S06E07

The Soup

Full screenplay script and 459-line transcript across 9 scenes for Seinfeld S06E07: The Soup. Key settings: Opening Scene, Exterior of Jerry's Brick Apartment Building with the Staircase - Then Inside Where George and Jerry Are Talking., Exterior of Mendy's Restaurant at Dusk - Then Inside Where Bania Is Sitting Across the Table From Jerry..

9 Scenes459 Lines

Scene 1:Opening Scene

70 lines

You have a close friend and they get involved, with someone in a relationship. It affects your friendship doesn't it? Because it's like you were a comedy team, and now there's this third person, you know, it kind of throws off the timing. Who's on first, I don't know, uh dear, who, who do you think is on first? In fact, whenever a friend of mine ah, starts with a new girlfriend, he should just say, "I look like the person you use to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. In other words, if were having an argument and she's there, I may say I totally disagree with you, but what that means is, I'd like to help you out, but I'd rather continue to see her naked."

EXTERIOR DAYLIGHT SHOT OF MONK'S RESTAURANT -- THEN INSIDE WHERE JERRY AND GEORGE ARE SITTING IN THE USUAL BOOTH. A WAITRESS (KELLY) WALKS UP TO THE TABLE TO TAKE THEIR ORDER.

Waitress

O.K. Cowboys, (taps pencil on her pad) What'll you have?

Jerry

I'll have the, ah, turkey club without the bacon.

George

And ah, I'll have the bacon club without the turkey. (raises eyebrows)

Waitress

George, don't make me get tough with you.

George

Why, you think you can, beat me up?

Waitress

You wouldn't want me to mess up the beautiful face of yours.

George

Huh, nggh [snort] Stop. (flirting with her he playfully hits her arm with the menu, then flicks it into the air)

Waitress

You don't want bacon I'll surprise you. (she turns and walks away)

George

Wow, is she not terrific?

Jerry

She does have a way.

George

You think she thinks I have a beautiful face, or is she just saying that?

Jerry

Well they do work on tips.

George

"George, don't make me get tough with you." Whu, hu, hu, hu huuuu (raises arms) Who says that? She is really cool. What do you think? You think she likes me?

Jerry

Ah, I should have got the egg white omelet.

George

Why should she like me? Who am I? Huh, there's a million people to like.

Jerry

The omelet. Damn.

George

Maybe she could like me? Is it that far fetched? Maybe she sees something? Is it possible?

Jerry

No.

George

No.

Jerry

Not possible.

George

Not possible.

(Elaine enters and walks up to the table)

Elaine

Heyyyyyy (leaning in, very friendly and happy)

George

Hey Elaine.

Jerry

Lannie, how was the trip?

(Elaine sits down next to George in the booth)

George

What trip? You were gone?

Elaine

I went to England ... with Mr. Pitt, for 5 days.

George

Hunh, pph (raises hands slightly, in amazement) How was it?

Elaine

Actually it was great. I met an Englishman, and we really, hit it off.

Jerry

Yeah, well that relationships really got a lot of potential.

George

he he (laughs)

Elaine

Yeah well Jerome, I, happen to be flying him in on my frequent flyer miles.

George

Flying him in? How long's he staying for?

Elaine

It's an open ended ticket. He can return any time he wants.

George

All this in 5 days. Hmm.

Jerry

Oh no, it's Kenny Bania.

(Kenny Bania is hanging up his coat on the coat rack by the front door)

George

Who's he?

Jerry

(quietly) Oh, he's this awful comedian.

(Bania walks over to the table, stands there with his arms on his hips)

Bania

Hey Jerry.

Jerry

Hey Kenny. (with some fake enthusiasm, just to be polite)

Jerry

Elaine, George (introducing them to Bania with less enthusiasm)

Elaine

Hi. (she flips her hair)

George

Hi (raises his left hand in a slight gesture to say hi)

Bania

Hi. (to Elaine)

Jerry

How's it going?

Bania

Great. I've been working out. Went from a size 40, to a 42.

Jerry

No kidding.

Bania

Yeah, I'm huge (ducks his head into his right shoulder with false modesty) Well, I'll leave you guys alone. (raps his knuckle twice on the table, turns and walks away)

Jerry

All right.

Elaine

O.K. Thanks.

(Bania gets about 3-4 steps away then turns around quickly)

Bania

Oh. Jerry, You know what just hit me? I was thinking -- What size suit are you?

Jerry

Ahh, I'm a 40. Why?

Bania

I just got a brand new Armani suit -- doesn't fit me anymore. You want it?

Jerry

Well I don't know if I ...

Bania

Oh come on. Why should it just sit in the closet?

Elaine

An Armani suit?

George

Take the suit.

Jerry

Well ... ok, I guess (voice trailing off)

Bania

You gonna be home later?

Jerry

Yeah.

Bania

I'll drop it off. (raps his knuckle twice on the table again, turns and walks away)

George

Heh heh heh hey, new suit (raises coffee cup as a salute / toast)

Jerry

Yeah, yeah, lucky me. (sips coffee)

(The waitress walks up to the table with Jerry and George's plates)

Scene 2:Scene 2

70 lines

Waitress

(to George) Here I personally made you a cold chicken sandwich. It's not even on the menu.

George

(takes a large bite - with his mouth still full, his speech is muffled) Oh, this is fabulous.

(The waitress cocks her head and looks at George as if she is glad he likes the sandwich)

EXTERIOR OF THE RESTAURANT, THEN TO JERRY AND GEORGE STANDING OUTSIDE ON THE SIDEWALK. JERRY IS ZIPPING UP HIS LEATHER JACKET. GEORGE IS WEARING A LARGER GREEN JACKET.

George

Boy, she is nice. I like her, I like her Jerry. She's got substance. She oozes substance.

Jerry

Well, go in there and talk to her. She's not going to put 'em on the glass.

George

You mean a walk back in? That's the toughest move in the business. You're sending me out into no-man's-land, and if I get shot down I have to crawl all the way back. Well I can't do it! I can't do it, I tell ya!

(Jerry grabs George forcefully by the collar of his coat)

Jerry

Pull yourself together. Your going in there soldier! That's an order!

(Jerry lightly slaps George on his right arm. George turns to look at the restaurant and the task at hand)

Jerry

Get in there. (he pushes George in the direction of the restaurant)

EXTERIOR DAYLIGHT SHOT OF JERRY'S BRICK APT. BUILDING, THEN TO THE INTERIOR OF HIS APT. KRAMER ENTERS QUICKLY, SLIDING ON HIS RIGHT FOOT.

Kramer

Hey. (walking over to Jerry, who sits at the table reading the newspaper)

Jerry

Hey.

Kramer

Listen, I need you to do me a favor.

Jerry

What?

Kramer

Well, I need you to help me move my refrigerator.

Jerry

Why?

Kramer

Cause I'm getting rid of it.

(Intercom buzzes)

(Kramer turns & goes over to the intercom to push the speaker button. He says something like "ya go," but it's difficult to make out what he says)

Jerry

YEAH? (speaking loudly so the visitor can hear him through the intercom)

Bania

[It's K.B., I have the suit]

Jerry

ALL RIGHT, COME ON UP (Jerry puts his head down - he's not looking forward to Kenny Bania)

Kramer

(claps hands) So ...

Jerry

Well, well, why are you getting rid of your refrigerator? (he gets up from the table and carries a dish into the kitchen)

Kramer

Well after that Kidney Stone I only want fresh food. It's gotta be fresh. I'm not eating any more stored food. Plus you know I want the space.

Jerry

What for?

Kramer

Well I could put a, dresser in there. I could get dressed while I'm making breakfast.

(Bania opens the door and leans his head in)

Bania

Hey (holds the Armani suit up) Here you go. (walks into the apt.)

Jerry

Yeah.

Bania

You didn't think I was really going to give you a suit, did you?

Kramer

What, you're giving him this suit?

Bania

That's right, and it's an Armani.

Kramer

Armani? Hey, Armani Jerry. (Kramer takes the suit and looks it over)

Jerry

Yes, yes, I heard.

Kramer

Come on, try it on.

(Kramer takes the jacket off of the hangar and put the pans, still on the hanger, on the kitchen counter -- he opens the jacket for Jerry to slip in to)

Jerry

No, it's ok.

Kramer

Come on, I want to see how it fits.

Jerry

All right, all right. (trying on the suit jacket)

Kramer

There you go.

Jerry

Ok, Yeah all right.

Kramer

Oh boy, that looks great. I can't believe you're giving him this.

Bania

I don't even want anything for it.

(Grinning like a Hyena, Bania looks at Jerry -- Jerry's _expression looks like "what have I gotten myself into here.")

Kramer

He's very generous, isn't he?

Jerry

Yes, yes, he is.

Bania

I'll tell you what -- you can take me out to dinner sometime.

(Jerry starts taking the jacket off and stops -- looking very surprised at Bania)

Jerry

Dinner?

Bania

Yeah. You buy me a meal -- you can't get a better deal than that (pats Jerry on the shoulder)

Kramer

No, you'll never get a better deal than that.

Bania

All right. I'll leave you alone. (turns and walks out the door)

Jerry

Yeah, I'll see you.

Kramer

All right, ooh look at that Armani, huh, yeah.

(Jerry has the jacket off and walks over to the table -- he tosses the it onto the table)

Jerry

Yeah, that's a deal. That's a terrible deal. I don't want to go out to dinner with him. I'd rather make my own suit.

(Kramer rubs his fingers through his high standing hair as George enters the apt.)

George

I did it! It's all done!

Jerry

Hey. (raises hands into "fists of encouragement")

George

I did it. Hunh, we're going out as soon as she gets off of work and it'll still be daytime. You know I, I'm much better in the daytime then I am at night. it's less pressure.

Jerry

I love the day date. No wine, No shower.

George

There ya go.

A DAYLIGHT SHOT OF A YELLOW TAXI DRIVING DOWN THE STREET, THEN INSIDE TO THE BACK SEAT OF THE TAXI -- SIMON, THE ENGLISHMAN THAT ELAINE MET ON HER TRIP IS RIDING WITH HER.

Elaine

So the trip was good?

Simon

Yes (nice English accent) Apart from that, dreadful airline food. It tends to reek havoc with my stomach.

Elaine

You know I, I have to say, I've never admitted this to anyone, but um, I kind of like airline food. (leans in and laughs, flirting with him)

Simon

That's probably because of ... [muttering]

Scene 3:Scene 3

26 lines

Elaine

What?

Simon

What?

Elaine

Yeah, what?

Simon

[sighs]

Elaine

What?

Simon

Where I come from, we don't say "What?" It's proper to say "Pardon?"

Elaine

Huh. (muttering) This should be interesting.

Simon

Pardon?

Elaine

Nothing.

BEAUTIFUL AERIAL SHOT OF CENTRAL PARK AND PART OF THE CITY (VISIBLE OFF TO THE LEFT) -- LOOKS TO BE A BEAUTIFUL AUTUMN DAY. THEN TO THE WAITRESS (KELLY) AND GEORGE STROLLING ALONG A PATH IN THE PARK. EACH HAS A COAT ON AND THEIR HANDS ARE IN THEIR POCKETS.

Kelly

So then about a year ago I started selling, these funky little hair clips. It's going pretty good. I make them in my apartment.

(A horse with rider walks by)

Kelly

I'm just doing this waitress thing for a while, because I wanted to go to Europe this summer…

George

(quietly) ahh.

Kelly

…and I could use a few extra ... Careful

(She points to the ground, so George will see the fresh horse manure and avoid stepping in it)

George

Oh. It's just horse manure (huh huh - laughs, he points back at the horse that walked by) Horse manure's not that bad. I don't even mind the word "manure." You know, it's, it's "nure," which is good. and a "ma" in front of it. MA-NURE. I mean when you consider the other choices, "manure" is actually pretty refreshing.

(They both laugh a little and George glances at his watch)

Kelly

That's a nice watch George.

George

Yeah.

Kelly

You know, my boyfriend has the same one.

George

Huh. Really?

Kelly

Yeah, he loves watches. He's a real watch freak.

George

Well, how about that?

Kelly

Ooh look out. (pointing at the ground - squishing sound) You stepped right in it.

George

Yes, I sure did.

Scene 4:Exterior of Jerry's Brick Apartment Building with the Staircase - Then Inside Where George and Jerry Are Talking.

56 lines

Jerry

So you just pretended it didn't bother you?

George

What is that, Boyfriend? I don't understand that. What, what does she think I asked her out for?

Jerry

Boy, It's the way they just slip it in there too.

George

Yeah, yeah, like it's just part of the conversation. "Oh my boyfriend really likes watches. He's a real watch freak." We-e-ell that's fabulous. (snaps fingers in the air a couple of times)

Jerry

Well let me ask you this. What exactly did you say when you asked her out?

George

I said, "would you like to go for a walk or something."

Jerry

Oh, a walk, well --

George

Or something. I said, "Or Something!"

Jerry

Or something. Yeah, that's a date.

George

(snaps fingers) There you go.

Jerry

Course you know there is always the possibility, that she called an audible.

George

What do you mean?

Jerry

Well she got up to the line of scrimmage, didn't like the looks of the defense and changed the play.

George

I think things were going ok. We were having a nice conversation.

Jerry

Uh huh.

George

I mentioned how I liked horse manure.

Jerry

You did?

George

Yeah.

Jerry

Yeah. You said you liked horse manure.

George

Yeah.

Jerry

(quietly) Mm-hm.

George

You know, about how when you break it down, it's really a very positive thing. you know, you have a "nure," with a "ma" in front of it. MA-NURE. I'z not bad.

Jerry

And it was around this point that she mentioned the boyfriend?

George

Yeah. (Jerry nodding) ... Oh, you think because of what I said about the manure. I wa, wa, was just saying how it takes a negative thing, and puts it on a positive spin on it.

Jerry

I'm just saying there's a chance she may not have been enamored with your thoughts and feelings on manure.

George

So you don't think she really has a boyfriend?

Jerry

My honest opinion, I think she made it up.

George

Well then she's just a Liar, Isn't she?

(Kramer enters)

Kramer

Hey.

Jerry

Aaa. Well ... you want something to eat, don't you?

Kramer

Ahh, no, no, no. You got me all wrong buddy. I am loving this no refrigerator. You know what I discovered? I really like depriving myself of things. It's fun. Very monastic.

George

Well what do you eat?

Kramer

It's all fresh. Fresh fish, fresh foul, fresh fruit. I buy it, I omniga nominga, I eat it.

Jerry

Well I'm glad it's working out.

Kramer

Oh yeah, it's working out. And I got a date with that waitress who works at Reggie's.

Jerry

Boy, if I could meet a hostess, we could open up our own place.

Kramer

Ha ha ha ha. Yeah, well, I'll tell you, she's a full-figured gal.

Jerry

Is she?

Kramer

Oh you better believe it buddy. Hey George, we could double sometime.

George

Yeah, yeah, yeah we could. You know, ah, Kramer, the next time you talk to her, find out if she knows Kelly, from Monk's. I wanna know if she really has a boyfriend.

Kramer

All right it's done.

(George and Kramer go over by the computer. George is writing something on a piece of paper)

(Telephone rings - Jerry picks up the phone)

Jerry

Hello?

Bania

Hi, Jerry. It's Kenny.

Jerry

Oh, Hi.

Bania

You know, I was thinking if you're not busy, maybe I can get my meal today?

(Jerry pauses and thinks for a few seconds)

Jerry

Yeah, you wanna get that meal, don't you?

Bania

How about Mendy's, ooh, ever been there?

Jerry

No I haven't?

Bania

Ah you're gonna love it. I'll meet you there around 7:00.

Jerry

All right.

Bania

Ahh.

Jerry

(hangs up the phone) Yeah, I really needed that suit.

Scene 5:Exterior of Mendy's Restaurant at Dusk - Then Inside Where Bania Is Sitting Across the Table From Jerry.

70 lines

Bania

I start off with curls. That's good for the bicep. (motions with 2 fingers along his right bicep) I do 10 reps, 2 sets.

Jerry

Mm. That's fantastic. (he could care less)

Bania

You work out with weights?

Jerry

No I don't.

Bania

You should.

Jerry

Why?

(Bania's broad smile of enthusiasm turns into a dumb founded look ...)

Bania

You worn the suit yet?

Jerry

No, not yet.

Waiter

have you decided?

Bania

Oh, get the swordfish. Best swordfish in the city. The best, Jerry.

Jerry

I'll have the salmon.

Waiter

And you?

Bania

Ahh, you know what I think. I'm just going to have soup. Yeah, I'll save the meal for another time.

Jerry

Another time? What other time?

Bania

I had a hot dog earlier. I'm not that hungry.

Jerry

No, no, Bania, no. This is the dinner. The soup counts.

Bania

Soup's not a meal. You're supposed to buy me a meal.

Jerry

I'm not stopping you from eating. Go ahead and eat. Get anything you want.

Bania

But I don't want anything but soup.

Jerry

Then that's the meal.

Bania

But I had the hot dog.

Jerry

I didn't tell you to have a hot dog. Who told you to have a hot dog?

Bania

Hey, I give you a brand-new Armani suit, and you won't even buy me a meal?

Jerry

All right, fine. Get the soup!

THE CAMERA FADES FROM THE PREVIOUS SCENE INTO THE NEXT SCENE. IT'S THE NEXT DAY, OUTSIDE IN FRONT OF AN APARTMENT BUILDING. ELAINE SITS ON THE FRONT STOOP WHILE JERRY LEANS AGAINST THE RAILING AS THEY TALK.

Jerry

So he just gets soup. He wants to save the meal. So now I got to do it all over again.

Elaine

What kind of soup did he get?

Jerry

I don't know? Consommé or something.

Elaine

Consommé, hmm.

Jerry

What?

Elaine

Well, that's not really a meal Jerry. I mean, if he had gotten, Chicken Gumbo, or Matzah Ball, even Mushroom Barley. Then I would agree with you. Those are very hardy soups.

Jerry

Elaine you're missing the whole point.

Elaine

What?

Jerry

The meal is the act of sitting down with him. It doesn't matter what you get, as long as he's sitting in that restaurant, its a meal.

Elaine

Was it a cup or a bowl?

Jerry

You see -- ah, uh ...

Elaine

I'm just curious.

Jerry

A bowl, ok?

Elaine

Did he crumble any crackers in it?

(Jerry blows out a breath)

Elaine

(reiterating the question) Did he crumble, any crackers in it?

Jerry

As a mater of fact, he did.

Elaine

Oh, well. Crackers in a bowl. That -- That could be a meal.

Jerry

It's like I'm talking to my Aunt Sylvia here.

(Simon comes out of the apartment building onto the steps next to Jerry)

Elaine

Oh, hi Simon. This is Jerry.

Simon

Hello. (to Jerry, politely -- then quickly turns to Elaine) Elaine, do you have any cash on you?

Elaine

Um, yeah in my purse.

Simon

No. There was only six dollars.

Jerry

Well, I have some money. What do you need? (pulls out some bills)

Simon

Well, 20 should cover me. (snatches the cash) Thanks mate. (he walks down the stairs to the sidewalk)

Elaine

Where you going?

Simon

(starts to turn back to Elaine) Just visiting.

Elaine

Oh, OK, see you later.

Simon

I won't be back for dinner. (turns and walks off down the street)

Elaine

(English accent) Pardon?

EXTERIOR SHOT OF MONK'S RESTAURANT, THEN INSIDE - GEORGE IS SITTING AT THE USUAL BOOTH AND JERRY SITS DOWN ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TABLE.

Jerry

So is she working? Is she here?

George

Yeah, yeah, she's here.

Jerry

Have you said anything to her?

George

No, but I'm very uncomfortable.

Jerry

Are you going to say anything?

George

There she is. (waiving his arms quickly above the table - to nix the conversation) No no no no no no.

Kelly

Hello

George

Hello.

Kelly

Well, what's it going to be?

George

What's it gonna be?

Kelly

Yes. What'll you have? Are you eating? It's in that vein.

George

I'll eh, I'll just have a bowl of chili.

Scene 6:Scene 6

70 lines

Jerry

I'll have an egg white omelet.

(Kelly the Waitress walks away)

George

What's it gonna be? ... You hear that?

Jerry

Yeah, that was bad.

George

Did you feel that tension? We use to have banter - (puts menu back with frustration) - there's no more banter.

(Looking towards the front door, Jerry sees Kenny Bania hanging up his coat on the coat rack)

Jerry

Oh, no, it's Kenny. Slide out so he can't sit down. (George & Jerry each slide to the end of their booth seats)

Bania

Hey.

Jerry

Hey.

Bania

You worn the suit yet?

Jerry

Actually, I did. I put it on last night and slept in it.

Bania

You did?

Jerry

... Oh, I'm joking.

Bania

OH! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Can I squeeze in? (to George)

George

Sure you can.

(Bania sits next to George as he and Jerry slid back to their original seats in the booth. Kelly the Waitress brings George his bowl of chili)

Kelly

Can I take your order?

Bania

What kind of soup do you have?

Jerry

Why don't you get a sandwich?

Bania

Ok, I'll have tomato soup and ah, tuna on toast.

Jerry

OK ... (nodding his head up and down) This is it 'cha know

(George grabs some napkins)

Jerry

This is the meal ... so stock up buddy boy.

Bania

What are you talking about? this isn't a meal.

(George tucks a napkin over his shirt collar)

Jerry

Yes it is. Soup and sandwich. That is a meal.

Bania

You're supposed to buy me dinner in a nice restaurant, like Mendy's.

Jerry

I tried to do that.

Bania

This is lunch in a coffee shop

Jerry

Doesn't matter, This is it. This completes the transaction.

Bania

Ah, soup and a sandwich for a brand-new Armani suit. Is that any kind of gesture? (turns to George)

Bania

I'm really not comfortable ...

(Kramer walks up to the table, leans in, with both hands on the table)

Kramer

(to George) Hey, I just spoke to ah, Hilde about your friend.

George

Yeah.

Kramer

She doesn't have a boyfriend. She made it up.

(Kramer points at George, and makes the "pop" sound with his lips. George looks over his left shoulder, back into the kitchen, then takes his napkin off of his shirt and throws it down on the table)

ELAINE WALKS INTO JERRY'S APARTMENT AND THEN OVER TO THE COUCH.

Jerry

Hi.

Elaine

Hi.

Jerry

Where's Simon?

Elaine

Oh, he'll be right up. He's just getting some beer. And I'm not expecting ... any change. (leans forward as she brings her hands together in front of her, then sits on the couch)

Jerry

When's he leaving? (putting some items into the refrigerator)

Elaine

About 2 days. Although he's hinting at how he'd like to stay. Fortunately he has no money, and no prospects. (she smiles)

(Simon walks in the open door carrying some beer)

Simon

Hey mate. Fancy a beer?

Jerry

Ah, no thanks.

(Telephone rings)

(Simon leans down to kiss Elaine)

Jerry

(on the phone) Hello? No, I'm sorry Bania ... I'm not going over this again. Well who told you to order soup? ... No! There's no dinner. There's not going to be any dinner. You've had a sandwich and 2 bowls of soup and that's it. Good-bye.

(hangs up the cordless phone and sets it down -- blows air out of his mouth and cheeks ... Then he snaps his fingers)

Jerry

Hey, what size suit are you?

Simon

40.

Jerry

40. Perfect. Brand-new Armani suit, you want it?

Simon

Absolutely.

(Jerry hands Simon the suit on the hanger)

Jerry

Great, its yours. I can't stand the sight of it. Elaine, here's the car keys. (tosses her the keys)

Elaine

Thanks

(Telephone rings; Jerry picks up the cordless phone)

Jerry

Yo?

Bania

Listen Jerry, I've been doing some thinking. I want my suit back.

Jerry

I don't have your suit. I gave it away.

(Elaine and Simon are exiting the apartment door, Simon goes first. Elaine with a big smile, realizing it's Bania on the phone, bends forward from the waist slightly, opens her mouth and sticks out her tongue like she is throwing up and then exits the apartment and closes the door.)

Bania

Well it's my suit.

Jerry

Well it's gone. I'm sorry. Good-bye Bania.

(he hangs up the cordless phone. Kramer bursts in)

Kramer

Hey.

Jerry

Hey.

Kramer

Um, yeah. (glances around the apt.) Oh, uh ... well, how's everything? (clap)

Jerry

Ok.

Scene 7:Scene 7

50 lines

Kramer

Good, ah, (clap) what's going on?

Jerry

Nothing.

Kramer

Really.

Jerry

You want food, don't cha? (nodding his head up and down)

Kramer

It's not for me. It's for Hilde -- the waitress I was telling you about. She's hungry, she wants food. If I go back in there without any food ... there's gonna be trouble. (his voice gets really high pitched on his last sentence)

Jerry

All right, go ahead

Kramer

Thanks buddy. (goes over to the fridge and pulls out a few things)

(Hilde walking into the open doorway of Jerry's apt. - she stands with her arms on her hips)

Hilde

Did you find anything!

Kramer

Uh, yeah, ah ...

(looking down at the food he is clutching between his elbow and chest)

Kramer

There's a few things in here, ah, peanut butter, cheese, yeah ...

Hilde

Cheese is good. Yeah, what kind?

Kramer

Uh, Swiss.

Hilde

All right, it'll have to do. Come on.

(Hilde and Kramer go back to his apt. Kramer shuffles both feet wildly as he exits)

ON THE SIDEWALK, JERRY WALKS UP TO GEORGE, WHO IS OUTSIDE, ONE STORE OVER FROM THE COFFEE SHOP.

Jerry

What are we doing out here? Aren't we going to go in and eat?

George

I can't go in there. I'm too uncomfortable.

Jerry

Oh, w-what are you saying? So we're not going to go in there anymore?

Elaine

Hey, What are you doing out here?

Jerry

We can't eat here anymore, because he took a waitress out for a walk.

George

What's the difference? Let's go to Reggie's.

Elaine

Reggie's? I can't eat anything there.

George

It's the same menu.

Elaine

There's no "Big Salad."

George

They'll make you a "Big Salad." What do you think, they're the only one's that make a "Big Salad"?

Elaine

All right. Let's go, to Reggie's.

(George half-bows to Elaine and they start to walk down the sidewalk)

Jerry

So what's going on with Simon? Did he leave?

Elaine

Ahh ... wait till you hear this.

DAYTIME EXTERIOR OF REGGIE'S, THEN INSIDE, WHERE GEORGE SITS ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE BOOTH WHILE ELAINE AND JERRY SIT ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BOOTH.

Elaine

So Simon picks this woman up, right in front of me.

Jerry

Look at this. They make a point of saying on the menu, "No egg white omelets." Look at that.

George

So what! Have a yoke! It won't kill you.

Hilde

(walks up to the table) Hello.

Jerry

Oh, hi Hilde. Can I get an egg white omelet?

Hilde

Did you read the menu?

Jerry

All right, just give me a western. (unhappy)

Elaine

How 'bout a Big Salad?

Hilde

A big salad?

Elaine

(to George) Ya see?

George

Just tell her what'cha want, they'll make it for ya.

Elaine

It's a salad, only bigger, with lots of stuff in it.

Hilde

I can bring you 2 small salads.

Elaine

Could you put it in a big bowl?

Hilde

We don't have big bowls.

Elaine

All right. Just give me a cup of decaf.

Hilde

We have Sanka.

(Elaine looks up at Hilde with subtle disbelief)

Scene 8:Exterior of Jerry's Apartment Building, Then Inside Where Jerry and George Enter.

17 lines

George

I mean, it's not fair. I've been going there for 7 years. She's been there 3 weeks.

Jerry

Not fair.

George

If anyone should be forced to leave that place, it should be her!

Jerry

She's on your turf.

George

If only she could get fired. Is there any way that could happen? I mean I know how to get myself fired.

Jerry

You're the best.

George

Well ...... but how do I get someone else fired?

Jerry

Well as I see it, you've got to apply the same principles that get you fired, but redirected, outwardly.

(Kramer enters)

Kramer

H-Hey. She's hungry Jerry.

Jerry

Well, there's nothing left. There's no food.

Kramer

No food? Well you gotta have something -- (rummages through Jerry's cupboards and refrigerator) -- I can't go back in there with no food. She's expecting something Jerry. You don't know what she's like when that blood sugar drops.

Hilde

(from Kramer's apartment) Food!

Kramer

There, you see. She's already in a bad mood. She just got fired.

Jerry

Why'd she get fired?

Kramer

Oh, because I called over there a couple of times and the manager didn't like it.

(Jerry turns quickly and looks at George -- George, sitting on the couch, immediately understands, he picks up the phone with his right hand, points at Jerry with his left arm extended, dials and licks his lips)

Scene 9:Exterior of the Coffee Shop the Inside Where Elaine and Jerry Sit at the Usual Booth.

30 lines

Elaine

So, Simon is definitely going back now. He's meeting me here to return my keys.

Jerry

Boy, he's a real bounder, isn't he?

Elaine

Yes. He's one of those bounders.

Kelly

Egg white omelet and Big Salad.

Elaine

AHhh. Thank you.

Kelly

I just wanted you guys know that Friday's my last day. Bloomingdales ordered a bunch of my clips, thank God, I don't have to do this any more. (turns and walks away)

Elaine

Ah (hu ha - small laugh)

(Bania walks up to the table)

Bania

Hey Jerry, where's my suit?

Jerry

I don't have it. You want half my omelet? (holds his omelet plate up to Bania)

Monk's Manager

(on the phone, we assume it's George calling) I told you, she's busy. She can't come to the phone now! (hangs up)

Monk's Manager

You better tell your boyfriend to stop calling here.

Kelly

Oh he's not my boyfriend. It's that bald guy with the glasses, who's always here with them. He's trying to get me in trouble.

(Monk's Manager stands there for a second thinking -- looking at Elaine and Jerry. Both of them have a hand up on the side of their faces. Monk's Manager walks over and puts both hands on the table and leans in)

Monk's Manager

HEY! Yeah. I got a message for you. You tell your friend George, that the next time I see him around here, I'm going to turn him into my Own, Personal, Hand-Puppet.

(Jerry makes a face and silent "Ouoo")

Simon

Well, hello. Here you are as promised. You see, I'm a man of my word. (drops keys into Elaine's extended palm)

Elaine

When are you leaving?

Simon

Elaine, are you trying to get rid of me? Aha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I was supposed to leave tomorrow, but all of a sudden, I've been set up with a job interview that might enable me to extend my visit indefinitely. And it is all due, to this suit. How do I look? I'm a shoe-in aren't I. Thanks again love. (touches the table, turns and walks to the exit)

Elaine

(turns towards the lunch counter) Hey Kenny. You still want to get that suit back?

Bania

(leans backwards from the counter) Yeah!

Elaine

There it goes. (pointing at Simon walking out the door)

Bania

Hey! Hey! (he runs out the door after Simon; from outside) Come Here You!

(Elaine and Jerry watch as Bania runs out the door after Simon)

Simon

(from outside Monk's) What are you doing? Unhand me!

Bania

(from outside Monk's) Take It Off!

(Sounds of struggling is heard from outside; Material rips)

(Elaine and Jerry look at each other, and toast each other by raising their forks in the air. Their mouths are open with the silent Ahhhhh _expression of joy)

INSIDE REGGIE'S DINNER. GEORGE SITS SILENTLY IN A BOOTH. A PLATE OF FOOD ON THE TABLE IN FRONT OF HIM. ANOTHER PATRON IS AT THE COUNTER BY HIMSELF.

George pours a bit of ketchup onto his plate. He replaces the ketchup bottle cap and sets the bottle down on the table. He picks up his fork and takes a bite from his plate. Then he picks up a bottle of A1 sauce and pours a bit on his food, replaces the cap and sets the bottle down. Then he picks up a smaller bottle of Tabasco, pours a bit of it on his food, replaces the cap and sets the bottle in the table caddy on the table. Then he struggles with something on the table -- trying to get the item open, the lid flips into the air and flies over his right shoulder, making a noise as it lands on the ground. Hearing the noise, the man at the counter turns to see what it is and George looks over at him.