The Summer of George

Nah, you had a good run. Took them to the World Series.

I got to give the players most of the credit for that.

Don't sell yourself short. You made all the flight arrangements, hotels, busses.

No, I don't know who was doing that.

So, when you actually did work, what it was that you did?

They had a pastry cart you wouldn't believe.

Here you go. Your latté, your cappuccino.

Maybe I should ask her out?

She is a good waitress.

That's true. Maybe I take her to the Tony's.

You're going to the Tony's?

Yeah, I wrote some jokes to the show and they gave me two tickets.

Why didn't you ask me? I know a million theater jokes. 'What's the deal with those guys down in the pit?'

They're musicians. That's not a joke.

It's a funny observation.

Severance package...The Yankees are giving me three months full pay for doing nothing.

They did it for three years. What's another few months.

I'm really going to do something with these three months.

Like what?

I'm gonna read a book. From beginning to end. In that order.

I've always wanted to do that...

I'm gonna play frolf.

You mean golf?

Frolf, frisbee golf Jerry. Golf with a frisbee. This is gonna be my time. Time to taste the fruits and let the juices drip down my chin. I proclaim this: The Summer of George!

...and then Peterman ate it. I never told him.

Who's that?

That's Sam, the new girl in the counting.

What's with her arms? They just hang like salamis.

She walks like orangutan.

Better call the zoo.

Reer...

What?

ssssss...

Cat-ty...

It's like she's carrying invisible suitcases.

Like this? (imitates the walk)

Yes, exactly.

That's so strange.

Right. So why I'm the one who gets 'reer'. You know I mean they were being as catty as I was. It's a double standard.

Oh, what about 'ladies night'? Women admitted free before 10?

That is so stupid.

Reer.

Hey, 'The White Shadow' is on...

Boy, your really packing it all in.

Jerry, my vacation just started. I need a day or two to de-compress. Besides, I did plenty today.

Like what?

I bought a new recliner with a fridge build right in to it.

Hey Jerry, you got any Tums?

Stomach ache?

I drank too much water in the shower.

Aah, top of the fridge. Hey George, I'm taking that waitress to the Tony's.

Shadow!

Oh, the Tony's. I'll see you there buddy.

You're going to the Tony's too?

Roger that.

Where are you sitting?

Well, all over the place. Yeah, I'm a seat filler. They don't like to see empty seats on TV so when somebody gets up I just park my kaboos on their spot until they get back.

How did you get that job?

Mickey, Mickey he hooked me up. He's a member of the academy.

What academy?

Well, he didn't say (leaves).

Hi!

Hi!

Nice tuxedo.

Thanks, it's a breakaway.

Should we go?

Absolutely.

Lyle, were going! Jerry, this is Lyle.

Hey, how you doing?

Ok...

Bye.

Have a good time.

Thanks, Lyle...

Are you leaving? Cause I got you covered.

I'll just squeeze in...

What are you doing?

My job. What are you doing?

You know, if they catch two of us on TV, you got some explaining to do.

So, you and Lyle are roommates?

No.

Gay?

What?

Is he gay?

No.

Are you sure?

I think I would know.

(to himself) This is a new one.

(to woman next to him) Pemmican turkey? Come on take a bite...well more for me.

...and the best musical award goes to: Scarsdale surprise!

Kramer?

(on TV) Thank you and God bless you all. This has truly been a Scarsdale surprise!

Elaine, am I crazy? I just get the feeling that Dugan and the others are making fun of me all the time.

Well, You might wanna think about...maybe, eh...moving your arms a little when you walk.

My arms?

You know, sort of swing them, so your not lurching around like a caveman.

I a caveman?

No no no no, it's just...

Everybody told what a catty shrude you are. Your horrible!

She had a dude?

Yeah, when I went to pick her up there was this dude.

How do you know it was her dude?

What do you think it could've been just some dude?

Sure, dudes in this town are dime a dozen.

I reckon.

Or maybe, she just wanted to go to the Tony's. I tell you what; you ask her out again. No Tony, just Jerry. That way you know it he was her dude or just some dude.

Dude!

All right, that's enough. I gotta go home and take a nap.

It's 10:30 in the morning?

I tell you; I'm wiped.

So, has the summer of George already started or are you still de-composing?

De-compressing.

Whooa, good morning gentleman and Tony says hello to you.

You didn't give that thing back?

Jerry, it was a whirlwind. They whisked us backstage, the media is sworming, champagne is flowing...whooo! I can't describe how great it is to win.

That's because you didn't win.

'Scarsdale surprise'. That's the musical about that Scarsdale diet doctor murder.

Featuring the mind-blowing performance of Ms. Raquel Welch!

You haven't even seen it.

Aah, Jerry I'm not gonna let you bring me down from this high. I've been partying all night. I saw the sunrise at Liza's!

What, Minelli's!?!

No.

Sam, listen I'm so sorry about the other day.

No, don't apologize Elaine. I was thinking that maybe I should swing my arms a little bit more.

See, yeah, that's all I was saying.

How's this (Sam hits a pen case out of the table), or this (swings a paper holder of the table and starts to clear the table left and right).

Well, you seem to be getting a hang of it...

Hi!

Sorry, I'm running late. I just lost track of time.

No rush.

Hey, Jerry! What's up?

(to himself) I have absolutely no idea.

..except that the dude plays the showroom and I'm stuck doing food and beveridged!

Who's that?

It's Kramer.

Hey Kramer.

George says hi.

(shouts to the telephone) Hi George!

How's that Tony?

Why don't you just come over?

Why can't we do this on the phone? What's Kramer doing now?

He's looking on to fridgerator.

Kramer. Anything good in there? Any Popsicles?

I can't do this.

So, what's George doing?

He's not doing anything. Goodbye!

So listen, I'm going to crab a bite to eat at Sardi's. You wanna go?

Are you taking the Tony to Sardi's?

The Tony is taking me to Sardi's.

Oh, hello.

I'm going.

Congratulations!

Oh, thank you, thank you so much. I have so many people I want to thank and don't want to forget anyone...

All right, all right.

I said no! (hangs up the phone.)

Jerry, I just want to let you know; Lyle and I are completely over. I'd rather be with you.

Just me? No dudes or fellas?

What you think?

I can start right away.

But not here. (They leave.)

'I'm not here, leave a message.'

(on the answering machine) Jerry, what's happening? Come on, pick up the phone.

...so I said to him: Arthur, Artie come on, why does the salesman have to die? Change the title; The life of a salesman. That's what people want to see.

Mr. Kramer, my name is Lewis Maxton Graham. I'm one of the producers of 'Scarsdale surprise'.

Hey, eh, Lew!

We need to talk.

Elaine, what did you want to talk me about?

This. My office. Sam trashed my office.

Well, I see what's going on in here. I am smack dab in the middle of a good old fashioned cat fight.

Mr. Petermen, this is not a cat fight. This is violent psychotic behavior directed at me all because are told her to swing her arms.

Woof!

Do you mean "reer?"

Yes, that's the one! Good day Elaine. (Leaves.)

Oh, no please Mr. Peterman, she's crazy! (Sam walks by and Elaine starts to sing) Crazy for feelings...

I can't believe how much we did this afternoon. I have friends who this would've be their whole life.

Now, what time are you picking me up tonight?

Eh, what?

You got our reservation from Sfuzi's, didn't you?

Oh yeah, Sfuzi? I- I've gotta do that.

Should I ware the outfit I bought today?

Sure.

Which one?

The one with the...(mumbles.)

If I wanna get my hair cut I've gotta go now. Call me when you get home. I wont be there, but leave a message so I know you called.

Ok, ok...

Do you mind?

No, I'll crab it.

Hey, I've done that today.

What, did you lose your remote?

Nah, the cable's out. What's with you? You look dead.

It's Lanette! I need an assistant or intern or something.

(Laughs) Relationship intern...hey, what if two of us teamed up?

Not.

No, no...

No, because that's...

No, listen; we are always sitting here, I am always helping you with your girl problems and you are helping me with my girl problems. Where do we end up?

Here.

Exactly! Because neither one of us can't handle a woman all by ourselves.

I'm trying.

I've tried. We don't have it. But maybe the two of us, working together at full capacity, could do the job of one normal man.

Then each of us would only have be like a half man. That sounds about right!

I'm sure how excited you are to have this very very prestigious award. But you didn't have anything to do with the actual production.

No.

I don't think there's no way how we can allow you to keep this Tony. Unless...

Anything...

Are you familiar with our star, Raquel Welch?

Oh yeah, she's fantastic....

She's a train wreck.

There's a big tap dance number just before Jean Harris leaves the (?) school to confront Dr Tarnover.

It is a gut wrenching scene.

But, Raquel Welch doesn't move her arms when she tap dances. It's very distracting.

There's lot of this (swings his arms) in tap dancing.

So, you'd like me to teach how to dance?

No, we want you to fire her.

Why they want you to fire Raquel Welch?

Because they're terrified of her. I heard from someone that when they cut one of her lines, she climbed up the rope on side of the stage and started dropping lights on peoples heads. Story like that has got to be true.

She seems very nice.

Jerry, you're not in show business. You don't know what these people are like.

I'm in show business.

Oh, come on! What am I gonna do? She's going to eat me alive.

I've got a tape of 'Fantastic voyage' if you think that would help.

Yayaya...

Jerry, that crazy straight-armed woman down at Peterman's trashed my office. And then listen to this; this is message she left me.

Elaine...I am going to find you. If not in your office then in the xerox room or the little conference room near to the kitchen...

She must've got a blueprint of the building or something.

Did you tell Peterman about this?

Well, I tried, but he thought it was some sort of cat fight.

Cat fight?

Ok, why? Why do guys do this? What is so appealing to men about a cat fight?

Yeye cat fight!

Because men think if women are grabbing and clawing at each other there's a chance they might somehow kiss.

T-t-t-t...

You got the tickets?

Yeah, two for the 7:15 of Novaj pravas (?). What you're wearing the green sweater?

I like it.

She doesn't like. Here is your blue one, it's her favorite. (Takes sweater out of his bag.)

What?

Just put it on! All right now, remember she had her nails done today so remark how you like the color. And if you need me you beep me, all right. Here you go, hey, hey, hey, hey...(sprays Binaca into Jerry's mouth.) Go get'em you're a tiger!

Hey George, one second, she's having a party friday night and she wants me to take care of the invitations.

A little notice would've helped! How many people?

35, and George, on the invitations...

I know, I know...don't skimp. Go go go go...

Right on time, I like that.

I like your nails, that is a great color.

Love the sweater.

This old thing?

Hi, I need some party invitations.

Okay, have you been in here before?

About a year ago. Wedding invitations.

Right, how did that all work out?

No complaints.

Well, they are arranged according the price. And as I recall...(she flips the sample book all the way to the end.)

Actually, (George flips the book back to the beginning) I'll take these nice glossy ones.

"You are a fraud Dr Tarnover. You haven't even been to Scarsdale."

Ms. Welch.

Who are you?

Well, I'm Cosmo Kramer, I'm one of the producers.

Hello, Sidney! No, no I told you I don't want to do that! If you bring it up again I will feed your genitals to a wolf! (hangs up) Kids! You're still here.

Well, I- I Ms. Welch I do need to talk to you about a little problem regarding, eh, your performance.

What kind of problem?

Well, it seems that due to the vagaries of the production parameters of this fragmenting of the audience to the cable television, carnivals, water parks...

Out with it!

Well, you're fired because you don't move your arms when you tap dance, you're like a gorilla out there I've gotta go...

Little help?

Hey, frolf?

Yeah, you know we need a fourth for the back nine. You want in?

"What's the deal with airplane peanuts?"

Yeah, sure.

Ok, come on.

Ok, let's towel it up.

Jerry, where are those invitations you were supposed to get? If they don't go out today they're useless.

But we're in towels.

Jerry.

all right. One second.

He frolfs, he scores...(he drops one invitation on the stairs.)

Hello.

George, where are those invitations? You were supposed to leave them with her doorman!

Did you shave your chest hair?

No. (Lanette leaves.) Did you at least pick them up?

Yeah, the super glossy. The best they had.

Ok, get them over here pronto. We're in towels here George.

All right, All right, keep your towel on.

...what?

It's a joke.

All right, that's not bad. Now get over here!

(on the tape)...if not in your apartment then in the laundry room or the ATM in the building across the street or the watch shop!

Can't you do anything about this? I mean this woman is a psycho!

'Reer.'

Look, just because I'm a woman...

'Mauau.'

'Meeow.'

I don't move my arms when I dance. That's my signature!

Would you just keep an eye out for this woman. She's about ye high and eh, she doesn't swing her arms when she walks.

What do you mean?

Like this...(imitates the walk with her arms hanging.)

What the hell is that? Are you making fun of my dancing?

Aren't you Raquel Welch?

You know who I am. Now, what are you doing?

Nothing, I wasn't just moving my arms...

That's it, you are going down.

Ooh, cat fight.

So how's George?

I don't know. They don't tell me anything. What's that? (Kramer holds a broken Tony)

Tony.

What happened to you?

Raquel Welch!

Yikes.

What happened to you?

Raquel Welch!

The woman is a menace.

Yeah, I bumped in to her on the street. It got pretty ugly.

Cat fight with Raquel Welch.

Yey eye ca-catfight.

My god, George!

I slipped on the invitations...how's the towels?

Back on the rack.

With the two of us?

I think we're still a man short.

Mr. Costanza. ..your legs have sustained extensive trauma. Apparently your body was in the state of advanced atrophy, due to a period of extreme inactivity. But with a lot of hard work and a little bit of luck, I think there's a good chance you may, one day, walk again.

Well, that's good news.

Wow, invitations again...

Yeah, that's weird.

All right, well...you want to grab some coffee?

Yeah...

I'd like to get some coffee.

This was supposed to be 'The summer of George'! The summer of George.

Now, swing them...swing...swing them, just swing them.

I can't do it. It's hard!

Still a little summer left.