S13 • George's Marine Biologist Monologue ('The Sea Was Angry That Day')

S05E14

The Marine Biologist

Full screenplay script and 408-line transcript across 14 scenes for Seinfeld S05E14: The Marine Biologist. Includes scene breakdowns for George's Marine Biologist Monologue ('The Sea Was Angry That Day'). Key settings: Opening Scene, Jerry's Apartment, George and Diane Are Walking on the Beach.

14 Scenes408 Lines

Scene 1:Opening Scene

1 lines

Jerry

I love these nature shows, I'll watch and kind of nature show, and it's amazing how you can always relate, to whatever they're talking about. You know like you're watching the African Dung Beetle and you're going "Boy, his life is a lot like mine." And you always root for whichever animal is the star of the show that week -- like if it's the antelope, and there's a lion chasing the antelope you go, "Run antelope Run! Use your Speed, Get away!" But the next week it's the lion, and then you go "Get the antelope, eat him, bite his head! -- Trap him, don't let him use his speed!"

Scene 2:Jerry's Apartment

70 lines

Jerry is at the table and Elaine is on the phone

Elaine

(to the phone) Well did he bring it up in the meeting?

Jerry picks up a yellow shirt and walks to Elaine

Jerry

Elaine, see this T-shirt, six years I've had this T-shirt. It's my best one, I call him… Golden Boy.

Jerry unfurls the shirt and holds it up for Elaine to see

Elaine

Yeah, I'm on the phone here.

Jerry

Golden Boy's always the first shirt I wear out of the laundry. Here touch Golden Boy!

Elaine

No thanks. (to the phone) Yeah, Yeah I'll hold.

Jerry

But see look at the collar, it's fraying. Golden Boy is slowly dying. Each wash brings him one step closer, that's what makes the T-shirt such a tragic figure.

Elaine

Why don't you just let Golden Boy soak in the sink with some Woolight?

Jerry

No!!! The reason he's the iron man is because he goes out there and plays every game. Wash!!! Spin!!! Rinse!!! Spin!!! You take that away from him, you break his spirit!

Elaine is suddenly excited

Elaine

(to the phone)Yeah. Oh! What? He is! Oh! that's fantastic! I'm so excited! Yes I'm excited, OK, OK I'll be in soon! yeah, yeah, I'm coming, I'm coming! OK bye. (Elaine jumps up and dances around) Yuri Testikov, the Russian writer!

Jerry

The guy who's in the gulag?!

Elaine

Yeah! Pendant's publishing his new book, and I'm working on it! Lippman and I are gonna go to the airport on Thursday and pick him up in a limousine!

Jerry

You wanna barrow Golden Boy!

Elaine

Oh! (pushing Jerry) Do you know what this means, it's like working with Tolstoy!

Jerry

Hey ya know I read an unbelievable thing about Tolstoy the other day, did you know the original title for "War and Peace" was "War--What Is It Good For?"!

Elaine

(looking at Jerry for a second then, mockingly nods her head back and forth)Ha ha ha ha.

Jerry

No, no… I'm not kidding Elaine it's true, his mistress didn't like the title and insisted that he change it to "War and Peace"!

Elaine

But it's a line from that song!

Jerry

That's were they got it from!

Elaine

Really?

Jerry

I'm not joking!

George enters with a handful of mail, pauses, and takes a wide stance in a semi-dramatic fashion

George

… You can't handle the truth! (he salutes) (imitating Jack Nicholson [a.k.a. Col. Nathan R. Jessep], from the 1992 movie A Few Good Men)

Jerry

What?

George

(still in Jack's voice) I'm working on my Jack Nicholson, You can't handle the truth! (he salutes)

Elaine

What is this your mail? (She takes a magazine and starts flipping through it)

George

Yeah, I grabbed it on the way out, I don't want my mother reading it.

Elaine

Oh! Your Alumni Magazine.

Jerry

Your mother reads your mail?

George

Yeah.

Jerry

What do you mean like post-cards an?

George

No, anything.

Jerry

She doesn't open?

George

She'll open!

Jerry

You've caught your mother opening envelopes!

George

Yes.

Jerry

What did she say?

George

I was curious! (imitating his mom's voice)

Jerry

Isn't that against the law?

George

Maybe I can get her locked up.

Elaine

(gasp) Hey Jerry, you're in the Alumni magazine! Listen to this: Jerry Seinfeld has appeared on "David Letterman" and the "Tonight Show" and he did a pilot for NBC called "Jerry" that was not picked up. Georgie, how come there's not anything about you in here?

Jerry

He can't handle the truth!

Elaine

All right… (slaps the magazine down on the counter) this is too much fun, I gotta get back to work. (heads for the door)

SHOT OF KRAMER FROM BEHIND, WALKING IN THE HALLWAY TO HIS APARTMENT DOOR, HE IS GETTING HIS KEYS OUT AND CARRYING A GOLF BAG FULL OF CLUBS OVER HIS SHOULDER

Kramer

(singing) Johnny Yuma was a rebel, Yeah!

Kramer makes a wide turn towards his door to put the key in, and in the process, the golf bag knocks into Elaine as she leaves Jerry's apartment.

Kramer

Are you all right?

Elaine

Yeah. (startled)

Kramer

Unh. Sorry.

Elaine

It's OK. (starts walking down the hallway)

Kramer

Yeah. Oh, here, wait wait (walks a few steps to catch up to her as she stops) Ah, maybe you could ah, use this (he searches through his jacket) Ah, here, it's a electronic organizer

Elaine

What?

Kramer

Ah, Yeah. uh

Elaine

Wh..?

Kramer

Yeah, here it is yeah.

Elaine Gasps

Kramer

You know, for phone numbers, addresses, keep appointments, everything.

Elaine

Wow!

Kramer

It's got an alarm that beeps!

Elaine

Oh! I can't believe this, Kramer!

Kramer

Yeah.

Elaine

I've been wanting to get one of these things! Are you sure that

Kramer drops a piece of paper. He bends over to pick it up -- clubs slide down and golf balls drops everywhere

Elaine

Are you sure you can't use this thing?

Kramer

No no no. I got all my appointments up here. (he points to his head)

Elaine

Where'd you get this?

Kramer

Well, the bank, I opened up a new account.

Scene 3:Scene 3

70 lines

BACK INSIDE JERRY'S APARTMENT - GEORGE COMES OUT OF THE BATHROOM AS JERRY, STANDING AT THE TABLE, READS THE PAPER

George

Hey, did you see that whale thing on TV last night?

Jerry

No.

George

I am such a Huge whale fan. These marine biologists were showin' how they communicate with each other with these squeaks and squeals, what a fish!

Jerry

It's a mammal.

George

Whatever. (George looks to the table) Hey new tape recorder?

Jerry

Yeah, got it from the bank.

Kramer enters without his golf bag

Kramer

(overly excited) Hey (Claps hands one time)

Jerry

Hey.

George

Hey.

Kramer

(still overly excited) Who wants to have some fun!

Jerry

I do.

George

I do.

Kramer

(once again, overly excited) Now are you just sayin' you want to have fun or do you reallllly want to have fun?!

Jerry

I really wanna have fun.

George

I'm just sayin' I wanna have some fun.

Kramer

Right now there six-hundred Titleists that I got from the driving range in the trunk of my car. Why don't we drive out to Rock-a-Way… and hit `em-----------(very over excited) into the ocean! Now picture this. we find a nice sweet spot between the dunes, we take out our drivers, we tee up and (he makes a golf stroke), that ball goes sailing up into the sky holds there for a moment and then.. gulp!

George

Come on. Ya wanna go get some lunch?

Jerry

Yeah, let me just stop by the cash machine and I'll meet you over at the coffee shop.

George

Yeah, I'm gonna get a paper.

Kramer gets ready to make another imaginary swing

George

Keep your head down.

Kramer

Yeah! (Kramer takes a huge imaginary swing)

AT THE ATM JERRY IS GETTING SOME MONEY -- THERE IS A WOMAN AT THE ATM TO HIS RIGHT

Jerry

(he hits a few keys and looks over at her) Cash advance yes (hits a key) … no (he looks over again) balance inquiry no (he looks again) receipt. no (he looks again) processing processing (He opens the box, pulls out his money and then looks at the woman and says) I won!

Jerry starts to walk away

Diane

Jerry?

Jerry

Yeah.

Diane

It's Diane, Diane DeConn, from Queens college.

Jerry

Oh Diane.

Diane

(laughing a little) How are you?

Jerry

Good, good.

Diane

(sighs) How long has it been?

Jerry

Since college.

Diane

Huh. I've been seeing you on TV you're doin' great.

Jerry

Yeah pluggin' along.

Diane

You know I got the Alumni magazine. What ever happened to your friend George? I notice I never see his name in there.

Jerry

Well he's kind of modest.

Diane

He was always such a goof-off. I mean did he ever get anywhere?

Jerry

Sure.

Diane

Yeah? What field?

Jerry

Marine biology.

Diane

George is a marine biologist?!

Jerry

Yeah, pretty damn good one, too!

Diane

I can't believe it. I-I would never had thought…

Jerry

Yeah he's specializing in whales. He's working on lowering the cholesterol level, in whales… all that blubber -- quite unhealthy. You know it's the largest mammal on earth but as George says "they don't have to be."

IN THE COFFEE SHOP JERRY AND GEORGE ARE SITTING IN THE BOOTH AND TALKING

George

Diane DeConn? You saw Diane DeConn!

Jerry

Something huh?

George

Ahh! How'd she look?

Jerry

She looked great.

George

Ahh! (closes his eyes and rolling his head back) Umh!

Jerry

She asked about you.

George

She asked about me? What did- What did she say?

Jerry

"How's George?"

George

George! She said George? She remembered my name. (loudly -- to a passing waitress and the rest of the restaurant) Diane DeConn remembered my name. She was the "it" girl!

Jerry

Yeah she asked for your number, I think she's gonna get in touch with you.

George

(pauses for a few seconds) …OK, I'm tellin' you right now - if your kiddin' around I'm not gonna be able to be your friend anymore. I'm serious about that. You got that.

Jerry

I got no problem with that.

George

Good. Cause if this is a lie, if this is a joke, if this is your idea of some cute little game… we're finished!

Jerry

Expect a call.

George

Oh my god he's not kidding. (exhale gasp)

Jerry

Now, I should tell you… that, at this point, she's under the impression that you're - a - ah…

George

A what?

Jerry

A marine biologist.

George

(pauses) A marine biologist?

Jerry

Yes.

George

Why am I a marine biologist?

Jerry

I may have mentioned it.

Scene 4:Scene 4

61 lines

George

But I'm not a marine biologist!

Jerry

Yes I know that.

George

So?

Jerry

Why, you don't think it's a good job?

George

I didn't even know it was a job.

Jerry

Oh it's a fascinating field!

George

Well what if she calls me? What am I supposed to say?! (hand hits the table)

DUSK -- IN GEORGE'S PARENT'S HOUSE GEORGE IS SITTING IN A CHAIR. HE IS TALKING TO DIANE ON THE PHONE

George

Algae,… obviously plankton, hmhm. I don't know what else I could tell ya, ah, Oh I-I just got back from a trip to the Galapagos Islands, I was living with the turtles.

Limo Driving On The Street -- Then Inside The Limo

ELAINE, LIPPMAN, AND TESTIKOV ARE TALKIN'

Lippman

We have got you in a very nice hotel, I-I don't know how you like to work, but ah, I can arrange for an office if you like.

Testikov

(Russian accent) I work in hotel.

Lippman

Oh.

Testikov

… is better.

Elaine gestures towards Testikov, she nods in agreement -- trying to tell Lippman, she quietly says he'll work at the hotel -- of course he just heard it directly from Testikov

Testikov

Away from all your little petty bickerings and interference.

Lippman

You know, Tolstoy use to write in the village square. The faces inspired him.

Testikov

(proudly) He did not need inspiration… God spoke through his pen. Hu Hu Hu (pounds his fist lightly on his heart)

Elaine

Ohh, That is so true! (clutches her hands to her chest)

Lippman

Yes.

Elaine

Although one wonders if "War and Peace" would has been as highly acclaimed as it was, had it was published under it's original title "War---What Is It Good For?"

Lippman

What?

Elaine

Yeah. Mr. Lippman. It was *his mistress* who insisted that he call it…

Lippman

Elaine…

Background Cars

HONK HONK

Elaine

"War and Peace."

Lippman

Elaine…

Elaine

"War--What Is It Good For." (sings) Absolutely nothin' HUH! Say it Again! ahehehehe

Testikov

(quietly) Ahhuuh

Elaine

(spoken to Testikov) that's a song …

Lippman

It… (frustrated and trying to keep her from saying more)

Elaine

…they-they took it from Tolstoy.

Lippman

No. e-Elaine.

Elaine's organizer starts beeping

Testikov

War--What Is It Good For?

Lippman

It-no- it's just her sense of humor.

Elaine

No it's not. That really is true.

Testikov

What is that noise!

Lippman

It's Not…

Elaine

Yes it is…

Lippman

No It's Not!!

Testikov

That noise! …

Lippman

it-it-it's her purse.

Testikov

Where is that noise? It's traveling up my spine! Into my Brain!

Elaine

Oh, I…

Lippman

It's coming from your purse.

Elaine

Oh… It must be my new organizer.

Testikov

That noise! …

Lippman

Yes…Turn it off.

Elaine

Right, I think it's this…

Lippman

No it's the Button. Elaine…

Testikov

I can not stand it!

Lippman

It's the button at the top, the top.

Elaine

OK. I don't quite know…

Testikov

Will you Turn it off!

Lippman

The one at the top.

Elaine

Yeah, I'm gonna work on that…

Testikov

Aaach!

Testikov grabs the organizer and throws it out the window of the limo

Lippman

Yeah… Ohoo.

ON THE BEACH KRAMER IS GETTING READY TO HIT A BALL. HE TAKES A BIG SWING AND MISSES. HE LOOKS FOR THE BALL IN THE AIR AND THE REALIZES THAT IT'S STILL ON THE GROUND.

Scene 5:Jerry's Apartment

70 lines

Jerry

I did it for you.

George

I don't know what'cha had to tell her that for. You put me in a very difficult position, Marine Biologist! I'm very uncomfortable with this whole thing.

Jerry

You know with all do respect I would think it's right up your alley.

George

Well it's not up my alley! It's one thing if I make it up. I know what I'm doin, I know my alleys! You got me in the Galapagos Islands livin' with the turtles, I don't know where the hell I am.

Jerry

Well you came in the other day with all that whale stuff, the squeaking and the squealing and…

George

Look, why couldn't you make me an architect? You know I always wanted to pretend that I was an architect. Well I-I'm supposed to see her tomorrow, I-I-I'm gonna tell her what's goin on. I mean maybe she just likes me for me.

Kramer bangs into the room with his golf clubs

Kramer

Hey.

Jerry

Hey.

Kramer

Hey ya want these (He throws down the golf clubs -- kicks the bag hard) I don't want em!

Jerry

What?

Kramer

I stink! I can't play! The ball is just sitting there, Jerry, and I can't hit it! I only hit one really good ball that went way out there!

Jerry

Well what happened?

Kramer

I have no concentration!

Kramer starts to brush his hands at the back of his neck and scratch his body

Jerry

What, what, what's wrong with you?

Kramer

Sand, I can get rid of the sand. (he sits at the table, looking down his shirt) Look there's still some in here, it won't go away! Look I even got sand in the pockets!

He empties his pocket and a bunch of sand falls out

Jerry

Hey come on, you're getting it all over the floor!

Kramer gets sand in his eye, as he puts his hands to his eyes he falls over on to the floor. Then the phone rings -- George picks up the receiver and, without even looking, tosses it to Jerry

Jerry

(to the phone) Hello… yeah… yes it is… really… ah, ah… Could you hold on a second? (to George and Kramer) Hey listen to this, some woman found an electronic organizer, my name was in it, she wants me to help her track down the owner.

George

How'd she find it?

Jerry

She's waking down the street and it hit her in the head!

MONK'S WHERE JERRY AND CORINNE (THE WOMAN HE WAS TALKING WITH ON THE PHONE) ARE SITTING IN THE BOOTH

Corinne

So I am walkin' along, minding my own business when all off the sudden this thing comes flying out of nowhere and clonks me right on the head.

Jerry

Wow.

Corinne

Yeah, So they took me to the hospital…

Jerry

Yeah…

Corinne

…and they put me in this thing, that feels like a coffin, for forty-five minutes. Have you ever been in one of those things? You could go berserk in there!

Jerry

Well you have insurance

Corinne

I wish!

Jerry

Unbelievable!

Corinne

Yeah.

Organizer beeps

Jerry

What is with this thing.

Corinne

(hits the organizer) I don't know, it never shuts up. So anyway, you could see why I would be interested in finding this person.

Jerry

Absolutely. You should not have to pay for that.

Organizer beeps again

Corinne

(hits the organizer, picks it up and hits it on to the table -- shouting) Stop it! Stop it!

Jerry

Let me have a look at this thing.

Corinne

Ya know it was somebody told me they thought they saw that thing come out of a limousine.

Jerry

Typical rich people, using the world for their personal garbage can.

Corinne

Boy am I lucky your name came up. I just pushed a button.

Jerry

I would like to know what my name's doin in this creep's organizer to begin with.

Corinne

Yeah.

Jerry

Who do I know who would have even been in a limousine yesterday anyway. Uhh-O h-owow!

EXTERIOR OF JERRY AND KRAMER'S BUILDING, THEN IN THE HALLWAY -- ELAINE KNOCKS ON KRAMER'S DOOR, HE ANSWERS -- HIS RIGHT ELBOW IS WAY UP ABOVE HIS HEAD AND HIS ARM IS DOWN HIS BACK AS HE IS STILL ITCHING CAUSE OF THE SAND

Kramer

Wha-- Oh, hey.

Elaine

Hey, "great" organizer you gave me.

Kramer

Oh, you liked it huh.

Elaine

It wouldn't stop beeping, in the car so Testikov, through it out the window.

Kramer

Oh. (continuing to itch and scratch from the sand)

Elaine

I transferred everything in there. I threw out my old book. I'm lost now, Kramer.

flapping his shirt vigorusly to get the sand out

Elaine

What, what is it?

Kramer

The sand, it's everywhere! (blows on his arm)

Elaine

OK I'll see you later.

Kramer

Yei-

Kramer closes the door and Jerry walks up to his door

Jerry

Oh, there you are!

Elaine

There you are!

Jerry

So?

Elaine

So?

Jerry

So what do you have to say for yourself?

Elaine

So what do you have to say for yourself?

Jerry unlocks the door and they both walk in and close the door

Jerry

Why should I have anything for say for myself?

Elaine

"War-- What is it good for?"!

Jerry

A-Ahahahahah. Who told you?

Elaine

A-hu hu hu hu. Yuri Testikov, the Russian writer! Hellooo!

Scene 6:Scene 6

18 lines

Jerry

You told Testikov, (Elaine nods) that Tolstoy wanted to name his book "War-- What Is IT Good For?"?

Elaine

Uh-hu. And do you know what happened?

Jerry

Can I take a guess?

Elaine

Oh, Please.

Jerry

Oh I don't know, he threw your organizer out the window?

Elaine pushes Jerry

Elaine

What, how did you know that?

Jerry

Because I know who has it.

Elaine

(gasps) How did you find it?

Jerry

Because the woman who got hit in the head with it found my name, called me up, and we met!

Elaine

(gasps) Where is it, give it to me!

Jerry

I don't have it!

Elaine

Why not.

Jerry

Because she's not returning it until she gets the money back for the hospital bill.

Elaine

But I didn't do it. Testikov did it, he should pay for it!

Jerry

How much is Testikov getting from Pendant for this book?

Elaine

One million.

Jerry

Well that's a start.

Scene 7:George and Diane Are Walking on the Beach

5 lines

George

Then of course with evolution, the octopus lost the nostrils and took on the more familiar look that we know today.

Diane

Uh-Really?

George

Yeah, but if you still look closely you can see ah, a little bump where the nose use to be. huhuhuhu.

Diane

Wow.

George

But enough about fish, huhuhu. I can discuss other things you know, ah… architecture. Huhu. (makes a wide gesture with his arms)

Scene 8:At the Hotel That Testikov Is Staying At

19 lines

Jerry

You know what room Testikov's in?

Elaine

Yeah, 308. Oh, I'm crazy for doing this!

Jerry

Well, you want your organizer back don't you?

Elaine

Why are you so interested -- you want to take her out?

Jerry

Hey you know when Superman saves someone no one asks if he's trying to hit on her!

Elaine

Well, you're not Superman.

Jerry

Well you're not Lois Lane.

Elaine

Oh. Listen, you got the tape-recorder.

Jerry

Yeah I got it. You sure you want to do this? (hands Elaine the tape recorder.)

Elaine

Yeah I gotta get Testikov on tape. If this woman ends up in the "New England Journal Of Medicine" I'm not gonna pay for it.

Jerry

Oh, here she comes.

Corinne enters through the hotel's revolving door

Jerry

Hi.

Corinne

Hi.

Jerry

Elaine, this is Corinne.

Corinne

Hello.

Elaine

Hi, (sighs) you got the organizer?

The organizer starts to beep as Corinne opens her coat to show the organizer in her inside coat pocket

Jerry

All right lets go. We'll meet you back down here in ten minutes, hopefully with the money.

Scene 9:At the Beach George and Diane Are Still Walking

23 lines

Diane

Your parents must be so proud of you, George.

George

Oh, they're busting!

Diane

Hmhm.

There is a large crowd of men and women looking and pointing into the ocean

Diane

What are those people doing over there?

EXTERIOR SHOT OF THE HOTEL, THEN IN TESTIKOV'S HOTEL ROOM THERE ARE FIVE QUICK KNOCKS AT THE DOOR. HE HOLDS THE MANUSCRIPT IN HIS LEFT ARM. LEANING OVER A BIT, AND WITH HIS RIGHT HAND, OPENS THE DOOR SLIGHTLY TO SEE WHO IS WAITING -- IT IS JERRY AND ELAINE. THEN HE OPENS THE DOOR WIDE

Testikov

(In a loud and cranky voice) What, Come in - come in - Come in Miss Benes! That is if you can spare a minute from your busy schedule! And you bring guest for my entertainment?

Testikov goes to get a drink while Elaine is talking -- his back to them as he downs the full drink

Elaine

Um, yes this is my friend Jerry. Um, he accompanied me, ya know (clears throat), single women in a big city can be dangerous, so…

Jerry

Yeah. Th-That's why I where these sneakers, in case of any trouble -- Zip, I'm gone. (makes a running motion with both arms and his right foot)

Testikov

Yeah, Yeah. The sneakers. All the Americans with the sneakers. Always running from something. Ya ya, well Sit, stop running, Ehh. two minutes, I give you latest manuscript!

They both sit down and Jerry picks out a very large book from the coffee table

Jerry

Oh! Rimsky -- great great book if I may say so sir. I almost read the whole thing.

Elaine

Hmm. (she nods in agreement)

CORINNE IS STANDING IN THE HOTEL LOBBY SMOKING WHILE THE ORGANIZER IS STILL BEEPING

Corinne

What!

Hotel Clerk

If you can't thing off, I'll have to ask you to leave.

Corinne

I'm waitin for two people! (takes a drag on the cigarette)

Hotel Clerk

Well you can wait for them outside.

Corinne

Yeah, (she blows smoke out as she speaks -- it rises as in front of her) I guess I'd better. I wouldn't want to take any attention away from the hookers!

Hotel Clerk

All right, All right. Out, Out.

Corinne

Whatever you say, Cro..w-well!

she exits through the hotel's revolving door, the organizer continues to beep

Scene 10:On the Beach George and Diane Are Standing with the Crowd

4 lines

Diane

What's going on over here?

Woman At Beach

There is a beached whale, she's dying.

Voice

Is anyone here a marine biologist?

Diane looks at George as he turns slowly towards her realizing the irony of the situation he is in.

Scene 11:Upwards View of the Exterior of the Hotel, Then in Testikov's Room

28 lines

Testikov

Here is latest draft. I see you next week. Same time, same day. (smacks the manuscript into Elaine's hand) On time please.

Elaine

(quietly) OK.

Jerry

It was nice meeting you…

Testikov

Aah.

Jerry

… you're a real pleasure. (Jerry is being sarcastic)

Testikov

Ya ya. (wipes his nose with a handkerchief)

Elaine and Jerry take a few steps towards the door, as Jerry turns to her and motions with his hand to ask Testikov about the organizer incident. They stop and turn back.

Elaine

Uh-Oh-ah, by the way Mr. Testikov um, do you remember the other day when we were in the limo and ah, my organizer started making noise and you threw it out the window?

Testikov

(quietly) yes. How could I forget? heehe.

Elaine

( laughs) Well um, would you believe that it actually, hit somebody in the head.

Jerry

Right in the head! (leans in and points at Testikov)

The tape-recorder in Elaine's purse starts to squeak

Elaine

Boing! Hehe hehe. (makes a hand gesture to her forehead and away)

The tape-recorder is squeaking much louder as it rewinds

Testikov

(Shouting) What is that noise!

Elaine

Oh that's nothing. Um and anyway um…

Testikov

What's going on Huh! (he grabs Elaine's purse) That Noise!…

Elaine

No, No that's my purse!

Testikov

That Noise!

Jerry watches the action as he rubs his hand on the top of his head

Elaine

No, get-get off my purse!

Testikov

Agh, it's recorder!

He pulls out the recorder

Elaine

No that's… Radio!

Testikov

Ha! (he clicks the player off) You are spying on me!

(Elaine bites her finger as Testikov throws the recorder out of the hotel window -- from below, we see the recorder falling -- with blue sky above it. The sound of the tape playing in fast motion as it falls (odd, because Testikov had turned the player off. --

CORINNE IS STANDING OUTSIDE OF THE HOTEL AND LOOKS UP TO SEE THE TAPE-RECORDER FALLING TOWARDS HER. A SOUND INDICATES THAT IT HITS HER IN THE HEAD

NEWMAN IS STROLLING DOWN THE STREET WHISTLING. KRAMER IS STANDING AT HIS OPEN WINDOW, KNOCKING HIS BOOT ON THE WINDOW SILL TRYING TO GET THE SAND OUT BUT HE DROPS IT. A HIGH PITCHED SOUND AND A SHOT OF THE FALLING BOOT AS NEWMAN STOPS AND LOOKS UP -- AND HE YELLS AS THE BOOT IS OBVIOUSLY ABOUT TO HIT HIM IN THE HEAD

Scene 12:At the Beach Everyone Is Yelling at George

3 lines

Crowd

Come on! Save the whale! You gotta do it!

Diane

Save the whale George for me.

George turns and slowly walks towards the ocean with a determined look. He takes off his hat and throws it down. He walks into the ocean -- his pant legs are rolled up

Scene 13:George's Marine Biologist Monologue ('The Sea Was Angry That Day')

At the Coffee Shop Jerry and Kramer Are Awaiting the Story17 lines

At the Coffee Shop Jerry and Kramer Are Awaiting the Story

Grandiose fabricator vs colliding A-plot and B-plotComedic EscalationPlot ConvergenceMonologue

Written on the night before taping by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld, this monologue is the gold standard of sitcom plot convergence: George's escalating lie about being a marine biologist collides directly with Kramer's driving-range subplot in a single wordless prop reveal.

Beat 1 (Mock-Heroic Setup): George frames his walk into the surf like a Melville sea epic, undercutting it immediately with 'like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli'.
Beat 2 (The Scientific Slip): Jerry corrects 'great fish' to 'Mammal', which George brushes off with 'Whatever' even in the middle of his triumph.
Beat 3 (The 28-Second Golf Ball Reveal): George pulls Kramer's Titleist from his jacket pocket and holds it in silence for over twenty seconds while the studio audience roars.

George

So I started to walk into the water. I won't lie to you boys, I was terrified! But I pressed on -- and as I made my way passed the breakers a strange calm came over me. I-I don't know if it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things but I tell you Jerry at that moment … I was a Marine Biologist!

Elaine enters and sits down

Elaine

George I've just reading this thing in the paper, it's unbelievable!

George

I know I was just telling them the story.

Kramer

Well come on George, finish the story.

George

[Breakdown]

The sea was angry that day my friends… like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli!

escalationBeat 1: The Mock-Epic Simile

George begins like a nineteenth-century whaling captain before crashing back to New York diner reality in the second half of the sentence.

Jerry gives Kramer a "What the --" glance

George

I got about fifty-feet out and suddenly, the great beast appeared before me. I tell ya he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence he let out a great bellow. I said, "Easy big fella!" And then, as I watched him struggling I realized, that something was obstructing its' breathing. From where I was standing I could see directly into the eye of the great fish!

Jerry

[Breakdown]

Mammal.

escalationBeat 2: 'Mammal.' / 'Whatever.'

Even while recounting how he saved a whale, George still doesn't know basic marine biology, exposing the lie Jerry planted earlier in the episode.

George

Whatever.

Kramer

Well then, what did you do next?

George

Well then, from out of nowhere, a huge tidal wave lifted me, tossed like a cork and I found myself right on top of him, (ELAINE: gasps quietly Ahhhh) face to face with the blow-hole. I-I, I could barely see from the waves crashing down upon me but, I knew something was there… so I reached my hand in, felt around and pulled out the obstruction!

George reaches into his inside jacket pocket and dramatically pulls something out in his clenched fist -- holding it up in the air for a second, then displays a golf ball holding it in mid air for the remaining 28 seconds of the scene

Elaine looks on, mouth wide open in amazement. Jerry turns and looks at Kramer also in amazement and George, while staring at Kramer, holds out the ball in the air… Kramer sits quietly, squirming -- and it's 21 seconds until Kramer speaks

Kramer

[Breakdown]

What is that a Titleist?

escalationBeat 3: The Titleist Payoff

The ultimate A-plot and B-plot collision: the obstruction in the whale's blowhole is one of the 600 Titleist golf balls Kramer drove into the ocean at Rockaway Beach.

→See Kramer's 600 Titleists setup in Scene 3 (#S3L18)

George

(Silently squinches his mouth and nods at Kramer)

Kramer

A hole in one eh.

Scene 14:Still in the Coffee Shop

19 lines

Jerry

Well the-the crowd must have gone wild!

George

Ohh yes, yes. Yes Jerry they were all over me. It was like Rocky 1, Hm. Diane came up to me, threw her arms around me…

Kramer

(quietly) Um-hm.

George

…kissed me. We both had tears streaming down our faces. I never saw anyone so beautiful. It was at that moment that I decided to tell her that, I was not a marine biologist.

Jerry

Wow! What'd she say?

George

Told me to "Go to hell!" and I took the bus home.

George stuffs the golf ball in his shirt pocket

Jerry

All right lets go.

Jerry, Elaine and George all get up from the booth -- Kramer takes the last four spoonfuls of food from his bowl and wipes his mouth with a napkin before getting up.

Elaine

What, are you in a bad mood?

Jerry

Ahhh… got my laundry back.

Elaine

Ohhh! Golden Boy?

Jerry

He didn't make it.

Elaine

I'm sorry. (pats him on the arm)

Jerry

Yea. (pulls at the t-shirt) This is Golden Boy's son… Baby Blue.

Elaine cocks her head a bit -- then she and Jerry turn and exit.

Kramer

(to George) What's with you?

George

Sand. It's everywhere.

Kramer

Yep.