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  •  /  Friends  /  S08E14 The One With The Secret Closet


    • new scene
    • Scene 1

      The Hallway, Phoebe walks up to and knocks on Chandler and Monica's door.

    • monica
    • Monica
      (opens the door wearing a robe, but leaves the chain on) Hey, what's up?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well, I left my guitar here again.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh, okay. No problem.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay. (Monica closes the door, gets the guitar, and then hands it out.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Here you go.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Great! Umm...(Monica closes the door again and Phoebe knocks again.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      What?!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      So do you want to hang out or something?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Phoebe! You kinda caught me at a bad time.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh are you and Chandler...
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yes! Exactly.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay. Do you guys want me to play for you?
    • monica
    • Monica
      (laughs) No. (Closes the door as Chandler walks up.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey Pheebs, what's up?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      You ask an intriguing question Chandler Bing.
    • (Chandler lets her into the apartment and reveals that Monica is getting a massage from another woman.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh my God! You're getting a massage! You never let me massage you!!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Phoebe, I can explain!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      You told me you hate massages!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Buy stamps, pick up dry cleaning...Don't let Phoebe in.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I can't believe this! How long as this been going on?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well umm, Alexandra has been...
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, it has a name?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Phoebe, don't get upset!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay-Oop! Too late! I'm leaving! Come on Chandler let's go! (She storms out.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, Phoebe I thought I'd-(Off Phoebe's look)-Yeah, what the hell. (Exits with Phoebe.)
    • OPENING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 2

      Joey's Bedroom, Joey is having a dream about Rachel giving birth with him as the father.

    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh okay, okay! One more push! One more push! Come on honey, we're almost there! We're almost there!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh Joey, I'm so happy things worked out for us that we're having this baby together. I love you so much.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, I love you too.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      And I hope it's not an inappropriate time to say this but, you're the best sex I ever had.
    • joey
    • Joey
      That's always appropriate! (Back to the matter at hand) Oh, okay. One more push! One more push!
    • (Finally, the baby is delivered and starts crying.)
    • Doctor
      Oh, here is your beautiful baby. Congratulations!
    • (She hands the baby to Joey who pulls down the blanket to reveal Ross's face where the baby's should be.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (crying) I hope you're a better father than you're a friend!! (Cries again and Joey wakes up in horror.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (bursts into the room) Joey! Joey!
    • joey
    • Joey
      What? What's going on?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Come feel this! Come feel my belly!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Aaaah...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Joey! The baby is kicking for the first time! Will you please come feel this?!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Really?!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yes!
    • (Joey starts to get up but stops.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, y'know what? Maybe uh, you...you should come to me. I'm a not, I'm not wearing any bottoms.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, okay! (She goes over to him and he feels her belly.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh my, oh my God!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Aw, it's unbelievable! Wow! She is kicking so much! Oh, she's like umm...oh...who's that kind of annoying girl soccer player?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Mia Hamm?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Mia Hamm!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh that's amazing. (Drops the sheet.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (looking down) Oh-oh!! One hand on the sheet Joe!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Whoa-hey-oh! Sorry!
    • new scene
    • Scene 3

      Monica and Chandler's, Monica has opened another wedding present as Chandler enters.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey babe.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hi honey. We just got a wedding gift from Bob and Faye Bing; they don't like us do they? (They gave them a pok-a-dotted punch bowl.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Who says you can't get a nice punch bowl for under six bucks? Maybe we can take it back?
    • monica
    • Monica
      No, it doesn't say where it came from. Where would we return it?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      How about to the street say from the balcony?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Why don't we just find a place for it?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Okay. How about in that cabinet?
    • monica
    • Monica
      No! That's where we keep the canned goods! Have you completely forgotten everything you learned at orientation?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      How about the closet by the bathroom? (The secret green door by the bathroom.)
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh, okay. Here, why don't you let me do it?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh no-no-no, I will do it. Honey, you have to learn to sit down and relax and let your husband take care of things once and awhile. (Tries the door.) It's locked, you have to help me. Why is it locked?
    • monica
    • Monica
      No reason. I-I keep private things in there.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Oh y'know, I've been living here a while and I've never seen what's inside that closet. What is, what is in there?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Feminine stuff.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Don't try to make me uncomfortable with feminine stuff!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Chandler, there is nothing in there that concerns you! If you love me you-you'll let it go.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Fine.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Thank you! (He tries the door again and Monica glares at him.)
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (walking casually away) Love you.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (entering) Hello Chandler, lovely day huh? (To Monica) You!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Phoebe if it helps Alexandra has only been massaging Monica for like three years. (Phoebe rolls her eyes and walks away and Monica glares at him.) If! I said, "If it helps!" (Goes to the bedroom.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Why won't you let me massage you?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well it's...I mean I'd just-I'd be self-conscious. You're my friend; I'd be naked.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Monica! We lived together for years! I've seen you naked!
    • monica
    • Monica
      That's different, we were roommates! And when?!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I'm curious about the human body.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey, come on Phoebe, you can understand why this would be weird for me.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      But I'm a professional! And I'm really good! Look, if you're uncomfortable we can stop. Just give me a chance, okay. Please?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay, if it means that much to you...
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      It does! How would you feel if you couldn't share your cooking? Or-or imagine how Ross would feel if he couldn't teach us about dragons.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Dinosaurs.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Potato, potaato.
    • new scene
    • Scene 4

      Central Perk, Joey and Rachel are there as Ross enters.

    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey Ross! The baby's kicking!
    • ross
    • Ross
      What?! It is?! (He tries to quickly remove his gloves, but runs into trouble and finally throws them off of his hands like a hockey player in a fight and grabs Rachel's belly.)
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      It's not kicking right now. Although we would love to see you do (Mimics him) that again.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey, when-when was it kicking? What happened?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Last night! I just felt it and I went into Joey's room and he was sleeping...
    • joey
    • Joey
      A dreamless sleep.
    • ross
    • Ross
      My God, the baby's kicking. That's great. Although I...kinda wish I-I would've been there to feel the kicking for the first time y'know.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well I got stuff going on in here (Rubbing his belly) if you wanna feel.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Look, I-I don't want to miss anymore baby stuff. So...Here. Here's my new pager number, okay? Anytime anything pregnancy related happens use it! I'll be there! Okay? I don't care if it's three in the morning and all you want is ice cream.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Wow! Can I get a copy of that?
    • new scene
    • Scene 5

      Phoebe's Apartment, Monica is lying on the massage table waiting for Phoebe.

    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (calling from her room) Are you under the sheet?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Yes.
    • (Phoebe turns on some music and grabs some oil.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (in a soothing voice) Great, let's begin. (She starts the massage.) How's the pressure?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Nice! Wow Phoebe you are good!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Stating the obvious, but thank you. And it's not weird is it.
    • monica
    • Monica
      No. Ooohh...
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      That's right, you just enjoy.
    • monica
    • Monica
      (in a sexy voice) Oh. Oh yeah! Ohhhhh! Ohh! Oh yeah!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      (getting uncomfortable) Okay.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh God Phoebe!! (Phoebe covers one ear.) Oh that's it! That's it! Right there! Oh! (Tries to cover the other ear.) Ooooh-oooh-ooooh... (Covers both ears and continues the massage with her elbows.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 6

      Monica and Chandler's, Chandler has a box of keys and is trying them on the secret closet when someone enters.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I wasn't trying to open your closet! I wasn't trying to open your closet! I swear! (Running into the kitchen and sees its Joey.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Whoa, Monica runs a pretty tight ship over here. What are you doing?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Monica has a secret closet and she won't let me see what's in it.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Why not?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I don't know! What could she possibly be hiding in here that I can't see?!
    • joey
    • Joey
      I don't know. Ooh, I bet it's Richard.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Why would Monica be keeping Richard in here?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well off the top of my head uhh, maybe she's having her cake and eating it too. You being the cake and Richard being the too. Or!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      And here we go...
    • joey
    • Joey
      I saw this movie once where there was a door and no one knew what was behind it, and when they finally got it open millions and millions and millions of bugs came pouring out and they feasted on human flesh. Y'know it wouldn't kill ya to respect your wife's privacy! (He walks away and into his apartment and looks the door.) Stupid closet full of bugs!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Joey. Joey, something feels weird and not good weird. I don't-Whoa!! (Winces in pain.)
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh hey whoa-whoa, don't worry. Okay. When my sisters were pregnant they got every weird feeling in the book, it was always nothing.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Really?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Absolutely. But, we're gonna stop by the hospital just to be sure, okay? I'll page Ross on the way. Come on.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay. Oh God-Ow!-Oo!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Okay Rach-Rach-Rach look at me, look at me, everything's gonna be fine, trust me. Okay. Take my hand. Here we go. (Rachel grabs his hand.) Oww crushing bones!
    • new scene
    • Scene 7

      The Hospital, Joey is in the waiting room as Rachel comes back out with the doctor.

    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey! So?
    • Dr. Long
      She's fine. She's experiencing Braxton-Hicks contractions, mild discomfort caused by contractions in the uterine wall.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hmm, mild discomfort. So I take it you've had one of these Braxton thingies?
    • joey
    • Joey
      So but everything is normal.
    • Dr. Long
      Absolutely.
    • joey
    • Joey
      And-and there's no danger to her and the baby?
    • Dr. Long
      No-no. Contractions can be unnerving if you don't know what they are, but she's fine.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Thank you doctor. (Dr. Long exits.) (To Joey) Oh thank you for being so nice and calm.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Calm?! I wasn't calm! I've never been more scared in all my life!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      But wait you said everything was gonna be okay.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well what do I know?! I'm not a doctor!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      But I-But everything is okay. I'm fine!
    • joey
    • Joey
      You sure?!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yes! Yes! I got half a mind to contract that doctor's uterus though. Mild discomfort, what's he talking about?
    • joey
    • Joey
      (seeing Ross) Oh hey-hey!
    • ross
    • Ross
      (rushes in) Is everything okay?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, everything's fine!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Your page said come to the hospital, what? What was it? What happened?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Something called Braxton-Hicks contractions.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh. Oh. Thank God, most women don't even feel them.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay, no uterus, no opinion.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey uh, what's with the candy?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh when you beeped me I was on line at the concession stand at the movie theater.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh you went to the movies by yourself?
    • ross
    • Ross
      No I-Mona!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh, I gotta go back in there.
    • ross
    • Ross
      What? Why? What's wrong?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      No, everything's fine. I just gotta go back...
    • ross
    • Ross
      No really, you tell me what's up.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I-I forgot my underwear. (Ross lets her go.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      (To Joey) So, thanks so much for bringing her to the hospital.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh hey, don't worry about it man. Don't worry about it, no big deal.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah but still, I mean it should've been me. I'm the dad.
    • Dr. Long
      (To Joey) Uh, if you have any questions, here's some information on Braxton-Hicks. (Hands Joey a pamphlet.) Oh and by the way, you did the right thing by bringing her in. You're gonna make a wonderful father.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh uh, hey. Not as good as this guy! (Grabs Ross around the shoulders.) He brought Twizlers!
    • COMMERCIAL BREAK
    • new scene
    • Scene 8

      Monica and Chandler's, Joey and Chandler are still working on the door.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      There has got to be a way!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Easy there Captain Kirk. Oh, do you have a bobby pin?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yeah. (Checks his hair.) Oh no wait, I'm not an nine-year-old girl.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Then why do you throw like one?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Maybe Monica has a bobby pin.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Sure. "Monica."
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      So, how's the hideously inappropriate crush on Rachel coming?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Uh, really good. Really good. Yeah, I should be ready to kill myself any day now. (Chandler returns with a bobby pin and hands it to Joey.) Wow, you sure found that quick. (He tries the pin in the lock.) I just-I wish I didn't feel this way about Rachel anymore, y'know? I wish things could go back to normal. I mean, I love living with her and God, helping out with the baby is just amazing, but now I think...I think Ross feels left out. Y'know? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital, the doctor thought I was the father. God... You should've seen the look on Ross's face. (Pause) By the way, I have no idea what I'm doing here. For all I know I'm just locking it more. Oh hey, did you try opening it with a credit card?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      That's a good idea.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Yeah.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Okay. (They switch places and Chandler gets out a credit card.) So uh, Ross is kinda bummed huh?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh, I just...I feel terrible.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Well, it's not your fault. What are you gonna do? Not take her to the hospital? Y'know? You're doing nothing wrong. (Pause) Except for harboring an all consuming love for the woman whose carrying his baby. (He loses his card behind the door.) Richard? If-if you're in there, could you pass me my credit card?
    • new scene
    • Scene 9

      Central Perk, Phoebe is on the couch as Monica enters.

    • monica
    • Monica
      Hey.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Hey.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I gotta tell you, yesterday was amazing. That massage felt so good!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No-no, I got that.
    • monica
    • Monica
      So umm, what do you say we make it a weekly appointment?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Okay. Okay but you should know though, I've raised my rates to $200 an hour.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Okay.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      I mean $500.
    • monica
    • Monica
      What?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      600.
    • monica
    • Monica
      What's going on?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Oh, you make sex noises when you get massaged!
    • monica
    • Monica
      What? (Laughs.)
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, and it really freaked me out! And after a while I even tried to hurt you and it just spurred you on.
    • monica
    • Monica
      What?! You're crazy! There's nothing sexual about the noises I make!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Really? There's nothing sexual about this? (Sexily) Oooh. Oo God! Ohh. Ohhhh. Ohh. (Some cute guy is watching closely.) (To him) What are you looking at?! (Pause) I mean hi.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh my-This is so embarrassing. Oh my God, I'm never gonna get massaged again!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      No, you can't let this stop you from getting massages! No look, I have, I have lots of clients that make the same noises you do!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Really?!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Well not clients, lovers. But let's just y'know, try it again. Come back and-and we'll work through it.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Are you sure?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yes.
    • monica
    • Monica
      I guess.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Great! Okay, if you'll just excuse me. (To the guy) So, did you hear something you liked?
    • new scene
    • Scene 10

      Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is balancing an aluminum can on her stomach as Ross enters.

    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Hey Ross! Check it out! I learned a new trick!
    • ross
    • Ross
      Hey uh, I brought you some lunch.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Ohh! That's so sweet of you! Oh yum! (Takes a bite out of the sandwich and starts to get sick.) Did you put pickles on this?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Well yeah!
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Oh Ross!! (Runs to the bathroom and closes the door.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      What?! What?! Rach what?!
    • joey
    • Joey
      What's going on?
    • ross
    • Ross
      I made her favorite, tuna salad with pickles.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Pickle? Pickles make her sick. Giving her pickles is like giving me salad.
    • ross
    • Ross
      (to Rachel) I-I'm sorry Rach, I didn't know. Are you gonna be okay?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah, I'll be fine. But could someone please make sure that sandwich is gone when I get out there?
    • joey
    • Joey
      I'm on it! (Takes a bite out of the sandwich.)
    • ross
    • Ross
      I can't believe this! I shouldn't be the one making her throw up!
    • joey
    • Joey
      Dude relax! It could happen to anyone.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah? Not to you, because you know this stuff. I don't know any of it and I'm the father. I wish I'd be more involved y'know.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (entering) Well, if anyone is keeping score, I no longer eat tuna.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey uh, can I, can I talk to you guys for a second?
    • ross
    • Ross
      Yeah.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      What's up?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Uh, sit down. I wanna talk about our situation.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      (Gasps) Are you breaking up with us?
    • joey
    • Joey
      The thing is...'cause I live with Rachel I'm here for a lot of the stuff, okay? (To Rachel) And Ross...Ross is missing everything. So...
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Maybe you two should live together.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Are you asking me to move out? Do you not want me here?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Oh no-no, no-no I love living with you. It just seems that...if you're gonna have a roommate, y'know it might as well be the father.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      But Joey, I don't think Ross wants me to move into his apartment and disrupt his life like that. I mean-(Ross turns to her with wishful eyes.)-Or he does.
    • ross
    • Ross
      No I-I-I would love to be around for you and the baby. And we-we can just try it like on a temporary basis.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      But Ross, its you and me!
    • ross
    • Ross
      So? Sure! But it-it wouldn't be anything romantic. And I'm-I'm dating Mona-Damnit Mona! I was supposed to meet her like an hour ago! What is wrong with me?!
    • joey
    • Joey
      All right now, so? What do you think?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      I don't know. Is it crazy?
    • ross
    • Ross
      No! No it's not. Joey, this is a smart idea.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well, I was due.
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Okay, let's do it. I'll move in.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Really?
    • rachel
    • Rachel
      Yeah.
    • ross
    • Ross
      Oh Rach that's great. That's great. (They hug and Joey breathes a sigh of relief.)
    • new scene
    • Scene 11

      Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is pounding out the hinge pins on the closet door to get it open.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Not to shabby, I got this all off myself...using my wife's tools. (He takes the door off the frame and we finally get to see what's behind the green door! It is stacked, floor to ceiling, with junk.) Oh my God!
    • monica
    • Monica
      (entering) (Gasps) How did you get in there?!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      (laughs) You're messy.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh no! You weren't supposed to see this!
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      I married Fred Sanford!
    • monica
    • Monica
      No Chandler, you don't understand! (Chandler starts singing the theme for Sanford and Son, an old TV show starring Redd Fox.) Okay! Okay! Okay! Fine! Now you know. Okay? I'm y'know...I'm sick.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      No, honey you're not sick! Look, I don't love you because you're organized, I love you in spite of that.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Really? You promise you won't tell anyone?
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Yes! And look, now that I know if I got some extra stuff lying around can we, can we share the closet.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Well...it's just umm...I'm afraid you might mess it up.
    • new scene
    • Scene 12

      Joey and Rachel's, Joey is drinking a gallon of orange juice as Chandler enters.

    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Hey.
    • joey
    • Joey
      Hey.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      So Rachel's all moved out huh? How are you taking it?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Well uh, I wanted to have a few beers, but uh, I got rid of those because Rachel couldn't stand the smell of them. But I have thrown back a lot of orange juice with calcium though. And uh, it's a couple weeks past it's expiration date, so it's got a bit of a kick.
    • chandler
    • Chandler
      Are you okay?
    • joey
    • Joey
      Are you kidding me? I'm great! Yeah, I'm uh; I'm better than great. I am good. And now that she's gone, I can uh, I can do all this stuff around here that I couldn't do before. Y'know? Like umm, I can walk around naked again. Y'know? I can uh, I can watch porn in the living room. Right? This is uh, this is good for me. Y'know? I like being on my own, I'm uh, better off this way. I'm uh, a lone wolf. Y'know? A loner. Alone. All alone. Forever. What's a wolf got to do to get a huh around here?! (Chandler rushes over and hugs him.)
    • CLOSING CREDITS
    • new scene
    • Scene 13

      Phoebe's Apartment, Phoebe is giving Monica another massage.

    • monica
    • Monica
      Ohhh.
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      That's it. Just relax.
    • monica
    • Monica
      Ohh. Oh! Ohh!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Come on more!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh God!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, you like that don't you?
    • monica
    • Monica
      Oh yeah right there!
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      You want it there? You take it there baby!
    • monica
    • Monica
      Uh Phoebe?
    • phoebe
    • Phoebe
      Yeah, say my name. Say it! (She stops when she realizes what she's doing.) And now I'm going to cover you back up, and umm we're never doing this again.
    • END