It's amazing to me that people will move thousands of miles away to another city, they think nothing of it. They get on a plane, boom. They're there, they live there now. Just, uh, I'm living over there. You know, pioneers, it took years to cross the country. Now, people will move thousands of miles just for one season. I don't think any pioneers did that, you know. Yeah, it took us a decade to get there, and, uh, we stayed for the summer, it was nice, we had a pool, the kids loved it, and then we left about ten years ago and we just got back. We had a great summer, it took us 20 years and now our lives are over.
George and Jerry enter Monk's Coffee Shop.
Kramer, backstage, talking to some aspiring young actors.
Kramer's apartment building in LA. Singers and actors are heard practicing in the background. Kramer leaves his apartment and makes a call on the pay phone in the hall.
Dial tone.
Helena, a neighbor, steps into the hallway.
Jerry's apartment. George walks in with several stuffed suitcases and backpacks.
A murder scene. There's a body under a blanket and two Lieutenants are talking.
Jerry and George are at the airport, in line for the metal detector.
George braces himself and walks through the detector.
Jerry walks through and the machine beeps.
Jerry empties his pockets and walks through again, the machine beeps again.
Jerry walks through, the machine beeps again.
George opens his bag, the other security guard begins rummaging.
The security guard begins waving a small beeping detector up and down Jerry's body.
Monologue, Jerry on stage.
Seems to me that the closest thing we have to Royalty in America are the people that get to ride in those little carts through the airport. Don't you hate these things? They come out of nowhere; Beep Beep, cart people, look out, cart people! Look out! We all scurry out of the way like worthless peasants. Oooh! It's cart people! I hope we didn't slow you down. Wave to the cart people, Timmy, they're the best people in the world. Ya know, if you're too fat, slow and disoriented to get to your gate on time, you're not ready for air travel. The other people I hate are the people that get on to the moving walkway and then just stand there. Like it's a ride? Excuse me, there's no animated pirates or bears along the way here. Do your legs work at all?
Stock photo of the HOLLYWOOD sign. Cut to a casting office. Kramer enters.
Cut to a montage of Kramer in group auditions for the productions the receptionist mentioned.
Kramer and Chelsea, a woman he met in the horror movie audition, exit the casting office.
Kramer and Chelsea are seated at a restaurant table.
Kramer gets up and approaches Fred Savage who's sitting at a table nearby.
Kramer lifts his leg and places his foot on a low table and the table collapses.
Fred takes the treatment and bolts for the door. After he leaves, Kramer gives the rest of the patrons a thumbs-up.
George and Jerry are in their hotel room. Jerry's on the telephone.
lotion!
George walks to the door wearing a shower cap.
Lupe exits.
Cut to Jerry and George in the car, continuing their discussion.
As Jerry drives past, Kramer exits a printing shop, gets into his car and drives off, spilling dozens of 8"x10" publicity photos. A police office notices this and picks up one of the photos.
Another murder scene. A police officer pulls a blanket over the body's head, but we catch a glimpse of the dead girl; it's Chelsea, Kramer's friend from the auditions. The same two Lieutenants as before are just arriving.
The Lt. examines the evidence. It's a title page that says "The Keys" A movie treatment by Kramer. The paper is torn so that the space where Kramer's first name was is missing.
Jerry and George are at the NBC studio.
Jerry leaves and Corbin Bernsen enters through a stage door. he stands near George, obviously waiting for someone.
Flash forward to the middle of George's 'pitch'.
Corbin Bernsen just stares at George.
Flash forward, George is now talking with George Wendt in the same hallway.
Jerry walks up as George Wendt leaves hastily.
George looks down, Jerry walks away.
The Tonight Show, George is in the audience applauding.
Quick cut to Corbin Bernsen, mid-interview.
Quick shot of the audience, everyone is laughing besides George.
Cut to a police station. Helena is being questioned by Lt. Martel.
Cut back to the Tonight Show, George Wendt, mid-interview.
Another quick shot of the audience, again everyone is laughing besides George.
Cut back to the police station. One of the kids from the van Kramer hitched a ride to LA in (see "The Keys") known only as 'The Freak' is being questioned by the Lt.
Cut back to the Tonight Show, Corbin Bernsen and George Wendt are talking between takes.
Cut to Jerry, on stage, doing his routine.
Quick shot of the audience, nobody is laughing.
Quick shot of an extremely uncomfortable Jerry.
Cut back to the police station. The Lt. is on the phone.
George and Jerry are leaving the Tonight Show set
Talk show hosts never seem to have any idea how much time is left in the show. You know, they're always looking off camera, "Do we have time? Are we out of time? How we doin' on time? Anybody know what the time is? What's the time? Check the time?" You never see Magnum P.I. go, "Should I strangle this guy or are we gonna take a break here? Can you stay for another beating? I'll tell you what, I'll bop him in the head, we'll do a commercial, we'll come back, I'll drive in the car real fast, stay with us."
