Full screenplay script transcript for Seinfeld S05E05: The Bris
28 Scenes312 Lines
Scene 1
Opening Scene
1 lines
Really at the Hospital, the basic treatment everybody gets, is to lie in a bed. What is wrong with the human being, lie down. Doctor never says to you 'Well your condition isn't as bad as we originally thought we want you to kinda (leans against a door jam) lean against a door jam for seven to ten days. See how that feels' (stops leaning against the door jam) Alright it's always a bed, unless you goto the emergency room then it's a chair. You were shot, you were stabbed, you were run over. Have a seat. There's always a very uh interesting cultural ethnic mix to the hospital staff isn't it? It's like a local news team in there. The doctor is like the anchor man he's got the white hair, he's in charge, the nurse is like the feature reporter you know. You listen to her but it's always 'And now back to your doctor.' And the orderlies come in with the food and the bed pans and that's like your sports and weather.
Scene 2
Int. Hospital Room - Day
31 lines
Jerry, Elaine and George are visiting with the new parents, Myra and Stan Flick and their baby Steven. Myra discreetly breast feeds the baby. Stand is in the midst of the harrowing birth story, as Jerry and Elaine alternate between boredom and squirming. George, sits by the window, staring out, ignoring the proceeding.
Stan
And then baby's head comes out, and I'm screaming and my brother who's been videotaping the whole thing turns green, his eyes roll up in his head and he blacks out, he drops the camera, the camera breaks, and then, the placenta comes flying out.
Elaine
Whoa.
Stan
And then doctor says
Jerry
(interrupting) Thanks, that's enough.
Jerry and Elaine exchange glances, Myra is breast feeding. Jerry winces, he can't watch. he is visibly unsettled.
Stan
Will you look at that kid. Sucking away. Sucking like there's no tomorrow. Suck, suck, suck
Jerry
(Looking away) Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Stan
Look at that Jerry, look at that. Sucking, sucking
Jerry
Yeah, I looked. I saw.
Stan
This doesn't make you uncomfortable, does it?
Jerry
No, Uncomfortable? Not at all. (ASIDE TO ELAINE) My friend's wife's breast sticking out - why would that make me uncomfortable?
Stan
Look at him.
Jerry
So how long do they do this?
Stan
Jus, a year or two.
Jerry
No break?
Stan
After that comes the weaning.
Jerry
So after the sucking, comes the weaning.
Elaine
First the sucking then the weaning.
Jerry
Well, you gotta wean.
Stan
Gotta wean.
Elaine
Must wean.
George walks away from the window and taps Jerry on the back
George
What about that spot I got?
Jerry
Yeah, I saw the spot.
George
You open the door to the car, boom, you walk right into the hospital. Eh, You can't beat that spot. (starts doing a little dance) I am on a roll. I'm just willing these great parking spots.
Jerry
George
George
Maybe the baby would like to see my spot. A positive, uplifting message to start his life out with. Huh, You can still get a great space in this city - if you apply yourself.
Jerry
(to Elaine) Where's Kramer? Shouldn't he be here by now.
Elaine
Did you give him the room number?
Jerry
Ya, 1397.
Scene 3
Int. Hospital Corridor
12 lines
Kramer searching for the room
Kramer
1937, 1937, 1937
A wandering patient stops him
Patient
Excuse me. Do you know where the elevator is?
Kramer looks around
Kramer
Uh ya, it's right around the corner there.
(Patient smiles and takes off around the corner. Kramer walks a bit further finds 1937
Kramer
1937.
He enters the room. Two orderlies run down the hallway looking for someone.
IN HOSPITAL ROOM #2 - DAY 1 KRAMER LOOKS AROUND. THERE IS A PATIENT BEHIND A CURTAIN. OUTSIDE THE CURTAIN IS A TRAY OF FOOD. HE PICKS UP THE TRAY. KRAMER IS HUNGRY AND LIKES HOSPITAL FOOD TO BOOT. AS HE STUFF HIS FACE, HE BECOMES AWARE OF A STRANGE SOUND EMANATING FROM BEHIND THE CURTAIN. IT SOUNDS LIKE THE "OINK" OR "SQUEAL" OF A PIG. HIS CURIOSITY GETTING THE BEST OF HIM, WITH HIS MOUTH FULL, HE STEPS INSIDE THE PARTITIONED AREA. A BEAT. THEN HE COMES BURSTING OUT, SPITTING FOOD AND SCREAMING.
Kramer
Oh! God, It's a Pig man! A pig man!
Kramer exits the room and runs down the hallway
Scene 4
Int Hospital Room
38 lines
Stan
..So anyway, Jerry, Elaine, we have something we want to ask you.
George
You gotta look at this. I pulled it in perfectly equidistant from the car in front of me and the car behind me.
Jerry
Will you shut up George.
Elaine
I'm taking a cab home. I can't this anymore.
Jerry
You were saying Stan? I-I'm sorry about that.
Stan
Myra and I would like you and Elaine to be the Godparents of Steven.
Elaine
Huuh, Wow.
Jerry
Me? Godfather?
Stan
Yes.
Jerry
(a la "Don Corleone") Never go against the family, Elaine.
Elaine
What?
Kramer Enters
Kramer
Hey, I just saw a pig man! A pig man! Ya know he was sleeping and then he woke up and he looked up at me an-and he made this horrible sound, this (Quells like a pig).
George
Kramer, what the hell are you talking about?
Kramer
I'm talking about the pig man. I went into the wrong room and there he was.
George
A pig-man?
Kramer
A pig-man. Half pig, half man!
Elaine
That's great Kramer So-So, anyway, tell us what's involved in being a Godparent.
Jerry
(a la "Don Corleione") Elaine, never ask me about my business!. (SHEEPISH) "Godfather."
Stan
The most important thing is you help with the bris.
Jerry
The bris?
Kramer
A bris? You mean circumcision?
Stan
Ya.
Kramer
I would advise against that.
Elaine
Wha, Kramer. It's a tradition.
Kramer
Ya well, so was uh sacrificing virgins to appease the gods, but we don't do that anymore.
Jerry
Well, maybe we should.
George
(knocks on the window) Hey, why are all those people milling around my car?
Kramer
I don't know.
Jerry
Maybe they're admiring your spot.
Kramer
They're all looking up.
George
Hey, there's a guy up the roof.
Kramer
Whoa. That's the guy that I told where the elevator was.
George
Oh well, I hope he doesn't jum
George, Elaine, Kramer, Jerry, & Stan
Oh my!
By everyone's reaction we see he has jumped. Then we heard the thud of the patient on George's Car.
George
My car! My caaaaarrrr!
George races out of the room.
Scene 5
Int Jerry's Apartment
33 lines
Elaine
A Mohel! What the hell is a Mohel?
Jerry
A Mohel is the person that performs the circumcision.
Elaine
Where am I going to find a Mohel? (LOOKING THROUGH THE YELLOW PAGES, MUTTERING) Motels, models How do you find a Mohel?
Jerry
Oh, finding a Mohel is a piece of cake. Any idiot can find a Mohel. I have to hold the baby while they do it. That's a tough job. How would you like that?
Elaine
Hey Jerry, you ever seen one?
Jerry
You mean that wasn't uh.
Elaine
Yeah.
Jerry
No.. you?
Elaine
Ya.
Jerry
What'd you think?
Elaine
(shakes her head) No, had no face, no personality. It was like a martian. But hey, you know that's me.
Jerry
Hey.
George enters
George
Well I just got the estimate. It's going to cost more to fix that roof than the car's worth, So I'm going over to see that hospital administrator today. Someone is gonna pay for this damage and it's not gonna be me.
Jerry
Ah, you're screwed.
George
I know, swan dives from twenty floors up, lands right on top. What do I got a bulls eye up there? He couldn't move over two feet? Land on the sidewalk. It's city property.
Elaine
Well I have to interview a Mohel.
Jerry
How about our little Elaine huh? Attended the finest finishing schools on the Eastern seaboard. Equestrian competitions. Debutante balls. Look at her now. Interviewing Mohels.
SUDDENLY, KRAMER ENTERS, HOLDING THE PAPER, EXPLODES WITH A SPASMOF REVELATION.
Kramer
YEA!
Jerry
What's the matter?
Elaine
Are you alright?
Kramer
Don't even question my instincts, because my instincts are honed. (RE:PAPER) Look at that.
Jerry
What now?
Kramer
Look look.
Jerry
(Kramer shows Jerry and Elaine the paper) "Hospital receives grant to conduct DNA research".." Government funds genetic research at area hospital" Yeah, so?
Kramer
pig-man, baby. pig-man.
Elaine
If I hear about this pig-man one more time
Kramer
Hey, I'm tellin ya the pig-man is alive. The government has been experimenting with pig-men since the fifties.
Jerry
Oh, will you stop it. Just because a hospital studying DNA research doesn't mean they're creating a race of mutant pig-men!
Kramer
Jerry wake up to reality. It's a military thing. They're probably creating a whole army of pig warriors.
George
I tell you something. I wish there were pig-men. You get a few of these pig-men walking around suddenly I'm looking a whole lot better. Then if somebody wants to fix me up at least they could say, "Hey he's no pig-man!"
Jerry
Believe me, there'd be plenty of women going for these pig-men. Whatever the deformity is there's always some group of perverts that's attracted to it. "Oo that little tail really turns me on."
Scene 6
Elaine Groans and Heads for the Door.
5 lines
Elaine
(MUMBLES) That's just about enough
Jerry
Oh, what's the matter this doesn't interest you?
Elaine
Oh, no, it's fascinating, but could you do me a favor, could ya tape the rest of the pig-men and the women who love them discussion and I'll listen to it the next time I'm here. I've gotta go find a Mohel.
Kramer
You know, you should call this off, Elaine. It's a barbaric ritual.
Elaine
Well, perhaps one day when the pig-men roam free it will be stopped Kramer. Until then, off with their heads.
Scene 7
Elaine Leaves.
7 lines
George
But Kramer, isn't it a question of hygiene?
Kramer
It's a myth. Besides, it makes sex more pleasurable.
George
Yeah. So how does that help me?
Jerry
(TO GEORGE) Hey George, you ever see one?
George
Yeah, my roommate in college.
Jerry
So what'd you think?
George
(thinks for a second) I got used to it.
Scene 8
Int. Hospital Corridor Day 2 Jerry and Kramer Enter. People Pass in Hallway.
7 lines
Jerry
Alright, I'm waiting. I-I want to see the pig-man. Show me the pig- man.
Kramer
Oh, don't worry. I'm gonna show you, and you'll never be the same.
Jerry
Maybe he's just a guy with a nose like this. (holds his nose up like a pig) You know a lot of people have a nose like this, they're not necessarily pig-men.
Kramer
Believe me, Jerry, somewhere in this hospital the anguished "oink" of pig-man cries out for help.
Jerry
Well, if I hear an anguished "oink", I'm outta here. I-I don't see any pig-men. Look (HE POINTS AT PASSERBY) Human, human, human (HE LOOKS DOWN CORRIDOR, WITH ALARM.) (WITH MOCK ALARM) Wait a second! (Grabs Kramer)
Kramer
What?!
Jerry
Oh, it's George.
Scene 9
George Approaches.
8 lines
George
Alright the administrator's on the third floor. I'll meet you guys back at the car.
Kramer
Wait wait George. You got room in the car for the pig-man huh?
George
The pig-man can take the bus.
Kramer
George, if the pig-man had a car, he would give you a ride.
George
How do you know? What if pig-man had a two-seater?
Kramer
Be realistic George.
George
I'll tell you what, if pig-man shows up, we'll squeeze him in. I'll see you later.
Kramer
Yea.
Scene 10
Int Hospital Administration Office - Day 2 the Administrator, Mrs. Sweedler, Ushers George In. They Sit on Either Side of Her Desk.
12 lines
Mrs. Sweedler
Mr. Costanza, come in, come in. It's been a very trying couple of days around the hospital. Doctors, patients, everyone, just grief stricken over this unfortunate occurrence.
George
Well, I join them in their grief.
Mrs. Sweedler
Horrible thing. Flew right past the children's wing. All the sick children, in the playroom, looking out the window, just traumatized by the incident. Apparently, they thought he was flying. You know how children are, "Oh look. A man is flying. A man is flying" And then, splat
George
That's where I come in. Umm, on splat. Uh, you see, Mrs. Sweedler, or is it hospital administrator Sweedler?
Mrs. Sweedler
Mrs. Sweedler's fine.
George
Mrs. Sweedler thank you. Y-You see, this tragedy affected me in a very, very personal way.
Mrs. Sweedler
How is that?
George
Yes, well you see, the deceased landed on my car. The uh splat, as it were, actually occurred on the roof of my car. Now of course I can't help but feel that had it been a convertible this whole tragedy might have been averted but I've never been the kind of guy to buy a convertible, what with the baldness and everything.
Mrs. Sweedler
Well I have known bald men who owned convertibles. They wore a hat.
George
Yes but then everything is all pulled down and it's jus.. Anyway. The damage, unfortunately, has marred an otherwise fine automobile, rendering it virtually undriveable.
Mrs. Sweedler
(STIFFENING) Yes, well, that is a shame.
George
Yes, a shame. That is exactly how I would put it. Now Mrs. Sweedler, with all due discretion and sensitivity, and taking in the whole scope of the situation, I just can't help but think that, the hospital is somehow responsible for compensating the other, still living 'victim' of horrendous, horrendous tragedy.
Scene 11
She Glares
7 lines
Mrs. Sweedler
Mr.Constanza.
George
Yes.
Mrs. Sweedler
A man plummeted tragically to his ultimate demise -
George
Yes.
Mrs. Sweedler
and you greedily, callously want to profit from it?
George
(PULLING OUT ESTIMATE OUT OF HIS POCKET) Well, profit. I think you'll see from the estimate that I'm not really profiting that much. They might be a little high, but..
Mrs. Sweedler
Get out! Get out, now! Get out of my office.
Scene 12
George Puts His Estimates on the Desk and Begins to Exit.
2 lines
George
Should I leave this..?
Mrs. Sweedler
GET OUT!
Scene 13
Int Hospital Corridor
14 lines
Kramer walks into the room he believes to be the Pigman's and there isn't anyone in there.
Kramer
Excuse me. What happened to the man, that was in this room before?
Resident
I don't know what you're talking about.
Kramer
You know. (HE PUSHES HIS NOSE UP WITH HIS THUMB).
Resident
No.
Kramer
(STILL HOLDING HIS NOSE UP ) This doesn't look familiar to you?
Resident
Uh, Sir?
Kramer
Look, I know what's going on. The oink, oink.
Resident
Yes well if you'll excuse me. I really have some patients I have to attend to.
HE TRIES TO MOVE ON. KRAMER GRABS HIM BY THE LAPELS AND BACKS HIM AGAINST THE WALL. JERRY LOOKS THE OTHER WAY.
Kramer
(TOUGH TALKING) Now listen to me you little quack, There was a half man, half pig in that room over there. Now where is he?! Where is he?!
Resident
Half-what?
Kramer
You know what I mean - pork, sausage, (A LA PORKY PIG) A-deek-a-deek-a- deek th-th-th-that's all folks.
Resident
I think he's been released.
Scene 14
Kramer Releases the Resident, Who Runs Away.
3 lines
Kramer
He's lying.
Jerry
Alright Kramer, enough of this. Let's go find George.
Kramer
Alright you go ahead.
Scene 15
Kramer Walks Off.
1 lines
Jerry
Kramer.
Scene 16
The Flicks' Place
20 lines
An assortment of people there to take part in the circumcision
Jerry
Where's the Mohel?
Elaine
He'll be here.
Jerry
He's late already.
Elaine
Relax. You'd think you were getting whacked.
Jerry
I don't know why he asked me to be the Godfather. We're not even that close of friends. Just cause we're on the softball team, I'm the pitcher, he's the catcher he thinks we have a special relationship?
Elaine
I thought pitchers and catchers did have a special rapport.
Jerry
Well maybe in hardball with all the signals and everything but I'm just lobbing it in. We don't have any conferences. He doesn't come out to the mound and encourage me.
Elaine
What about me? I mean I just watched a few games with her sitting in the stands.
Jerry
Don't they have any closer friends. They're level jumping on our friendship.
Elaine
Yes it is level jumping.
George talking to a Woman
George
So uh been to a bris before?
Woman
No.
George
I've been to a few of em. If you uh start to get woozy later, which is quite common, stay close to me. I'll get you through it. (chuckles)
Woman
I'm a cardiologist. I think I'll manage.
She walks away
George
Oh.
Kramer and Myra; Myra is sobbing
Kramer
We're not talking about a manicure. Imagine, this is going to be his first memory. Of his parents just standing there while some stranger (Does some motions of cutting; Myra sobs more) cutting off a piece of his manhood and then serves a catered lunch.
Scene 17
Myra Runs Away, Sobbing
2 lines
Stan
(Seeing Myra run away sobbing) Myra?
KRAMER Oh, she'll be okay.
Scene 18
He Slinks Away. Elaine Angrily Confronts Kramer.
16 lines
Elaine
Kramer, what's the matter with you?
Kramer
Me?
Doorbell rings interrupting Elaine
Elaine
(to everyone) Oh, that's the Mohel.
All
(ADLIB) It's the Mohel! the Mohel is here! Thank God, the Mohel is here.
Elaine opens the door
Elaine
Hello.
Elaine shakes hands with the Mohel as he enters
Mohel
(to Elaine) Hello, Hello (shaking hands with Jerry) Hello, I'm the Mohel.
Jerry
Hello.
Mohel
(cont'd) (shakes Stan's hand) It's very nice to meet you all (A PAN CLANGS TO THE GROUND. THE MOHEL SNAPS.) Oh! What was that?!? Jeez. Scared the hell out of me. My god. I almost had a heart attack! (THE CROWD GROWS UNEASY) (CALMING DOWN) Ok, I'm fine, I'm fine. Anyway, we're here to perform the mitzvah of the bris (The Baby starts crying) (WITH INCREASING TENSION) Is the baby gonna cry like that? Is that how the baby cries, with the loud, sustained, squealing cry, 'cause that could pose a problem. Do you have any control of your child 'cause this will be the time to exercise it when baby is crying in that high-pitched, squealing tone that can drive you insane!!!
MRS. FLICK TAKES THE BABY INTO THE OTHER ROOM. THE MOHEL MASSAGES HIS FOREHEAD.
Elaine
Did you find the place alright?
Mohel
Did I find it alright? Could you send me to a more dangerous neighborhood? I'm dreading walking back to the subway, someone shouldn't crack me over the head and steal my bag, Because I'll be lying there and people will spit on me and empty my pockets. I'll be lying in the gutter like a bum, like a dog, like a mutt, like a mongrel, like an animal! God forbid anybody should help me or call an ambulance. Oh no, that's too much trouble to pick up a phone and press a few buttons. Ahh! What's the point.
Elaine
(setting down her glass) Oh, ya haha.
Mohel
(TO ELAINE INTERRUPTING) Darling, you see where that glass is? How that glass is near the edge of the table. You got the whole table there to put the glass, why you chose the absolute edge, so half the glass is hanging off the table, you breath and that glass falls over, then you're gonna have broken glass on the carpet, embedded in the carpet fibers, deep, deep in the shag, broken glass, bits of broken glass that you never get out. you can't get it out with a vacuum cleaner. Even on your hands and knees with a magnifying glass, you can't get all the pieces, and then you think you got it all and two years later, you're walkin' barefoot and you step on a piece of broken glass and you kill yourself, is that what you want? I don't think you want that, is it? .. Do ya? Huh?
Scene 19
The Mohel Begins Twitching.
21 lines
Elaine
(to Myra) He's very highly recommended. So
Mohel
(to George) You're holding the baby?
George
(getting up out of his chair to get out of the Mohel's way) No, No.
Mohel
Hello! Who's holding the baby?!? Who's holding the baby?
ELAINE Jerry is.. (TO JERRY) Jerry? You wanna?
Jerry
(uncertain) Yeah. I'm holding the baby.
Elaine
(pushing Jerry over to the Mohel) Ok, go.
Jerry
I'm going.
Elaine
Go.
Jerry
I'm going.
Elaine
C'mon
Jerry
Don't push me.
Mohel
Okay. you sit here. Now I need the baby. Bring me the baby. I need the baby!
Myra gets ready to hand the baby to the Mohel; Kramer then grabs the baby
Kramer
No, I'm not going to let this happen.
Shocked by this everyone is yelling at Kramer to give up the baby. Kramer trying to get away gets on the couch and then falls with the baby in his arms. Fortunately Stan is able to gain control of the baby as Kramer falls and hands the baby back to Jerry
All
(numerous voices) Kramer! Let go of the baby! Kramer!
Mohel
People compose yourselves. (Shouting as the struggle ends) This is a bris. We are performing a bris here, not a burlesque show. This is not a school play! This is not a baggy pants farce! This is a bris. An sacred, ancient ceremony, symbolizing the covenant between God and Abraham or something. (The Mohel opens his bag to start the process but drops it and his instruments fall out. People attempt to help him out) No! Don't touch it! Don't touch a thing!
Elaine
Ok.
Mohel
(muttering to Jerry).. I coulda been a kosher butcher like my brother. The money's good. There's a union, with benefits. And, cows have no families. You make a mistake with a cow, you move on with your life Anyway.
The Mohel has the instrument ready to perform the circumcision He twitches and his hand is trembling. Jerry is very nervous and bug-eyed. George faints
Scene 20
George's Car
14 lines
Jerry
Hurry up George! Step on it!
George
Alright, alright!
Jerry
That damn Mohel - he circumcised my finger! The Mohel circumcised my finger!
Elaine
You flinched.
Jerry
Flinched? I did not flinch. George, did I flinch?
Elaine
Oh how would he know. He blacked out. He fainted.
George
It was very traumatic. The last thing I remember is you flinching. Then, everything went black.
Jerry
Who's got a tissues? I need more tissues! Look at this thing. It's my phone finger!
George
Be careful, you're getting blood all over the car.
Kramer
What about the baby?
Jerry
Oh the baby's fine. They just took him to the hospital as a precautionary measure. But look at me. I'm the one who's hurt.
Elaine
Would you stop it? You're just gonna need a few stitches.
Jerry
A few stitches? I've never had stitches. I'll be deformed. I can't live with that. It goes against my whole personality. It's not me!
George
Hey look a that - boy are you lucky - another great spot - right in front of the hospital. In an emergency yet! How lucky are you huh? Is that unbelievable? How unbelievable is that huh? Come on, give it to me, give it to me.
Scene 21
Hospital
8 lines
Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer walking down the corridor
George
I have never seen a Mohel like that.
Jerry
That was a one in a million Mohel.
Elaine
I said I'm sorry.
Jerry
Look at this.
Kramer
Oh you'll be ok. I'll see you later.
Kramer heads off down the other corridor
George
Wha, where is he going?
Scene 22
Elaine Lifts Nose Up with Her Thumb.
12 lines
GEORGE (con'td) I'm gonna look for a bathroom.
George heads off back where the Four started. Elaine and Jerry continue down the corridor and find the Mohel
Jerry
Oh well if it isn't Shakey the Mohel! Nice job on the circumcision but it's not supposed to be a finger.
Mohel
(RE:JERRY) The circumcision was perfect. The finger was your fault! You flinched!
Jerry
Oh who made you a Mohel? Whadya, get your degree from a matchbook?
Mohel
(HE MAKES A SUDDEN MOVEMENT) Ya See! He flinched again!
Jerry
Nice Mohel picking, Elaine. You picked a helluva Mohel!
Mohel
One more peep out of you and I'll slice you up like a smoked sturgeon.
Jerry
Oh don't threaten me, Butcher Boy.
Mohel
Butcher Boy?!
Jerry
Ya what was this? (HE IMITATES MOHEL'S FLINCHING)
Mohel
What was this? (HE IMITATES JERRY)
Scene 23
Jerry and Mohel Get Into a Struggle.
11 lines
MOHEL (cont;d) It was your fault!
Jerry
It was not!
Elaine
Jerry, be careful. The Mohel's got a knife!
The Flicks enter; Elaine tries to break up the struggle
Stan
(holding the Mohel back) Hey, hey what's going on out here? You two should be ashamed of yourselves, both of ya!
Mohel
Ah, blood.
Elaine
Oh, how's the baby?
Stan
There's nothing wrong with the baby.
Myra
The circumcision went fine.
Mohel
Thank god the flincher didn't harm the baby.
Stan
Amen.
Scene 24
The Mohel Leans Into Jerry and Whispers.
4 lines
Mohel
I will get you for this. This is my business, this is my life. No one ruins this for me. No one! (TO ELAINE) Here's my card.
The Mohel Exits; George is seen coming down the corridor;
Kramer
(off screen) Outta My Way!
All watch as Kramer comes dashing down the corridor, He is carrying the pigman on his back. "Oinking" is heard as Kramer runs by; George signals to Jerry, Elaine, Myra and Stan with his finger holding up his nose and pointing the direction Kramer went
Scene 25
Int. Jerry's Apartment
8 lines
Jerry
(struggling to open a bottle with his bandaged finger) I can't do it. (A LA GODFATHER) Look what they did to my boy, They massacred my boy.
Elaine
You really do the worst Godfather I ever heard. You're not even close.
Buzzer
Jerry
(walking over the the buzzer to answer it) Oh, that's the Flicks.
George
(ON PHONE) It's a '76 Chevy Impala. They stole it right in front of the hospital. I saw the guy drive off in it. Well he's about five feet tall, hairless, pink complexion.. (Elaine puts her finger on her nose) looks like a pig. Yeah, alright alright, thank you, thank you. (Kramer enters) So any word from the "pig-man"?
Kramer
No.
George
No. And he's not a pig-man is he?
Kramer
NO, he's not.. Just a fat little mental patient.
Scene 26
The Flicks Enter
1 lines
Jerry
Myra, Stan.
Scene 27
Elaine Goes to Admire Baby. Myra Pulls Him Away.
12 lines
Myra
Don't touch him
Jerry
What's the matter?
Stan
You're out, Jerry. You're out as Godfather. You too, Elaine. You're both out.
Elaine
But I didn't do anything.
Stan
No, no buts. We made up our minds. (turns to Kramer) We want Kramer. He showed us how much he cares about Steven.
Godfather Theme begins to play; The Flicks head to Kramer's apartment
Kramer
(Leaving: A LA GODFATHER) Don't ever go against the family Jerry.
Kramer joins the Flicks in his Apartment
Stan
(grabbing Kramer's hand) Godfather.
Myra
(grabbing Kramer's other hand) Godfather.
Kramer
Yes
Stan Closes the door; Jerry, George and Elaine look on in shock
Scene 28
Closing Monologue
2 lines
To me what's really amazing is that for every job that there is in the world, there's someone willing to do it. Someone goes 'Yes, I will stand in the tunnel breathing exhaust fumes watching the cars go by making sure every thing's okay.' Someone goes 'Yes, I will work behind the elephant with the big shovel, I will do it.' Doctors go 'Yes I will confine myself to one particularly objectionable part of the human body all day every day. I will do it.' I think a lot of people that are unemployed are not really able to find work, they're just easily disgusted. 'Yes I'm starving and my family no clothing or shelter but I'm not cleaning that up.'
*note
During this closing monologue; Jerry's finger is bandaged the same way it was during this episode.
