The Stranded

So I was in the drug store the other day, trying to get a cold medication. You ever try and pick one of these out? It's not easy. It's a wall. It's an entire wall of cold medication, you stand there, you're going, "Alright, alright, alright, okay, what the hell-- This is quick acting, but this is long lasting. When do I need to feel good, now or later?" It's a tough question. And they always show you the commercials on TV where they show you what's wrong with the guy, you know? They always show you, like, all the problems that he's having. First of all, the always show you the human body, which is usually this guy. No face, mouth open, this is how drug companies see the public. And he's always in, like, a certain pain, it's like red wavy lines are going through him or he's glowing, parts of him are on fire sometimes, lightning is attacking him. I never had a doctor say to me, "Are you having any pain?" "Yes I am." "Are you having any lightning with the pain?"

GEORGE PUTS DOWN THE "JERSEY" BOX AND GRABS THE "WHITE PLAINS" BOX FROM JERRY AND THEY GO TO THE CHECK OUT COUNTER. TWO WOMEN ARE STANDING AT THE MAGAZINE RACK IN THE BACKGROUND.

GEORGE, ELAINE AND JERRY ENTER THE PARTY AND STAND BY THE DOOR

A MAN ACROSS THE ROOM NODS. GEORGE AND AVA WALK TOWARDS HIM.

FAST FORWARD A BIT, JERRY IS SITTING ON THE COUCH WITH A STRANGER.

CUT TO ELAINE, ENGAGED IN A CONVERSATION WITH ANOTHER GUY AND PATTING HER HEAD.

(Cut back to Elaine and her 'guy'. She's still tapping madly.)

CUT TO ELAINE AND THE 'PEANUT GUY'. BY NOW, SHE'S WEARY FROM TAPPING.

ELLEN TURNS HER BACK AND THE CAMERA PANS OUT TO ELAINE, SITTING ON THE COUCH NEAR A PRETENTIOUS WOMAN.

All plans between men are tentative. If one man should suddenly have an opportunity to pursue a woman, it's like these two guys never met each other ever in life. This is the male code. And it doesn't matter how important the arrangements are, I mean, most of the time when they scrub a space shuttle mission it's because one of the astronauts met someone on his way to the launch pad. They hold that countdown. He's leaning against the rocket talking to her, "So listen, when I get back what do you say we get together for some Tang?"

CUT TO SEVERAL HOURS LATER. THE PARTY HAS ENDED. THE HOSTS, STEVE AND JENNY, ARE CLEANING UP, ELAINE AND JERRY ARE STILL THERE.

AS JENNY STORMS UP THE STAIRS THERE'S A KNOCK AT THE DOOR, STEVE ANSWERS.

JERRY HANGS UP AND GRABS HIS COAT AND THERE'S A KNOCK AT THE DOOR.

CUT BACK TO STEVE SITTING ALONE ON JERRY'S COUCH WATCHING TV. KRAMER WALKS IN AND IT TAKES A MOMENT FOR HIM TO RECOGNIZE THE VISITOR.

CUT BACK TO JERRY AND GEORGE AT THE DRUGSTORE. JERRY IS SELECTING MEDICATION.

THE SECURITY GUARD DRAGS GEORGE AWAY AND JERRY STEPS TO THE COUNTER.

CUT BACK TO KRAMER AND STEVE, THEY'RE OBVIOUSLY TANKED. KRAMER IS IN THE MIDDLE OF A STORY.

JERRY IS OUTSIDE HIS APARTMENT DOOR, AS HE PUTS IN THE KEY, HE HEARS A WOMAN'S VOICE FROM INSIDE.

IN MID-PAYMENT, A POLICE OFFICER WALKS THROUGH THE OPEN DOOR.

(Elaine walks in.)

JERRY AND GEORGE ARE AT JERRY'S APARTMENT, WATCHING TV AND EATING PIZZA.

There's two types of favors, the big favor and the small favor. You can measure the size of the favor by the pause that a person takes after they ask you to 'do me a favor.' Small favor, small pause. Can you do me a favor, hand me that pencil? No pause at all. Big favors are, 'Could you do me a favor...' (huge pause, followed by closing credits.)