S06E08

The Mom & Pop Store

Full screenplay script transcript for Seinfeld S06E08: The Mom & Pop Store

8 Scenes313 Lines

Scene 1

Opening Scene

70 lines

I like the names they have for cars. Like, no baron has ever owned a LeBaron. Or the Ford LTD. "LTD." Limited. It's a "limited" edition...what did they make, fifty million of those? "Yes, it's 'limited' to the number we can sell." Or when they try and mangle a positive word into a car name, you know how they'll do that? The "Integra." Oh, integrity? No, Integra. The "Supra." Or the "Impreza." Yeah? Well, I hope it's not a "lemona"...or you'll be hearing from my "lawya."

GEORGE LOOKING AT CARS AT A USED CAR LOT, CHECKING OUT AN '89 VOLVO.

Car Salesman

George, are you sure I can't show you any other cars?

George

I don't think so, Vic. I've done my homework. '89 Volvo, that's the car for me, it's the one I want.

Salesman

I got a LeBaron convertible right here.

George (chuckles)

N.I. Not interested.

Salesman

It's got a few more miles on it, but the previous owner was John Voight.

George (suddenly Interested)

Jon Voight?

JERRY AND ELAINE IN JERRY'S APARTMENT. JERRY IS ON THE PHONE WITH TIM WHATLEY.

Jerry

Okay, Tim. You're welcome. (Hangs up.)

Elaine

Was that Tim Whatley?

Jerry

Yes, it was. He wanted your address - you, my friend, are going to be invited to his night-before-Thanksgiving party. (Elaine raises her hands triumphantly, then gleefully struts her way to the kitchen.) You know, he's got that great apartment on 77th street, and they overlook where they inflate all those huge balloons for the Macy's Thankgiving Day Parade?

Elaine

I have always had a big crush on Tim Whatley. Why can't he ask me out? (Punctuates this by shoving Jerry.)

Jerry

Oh, he's a dentist. You don't want to go out with a dentist.

Elaine

Why?

Jerry

He'll always be criticizing your brushing technique, it'll drive you crazy. (Mimics brushing his teeth) Away from the gums... (The door opens a little, George jangles the keys to his new car at Jerry and Elaine, then enters.)

Jerry

Uh - new car!

Elaine

Ohhh!

Jerry

Hey! Did you get the Volvo?

George

No, I decided to go with an '89 LeBaron.

Elaine

A LeBaron?

Jerry

I thought Consumer said Volvo was the car.

George

What Consumer? I'm the consumer.

Jerry

Alright. Seems like...a strange choice.

George

Well, maybe so...but it was good enough for Mr. Jon Voight.

Elaine

Jon Voight? The actor?

George (boasting)

That's right. He just happened to be the previous owner of the vehicle.

Jerry

You bought a car because it belonged to Jon Voight?

George (defensive)

No, no...

Jerry

I think yes, yes. You like the idea of telling people you're driving Jon Voight's car.

George

Alright, maybe I do. So what.

Elaine

I've never even seen him in a car. I mean, look at his movies. No cars. Deliverance - canoe. Midnight Cowboy - boots. Runaway Train...runaway train. (Kramer enters.)

Kramer

Hey.

Jerry

Hey.

Kramer

Jerry, you know that shoe repair place at the end of the block? Well, if they don't get some business, they're gonna have to shut down and make way for one of those gourmet coffee or cookie stores.

Elaine

I like coffee.

George

I like (imitates Kramer) "cookies."

Kramer

Yeah, of course you do. And do you know why? Because you're a bunch of yuppies. It's your go-go corporate takeover lifestyles that are driving out these Mom and Pop stores and destroying the fabric of this neighborhood.

George

Well, what's so great about a Mom and Pop store? Let me tell you something. If my Mom and Pop ran a store, I wouldn't shop there.

Kramer

Hey, Bogambo - they've been in the neighborhood for 48 years. Now, come on, Jerry. You've gotta have a pair of shoes in need of a cobblin.'

Jerry

I really don't wear the kind of shoes that have to be cobbled.

Kramer

Well, what about sneakers? You know, they'll clean 'em. They do complete detailing.

Jerry

Alright, take 'em.

Kramer (happily)

Yeah-yah.

KRAMER DROPPING OFF A BOX FULL OF JERRY'S SNEAKERS AT MOM AND POP'S SHOE REPAIR SHOP.

Pop

Kramer, without you, we'd be out of business.

Kramer

Well you know, these sneakers, they belong to my neighbor, Jerry Seinfeld? The comedian.

Mom

So many sneakers!

Kramer

Well, he's got a Peter Pan complex.

Pop

They'll be ready a week from Thursday.

Kramer

Oh, well, no rush. (wipes his nose) Uh oh.

Mom

What's the matter?

Kramer

Oh, I keep getting these nosebleeds.

Mom

Oh, lie down, and put your head back.

Kramer

Yeah. (Lies on the couch and cracks the back of his head against the armrest.) Hey, what's with your ceiling? (Mom and Pop look up.)

Pop

What?

Kramer (stuffing Tissue Up His Nose)

Well, you got wires sticking out every which way. That looks dangerous, you should call the electrician.

Pop

You know, in the 48 years we've been here, I don't think we've ever called an electrician.

Kramer

Yeah well, you should. This place could blow any minute.

ELAINE AT MR. PITT'S, LISTENING TO BIG BAND MUSIC ON THE RADIO. MR. PITT ENTERS.

Mr. Pitt

Elaine?

Elaine

Yes, Mr. Pitt?

Mr. Pitt

Have you gotten all the salt off those pretzels yet?

Elaine

No, I'm still working on it.

Mr. Pitt

What in blazes are you listening to?

Elaine

Artie Shaw. "Honeysuckle Jump." (The song ends.)

Dj On Radio

That was Artie Shaw, "Honeysuckle Jump."

Mr. Pitt

Elaine! How did you know that?

Elaine

Oh, my father used have a huge collection of big band records.

Dj On Radio

Congratulations to our listener Wayne Hopper for identifying it. And by doing so, he becomes our seventh person to land the WFBB-sponsored Woody Woodpecker balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. (Mr. Pitt hears this and is intrigued; mouths the words "Woody Woodpecker.") There are only three spots left. We're going to take a little break now; when we come back, you'll have three more chances to win a spot holding a rope under Woody Woodpecker.

Scene 2

70 lines

Mr. Pitt (to Elaine, Excited)

Could you identify the next song? Could you? Could you?

Elaine

Mr. Pitt, why would you want to hold onto the ropes on the Woody Woodpecker balloon?

Mr. Pitt

My father was a stern man. He forbad us to participate in any activities that he thought were associated with the common man. The Thanksgiving Day Parade was first on the list.

Elaine

Oh. Alright, I'll do the best I can. (Turns up the radio.)

Dj On Radio

Alright, here we go for the next spot under the balloon. If you know the name of this song, call 555-BAND. (The music starts. Elaine listens intently.)

Mr. Pitt (impatiently)

Well, Elaine? Do you know it? What song is it?

Elaine

Will you shut up? I can't hear!

Mr. Pitt

I'm sorry!

Elaine

Oh! I've got it! It's "Next Stop Pottersville"! (Grabs the phone to call it in.)

Mr. Pitt (overjoyed)

Goody! Yes! Yes! Yes! (Dances back and forth, elated) Next Stop Pottersville, Next Stop Pottersville! You are a genius!

JERRY AND GEORGE WALKING DOWN THE STREET TOWARD GEORGE'S NEW CAR.

George

You are gonna love this car. Even if you don't like Jon Voight.

Jerry

I like Jon Voight. Just seems like kind've a strange reason to buy a car, because he might have driven it.

George

What do you mean "might"? You don't think he really owned this car?

Jerry

I don't know.

George

Well, why would the guy make up something like that? Of all the names he could pick, why settle on Jon Voight?

Jerry

Don't you see, that's the genius of it. If he had said Liam Neeson, you'd know he's making it up.

George

Neeson? How are you comparing Liam Neeson with Jon Voight? Jerry, we're talking about Joe Buck. If you can play Joe Buck, Oskar Schindler's a cake walk. (Opens the car door for Jerry, Jerry's about to get in.)

Jerry

Oh, look at this, I stepped in gum.

George

Whoa, whoa, you're not getting in my car with gummy shoes.

Jerry (shuts The Car Door)

Alright, I'll change my shoes. (Heads back to his apartment. George follows.)

George (unimpressed)

Liam Neeson. You know, he's not American.

(Cut to Jerry and George coming back to Jerry's apartment. Jerry tosses his gummy sneakers on the floor.)

Jerry

Let me get a clean pair. (Goes into his room. George strides over to the window.)

George (singing)

Everybody's talkin' at me...I can't hear a word they're sayin'...just drivin' around in Jon Voight's car...

Jerry (yelling From His Room)

Kramer! (We hear Kramer's door slam open and shut. Kramer enters. Jerry comes out of his room.) Hey! Where's all my sneakers?

Kramer

You said take 'em.

Jerry

Not all of 'em!

Kramer

Well, obviously there was a miscommunication.

Jerry

Obviously. So what am I supposed to wear?

Kramer

Jerry, I left you a pair right here...(goes into Jerry's room and comes out with a pair of cowboy boots.) C'mon. There, put on those boots.

Jerry

I can't wear these!

Kramer

Well, why not?

Jerry

They're uncomfortable.

Kramer

C'mon here, try 'em on. (Jerry sits down and puts the boots on.)

George

Where did you get those?

Jerry

I worked a club in Dallas one time and they couldn't afford to pay me so they gave me these. Oh, I can't wear these! (Stands up.) They look ridiculous!

Kramer

Ah, you look like a cowboy! Huh?

Jerry

But I don't wanna be a cowboy!

Kramer

Oh, stop it. You know that friend of yours, Tim the dentist? I got an invitation to his Thanksgiving Eve party.

George

Yeah, I got one too.

Kramer

Yeah?

Jerry

Oh yeah? Huh.

George

What?

Jerry

No, nothing.

George

No, what is it?

Jerry

No, it's just that I, uh...didn't get one.

George

You didn't get one?

Jerry

Ah, but he called me up and he asked for yours and Elaine's addresses, I'm sure that means I'm invited.

Kramer

Not necessarily.

Jerry

Hey, why would you call someone up and ask them for two addresses if you're not invited to the party?

George (mocking Jerry)

That's the genius of it.

Jerry (picks Up The Phone)

I'm callin' Elaine. See if she can find out anything from Tim Whatley.

George (to Kramer)

Hey. I got Jon Voight's LeBaron. (Jingles the keys.)

Kramer (impressed)

Boss!

MOM AND POP TALKING TO THE ELECTRICIAN ABOUT THE FAULTY WIRING IN THE CEILING OF THE SHOP.

Pop

Four thousand dollars? We can't afford that!

Electrician

Well I'm afraid you're gonna have to do something about it, because it's in violation of the building code. Otherwise, they're gonna close you up.

Pop

But what if we can't pay for it?

Electrician

Then I have to report you. Otherwise, I lose my license. Sorry. (Exits.)

Pop

48 years, Mom! And now we have to close! All because of that idiot and his bloody nose! (Kramer enters.)

Kramer

Afternoon, Mom! Afternoon, Pop. You know you got a crack in the sidewalk out there? Now, you oughta get that fixed.

(Pop glares at Kramer angrily.)

GEORGE AND JERRY DRIVING ALONG IN JOHN VOIGHT'S CAR. GEORGE IS HUMMING THE TUNE TO "EVERYBODY'S TALKIN.'"

George

So?

Jerry

C'mon, put the top up, it's November!

George

I feel alive, Jerry.

Jerry

Let's check out the glove box. (Opens the glove compartment, takes out a pencil.) Ah. Pencil.

George

Hey...you don't think...sure, that's Jon Voight's pencil!

Jerry

With Jon Voight's teeth marks. (Looks at the owner's manual.) Owner's manual...you know what? This car was owned by Jon Voight.

Scene 3

14 lines

George

Ah! See? I told ya.

Jerry

Except Jon is spelled with an H. J-O-H-N.

George

So?

Jerry

Doesn't Jon Voight spell his name J-O-N?

George (pulls Over)

So, what are you saying?

Jerry

Nothing. I'm sure "Jon" probably mispelled his own name. I know sometimes I spell Jerry with a G...and an I! (Laughs uproariously.)

George (angrily)

Get out of the car!

Jerry

What?

George

That's right, you heard me. Get out! You are ruining this whole experience for me!

Jerry (sarcastically)

Oh, look! There's Gregory Peck's bicycle!

George

Get out!

Jerry

And Barbara Mandrell's skateboard!

George

Get out!! (Jerry gets out and George drives away. A couple of guys notice Jerry in his cowboy boots.)

Tough Guy (threatingly)

Hey, cowboy. Where's your horse? (Jerry slips and slides in his cowboy boots and runs away.) Yeah, you better run!

Scene 4

Jerry, George and Elaine at Jerry's Apartment.

37 lines

George

Did they take anything?

Jerry

No, they didn't even touch me. I tripped because of these stupid cowboy boots.

George

Anyway, again, I'm sorry about throwing you out of the car.

Jerry

You really seemed to enjoy it.

George

It was kinda fun. (Elaine gives Jerry a cold cloth for his jaw.) You know, maybe his name really is J-O-H-N, but he changed it to J-O-N for show business. Well, you know, J-O-N is a lot zippier.

Jerry (sarcastic)

Yeah, that's possible.

George

How would you find out something like that...wait a minute, what am I thinking? I've got the entire Yankee organization at my disposal.

Jerry (to Elaine)

He'll dispose of it.

George

Heh, that's right. See ya later. (Exits.)

Elaine

So Jerome, I did a little snooping around for you.

Jerry

Ah! What'd you find out, Lois?

Elaine

Well, I talked to Tim Whatley...

Jerry

Yeah...

Elaine

And I asked him, "Should Jerry bring anything?"

Jerry

So...?

Elaine

Mmmm...and he said, "Why would Jerry bring anything?"

Jerry

Alright, but let me ask you this question.

Elaine

What?

Jerry

Which word did he emphasize? Did he say, "Why would Jerry bring anything?" or, "Why would Jerry bring anything?" You emphasize "Jerry" or "bring."

Elaine

I think he emphasized "would."

Jerry

You know what? The hell with this party, I don't even want to go to begin with. (Kramer enters.)

Kramer

Hey.

Jerry

Hey, so where's my sneakers?

Kramer

That's what I wanna know.

Jerry

What do you mean?

Kramer

Well, I saw Mom and Pop this morning, but when I went by the store on my way home? The place was empty. Everything is gone. Mom and Pop - vrooop - vanished.

Jerry

So all my sneakers are gone?

Kramer

I'm afraid so. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I've been asking around - they didn't even have any kids.

Jerry

Mom and Pop aren't even a Mom and Pop?!

Kramer

It was all an act, Jerry. They conned us, and they scored, big time.

Elaine (amused)

So. Mom and Pop's plan was to move into the neighborhood...establish trust...for 48 years. And then, run off with Jerry's sneakers.

Kramer

Apparently.

Elaine

Alright, that's enough of this.

Jerry

Where ya goin'?

Elaine

I gotta go to the Dixieland Deli to pick up Mr. Pitt's security pass for the parade.

Jerry

Why does he want to hold a rope underneath Woody Woodpecker in the Thanksgiving Day Parade?

Elaine

He finds his laugh "intoxicating." (Laughs like Woody Woodpecker, and exits.)

Scene 5

George in a Meeting at Yankee Stadium.

8 lines

Mr. Morgan

So George, what kind of promotional events are we talking about?

George

Well, I think we need more special days at the stadium, you know? Like, uh...Joe Pepitone Day. Or, uh...Jon Voight Day.

Mr. Morgan

Jon Voight? The actor? (Rubs his eyes wearily.) Uh, I make a motion that we have no more of these meetings that have been initiated by George Costanza.

George

I suppose if I had suggested Liam Neeson Day, you'd all be patting me on the back.

ELAINE AT THE DIXIELAND DELI, SEATED AT A TABLE WITH THE OTHER CONTEST WINNERS.

Contest Winner (to Elaine)

I guessed Stan Herman's "Boomtown Blues." What'd you guess?

Elaine

Um, it was, uh..."Next Stop Pottersville." (The group is unimpressed.) Uh, do you know when they're giving out the passes?

Contest Winner

After the music. (The band starts playing directly behind Elaine. She is deafened by the loudness of the horns.)

Scene 6

Kramer Walking Down the Street. His Nose Starts to Bleed.

3 lines

Kramer

Oh. Oh man. (Takes out a Kleenex and puts his head back. Jon Voight comes out of a doorway and hails a cab.)

Voight

Taxi! (Walks right by Kramer.) Taxi.

Kramer

Hey! Jon Voight! Jon Voight! (Voight waves at Kramer and hurriedly gets in the cab. Kramer runs over to the car.) Hey, listen, can I ask you something? Listen, listen...(Leans in the the open back window of the cab. Defensively, Voight grabs Kramer's arm and bites it. Kramer screams. The cab speeds off leaving Kramer in the street, stunned.)

Scene 7

Jerry and George in Jerry's Apartment.

70 lines

Jerry

No Jon Voight Day, huh?

George

No. Now I'll always have this doubt about the car. What, your jaw still hurts?

Jerry

Yeah, it's all swollen. I think I may have chipped a tooth when I fell yesterday.

George

You should have somebody take a look at that.

Jerry

I'm calling dentists all day here, there's nobody working the day before Thanksgiving.

George

You going to the party?

Jerry

No, I don't know if I'm invited.

George

Well, there's going to be a lot of dentists there.

Jerry

Yeah, you're right.

George

You don't want to suffer with this all weekend.

Jerry

Yeah, I gotta see a dentist, this is killin' me. Well, I'll take a chance. We'll go together.

George

Maybe I'll just meet you there.

Jerry

You don't want to go with me?

George

Jerry, for all I know this guy went out of his way to not invite you. How am I gonna feel if I show up with an uninvited, unwelcome intruder?

Jerry

The way I feel when I go places with you? (Kramer enters.) Hey, so'd you find my sneakers yet?

Kramer

No. (To George) But I did run into somebody you might be interested in, a Mr. Jon Voight, the actor?

George

Jon Voight! Are you kiddin' me? Did you talk to him?

Kramer

Well, he was a little standoffish.

George

What, you didn't ask him about the car?

Kramer

No, I couldn't, his cab pulled away. But he did, however, make an impression on me. (Pulls up his sleeve and shows George his arm.) Look.

Jerry

What?

Kramer

His tooth marks. He bit me.

George

Jon Voight bit you?

Jerry

Well, what is he, a vampire?

Kramer

No, it's justifiable. He thought I was going for his wallet.

George (looking At Kramer's Arm)

He left perfect imprints.

Kramer

That he did. Now, you got that pencil with the bite marks on it? We get a trained eye to match 'em up, and we'll see whether or not you're driving Jon Voight's car!

Jerry

Oh, please.

George

Wait a minute, wait, it's not that stupid.

Jerry

No, it's stupid.

George

Why? Why isn't it possible? I mean, they're both bite marks.

Jerry

So you're gonna show up at that party with a chewed-up pencil and Kramer's gnarled arm.

George

It's worth a shot. (Goes to the door.)

Jerry

So, Kramer, you wanna go to the party together?

Kramer

Jerry, look, come on, I'm an invited guest. I can't be aiding and abetting some...party-crasher.

TIM WHATLEY'S PARTY. JERRY PEEKS HIS HEAD AROUND THE CORNER, THEN SLOWLY MOVES THROUGH THE CROWD, COVERING HIS FACE TO KEEP A LOW PROFILE.

Jerry (under His Breath, To A Man At The Party)

Excuse me, uh...dentist? You a dentist? (The guy shakes his head. Jerry moves on to another guy.) Dentist? Are you a dentist?

Cut to George and Kramer looking at the parade out the window.

George

These are the balloons? Big deal, all I see is Woody Woodpecker.

Kramer

You got a problem with Woody Woodpecker?

George

Yeah, what is he? Some sort of an instigator?

Kramer

That's right. He's a troublemaker.

(Elaine enters the party with a trophy under her arm, and runs into Jerry.)

Jerry

Hey, Elaine. Did you get my message?

Elaine

What? I can't hear a word you're saying. I was stuck at the Dixieland Deli all day. My head is still ringing. Where's Tim?

Jerry (pointing At The Trophy)

What is that, the Empire State Building?

Elaine

What? I can't hear you.

Jerry

Elaine, would you marry me?

Elaine

I told you, I can't hear a word.

Jerry

Alright. Forget it.

(Tim gets up from the couch and meets George and Kramer.)

George

Hey, Tim.

Tim

Hey, George. Kramer, how ya doin.' (They shake hands.)

George

Watch the arm! Tim, listen, we don't want to bother you, we know you're busy here.

Tim

No, it's no problem, what is it?

George

Let me show you something, take a look at this... (Another guy at the party interrupts.)

Guy

Alright Tim, I'm gonna get goin.'

Tim

Alright, let me take down your number. (Grabs George's pencil, then notices Jerry sitting on the couch.) Is that Jerry Seinfeld?

Kramer

He didn't come with us. (Tim walks over to Jerry.)

George

Uh, Tim, the pencil...

Tim

Jerry.

Jerry

Hey, Tim.

Tim

Jerry. I didn't think you'd show.

Jerry

Did you say, "Jerry, I didn't think you'd show" or, "Jerry, I didn't think you'd show"? (Elaine comes over.)

Tim

Elaine! Hi!

Elaine

Tim.

Tim

Well. I'm really glad you came.

Elaine

What?

Tim

Really glad you came.

Elaine (deaf)

Uh huh.

Scene 8

41 lines

Tim (picks Up A Bowl Of Nuts)

Listen, Elaine, I've been wanting to ask you...would you like to go out with me New Years Eve? (Elaine thinks Tim is offering her a nut, and shakes her head no. Tim, rejected, walks away.) Thanks.

Elaine (puzzled)

What? What?

CUT TO GEORGE AND KRAMER TALKING TO ANOTHER DENTIST AT THE PARTY.

George

Let me ask you something. Could you tell if teeth marks on someone's arm matched teeth marks on a pencil?

Dentist

It's possible.

George (to Kramer)

Roll up your sleeve.

Dentist

Somebody bit you?

Kramer

Not just someone. Jon Voight.

Dentist

Jon Voight bit you? (George notices Tim across the room with the pencil in his mouth.) The pencil! Hey, hey! Get the pencil out of your mouth, you're destroying Jon Voight's teeth marks!

Tim

That's John Voight's pencil?

George

That's right. I got his whole car downstairs.

Tim

Are you the one who bought his LeBaron convertible?

George (overjoyed To Find Out)

Yes! Yes, I'm the one! Hey! So, you know Jon Voight!

Tim

Yes! Yes, I went to dental school with him.

George

Jon Voight, the actor?

Tim

No. The periodontist. (George snaps the pencil in two.)

(Cut to Jerry by the window, getting one of the dentists at the party to look at his chipped tooth.)

Dentist

Can't this wait until Monday? Come by my office.

Jerry

Just a quick peek. I'm in agony.

Dentist

Alright. Sit down.

Jerry (sits Down)

It's this one here in the back. (Tilts his head back, and knocks Elaine's trophy out the window. A loud hissing sound and commotion is heard from the street below. Everyone runs to the windows to look.)

Kramer

Oh! You popped Woody Woodpecker!

Tim (to Jerry)

Hey, who invited you, anyway? You're a troublemaker! (Jerry nervously laughs like Woody Woodpecker as the breeze from the popped balloon blows in the window.)

JERRY AND KRAMER IN JERRY'S APARTMENT, WATCHING THE MACY'S THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE ON TV.

Announcer On Tv

Hey, it looks like Woody Woodpecker is running out of air. In fact, he's collapsing.

Kramer

Those kids look pretty disappointed.

Jerry

Especially that big kid up in the front. (Mr. Pitt is shown on the television, trying to hold up the deflating Woody balloon.) How old is he? (The phone rings.) Hello?

Guy On Phone

Hello, is this Jerry Seinfeld?

Jerry

Yes it is.

Guy On Phone

You don't know me, but a really strange thing happened. I was at a garage sale, and this old couple sold me a used pair of sneakers they claimed belonged to Jerry Seinfeld, the comedian.

Jerry

Can I have the address of that garage sale? Okay, thank you very much. (To Kramer) I found Mom and Pop, they're sellin' my sneakers!

Kramer

Where are they?

Jerry

Parsippany, New Jersey.

Kramer

Let's go!

Jerry

My car's in the shop.

Kramer

Well, how are we getting to Parsippany?

(Cut to Jerry and Kramer sitting in the back of a Trailways bus, en route to Parsippany. Kramer's nose starts to bleed again.)

Kramer

Uh. Jerry. These nosebleeds are starting again.

Jerry (wipes Kramer's Brow)

Maybe we should get you to a hospital.

Kramer (a La Ratso Rizzo In Midnight Cowboy)

Hey, I ain't goin' to no Bellevue! Look at me, I'm fallin' apart here.

(Nilsson's "Everybody's Talkin'" begins to play as they continue on to Jersey, in a send-up of Midnight Cowboy that has to be seen to be appreciated.)