    • Scene 11

      Ross's apartment, Cassie is eating dinner and Ross is pacing behind her because of what she's eating.

    • ross
    • Ross
      Cassie, how you-how you doin' on that...hot dog.
    • Cassie
      I'm all done.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (quietly) Thank God.
    • Cassie
      I guess the last time we really hung out was when our parents rented that beach house together.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh right. Right. Ooh, remember the time I uh, I pinned you down and tickled you 'til you cried? (She laughs) We're probably too old to do that now.
    • Cassie
      I'll always remember that summer, because it's when I got all of these freckles. (She pulls her blouse open to show him her shoulder and bra strap.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (looking then moving away quickly) Uh-huh! Uh-huh! And-and-and I'll always remember that summer because that's when I realized that we are related.
    • Cassie
      It took you that long to figure it out, huh?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well I'm, I'm a little slow. (To himself) Just as our children would be.
    • new scene
    • Scene 12

      Phoebe's apartment, it's Monica's bridal shower and Phoebe is passing out some finger food.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hi!
    • Woman
      Hi!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      How are you? (The woman nods) Good. (She goes over to another couple of women.) Hi, thanks for coming.
    • Woman
      Oh thank you.
    • (The other woman declines.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Thank you. (To the other woman) No? (She nods.) All right. (She goes to another pairing.) Oh, it's so nice to see you.
    • Woman
      No.
    • The Other Woman
      No thanks.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay. (Goes over to Rachel.) Hey Rach?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Who the hell are all these people?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well, I don't know. I called all the people in Monica's phone book and these are the only ones who could show up on 24 hours notice.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hmm, y'know there's another word for people like that. Losers!
    • (A woman approaches.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (to her) Hi! I'm Rachel. This is Phoebe. I'm the maid of honor. How do you know Monica?
    • Woman
      I was her accountant four years ago.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ohhhh!
    • Woman
      I'm very interested to find out who's been doing her taxes these last four years.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      That's great!
    • Woman
      So, what time is Monica supposed to get here?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (to each other) I don't know.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (to the woman) Excuse us for a minute. (They go into the kitchen.) You didn't tell her to come?!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      You were supposed to tell her!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No I wasn't! You were supposed to tell her to come and I was supposed to bring the cake!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Fine, I'll go call her.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yes! And please tell her to bring a cake!
    • new scene
    • Scene 13

      Joey and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the counter as Monica enters carrying a tray.

    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay, we have a lot of options here, a number of prototypes for you to try on.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Wow! This looks great!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yeah! Okay, this one is a mushroom cap. (Points to it.) Umm, this one is made of bologna. (Points.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      And-and-and-and-and the toothpicks?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh, just until the glue dries.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Thank God!
    • monica
    • Monica
      (to a whole group) Now, these are-are more realistic, but perishable.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Ah.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay? (To a different group) Over here we have pink suede, which is nice. But umm, if it gets wet then you know it's gonna shrink.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well maybe we just take that one away. (Picks it up and throws it away.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      I also, did a little something in fur. But umm, that's really just for me. (Rubs it against her cheek.) Okay. So, why don't you go into your room and try these on and we'll see-get a better idea of what's gonna work.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Thanks, you are such a good friend. And this is so weird.
    • (He goes into his room to try them on and closes the door.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Ow!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Toothpick?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah.
    • monica
    • Monica
      What are you trying on now?
    • joey
    • Joey
      The fruit roll up.
    • monica
    • Monica
      And?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Delicious.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Joey!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Wait a minute! Wait a minute! We have a winner!
    • monica
    • Monica
      What?! Which one?!
    • joey
    • Joey
      The Silly Putty! It's not so silly anymore!
    • (They hug.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 14

      Ross's apartment, Cassie and Ross are watching a movie and Cassie is pouring Ross some more wine as Ross has his hands full with the glass and holding the bowl of popcorn in his lap.

    • ross
    • Ross
      (in his head) She's your cousin. She's your cousin! If she knew what was going on in your head she'd think you were sick! (She grabs some popcorn.) Or would she? Let's back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logan's Run, the sexiest movie ever. (She grabs the blanket from behind him and looks at him.) Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. I'm going in.
    • (They exchange looks, smile, and shrug their shoulders before Ross suddenly lunges forward in an attempt to kiss her, but she expertly backs away.)
    • Cassie
      Hey! What the hell are you doing?! (They sit back up.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (in his head) Say something clever! (Pause.) Okay, doesn't have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. (Pause) Any words will do. (Pause) Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! (Pause) There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! (Pause.) (To her) I-I, I uh haven't had sex in a very long time. (She leaves.) (In his head) Yeah, you really shouldn't have said anything.
    • new scene
    • Scene 15

      outside Phoebe's apartment, Monica is knocking on the door.

    • monica
    • Monica
      Phoebe! Rachel! It's Monica! I wonder what you could possibly need me for on such short notice! (She bursts into the apartment to find only Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch.) Oh.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh Monica, we are so sorry.
    • monica
    • Monica
      For what?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Well first, for forgetting to throw you a bridal shower.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      And then for forgetting to invite you to it.
    • monica
    • Monica
      You al-you already had it?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah. Well, we called everyone in your phone book and bunch of people came, but it took us so long to get you here that they-they had to leave.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, we wanted to throw you a big surprise and a great shower, and now you don't have either.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      We ruined everything.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ugh...
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well no wait a minute that's not true! No, what did, that was really sweet. And it kinda works out for the best.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What do you, what do you mean?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well now, I get to spend my shower with the only people I really love! I mean, I get all those presents (Motions to the pile in the corner) without having to talk to people I don't even like!
    • (Suddenly, everyone stands up and comes out of hiding. All of them are glaring at Monica.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Surprise...
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Sur-surprise.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      ...Monica.
    • new scene
    • Scene 16

      The casting director's office, Joey is there to show off to the director, so to speak.

    • joey
    • Joey
      And what's cool is, the character is from Naples, right?
    • The Director
      Yeah.
    • joey
    • Joey
      My whole family's from Naples!
    • The Director
      Oh that's great! Okay, well I've heard everything I need to hear. I just need to uh, Leslie...
    • The Casting Director
      Joey, this is awkward part.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to y'know make sure I don't have any horrible scars or tattoos. Don't you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, that's me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joey's legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, there's a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
    • CLOSING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 17

      Phoebe's apartment, Phoebe is getting out linens for Cassie who is in the bathroom.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Cassie, are you finding everything okay in there?
    • Cassie
      Yeah! Thank you so much for letting me stay here.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh! No problem! I... (Cassie emerges from the bathroom and we once again visit slow motion Barry White background music land with the sexy hair-flipping thing going on, only this time Phoebe is entranced. For more information on Denise Richards you can visit your local library or look her up on the Internet at her official website at www.deniserichards.com.)
    • Cassie
      (noticing her) What?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (in her head) Say something! Say anything! Ask her out! She's not your cousin!
    • END