The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel | S06E02

/ Friends / S06E02 The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel

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Scene 1

Central Perk, it's the same scene from the end of last week's show. Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch as Ross enters.

Ross

Hey!

Rachel

Hey, so did everything go okay with the annulment?

Ross

Oh, yeah, no problems. It's all taken care of.

Rachel

Ross, thank you. Hey, do you guys wanna go see a movie?

Ross

Oh yeah, why not?

Rachel

Okay, umm, I'm gonna get my sweater. (Walks away.)

Ross

Okay. (Sits down next to Phoebe.) You uh, you wanna hear something weird?

Phoebe

Always.

Ross

I didn't get the annulment.

Phoebe

What?!

Ross

We're still married! Don't tell Rachel. See you later. (He gets up leaving Phoebe in shock.)

[Cut to outside Central Perk.]

Ross

(To Rachel) Hey, do you have any gum?

Rachel

Oh? Yeah! Sure!

Phoebe

(running out) Wait! Wait! Hi! Listen, Ross can I just talk to you for just a second?

Rachel

Oh but Phoebe, we're gonna be late for the movie.

(A cab pulls up.)

Phoebe

Oh, there's a cab! Taxi!! (The cab stops and she opens the door.) Good timing, my God, huh? Here you go. (Pushes Rachel in and closes the door.)

Rachel

Yeah, we're, we're actually just gonna walk 'cause it's right up there at the Angelica.

Phoebe

Oh, the Angelica!! Go! Go! (She bangs on the cab's roof and it pulls away.) (To Ross) You didn't get the annulment?!!

Ross

I know.

Phoebe

Ross?!

Ross

Well, I tried! But when I got to my lawyer's office all I could hear was, "Three divorces. Three divorces!" Look, I just don't want my tombstone to read, Ross Gellar, Three Divorces.

Phoebe

Don't be worried about that! Your tombstone can say whatever you want it to say! It could say, Ross Geller, Good at Marriage! Y'know? Mine's gonna say Phoebe Buffay, Buried Alive.

Ross

Look, all I know is I-I can't have another failed marriage!

Phoebe

So okay what? You're gonna be married to a girl who doesn't even know about it?!-Op, woman! Sorry.

Ross

Well, okay so, I don't have it all worked out quite yet. Just don't say anything to Rachel, please?

Phoebe

Rachel is one of my closest friends. (Pause) Although, being the only one who knows anything about this does makes me feel special. Okay!

(Rachel's cab backs up.)

Rachel

(to the driver) Okay, stop-stop! Phoebe?!

Phoebe

Hey Rach!

Rachel

What was that?!

Phoebe

Sorry, mix up. Hey, how was the movie?

Rachel

I haven't seen it yet!

Phoebe

Well then you'd better hurry! The Angelica! Go! Go! (Bangs on the roof again and off they go.)

Rachel

Noooooooo!!

OPENING CREDITS

{Transciber's note

In case you're wondering, and I know you are. Their names are all back to normal. Just in a slightly smaller font than usual to allow Courteney Cox Arquette to fit on one line and not be smaller than the rest of their names. Now, on with the show...}

Scene 2

Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are cuddling on the couch.

Chandler

Y'know when we move in together, can I get a gumball machine?

Monica

Of course! Joey wouldn't let you have one?

Chandler

No. When it comes to sweets, he's surprisingly strict.

Monica

Hey, have you figured out a way to tell him you're moving out?

Chandler

No, no, I keep trying, y'know? I can get out, "Joey, I have too..." but then I lose my nerve and I always finish with, "...go to the bathroom." He may think I'm sick.

Monica

Y'know, I really have to tell Rachel, but I... We just have to get it over with! Y'know, the next time we see them we're just gonna tell them. Okay? That's it.

Chandler

Oh, so that's this is gonna work now? You're just gonna order me around all the time?

Monica

Pretty much.

Chandler

All right.

Joey

(entering) Hey Monica!

Monica

Hi!

Joey

(To Chandler) Hey man, you feeling any better? (Chandler answers him with some guttural sounds that only he can make and that no human can transcribe.)

Monica

Joey, we have something to tell you.

Joey

Oh my God! You're pregnant!

Chandler

No-o-o! (To Monica) No? (She nods no.) No-o-o! Look Joey, here's the thing, Monica and I have decided to live together, here. So, I'm gonna be moving out man.

Joey

Wow! (Tearing up) Well, uh... Hey! I'm really happy for you guys! Congratulations! (Kisses Monica on the cheek) See you later. (Starts for the door on the verge of tears as Monica stops him.)

Monica

Wait! Joey! Joey! Are you okay?!

Joey

Yeah, I gotta go! I got an acting job. (Turns towards the door, pauses, and turns back.) Like you'd believe that. This sucks!

Chandler

Look, I-I'm just gonna be right across the hall and I promise you, the minute Monica and I break up I'm moving right back in with you!

Joey

(To Monica) Okay! Look-look-look, uh, if you're gonna be moving in with him I feel it's my responsibility to tell you the truth about him! Okay? He's a terrible roommate! Terrible! He uh, forgets to umm... Oh-oh he always, he always umm-Oh, who am I kidding! He's the best roommate ever! (Hugs Chandler.)

Scene 3

Central Perk, Phoebe is on the couch as Monica enters.

Monica

Hey Pheebs!

Phoebe

Hey!

Monica

Hey, have you seen Rachel?

Phoebe

No, why?

Monica

I have some pretty exciting news!

Phoebe

(gasps) You're pregnant!

Monica

No! Chandler and I are moving in together!

Phoebe

Ooh! That's good! Wow! But now if you were pregnant, what would you name it? Hint: Phoebe.

(Ross returns from getting some coffee.)

Ross

Hey! Hi!

Monica

Hey!

Ross

What's up?

Monica

Well umm, Chandler and I are moving in together.

Ross

Oh my God. Ohh, my little sister and my best friend...shaking up. Oh, that's great. That's great. (Kisses and hugs her.)

Phoebe

Guys, I'm happy too.

Monica

Okay, come here! (Phoebe joins them in the hug.)

Phoebe

Wow! Big day huh? People moving in, people getting annulled... (Winks at Ross.)

Monica

Okay, I gotta go find Rachel but umm, if you guys see her could you please try to give her some really bad news so that mine doesn't seem so bad? (Exits.)

Ross

Bye.

Phoebe

Hmm, something bad to tell Rachel... Bad news for Rachel, what could that be?!

Ross

Could ya just, could ya just lay off, please? All right? My life is an embarrassment! I should go live under somebody's stairs!

Phoebe

Ross, it's not that big a deal! So you'll been divorced three times, you'll still have a life, you'll go on dates...

Ross

(interrupting) No! No, I won't! I'll be at the bottom of the dating barrel now. The only guys below me will be Four Divorce Guy uh, Murderer Guy, and-and, Geologists.

Phoebe

Ross, you're being ridiculous! Okay? You are cute and smart and sweet and that is much more important than three stupid divorces!

Ross

Oh yeah? Have you ever dated anyone who has been divorced three times?

Phoebe

Y'know that's really fair. Y'know? Most guys who have been divorced three times are like 60. Ross, nobody cares about this except you! This-this embarrassment thing is all in your head! Here, I'll show you! Come here.

Ross

What?! Why?

(She grabs his arm and drags him over to a table where three beautiful women are sitting. Now, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that their names are Stephanie, Karin, and Meg. Okay, so I looked at the credits. Of course, only Meg is named later on, so I'll have to guess who is Stephanie and who is Karin. But, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.)

Phoebe

(to the girls) Hi! Hi! Listen, my friend Ross is about to be divorced for the third time, but wouldn't you date him?

Ross

And if you wait right here, I'll go get Ross. (Phoebe grabs his arm and prevents him from escaping.)

Scene 4

Monica and Rachel's, Monica is pacing anxiously waiting for Rachel.

Chandler

(entering) Hey!

Monica

Ugh, I thought you were Rachel!

Chandler

(looking down) What gave me away?

Monica

I just tell her, I have to get it over with. I told Ross and Phoebe and she's the only one left!

Chandler

Okay, so that's it, everybody knows! It's official, we're moving in together. No turning back. Are ya scared? Are ya?

Monica

No.

Chandler

Wow that was my scariest voice! You're very brave.

(They hug as Rachel enters.)

Rachel

Hey!

Chandler

Hey.

Rachel

Ugh, the worse day! Y'know, you think you're making progress at work and then your boss calls you Raquel.

Chandler

Hey listen, for the first four years of my work everybody called me Sha-la-lap. (Awkward silence ensues.) Seriously.

Rachel

I believe you. So, it was right in the middle of a staff meeting so of course no one else wants to correct her so everyone else is calling me Raquel! By the end of the day, the mailroom guys were calling me Rocky!

Chandler

Well, I-I still think you're very-very nice and very pretty...

Rachel

What?

Chandler

(To Monica) All yours babe. (Walks away.)

Monica

Have a seat. (They sit at the table.) Okay, listen umm, Chandler and I are going to live together, here.

Rachel

Oh my God! That's so great! I'm so happy for you guys!

Monica

Really?!

Rachel

And that was so sweet of you to ask! Oh my God, the three of us are gonna have such a good time living together!

Monica

Yes, we are. (Chandler is frantically trying to get Monica to correct her.)

Rachel

And Chandler, you're gonna have to watch those long showers you take in the morning because you know Raquel can't be late.

Chandler

Rach...

Monica

Yeah, he's gonna work on that.

Rachel

Ohh! This is so exciting! Oh God... (Gasps and starts to sing) Come and knock on my door...

Monica

(singing) We'll be waiting for you...

{Transciber's note

I'll finish that one for those of you who don't know what they're talking about. Where the towels are Hers and Hers and His, Three's Company too! Yeah, that's the theme song for Three's Company.}

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Scene 5

Central Perk, Phoebe is hosting an impromptu roundtable discussion with Stephanie, Karin, and Meg about Ross's three divorces.

Ross

...once you know the stories, it's not that bad. First marriage, wife's hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second marriage, said the wrong name at the altar, a little my fault. Third marriage, well they really shouldn't allow you to get married when you're that drunk and have writing all over your face, Nevada's fault.

Phoebe

Okay, so what do you think ladies? Who wouldn't be interested? Who wouldn't want to date him?

Stephanie

Well the divorces don't bother me, I'd date him. But, not while he's still married.

Phoebe

Okay, what about you? (Points to Karin) Wouldn't you want a date?

Karin

Actually, I'm dating at all anymore. See, I figured out that I was only dating guys that were like y'know bad for me, so until I work that out...

Phoebe

(interrupting) Whatever! What about you Meg?

Meg

Well, I don't care about the divorces either, but I wouldn't date him. It's just that he's obviously still in love with this Rachel girl.

Ross

What?!

Phoebe

(leaning to him) She said, "He's obviously still in love with this Rachel girl." (He glares at her.)

Ross

This is crazy! I mean, yes-yes Rachel is my good friend and I-I have loved her in the past, but now, she is just my wife! Phoebe, will you-will you help me out here?

Phoebe

Well, I thought you loved her when you-when you married her.

Ross

We were drunk! I would've married uh, Joey with that amount of alcohol!

Phoebe

Hey! You could do a lot worse than Joey Tribbiani!!

Ross

(to the panel) Look, I'm sorry, but you guys are wrong. I just don't want to be divorced three times.

Phoebe

Yes, and now he's using this three divorces reason because he wants to stay married to her because he loves her. I must say, "Well done!" Bravo Meg.

Ross

(getting up) Okay! Fine! Fine! If-if this is what you think, forget about the whole three divorce thing! Okay, I-I'll go to my lawyer's office right now and get this marriage annulled! Okay?! Because she means nothing to me! Noth-(leans down to Meg's ear)-Nothing!!

Meg

Okay now I wouldn't date you because you seem a little creepy.

Karin

I am so attracted to him right now.

Scene 6

Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are still debating about how to tell Rachel that Chandler's moving in and she's moving out.

Chandler

Okay, when are we gonna tell Rachel what is actually gonna happen?

Monica

Soon! I-I just couldn't before. You saw how upset Joey got! I couldn't do that to her, she's my best friend!

Chandler

Well, Joey's my best friend.

Monica

I'm not your best friend?

Chandler

You just said... Of course you're my best friend. Would you please tell Rachel though?

Monica

All right, all right, at least I'm prepared.

Chandler

Okay. (She grabs a tin of freshly baked cookies) Oh yes. (He reaches for one.)

Monica

(slapping his hand) Hey!

Chandler

Hey-hey!

Monica

These aren't for you! Are you upset?

Chandler

I am now!

Rachel

(entering) Hey roomie!

Chandler

Okay, bye! (Exits.)

Monica

Rach, there's something uh, important I have to tell you.

Rachel

(gasps) Are you pregnant?!

Monica

No! But, I'm throwing this shirt away! I think there was a little misunderstanding before.

Rachel

Um-hmm.

Monica

Umm, when I said that uh, that Chandler and I wanted to umm, live together we meant alone together.

Rachel

(laughs) Oh my God! Oh, that's funny, I can't believe I did that.

Monica

Oh no sweetie, no! This is my fault, I wasn't clear! I'm really sorry. And listen, you take as much time as you need to move out okay? There's absolutely no rush.

Rachel

Okay. (Sits back and resumes her reading.)

Monica

Okay. Don't you want a cookie?

Rachel

Sure? (Monica hands her one.) Thanks.

Monica

Maybe, do you need a tissue?

(Rachel mumbles uh-huh and spits the half-eaten cookie out onto the tissue.)

Rachel

Monica, where did you get these?!

Monica

I made them!

Rachel

Ooh, good God, they're so yummy! (She re-ingests the previously expelled cookie matter from the tissue.)

Scene 7

Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is packing some books and Joey is watching him.

Joey

God, it's gonna so weird like when I come home and you're not here. Y'know? No more Joey and Chan's. No more J and C's. "You wanna go over to Joey and Chandler's?" "Can't, its not there."

Chandler

Look, I'm just gonna be across the hall, we can still do all the same stuff.

Joey

Yeah but we won't be able to like get up in the middle of the night and have those long talks about our feelings and the future.

Chandler

Not once did we do that.

Monica

(entering) Hi.

Chandler

Hey!

Joey

Hi.

Monica

So I, I told Rachel it was just gonna be the two of us.

Chandler

Oh yeah? Well, how'd she take it?

Monica

Really well. Yeah. Surprisingly well. Yeah, she didn't cry. She wasn't angry or sad. (Sits down, slightly disgusted.)

Chandler

And you're upset because you didn't make your best friend cry?

Monica

I mean, all I'm asking for is just a little emotion! Is that too much to ask after six years?! I mean what? Are-are-are Rachel and I not as close as you guys?! I mean do we not have as much fun?! Don't I deserve a few tears?!! I mean we-we told Joey, he cried his eyes out!

Joey

Hey! I did not cry my eyes out!! Come on! It's like the end of an era! No more J-man and Channie's!!

Chandler

Okay, I gotta ask, who calls us that?!

Scene 8

Ross's lawyer's office, his name is Russell and has just been told by Ross about his current situation.

Russell

You got married again.

Ross

Yes.

Russell

So that's your second marriage in two years.

Ross

Yes, second in two years. Third overall.

Russell

Ross, I have been a divorce attorney for 23 years and never had I so much business from one client. Why don't you tell me what happened.

Ross

Basically, Rachel and I were in Vegas and we got drunk...

Russell

(interrupting) I'm sorry, is this the same Rachel who's name you said at the altar in the second marriage?

Ross

Yes-yes-yes! But, I-I do not love her.

Russell

Oh, that's better then.

Ross

This was just a drunken mistake and I need to get it annulled.

Russell

I see. Have you considered therapy?

Ross

I think just the annulment for today.

Russell

There are a couple of forms to fill out.

Ross

Easy.

Russell

And we'll need to have witnesses who can testify that you were not of uh, sound mind.

Ross

No problem.

Russell

And we'll need you and Rachel to testify before a judge.

Ross

Ooh! There's no way to do this without her? 'Cause I kinda all ready told her uh, it was, it was already taken care of.

Russell

Of course you did. Look Ross, you can't get an annulment unless you and Rachel are both there.

Ross

Uh-ha, what about someone who looks like Rachel? (Russell glares at him.) I will think about the therapy.

Scene 9

Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is painting her toe nails as Monica enters.

Rachel

Hey!

Monica

Hey. So um, I was thinking that maybe we should start dividing up our stuff.

Rachel

Okay!

Monica

Y'know, no point in dragging it out. Dragging out the long process of you moving out and us not living together anymore.

Rachel

Okay.

Monica

Hey Rach, what about this? (She holds up a chrome 5-point star.) Huh? Who-who gets this? See, I don't know if I want it because it might be y'know, too many memories!

Rachel

(grabbing the star) What the hell is that?

Monica

I don't know. (Picks up a big plate from the coffee table.) Hey, Rachel, you want the big plate? I want you to have the big plate.

Rachel

Wow! Mon, thanks! I love this plate!

Monica

Something to remember me by!

Rachel

Mon, honey you're not dying. I'm just moving out. Y'know, I mean we're gonna see each other all the time.

Monica

But still, it's a big change. The end of an era, you might say!

Rachel

Are you okay? You're not blinking.

Monica

I'm fine! I just, I'm thinking how much it's an end of era.

Rachel

Oh, all right. But y'know I gotta say, I don't, I don't think six years counts as an era.

Monica

An era is defined as a significant period of time. Now, it was significant to me, maybe it wasn't significant to you!

Rachel

What is the matter with you?!

Monica

What is the matter with you?!! Why aren't you more upset?! Aren't you gonna be sad that we're not gonna be living together anymore?! I mean aren't you gonna miss me at all?!

Rachel

All right, fine, but don't get mad at me. It's-it's just a little hard to believe.

Monica

What's hard to believe?

Rachel

Well y'know, it's you guys. You-you do this kind of stuff! Y'know? I mean, you-you were gonna get married in Vegas and then you backed out! I guess I'm not upset because I don't see you guys going through with it. I'm sorry.

Monica

Rachel, it's going to happen. Chandler is gonna move in here.

Rachel

But I...

Monica

No-no, wait! Just let me finish, okay? This isn't something that we just, we just impulsively decided in-in Vegas, this is something we both really want. And it is going to happen.

Rachel

It is? Really?

Monica

Yeah, sweetie.

Rachel

(starting to lose her composure) I mean we're not, we're not gonna live together anymore?

Monica

No.

Rachel

What? Oh my God! I'm gonna miss you so much! (Starts to cry.)

Monica

I'm gonna miss you! (They hug.)

Rachel

I mean it's the end of an era!

Monica

I know!

Scene 10

The hallway, Ross is coming up the stairs as Phoebe leaves Joey and Chandler's.

Phoebe

(to Joey and Chandler) Okay, bye!

Ross

Oh no.

Phoebe

So? Did you get the annulment?

Ross

I couldn't.

Phoebe

I knew it! Because you love Rachel.

Ross

It's not that. Okay? Annulments are more complicated than I...

Phoebe

Yeah, complicated 'cause of the love.

Ross

I... I do, I do not love Rachel. I'm gonna tell her right now about the whole thing so we can get this marriage annulled as fast as possible. Okay? Would I do that if I loved her?

Phoebe

I've never been more convinced of your love for her.

Ross

I do not have feelings for Rachel! Okay?! (He goes into her apartment.)

[Cut to Monica and Rachel's as Ross walks through the door. Rachel is holding the chrome star and crying.]

Ross

Ohh, what's wrong?!

Rachel

Monica and Chandler are really moving in here and I have to move out and everything is changing.

Ross

Oh my-Come here! Come here! (He hugs her.) It's okay. Everything's gonna be okay.

Rachel

Thank you.

Ross

Of course.

(Ross suddenly realizes something.)

CLOSING CREDITS

Scene 11

Central Perk, Joey and Phoebe are talking.

Joey

So, Ross and Rachel got married, Monica and Chandler almost got married, do you think you and I should hook up?

Phoebe

Oh we do, but not just yet.

Joey

Really?! Well, when?

Phoebe

Okay umm, well, first Chandler and Monica will get married and be filthy rich by the way. Yeah. But it won't work out.

Joey

Wow.

Phoebe

I know. Then, I'm gonna marry Chandler for the money and you'll marry Rachel and have the beautiful kids.

Joey

Great!

Phoebe

But then we ditch those two and that's when we get married. We'll have Chandler's money and Rachel's kids and getting custody will be easy because of Rachel's drinking problem.

Joey

Oh-oh, what about Ross?

Phoebe

I don't want to go into the whole thing, but umm, we have words and I kill him.

END