S02E02

Italian Dream

Full screenplay script transcript for The White Lotus S02E02: Italian Dream

45 Scenes1248 Lines

Scene 1

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

28 lines

Staff

Oh. Buongiorno.

Guest

Sorry?

Staff

Buongiorno.

Guest

Oh, yeah.

Uh, buongiorno.

Honey.

My arm's asleep.

Guest

Ethan?

Guest

Honey?

Guest

You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Buongiorno.

Oh, God.

This is such a beautiful view.

Guest

I wonder if anyone's

ever jumped from here.

I'm gonna get a plate.

Guest

No idea why I didn't

bring my roller skates.

Staff

Hey.

Guest

Hi.

Guest

Uh, can I sit here?

Yeah. Yeah, sure, of course.

Or there.

Guest

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm just, um...

It's... My boss is just...

Shoot.

Scene 2

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

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Well, good thing

it wasn't glass.

Yeah.

I only have four hands.

Guest

I think they're gonna come

and help you.

Staff

Hi. No worries.

Guest

Yeah, I'm sorry about that.

Guest

I just... Do you have

Guest

any Oreo cookie cake?

Guest

Have you noticed that?

Is that cheese, or...

Staff

This is cheese.

Guest

Harper!

Guest

Hey!

Staff

It's all right.

Guest

Hey.

Staff

Hi.

Guest

Hi.

Guest

Where's your man?

Guest

Oh, he wakes up

Guest

super early to go running,

so that's what I'm dealing with.

What? Christ, I hate him.

Staff

Got to exercise, you know?

Guest

Dad! Over here.

Staff

I still don't have my clothes.

Guest

Call the airline.

Scene 3

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

28 lines

Morning.

Staff

This is my dad, Dominic.

Guest

Hi.

Nonno, you met Portia yesterday.

Hi.

Guest

Did I?

Guest

Yeah, I, uh,

saw you fall by the pool.

Guest

They need

to fill in that grouting.

Guest

This is a five-star hotel

and that's a major hazard.

Guest

Can we get some menus

Guest

and coffee?

Guest

Did you not sleep well?

I slept like crap.

Guest

I slept fantastic

and I'm completely refreshed.

Uh, no jet lag at all.

Guest

Well, Albie told me

Guest

you guys are here to learn

Staff

about your Sicilian roots.

Guest

Uh-huh.

Sounds like a fun boys' trip.

Guest

Well, wasn't

supposed to be a boys' trip.

Guest

I still don't understand

why Abby isn't here.

Scene 4

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

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I definitely explained it

to you.

Guest

She's that mad

Guest

that she's gonna miss

Guest

a once-in-a-lifetime family trip

Guest

to Sicily?

Guest

She is that mad,

Guest

and can we just not?

Guest

What?

Guest

She's gonna get a divorce?

She can't do that.

Yes, she can.

Guest

Why can't she?

Guest

Um. Well, what's it been?

Guest

Twenty-five years?

I mean...

You can't let her do that.

It's not all up to me, Dad.

Guest

You want me to call her? Huh?

I'll talk to her.

I can speak to this.

Guest

I don't want you to call her

Guest

and that's not gonna help

anything, so...

Guest

...please can we just drop it?

My wife passed away last year.

Staff

Oh, no.

Guest

Yeah.

Scene 5

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

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Well, she was very sick, so...

We were married 53 years.

The love of my life.

Dominic's mother.

An incredible woman.

Guest

And there's no way

Guest

she would've missed

a family trip to Sicily.

Guest

I mean,

I could've done anything.

Guest

I could have burned

the house down.

Guest

You know what? I think

maybe I will do the buffet.

Guest

You kidding me?

This is bullshit.

Guest

No, I filled out

your fucking form.

Guest

I talked to like three people,

Guest

and after all that,

Guest

you send it back

Guest

to fucking New York?

Cameron has a really long fuse.

Guest

But then all of a sudden,

he'll just go crazy.

I mean, he will lose it.

Staff

No. No, no, no, no.

Guest

It's kinda funny.

Scene 6

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

28 lines

No.

Guest

I don't want a voucher!

Guest

I want my fucking clothes!

Guest

Does he ever lose it on you?

No. We never fight.

Staff

That's sweet.

Guest

Yeah.

Guest

I don't think I've ever met

a couple that doesn't fight.

Guest

I mean, what is there

Guest

to fight about anyway, right?

Wow.

Guest

What'd they say?

Guest

They sent my bag

back home to New York.

Staff

Fucking geniuses.

Guest

No.

Guest

Okay, well,

at least it's not lost.

We'll get you some new stuff.

It'll be great.

Guest

Incompetence,

makes me homicidal.

Hmm.

Guest

I was just telling Harper

how we never fight.

Guest

Well, you're practically

perfect, so...

Scene 7

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And when we disagree,

Guest

you just give in, right?

Yes, ma'am.

Happy wife, happy life.

Guest

I'm gonna, uh,

take this up...

Back up to my room.

Guest

Well, we're

Guest

kinda done here, right?

Yeah, we can come with you.

Staff

Great.

Guest

Cool.

Oh, yes.

Mm.

It's our first day in Sicily.

Guest

What do you wanna do?

Whatever you want.

I think...

...my fantasy day in Italy is...

Guest

Well, first, I wanna look

just like Monica Vitti.

Guest

And... and then this man

in a very slim-fitting suit...

Guest

...he comes over

and he lights my cigarette.

And it taste really good.

Guest

And then takes me for a drive

on his Vespa.

Scene 8

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28 lines

You want me to rent a Vespa?

Then at sunset...

Guest

we go down

Guest

very close to the sea,

Guest

to one of those

really romantic spots.

And then we...

Guest

we drink lots of aperitivos,

Guest

and we eat big plates of pasta

with giant clams.

Guest

And we're just really chic

and happy and... and we're...

...beautiful.

Well, all right.

Sounds good to me.

Guest

Really?

Sure. Whatever you want.

It's... it's your day to shine.

Guest

So, your employer

Guest

doesn't want you around, huh?

Guest

Listen. You can't come to Sicily

and just sit in your room.

It's against the law.

I know. I agree. It sucks.

Guest

We're walking

to the Greek theater today.

You should come.

Guest

No. It's a family trip,

Scene 9

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it's your thing.

Guest

Not at all. When there's

Guest

a young, pretty lady around,

Guest

we'll all be better behaved,

cheerier.

Okay. Yes, no.

You... you should come.

Staff

Right?

Guest

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

Hmm? Say yes.

Yes. I'll come.

Guest

All right, well we're gonna go

Guest

get him some clothes,

Guest

but you wanna meet up

Guest

in like two hours?

Yeah, perfect. Just text us.

Staff

Bye.

Guest

Bye.

I can't believe how hot...

Guest

Hey. What's going on?

Guest

What's with the boner?

Yeah, fair question.

Uh, I was jerking off.

Oh.

Guest

Why?

Guest

Um, I don't know, endorphins?

Guest

You know I sometimes get horny

after I run.

Scene 10

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

28 lines

Well, couldn't you

Guest

have just waited

Guest

till I got back to the room?

I was only gone 15 minutes.

All I had was a croissant.

You don't like morning sex.

What? I'm fine with it.

Guest

Are you?

You're not a morning person.

Guest

Well, I don't wake up

Guest

with a raging hard-on,

that is true.

Guest

Look, I just figured

I'd take care of it myself.

Guest

Okay?

Staff

Well, did you?

Guest

No, but... but it's fine.

Guest

Do you want help?

Guest

Now?

Yeah.

No, it... It's okay.

We can do that later.

It's not a big deal.

Guest

So, Daphne and Cameron

Guest

never fight!

Staff

How do you know?

Guest

Because that's what they said.

Guest

If you never fight,

Scene 11

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

28 lines

then your relationship

Guest

is not real. It's like, yeah,

Guest

we fight, we bicker,

Guest

but that's because we talk

about everything.

You know? We're honest.

Guest

They act like they're

Shane

on their honeymoon.

They're all over each other.

But it's bogus. It's not real.

Shane

You always do this

with certain people.

Shane

It's like you have to find them

Shane

deficient in some way,

Guest

compared to you.

Staff

What?

Staff

It's like, I don't know,

Staff

maybe it's a way of soothing

Staff

yourself

Staff

when you feel threatened

or something.

I'm not threatened by them.

Staff

Like, you never do this

with Carmen.

Guest

Carmen? Our housekeeper?

Staff

You're always like...

"Oh, my God.

Staff

I love Carmen. She's so sweet."

Scene 12

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28 lines

She is so sweet.

She's a sweet old lady.

Staff

But like,

Staff

you're not threatened by her,

Staff

so you don't see any

of the other stuff.

Staff

Like, she can just be

Staff

sweet Carmen,

the sweet old lady.

Staff

Everybody compares themselves

to other people, Ethan.

Staff

Why are you criticizing me

Staff

for doing something

Staff

that everyone does?

Staff

I'm just pointing out

a personality quirk.

You do it to me all the time.

Staff

Why are you threatened by them?

Guest

I'm not.

Staff

Kinda seems like you are.

Staff

But it's just, like,

Staff

are these the kind of people

Staff

we're gonna be hanging out

Staff

with now? Like, really?

Staff

Like, people

Staff

that can only talk about

Staff

what five-star hotel

they've stayed at.

Scene 13

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Okay, so you're a snob?

What? I'm a snob? They're snobs.

Staff

I... I guess we're all snobs

in different ways.

Staff

I was just trying to say

Staff

that I think we have

Staff

a good relationship,

but I won't do that again.

I agree.

Hey, Harper.

I agree, 100 percent.

Everybody does it, Ethan.

Staff

I'm sure they're over there

Staff

shitting on me right now,

Staff

saying I'm a bitch

or... you could do better.

Or whatever.

Staff

Ah!

Staff

Ah. Vieni, Bella!

Guest

Come to Papa.

Staff

Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

Staff

What do you think, huh, baby?

I like it.

Staff

Bellissimo!

Bitch, you're fired.

Hmm.

Mia.

Staff

You sure you're okay to walk?

Scene 14

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

28 lines

Maybe we should get a taxi, Dad.

Staff

She said it's only

at the end of the...

Of the corso.

Staff

If I'm a cripple,

nobody told me.

Staff

Um, you guys, I gotta make

Staff

a quick call, all right?

Staff

Uh, you wanna keep walking

Staff

and I'll just catch up?

Staff

Okay. Dad,

it's this way.

Cool.

Oh, Mr. Di Grasso.

Guest

Good Morning.

Staff

Hello.

Staff

Uh, I just wanted to inform you

that my good friends here, um...

Guest

Lucia.

Staff

Lucia.

Guest

Mia.

Staff

And Mia.

They're my good friends.

Guest

They are your good friends?

Staff

Yeah.

Guest

Okay.

Staff

And they're gonna be visiting me this week.

Staff

Uh, a couple of nights maybe,

Scene 15

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

28 lines

not exactly sure.

Staff

But it seems

Staff

like they're having trouble

getting into the hotel.

Staff

So if you could just make sure

Staff

they get access,

that would be wonderful.

Staff

Yeah. Um,

Staff

I'm afraid I will need to add

Staff

their names on your room,

Staff

as we only allow

our guests into the hotel.

Oh.

Um, well, all right.

Let's do that then.

Staff

Add both their names

Staff

to your room?

Sure.

Staff

Um, I'm afraid

Staff

there is a little issue

Staff

because your room

was booked only for two guests.

Staff

And if you are three,

Staff

this is going to be

an extra charge.

Staff

Really?

Sorry about that.

Staff

We'd also have to charge

Scene 16

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

28 lines

for setting up the extra bed.

No, we don't need an extra bed.

Staff

Are you going to sleep

Staff

all in the same bed?

No... no.

They'll be coming and going.

You see, they're locals.

They're my local friends.

Oh. They come and go. I see.

Staff

Okay, how about this?

Staff

Why don't you, uh, put Lucia

on my room and add...

Guest

Mia.

Staff

...Mia to my father's room?

Staff

So she will be sleeping

with your father.

No.

She's not staying anywhere.

Staff

They're just gonna be

Staff

visiting me

Staff

and I'm hoping

you're gonna let them in.

Staff

It's not that complicated,

Staff

is it?

Guest

It's not.

Staff

No.

Okay.

Scene 17

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

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Yes, I will add their names.

Guest

So we're good?

Staff

Yes.

Guest

Thank you.

Staff

We welcome them.

Thank you.

Guest

Okay, um...

Staff

Grazie.

Guest

Thank you, thank you.

Staff

Uh, uh, yes. Okay. Listen.

Staff

Please don't make me

regret this.

Guest

Okay?

Staff

No. Yes.

Staff

Um, you charge some food,

Staff

charge a little vino,

but don't go crazy.

No, no, no. We...

We will don't go crazy.

Staff

The other thing is,

Staff

I'm here with my father

Staff

and my son, so I can't really

be seen with you.

Guest

You understand that?

Staff

Yes, I understand.

I'll see you tonight.

Guest

Bye.

Scene 18

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28 lines

Staff

Bye.

Guest

Grazie.

Staff

Prego.

Venice is unbelievable.

We love Venice.

Staff

And the hotels!

Cam really likes the Cipriani.

Guest

Love it.

Staff

Because of the boat ride

through the lagoon into town.

So cool.

I mean, that's living, honey.

Guest

That is living.

Staff

It is, yes. But.

Staff

You have to go

Staff

and you have to stay

at the Aman.

Trust me.

Staff

I cried when I saw the view

from our room.

Guest

Hmm.

Staff

And a princess lives there.

Staff

It's somebody's house!

It's wild, though.

Staff

These European aristocrats,

Guest

they have no money.

Staff

Yeah.

Like, I shit you not.

Scene 19

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They have all these palazzos,

Guest

and they got no cash.

Staff

Uh-huh.

And they're so rude.

Staff

Oh, my God,

are they rude.

Guest

Yeah.

Staff

We could buy their palazzo,

Staff

and they'd treat us like we're,

you know...

Guest

Like bugs.

Staff

Yeah.

Guest

Like disgusting bugs.

Staff

Yeah.

Guest

That's funny.

Staff

Yeah.

Staff

Okay, so, you didn't go

Scene 20

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Shane

to Venice on your honeymoon.

Guest

Where did you go?

Staff

Yeah.

We went to Puerto Rico.

Staff

Harper has, like,

half her family out there, so...

That's right. Yeah, of course.

Staff

I remember

you're half Puerto Rican.

Guest

Yeah.

Staff

Yeah.

Staff

How is Puerto Rico?

Guest

It's awesome.

Staff

Beautiful.

Yeah? That's cool.

Guest

We should... we should go.

Staff

Yes.

Guest

I mean, we should totally go.

Staff

Mm-hmm.

Staff

It's never really been

on our radar.

Guest

But we should check it out if you guys...

Staff

No. Yeah.

Guest

...say it's great. Yeah.

Staff

Yeah, you should.

Staff

And it's, um,

Staff

it's a part of America,

Guest

but it's not a s... state.

Scene 21

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Staff

Right.

'Cause it's, um...

Guest

It's a territory.

Staff

Yes!

Guest

Exactly. It's a territory. Duh.

Staff

Territory.

You should go.

Staff

If you ever wanna go,

Staff

you could stay with my family

in San Juan.

Yeah, we would love that.

That's so nice.

I'm gonna get sick.

Staff

You know what?

You need to be in the photo.

Guest

No, I don't.

Staff

You do.

Guest

Yeah, get in the photo.

Staff

I don't need to be in the picture. Let's just go.

Staff

You're never

Staff

in a cute little suit like that,

you're always in your underwear.

Guest

Hey.

Staff

Yes?

Guest

Hello.

Staff

Hi.

Staff

Yeah, could you take

a photo of us...

Scene 22

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Guest

Yes.

Staff

...on the Vespa?

Guest

For sure.

Staff

Thank you.

Guest

You look so pink.

Staff

Here.

Staff

Guess who I am?

Guest

Uh...

Staff

Watch, watch.

Peppa Pig.

I'm Monica Vitti.

Monica Vitti's dead, but yes.

Oh, wait. Wait.

One more with my mouth shut.

Guest

Very sexy. Brava.

Staff

Mm.

Brava, Monica.

Guest

Thank you.

Staff

You're welcome.

Uh...

Staff

Are you sure

Staff

you don't need a car?

No, this is...

This is the Italian dream.

Staff

Yes, but, uh,

the road can be really tricky.

Guest

Yeah, but we...

Staff

And you know, Sicilian drivers...

Scene 23

Ext. Airport Terminal - Day

28 lines

Is this the, uh,

Staff

normal size of a Vespa?

Yes. Vespa, normal size. Yes.

Uh-oh.

Guest

All right.

Staff

Oh, my God.

Oh.

Oh, shit.

Guest

Jet skis?

Staff

Oh.

Oh, that's awesome.

Staff

We gotta do that, huh?

Staff

Daph, come on,

Staff

take them down the coast?

Ooh. No thanks.

Oh.

Staff

E-man, what about you?

Staff

You'd be up for that?

I don't know, maybe.

Yeah, I guess.

Staff

You gotta have motor skills

for something like that.

Staff

What's that supposed to mean?

Staff

I'm kidding, man,

I'm kidding. So...

Staff

Little elephant in the room,

Staff

how do you guys like being rich?

Guest

Oh, Cameron. God.

Scene 24

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Staff

What? Come on.

Staff

Major windfall, right?

Staff

I mean, nothing much

has changed, to be honest.

Staff

Nice to be able to help people,

I guess.

Guest

Yeah. Right.

Staff

Yeah.

Staff

And helping Harper's parents,

my sister.

Staff

Yeah, we're not

very materialistic, so it's...

Guest

Oh, yeah?

Staff

Harper's thinking

Staff

of starting

a little foundation, actually.

Nice.

Staff

Yeah, I'm working

with the Hispanic Federation.

Great.

Staff

Yeah, we're involved

in a lot of charities.

Guest

Right, Daph?

Staff

Mm-hmm.

Staff

You know, sometimes

Staff

if I've had too much to drink,

Staff

I wake up the next day

Staff

and I realize

Scene 25

Ext. Airport Terminal - Day

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Guest

I've spent a lot of money.

Staff

Yeah.

Guest

Like, a lot of money.

Staff

Like, all the money.

Staff

If I have had wine

Staff

and I'm scrolling

Staff

and I see anything

Staff

with like neglected children

Staff

or babies or abused animals,

it's like, I can't.

Staff

I mean, people

are just so fucked up.

Guest

Yeah.

Staff

Yeah.

Staff

Yeah, we're not

just materialistic pigs.

Despite what you might think.

I don't... I don't think that.

No, I...

...I don't think that.

I'm gonna go for a swim.

Have fun.

Staff

Something I said?

I'm gonna go for a swim.

Oh, my God.

What a view.

I think I'll sit down.

Oh.

Scene 26

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Guest

Ah!

Staff

You okay, Bert?

Guest

Want some of my water?

Staff

Oh.

It was a long walk, Dad.

You did great.

Mm.

Staff

That is lava,

it's erupting.

Portia, Nonno.

Guest

Her name's Portia.

Staff

Cara's my granddaughter.

Guest

Hmm.

Staff

Who should be here.

Staff

Why isn't she here?

Staff

Dad, how many times

Staff

do we have to go over this?

Staff

Well, she's my granddaughter

and I wanted her here.

It hurts my feelings.

Staff

Well, you can tell her

Staff

your feelings

next time you see her.

Staff

What did you do anyway?

Staff

What is so bad that you did?

Guest

Fuck.

Staff

Nonno, come on.

Fine.

Scene 27

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We're in Sicily.

Staff

Isn't this incredible?

It... it's so old.

Staff

It is pretty crazy

to wrap your head around.

Staff

You know, Hades raped Persephone

right here in Sicily.

Staff

She was picking flowers

Staff

and he burst through the earth

Guest

and he raped her.

Staff

Okay, Nonno.

Well, that's what happened.

He raped her.

Staff

Then, he dragged her down

to the underworld.

Hmm. I didn't know that.

Staff

Demeter forgave Hades,

Staff

and he raped her daughter!

Staff

I mean, whatever you've done

can't be as bad as that.

As Hades. And the raping.

Had to do it. Sorry.

I thought you were a shark.

Staff

Hey, sorry about before,

Staff

you know?

Staff

I didn't mean

Staff

to make you feel uncomfortable,

I just...

Scene 28

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28 lines

I feel like I keep saying

Staff

the wrong thing, you know?

I feel like you don't like me.

Staff

I like you. What?

Staff

Well, it's just important,

I want you to like us.

I want you to like me.

I like you both.

Yeah. Definitely.

Good.

All right, I'll leave you to it.

Tanya.

Oh, my God.

Release your grip a little bit.

Tanya.

Guest

Yeah?

Staff

I can't breathe.

We're in like...

In a James Bond movie.

You're gonna make us crash.

Lucia.

Staff

Tanya, what are you doing?

I got a bug.

Careful.

It's fluttering around in there.

You're gonna make us crash.

Staff

Be careful. Be careful!

Staff

Tanya!

Scene 29

Ext. Airport Terminal - Day

28 lines

Tanya. Hold on.

Staff

Oh!

Okay.

Um...

Guest

Grazie.

Staff

Di niente.

Mm.

Ciao.

Mm-hmm.

Uh...

Staff

Brava! Brava, Mia!

Staff

Bravissima!

Staff

I think

the restaurant's... here.

Guest

This is the spot.

Staff

Right here.

Ciao.

Guest

I can get that for you.

Staff

Thanks.

Oh, my God.

Staff

What?

Staff

Do you wanna leave?

Staff

Should we go?

Oh, there, let me do it.

There we are. There it is.

Okay, thank you.

Okay.

Scene 30

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I have to eat.

You know, like I...

Guest

Yeah.

Staff

I don't know what she... Ugh.

Guest

Okay.

Staff

Yeah.

Um, but we can just ignore it.

Guest

Okay.

Staff

Yeah.

Guest

Cool.

Staff

Yeah. Maybe we could

just get a glass of wine, just...

Yeah, let's get a drink.

Guest

Yeah.

Staff

Okay.

Staff

Why isn't she responding to me?

It's not like my mom.

Come on, babe. They're...

Staff

They're fine, all right?

Relax. Put your phone down.

Drink your wine.

You're right. Okay.

They're fine.

Staff

How about you guys?

Staff

Do you wanna have kids?

Uh...

Guest

Yeah.

Staff

Yeah. Yeah.

Scene 31

Ext. Airport Terminal - Day

28 lines

Guest

We weren't sure for a while.

Staff

Yeah. We've debated it a lot.

Guest

Mm-hmm.

Staff

Oh.

Staff

Yeah, you know, just bringing

Staff

a kid into the world right now,

everything going on...

Never mind.

Staff

But we decided that we want to,

so we've been trying.

Guest

Cool.

Staff

Not that hard.

Staff

How long have you been trying?

Oh, I don't know. Not that long.

Staff

Problem is I'm more

Staff

of a morning sex guy

Staff

and Harper

is not a morning person.

Guest

Hmm.

Staff

She's a night person.

Staff

But by then with work and stuff,

I'm always fried. So...

Guest

Yeah, makes sense.

Staff

Yeah.

Staff

What? Is that not right?

Staff

So what you're saying is,

you don't have sex.

No, we have s...

Scene 32

Ext. Airport Terminal - Day

28 lines

We're good. We're...

Guest

Never have sex.

Staff

We... we have sex.

Guest

Oh.

Staff

No, the sex is amazing.

Guest

Oh. Gotcha.

Staff

Uh-huh.

Staff

You know, just not gotten

pregnant yet, is all.

I think it's...

Staff

hard to sync up sometimes,

Staff

you know?

Yeah.

Staff

Especially with kids. I mean,

it just gets worse.

Staff

I love my kids

Staff

but it's, you know,

it's very stressful for me.

Not for him, but for me.

Staff

What? You kidding me?

The last one almost killed me.

Staff

Cameron,

Staff

it didn't almost kill you,

it almost killed me.

Staff

Well,

it was a fucking nightmare.

Staff

Yeah, it was. I had to have

an emergency cesarean.

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They induced me

Staff

and then suddenly

Staff

they couldn't find

the baby's heartbeat. So...

I walk into the room and then...

Staff

...Daphne's guts are all over

Staff

the table, you know?

Staff

And... and they're looking

Staff

for the baby,

Staff

like Daphne looks for something

in her fucking purse and...

Guest

Her face.

Staff

The...

...look on her face.

Staff

It's in those moments

Staff

you realize just how much

Staff

you love somebody, you know?

I love you. Sweet baby.

Guest

Anyway.

Staff

Yeah, anyway.

Guest

Change the subject.

Staff

Everything turned out great.

Yeah.

Your mistake was being sloppy.

Staff

What are we talking about?

That's what's unforgivable.

A man does what he has to do.

But you keep it tight.

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If you're sloppy,

Staff

it's like you're rubbing

her face in it. Bad form.

Thanks for the tip.

Staff

You know, I don't think

Staff

you were as discreet

Staff

as you think you were

regarding your own affairs.

Staff

Affairs. They weren't affairs,

they were nothing.

They were peccadilloes.

Staff

Peccadilloes?

Fix it.

I don't know if I can.

Of course you can.

Just get your act together.

Staff

My dad, uh, has cheated

on my mom a lot.

Guest

Mm-hmm.

Staff

And he just got caught again.

Staff

Yeah. But that's why my mom

and sister aren't here.

They're really pissed.

Staff

Are you pissed?

Um...

yeah.

But I'm the peacemaker, so...

Oh.

Scene 35

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So you're like

the nice one in the family.

That's sweet.

Staff

Are you like that in, um,

Staff

relationships and stuff?

Staff

Like, are you the "nice guy"?

Yeah. I try to be. Um...

Staff

Girls always complain

Staff

that guys aren't nice,

Staff

but then if they find

Staff

a nice guy,

they're not always interested.

Guest

Hmm.

Staff

But...

Staff

I just don't wanna be

like my dad.

Staff

You know?

Staff

I... I refuse to have

a bad relationship with women.

Yeah.

I just wanna have fun.

Hmm.

Like, I just wanna...

Staff

I don't know, feel, like,

Staff

fulfilled and have an adventure,

Staff

and, like,

Staff

I'm sick of fucking TikTok

Staff

and... and Bumble,

Scene 36

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28 lines

and just... screens and apps

Staff

and sitting there

binging Netflix.

Staff

And I just... I just wanna,

like, live.

Staff

I just wanna live my life,

so badly.

Staff

I just feel like I just wanna

Staff

meet someone who's like,

you know, totally ignorant of...

the discourse.

Staff

You know?

Right. Right. Like...

Staff

Like someone

who lives in a cave.

Like a caveman.

Staff

Yeah, uh, yeah, I would date

a caveman at this point. Yeah.

I mean...

...I think you could aim higher.

Staff

Honestly, I think you can

do better than a caveman.

I think I just need to...

Staff

I don't know, like, up my meds

or something.

Staff

Anyways, um, what about you?

Staff

What kind of girl or person

Staff

do you wanna, you know,

Scene 37

Ext. Airport Terminal - Day

28 lines

be in a relationship with

or see yourself with or...

Um...

Staff

I seem to be attracted

to pretty...

wounded birds.

Staff

Got my pasta vongole

with giant clams.

And then a Vespa ride with you.

Staff

You're wearing the shirt

that I gave you.

Staff

You made my Italian dream

come true.

Thank you very much.

I feel like Monica Vitti.

I really do.

Staff

I wanted you to have

a perfect day.

Before I told you the news.

Staff

What news?

Staff

I have to fly

to Denver tomorrow.

Staff

What?

Staff

It's just for like two,

three days.

Staff

We're only here for a week. Why?

Staff

They're trying to slash

our budget.

Scene 38

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I have to go out there

Staff

and have a showdown

Staff

with these fuckers,

and it's just bad timing.

Staff

Yeah. But, I mean,

Staff

couldn't someone else do it?

You're on vacation.

Staff

Yeah. You insisted

Staff

that we come to Sicily

and have this romantic week.

Staff

And then you... you freaked out

when I showed up with Portia.

Staff

But thank God,

Staff

she's here, you know,

because otherwise I'd be...

I'd be entirely alone.

Tanya, I didn't want this.

Staff

Well, can't you just quit

Staff

the Bureau of Land Management

Staff

bullshit, whatever it is?

I can't quit.

I can't afford to quit.

You made me sign a prenup.

Staff

What if we don't work out?

Staff

If we don't work out,

Staff

what am I supposed to do

Staff

without a job?

Guest

We're gonna work out, Greg.

Scene 39

Ext. Airport Terminal - Day

28 lines

Staff

How do I know?

Staff

You change your mind

about everything constantly.

You... you...

You drop your friends.

You fire people on a dime.

I mean, you've been through...

Staff

How many fucking assistants

Staff

have you been through?

You just discard people.

Guest

You hate me, don't you?

Staff

Shut up. I do not.

Guest

No, you do.

Staff

No, I don't.

No, I think you do.

Staff

You know what?

I'm paying attention.

Guest

Stop. I get it.

Staff

I am paying attention.

Guest

I can tell you don't like me.

Staff

It's two days.

Staff

Let's not just go into one

Staff

of these big dramas again, okay?

Staff

Fuck it, you're not coming back

Staff

in two days. You know what?

You're just...

You're a full-of-shit man.

You're very insincere.

Scene 40

Ext. Airport Terminal - Day

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And I can just tell.

Staff

You know what? You never look me

in the eye, ever.

Staff

Guess what? I'm telling you

Staff

in your eye,

you're a piece of shit.

I hate you.

Staff

Come on, Tanya. Tanya!

It's always something with them.

Guest

Uh, this is my room.

Staff

Oh.

Staff

Please don't repeat

Staff

any of the shit that I told you

Staff

about my boss

Staff

and her husband and stuff,

Staff

because I actually

Staff

did sign an NDA

and I'm kinda paranoid about it.

Staff

Yeah, I'm gonna tell

everyone I know.

No, I'm just kidding.

Staff

I... Yeah, of course,

I would never do that.

Staff

Yeah, it'd be ridiculous

Staff

if she actually sued me,

Staff

'cause all I have is my laptop

Staff

and she has

half a billion dollars.

Scene 41

Ext. Airport Terminal - Day

28 lines

Her dad was this big,

Staff

like, shipping magnate guy

Staff

and owned like half

of San Francisco.

Staff

And... and I don't think

Staff

he molested her,

Staff

but he was definitely

Staff

very pervy and inappropriate

and then it was kind of sad.

Staff

He actually ended up

committing suicide and...

Staff

and I'm not supposed to be

telling you that either.

Um...

Staff

can I kiss you?

Oh. Um...

sure.

Guest

Yeah.

Staff

Yeah, okay.

Okay.

Um, I guess...

let's hang out tomorrow.

Okay.

Um, good night. Yeah. I had fun.

Fun. Great. Okay.

Good night.

I'm sorry.

Scene 42

Ext. Airport Terminal - Day

28 lines

Guest

For what?

Staff

For being a shrew.

Staff

I feel like I'm ruining

this trip for everybody.

Guest

No, you're not.

Staff

I just...

I don't know what my problem is.

I just feel like...

Staff

I feel like we're LARPing

as rich people.

We're not LARPing.

Staff

How... how are we LARPing?

Staff

And I don't know, I guess,

Staff

I just don't want him

rubbing off on you.

Staff

You know, and I don't like

the way he alpha dogs you.

He doesn't alpha dog me.

Staff

I mean, he kind of used to,

Staff

I guess,

but... it's different now.

Staff

Oh, my God,

Staff

is that why we're here?

Staff

So you can rub your success

Staff

in his face?

No.

Staff

So you can finally win

the arm wrestling contest.

Scene 43

Ext. Airport Terminal - Day

28 lines

No. There is no contest.

Staff

Well, whatever. From now on,

I am going to be...

Staff

...so fun. Okay?

Guest

I promise.

Staff

Okay.

I love you.

Staff

Do you wanna suck on my tits

Staff

or jerk off on my face

Staff

or something? Fuck around?

I'm kinda beat.

Yeah, okay.

Ugh. She sucks.

Staff

Why would he marry her?

Guest

She's pretty.

Staff

Yeah, I guess.

But she's such a pill.

Staff

You know, I think some women

Staff

cut off their husband's balls

Staff

and then they wonder

Staff

why they're not attracted

to them anymore.

Staff

Yeah. Don't you cut

my balls off, baby.

I won't.

That's all I got, sugarplum.

Guest

But you know what?

Scene 44

Ext. Airport Terminal - Day

28 lines

Staff

What?

Guest

If I wanted to...

Staff

Uh-huh.

...I could.

Staff

Buonasera!

Hello.

We had a great day.

Staff

We drank by the pool,

Staff

we had dinner,

and I just wanted to thank you.

You're very welcome.

Um, but listen...

Staff

I'm having like

Staff

a guilty conscience

kind of feeling, you know.

Staff

I'm... I'm just not feeling great

about this. Uh, you're lovely.

Staff

You don't want me to come in?

Oh, I really do.

You have no idea.

Staff

I have a problem

Staff

with sexual addiction

and compulsion.

It's a... it's a real issue.

And, uh...

Staff

I... I really need

Staff

to get a handle on it,

Staff

like, quickly, if I'm gonna turn

Scene 45

Ext. Airport Terminal - Day

27 lines

my situation around.

Staff

You understand?

Staff

I have my friend here,

and she wants to thank you, too.

Guest

Ciao.

Staff

Hi.

Thank you for my bikini.

You're welcome.

Staff

Sure you don't want us

Staff

to come in?

Jeez.

You're making this very hard.

Please.

Oh, Lord.

Guest

Mm.

Staff

Um...

Michele...

Staff

Do you like vodka?

Mia, get the vodka.

Mm-hmm.

Staff

Greg?

Staff

Greg?

Yeah, she's clueless as usual.

Staff

I'll be home tomorrow,

give you a call when I get in.

All right, yeah, I love you too.

And I look forward to it.