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S03E02

Special Treatments

Full screenplay script transcript for The White Lotus S03E02: Special Treatments

46 Scenes1259 Lines
Scene 1

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

28 lines
I'm just so happy we're
all in the same place.
Guest
I mean, talking on the
phone is just not the same.
Guest
You can't really
Guest
make new memories
Guest
when you just have
dinner twice a year.
Guest
I know. I don't even think
Guest
I've seen Laurie
in like four years.
Staff
She seems great.
Guest
Yeah.
Staff
Mm-hmm.
Guest
She looks great.
Mm-hmm.
She's always had so much energy.
Guest
I mean, she's always just
been such a hard charger.
I love her. Hmm.
Staff
She's such a great girl.
Guest
Mmm.
Staff
Great friend.
Guest
Mm-hmm.
Guest
Sounded like that divorce
got pretty gnarly.
Staff
Yeah.
Guest
That's gotta be hard.
Scene 2

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

28 lines
She had to pay him
Guest
palimony, right?
Staff
So ridiculous. Why?
Guest
To that loser?
Guest
Can you imagine? I
mean, I'd be furious.
Guest
After he freeloaded
off of her for years.
Guest
And I guess the whole
Guest
thing's been, you know,
Guest
really hard on Ellie,
Staff
which is so sad...
Guest
Aw, no.
Guest
...because she was such
an adorable little girl.
My God. She was so cute.
I wanted to steal her.
Guest
But I guess she's
turned into a real...
Yeah.
Guest
What?
Guest
Apparently, she's been
kicked out of two schools.
Staff
No.
Guest
She's like a hitter.
Staff
She's a bruiser.
Guest
Oh, no.
Staff
She throws furniture.
Scene 3

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

28 lines
Guest
What?
Guest
You have to wonder
Guest
about these people
Guest
who insist on raising
their kids in New York.
Guest
I mean, what are they thinking?
Honestly. The kids can't play.
There's no childhood.
Guest
They're all, like,
Guest
sucking each other off
at, like, eight years old.
Guest
I am sure they're doing
that in Texas too, Kate.
Guest
But, you know,
Laurie's work is there.
Guest
She's always defined
Guest
herself by her work,
Guest
so I guess it's
good she has that.
Guest
What?
Guest
Don't you remember
Guest
how she was talking
Guest
about how she was gonna
Guest
get that big promotion?
Guest
Was she?
Guest
Yeah, they were gonna
make her partner.
Guest
What are you saying?
Scene 4

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

28 lines
I'm saying I don't
think it happened.
Guest
No?
Guest
I think she's kind
of stalled out there.
Staff
Oh, no.
Guest
I know.
Laurie.
Guest
I mean, you devote your
Guest
whole life to one firm?
The world's brutal.
No wonder she looks defeated.
Guest
I thought you said
she looked great.
Well... she does.
But she also looks tired.
Staff
Don't you think?
Guest
Mm-hmm.
Staff
A little down?
Guest
Might be the drinking.
Guest
She did drink like a
whole bottle tonight.
Mmm. More than that.
Mmm. I just love her so much.
Guest
I do, too. I just
worry about her.
Guest
Oh my God!
Guest
Laurie! Jesus,
Scene 5

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

28 lines
Mary, and Joseph!
Sorry. Oh my God.
What are you do... What is...
Staff
It's locked. It's locked.
Guest
Oh!
Oh my gosh. Did...
Staff
I... Did I lock it?
Guest
What, did I scare you guys?
Staff
Yes, you scared us.
Guest
I left my, um...
I left my bag with my charger.
We were just talking about you.
Staff
Yeah?
Guest
Yeah.
Guest
How long it's been since
I've actually seen you.
Staff
Just... how great you look.
Guest
Aw. Thank you.
Guest
Yeah, and how excited I am
Guest
to get to be able to spend
Guest
the whole week with
you all to myself.
Staff
Yeah.
Guest
Well, you're gonna have
Staff
to share her with me.
Guest
Oh, I know.
Love you.
Guest
You guys, I can't
Scene 6

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

28 lines
even believe it.
All right. Good night.
Guest
I'll see you in the
morning. Love you.
Staff
Love you.
Guest
Good night.
Guest
Okay, do you need me
Guest
to walk you to...?
Staff
No, no.
Guest
You got it?
Staff
Yes.
Guest
Are you sure?
Yes. Okay.
Guest
Maybe text me when
you get to your room.
Guest
Oh my God. That scared
the shit out of me.
I thought it was a monkey.
Guest
Where the fuck am I?
Okay, Thailand. Let's do this.
Mm-hmm.
Guest
Where is this goddamn coffee?
It's gotta be 15 minutes.
Guest
Hey, excuse me,
Guest
we ordered coffee?
Yes. I get it right away.
Guest
Thanks. Did you not
Guest
get enough sleep?
Scene 7

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

28 lines
No.
Guest
You should have
taken my Lorazepam.
I slept like a corpse.
Guest
Well, you know I don't
like taking drugs.
You know, I'm like you, Dad.
Guest
I don't like taking
drugs either.
Guest
What are you talking about?
Paula
You take Adderall all day.
So I can get shit done, yeah.
Yeah, and steroids.
No.
Guest
Dad, really?
Staff
Hmm?
Guest
Come on.
Staff
Piper.
Staff
It's a call I cannot miss, okay?
Staff
We come all the way here
Staff
for you and your thesis,
Staff
so make some concessions
for the rest of us.
Staff
Okay, but I didn't choose
to stay at this hotel.
Staff
Well, we chose it 'cause
it's your kind of thing.
No, it's not.
Scene 8

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

28 lines
It's like a Disneyland for
Staff
rich bohemians from Malibu
in their Lululemon yoga pants.
Guest
Um, sorry.
Staff
Hey.
Hi. I'm sorry.
Um, this is really bothering me.
Staff
Is your name Victoria?
Staff
Mmm. Hmm?
Staff
I saw you on the boat
Staff
yesterday, and I was like,
Staff
"I've met her somewhere,"
and I think I've placed it.
Guest
Mmm.
Staff
Do you know Claire Popovich?
Mmm. Yes. I do.
Staff
You and I
Staff
were at a baby shower
in Austin together.
Staff
Kate Bohr. Claire is one of
Staff
my great friends in Austin,
Staff
and yeah, we spent
Staff
a weekend together!
Hi.
Yes.
Staff
But do you remember meeting me?
Staff
Yeah, your hair, your... your
Staff
hair was different, right?
Scene 9

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

28 lines
Well, maybe, maybe. Maybe.
Um, these are my friends.
This is Jaclyn and Laurie.
Guest
Hi.
Staff
Hey. What's up?
Staff
Gosh, it's such a
Staff
small world, isn't it?
Staff
I just saw Claire
right before I left.
Staff
If I talk to her, I'll
tell her you said hello.
Staff
Okay, well, you all
enjoy your vacation.
You too.
I'll leave you be.
Bye. Nice to meet you.
Guest
Bye.
Staff
Bye.
I don't think she remembers you.
Staff
Jaclyn, we spent a
whole weekend together.
I mean, a whole weekend.
Staff
Am I not memorable?
Staff
I mean, who cares? She
seems a little crazy.
Staff
Mom?
Guest
Why were you like that?
Staff
Like what?
Scene 10

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

28 lines
Guest
You were... kind of rude.
Staff
No, I wasn't.
Guest
You were pretty standoffish, at least.
Staff
Well... Oh, please.
Staff
What does she want from me?
Staff
We met at a baby
shower ten years ago.
Staff
I mean, so what? Who cares?
Staff
Well, I... I think
Staff
she was just trying
to be friendly and say hi.
Staff
I'm on vacation with my
family. I don't know her.
Guest
Her friend is Jaclyn Lemon.
Staff
Mmm. Who's that?
Guest
She's an actress.
Staff
Mmm.
Guest
She's famous.
Staff
Well, should I be impressed?
Staff
Actresses are all
basically prostitutes.
Staff
If they're lucky. Am I right?
Guest
Sawatdee kha.
Staff
Hey, Mook!
Staff
I just want to
Staff
confirm this morning
Staff
we have a body scrub and
waxing for Miss Chelsea.
Scene 11

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

28 lines
Yep, amazing.
Staff
And for Khun Rick, a
Staff
stress management session
with Dr. Amrita.
Staff
No. No, I d... I didn't
sign up for that.
Yeah, I did. You need it.
Staff
Well, I'm not going to
do it. So, cancel it.
Staff
No, thank you. Okay?
No, you can't cancel it.
Staff
It's too late to cancel. We'll
have to pay for it anyway.
Thank you.
Well, Amrita is wonderful.
Everyone loves her.
Yeah, they love her, Rick.
She's the best they have.
I'll bet.
Staff
He's really looking
forward to it.
Staff
Okay. Well... Well,
Staff
enjoy your treatments
Guest
and see you later.
Staff
Thanks.
She's too sweet.
Hey, I made a friend last night.
Guest
Yeah?
Scene 12

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

28 lines
Staff
Mm-hmm.
When you were hiding from me.
I wasn't hiding from you.
Staff
Anyway, she's super
cool. We met at the bar.
Staff
She lives in a house on top of
the hill with her boyfriend.
Staff
He must be loaded. She's
invited us for dinner.
And I said yes.
Staff
No. No, no, no, no,
no, no, no. No, no.
Staff
You're going to have
loads in common with him.
Guest
Yeah, like what?
Staff
You're both old.
Nice.
I mean, he's your age.
Oh, and he's bald.
And you're going bald.
I'm not going bald.
Okay.
The flowers.
Staff
Yeah. We should have
more colorful flowers.
Guest
Oh.
Staff
Sawatdee khrap.
Guest
Oh. Oh, hi.
Scene 13

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

28 lines
Staff
Mm-hmm.
Staff
How did you sleep?
Guest
Great.
Staff
Great. Yeah.
Awesome.
Guest
Wonderful.
Staff
Yeah, great.
Staff
This morning, I'm
Staff
going to give you
Guest
your biomarker tests.
Staff
Oh.
Staff
And based on the results, we
Staff
will come up with protocols
for each of you.
Guest
Uh-oh.
Staff
Fantastic.
Staff
I look forward to
working with you ladies.
Guest
I'll see you soon.
Staff
Okay.
Staff
Thank you, Valentin. Phew!
See you at the spa.
Staff
Somebody's got to try that,
Staff
and you're the only one
Staff
who's single. Laurie?
No.
Come on. Laurie, he's cute.
Staff
What?
Scene 14

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

28 lines
Guest
Shut up!
Staff
Gee, Laurie! That's it!
Staff
That's the spirit!
It's Cancun all over again.
Guest
No, no, no!
Staff
Yes, it is.
Guest
No.
Staff
It's Cancun. It's Cancun.
Sawatdee kha.
Guest
Hey, hey.
Staff
Hmm?
Staff
Um, I have schedules
Staff
for everyone based on
Staff
speaking with Mr. Ratliff
and your own requests.
Guest
Oh, a sports massage. Nice.
Staff
Oh, this looks great.
Staff
Mr. Ratliff, I didn't book you
Staff
in anything because you
Staff
said that you just wanted
Staff
to go to the gym. Is that...?
Killing it, Pam. All right.
Staff
Hey, guys. Y'all
have a great day.
I'll see you later.
Guest
Thank you, darling.
Staff
Have a lovely day.
Guest
See you, Dad.
Scene 15

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

28 lines
Staff
Bye.
Staff
So, I thought today,
Staff
to begin our exchange,
Staff
I could give you my
Belinda
signature treatment,
the warrior massage.
I'm not going say no to that.
Belinda
And then maybe after lunch,
Belinda
you could give me your
Belinda
signature treatment,
and then, we discuss.
Belinda
But let's let our hands
do the talking first.
Yes. Oh. The...
Guest
I like you, Pornchai.
Staff
This way.
Staff
Yeah, sometimes with massages,
Staff
I can get very stressed out,
Staff
and I just feel kind
of claustrophobic.
These help me to really relax.
Hmm.
Staff
Whoo!
Inhale and reach up. Arms up.
Staff
Exhale, opening up,
Staff
warrior 2, hips forwards,
Staff
the right arm sends the
fingers out to the side.
Scene 16

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

28 lines
Long breath out.
Inhale, left elbow, left knee.
Staff
The right arm reaches
over and above your head.
Staff
Exhale, both hands
down to the mat.
Inhale to lift your chest.
Staff
And exhale, step back,
downward-facing dog.
Hey.
Staff
Hey, it's me. Sorry
to call so late.
Just checking in. Did...
Staff
did Kenny Nguyen call?
No, he still hasn't.
Really? Weaselly fucker.
Staff
All right. Look,
Staff
he's got my cell,
Staff
but if he calls the
Staff
office tomorrow,
just put him through.
Staff
Doesn't matter what time
Staff
it is here. I... I
really gotta talk to him.
Staff
Someone did call from the
Washington Post, though.
Staff
You mean the Wall
Staff
Street Journal?
Scene 17

Int. White Lotus Resort - Day

26 lines
No, no. He said the
Washington Post.
He was being very pushy.
He said it was urgent.
Staff
I'll send his info
Staff
with all your calls
Guest
in an email.
Staff
Well, did... Did he s...
Staff
Mr. Ratliff, I'm
sorry, but you gotta...
Staff
Yeah, just put
Staff
everything in the email
Guest
and send it to me ASAP.
Staff
Will do.
Thanks.
Staff
Are you sure you don't want to
Staff
be free of that for the week?
Staff
I think, you know, it
could be quite a relief.
Staff
I'm sure it would be a relief
if you stopped asking me.
Okay. Say no more.
Staff
So, how the current is
Staff
conducted tells us a lot
Staff
about what's going
on in your body.
Scene 18

Int. Spa - Day

28 lines
Belinda
What, like shock treatment?
Guest
No. Maybe just a little tickle.
Okay.
Staff
Okay. Female.
Guest
Hmm.
And here's the milk soap.
Guest
Mmm!
Sea salt, to scrub the feet.
Feels so good.
Your numbers are very good.
Guest
Markers could be of a
woman half your age.
Staff
Shut up. Really?
Guest
Very good numbers.
Please, tell me more.
Okay.
Whoa.
In the Enneagram, I'm a nine.
I'm easygoing, peacemaker.
Guest
But it also means
Guest
I'm quite complacent,
which isn't always good.
Hey, you're probably a two.
Yeah. Most healers are twos.
Guest
Tell me. How do you feel today?
I don't know.
Guest
Your level of stress,
Guest
would you say out of ten,
Scene 19

Int. Spa - Day

28 lines
one being no stress at all,
Guest
ten extremely stressed?
I'm going to say an eight.
Guest
You're always at eight?
Guest
Weed helps, but I don't
want to travel with it.
Guest
You wouldn't happen to
Guest
know if there's a great
Guest
weed shop nearby?
Guest
Can you remember a
Guest
time in your life
Guest
when you were totally
Guest
free of stress?
As a child even.
Guest
Well... ...my mother
was a drug addict.
She OD'd when I was ten, so...
Guest
And your father?
Guest
I never knew him. He
died before I was born.
He was, um... ...murdered.
Yeah, yeah.
Guest
Real fun shit to
Guest
talk about, right?
Guest
Meditation can bring
relief... to psychic pain.
Guest
Meditation helps you see that
Guest
the identity you've created
Scene 20

Int. Spa - Day

28 lines
brings you suffering.
I never had an identity.
I don't need to detach.
I'm already nothing.
Guest
Even nothing can be an
illusion you tell yourself.
Guest
If nobody puts gas in the
tank, the tank is empty.
That's not an illusion.
The car won't start.
Guest
Nothing comes from
Guest
nothing, right?
Guest
Hello. I'm calling
from Villa Four.
Guest
And we all just
had our treatments.
Guest
I had a wonderful
massage from Hans.
Guest
And I was hoping we could
Guest
order some tea to the room
Guest
and maybe some finger foods
Guest
like "tom ka ti ta lay."
Guest
Um, maybe some "kai
yang plu bai cha plu.
Guest
Kai yang plu bai cha plu."
Guest
Saxon, what's with
Guest
the racket, honey?
I'm on the phone.
Scene 21

Int. Spa - Day

28 lines
And finally,
Guest
some "pad Thai goong mae
nam." Mmm, thank you.
Saxon. I just had a massage.
You're setting me back.
Guest
How can you be so hyper?
I thought you had one too.
Yeah, but it kind of sucked.
Staff
Why? What was wrong with it?
Guest
It had no happy ending.
Staff
Ugh!
Guest
Gross.
Guest
What? Aren't they all supposed
Guest
to be a little speshy-speshy?
Guest
Ugh! Ah!
Guest
Saxon, stop it!
Guest
Lochy, how was deprivation tank?
Staff
It was quiet.
Guest
Come on.
Guest
What are you looking for?
Guest
A blender for my
protein shakes, Mom.
Guest
Just call the butler
and ask for one, honey.
Guest
Hey, Lochy, we gotta get
you in on this stuff.
Guest
Does it taste good?
Guest
No, it tastes like
Scene 22

Int. Spa - Day

28 lines
crap. Who cares?
It's not about the taste.
It's about the pump.
Guest
Come on. Hey, Dad!
Guest
How's the gym? Do they
Guest
have a rowing machine?
Staff
Timothy?
Guest
Yeah?
Staff
Is everything okay?
Guest
No. No, it's not. I d...
Guest
We're on the antipodal
Guest
opposite ends of the Earth
Guest
from humanity here. It's
why nobody comes here.
It's day here. It's night there.
It's night here. It's day there.
Guest
I can't get anybody
on the phone.
Guest
Who do you need
Guest
to get a hold of?
Guest
I'm just saying that
Guest
the time difference
Guest
is aggravating, you know?
Poor guy. He works so hard.
He needs to calm his ass down.
Guest
And this won't be like
your warrior massage.
Guest
You won't be screaming
Scene 23

Int. Spa - Day

28 lines
out in agony.
Guest
But, I don't know,
people seem to like it.
It's popular.
Guest
So, how would you like me?
Guest
Uh, on my back or on my stomach?
On my stomach... Not my stomach.
Guest
My stomach, your
s... Your stomach.
Okay.
There you go.
Ja.
Guest
Tam mai?
Por, por, por, por.
Guest
So, how was the lady?
She seemed really, like... wise.
Guest
Why? 'Cause she's Indian?
Guest
Yeah, Rick, because
Guest
she was Indian,
and all Indians are wise.
Guest
She made me sign
up again, but...
Guest
...no fucking way
I'm gonna do that.
Guest
Why not?
Guest
Come on. It's good to talk
about things with a wise Indian.
Guest
You think you've got
Scene 24

Int. Spa - Day

28 lines
it all figured out?
I don't think so.
Hmm.
God, you're so shut down.
Staff
Yeah?
Guest
Yeah.
And you are an idiot.
Hey, girl.
Oh, hey.
Hi, I'm Chloe.
Guest
You must be Rick, right?
I've heard all about you.
He's so jet-lagged.
Staff
And he has a migraine.
Guest
Of course.
Guest
We're going to hang out so
Guest
you can have a nap. Okay?
Yeah.
Okay, let's go.
Love you.
Vamos a la playa, chica.
Guest
Laurie, how was your
Guest
session with Valentin?
Guest
He said all my numbers were
really good. I was shocked.
Guest
Yeah. Yeah, my hydration
Guest
level was one of the highest
he's ever seen, which is cool.
Scene 25

Int. Spa - Day

28 lines
What was your water
Guest
level, Laurie?
Guest
I'd have to look, but
Guest
he said that my fat mass
Guest
was under 25 percent, which
I guess is pretty good.
Guest
Mmm. That's really
Guest
good. Is that right?
Staff
That's what he said.
Guest
Wow.
You seem surprised.
Guest
No! That was about
the same as mine.
Oh.
Guest
Yeah, he said I had the
Guest
numbers of someone half my age,
Guest
which, I don't know,
Guest
immediately, I was like,
Guest
can you please put
Guest
that in writing
Guest
and send that to everyone I've
Guest
ever met in my entire life?
He might say that to everybody.
He said the same thing to me.
Guest
Did he?
Well, he didn't say it to me.
Guest
He said my numbers are average,
so I'm just... average, I guess.
Scene 26

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28 lines
Look, I'm sure living in Austin,
the food is probably fattier.
Staff
Butter and... steak.
Guest
No, no, no. There's...
There's healthy food in Austin.
I mean, I eat mostly chicken.
For protein, I eat chicken.
I eat turkey. I like beans.
Guest
I used to hate beans,
but now I eat a lot of beans.
Guest
One day, I just decided to
Guest
trick my mind into liking beans,
and now I do.
Guest
You know, I just
have to eat healthy.
You know, it's a part of my job.
Staff
Right.
Guest
Mm-hmm.
Guest
And if I weren't
Guest
neurotic enough,
Guest
now I'm married to a guy
Guest
who's ten years younger,
and he's always getting hit on.
His body is crazy.
Guest
Harrison and I are, like,
addicted to each other.
Staff
It's kind of a problem.
Guest
Yeah.
Scene 27

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28 lines
Well, you've only been
married for a year, so...
Guest
Oh, I don't think I'm ever
gonna get tired of it.
Staff
Oh.
Guest
Wow.
Great.
Yeah.
Guest
Rick's quite cute
for an older guy.
Staff
Mm-hmm.
Guest
Yeah.
Guest
He's rude. Sorry. Don't
take it personally.
Guest
Oh my God. Don't
even apologize.
Gary's so rude.
He was such a dick last night.
Guest
This morning, I was like,
Guest
"You know what, Gary?
Sorry isn't good enough.
Guest
I want the credit card."
Guest
The store here has
some really cute stuff.
Staff
Do you want to come with me?
Guest
Yeah.
Guest
Hey, what's up?
Guest
What's going on?
Scene 28

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28 lines
God, he's such a douche.
He was on the boat with us.
He's from a family of wankers.
Guest
Oh, yeah?
Staff
Yeah.
Guest
Cute.
Staff
Hey.
Guest
Hey.
Guest
Did you meditate in the tank?
I did try to pray.
Staff
Yeah?
Guest
Yeah.
Guest
How'd it go?
Guest
I felt like I was just
talking to myself.
Hmm.
Guest
You never feel, like,
Guest
a presence or anything?
I do.
Staff
Yeah?
Guest
Yeah.
Guest
Don't you feel like that could
Guest
just be, like, wishful thinking?
Guest
Like, you want to feel
something, so you...
It's real.
Saxon says you've never had sex.
Guest
Okay, and how
Scene 29

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28 lines
would he know that?
He doesn't know what I do.
Guest
Also, why would he say that?
Guest
Like... like, why would
Guest
that even come up?
Guest
Like, in what context?
Guest
Well, he was just saying
Guest
it's like... It's weird
Guest
because you're so hot,
but you've never had sex.
Guest
It's like a... like a
compliment about you.
Please don't bring it up.
Guest
He shouldn't be talking
about me like that.
It's not that bad.
It's not a big deal.
Guest
Okay, well, he should
mind his own business.
Freak.
Staff
Have you, though?
Guest
Really?
Staff
It was just a question.
Guest
Seriously?
Ugh.
Guest
Ooh, can I see this
Guest
snake choker thing?
Staff
Sure.
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Guest
Thank you. Khop khun kha.
Guest
I'm going to try these
Guest
on. What do you think?
Staff
Yeah.
Guest
It's nice, right?
Mm-hmm.
Guest
Hey, Tok. Wa nai, nong chai?
Guest
Hey, Valentin. Sabai dee mai?
Guest
Yeah, you good?
Gonna go see the fights.
Hey.
Staff
You look like Buakaw.
Guest
Buakaw?
I like your moves, Tok.
Oh, thank you.
Uh...
Guest
There's a very big
fight on Friday.
One of my friends is fighting.
I can get you a ticket.
Staff
Get me a ticket?
Guest
Yeah.
Staff
Okay.
Guest
Yeah?
Let's go.
Guest
Shh. Get back!
Staff
Oh my God.
Guest
Quiet. Go. Open it.
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Open it!
No, I can't.
Quiet.
Staff
Are you okay?
Guest
Yeah, I'm okay.
Guest
Oh my God. What just happened?
Guest
Oh my God. What should we do?
Guest
What the fuck was that?
Guest
Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Ja.
Guest
But the one time something
Guest
exciting happens around here,
I miss the whole thing.
Guest
No, trust me. You're
lucky. I almost died.
No, you didn't.
Yes, I did.
Guest
Oh, but we got the room comped,
didn't we, babes? That was cool.
Guest
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you
did a great job, babe.
Guest
Khun Sritala, you will
see, she's incredible.
Guest
She... She is really,
truly a legend.
Guest
And... and she encourages us
Guest
all to make healthy choices
Guest
and to develop
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our artistic side.
Guest
All the performers
tonight are staff.
Guest
Really?
Staff
Yeah.
Guest
That's amazing.
Guest
Even I have started
to write songs.
I'm learning piano.
Guest
Ooh! So what night are you
Guest
going to be performing? Hm?
Staff
Okay.
Guest
Huh?
Staff
No. No. No.
Guest
Yeah?
Staff
I can't. I can't.
Guest
Come on.
It would be, uh, crazy.
I w... I wouldn't dare.
Staff
Come on, get up there.
Guest
Do it!
Guest
Uh, I... I... I'm the
boss. So, uh... Uh, maybe.
Maybe one day.
Staff
Yes, thank you so much.
Guest
May I take the plates, please?
Yeah, yeah. We're all done.
Staff
You girls are gorgeous.
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Guest
Thank you.
Staff
Great skin.
Guest
Kha.
Excuse me. Thank you.
Staff
Khop khun kha.
Guest
Khop khun kha.
Guest
Dad, are they women?
Ladyboys? Maybe.
Well, you know what they say.
Guest
Having sex in Thailand
Guest
is like eating a
box of chocolates.
Guest
You never know which
one's gonna have nuts.
Exactly.
Staff
What? What?
Guest
Oh, Piper.
You know, it's getting old.
Guest
Oh my God. What's your problem?
Guest
For one, stay out
of my personal life.
Guest
What are you even talking about?
Guest
All right. Just
Guest
settle down, okay?
Just try to get along.
Guest
Because you need
your family. You do.
Guest
Most people don't
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have good values.
They're scammers.
Guest
You're all gorgeous,
and you come for money.
Guest
So, you have to be
Guest
hypervigilant, okay?
You're have to be on your guard.
Guest
So, uh, you've been living
here for a whole year.
Guest
Wow. What do you do?
I'm retired.
Guest
What did you do
Guest
before you retired?
Uh... This and that.
Guest
What about you? What do you do?
Guest
Well, the same thing
that you do, Gary.
This and that.
Guest
You meet a lot of people
here who do this and that.
Decent line of work.
It can be.
Guest
My brothers used
to terrorize me.
Guest
You know, your Uncle Babe
Guest
would fly out of nowhere,
Guest
pin me to the ground,
Guest
hock up a string of spit,
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dangle it between my eyes
Guest
till he'd finally
suck it back up.
Ew.
I mean...
Guest
I hated him for years,
Guest
but of course now,
we're very close.
Guest
Really, Tim?
Guest
All right. I'm gonna
call you right back.
Stay there, okay? Don't move.
Oh, God.
Staff
Ugh.
Guest
I gotta take this.
Okay.
Guest
So, what about the two
Guest
of you? Where'd you meet?
Uh, in Dubai.
Guest
Mm-hmm. Through a
matchmaking service.
Staff
Matchmaking service?
Guest
Mm-hmm.
Guest
Wow, really?
Staff
Interesting.
Guest
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, we're different.
Different ages. I'm American.
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She's French. But we get along.
Guest
What are you talking about?
Staff
What?
Guest
I'm not French.
Guest
What do you mean?
Guest
I'm from Quebec. It's
not the same thing.
You know, I... I'm Canadian.
Guest
French, French
Canadian. Whatever.
Guest
Whatever?
Guest
I mean, there's only an ocean
Guest
between the two countries,
but whatever.
Guest
Okay, why do you have
Guest
to be such a stickler
about everything? It's...
Staff
A stickler? Okay.
Guest
French...
Guest
I appreciate the geography
lesson, but, um...
Well, clearly, you needed it.
Staff
What are you t...
Guest
Okay.
Staff
Wow.
Guest
Is he in a loincloth?
Uh-huh.
So pretty.
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Why is the Wall Street Journal
Guest
calling me, Kenny? Huh?
Guest
I don't care about
Guest
the fucking story!
Guest
Why not?
Guest
Because 20 agents just
Guest
raided my fucking office!
Staff
Fuck me, I'm done.
Guest
Oh, sh... Is... Is it... Is...
I'm gonna fucking kill myself.
Just tell me what happened.
Guest
I can't go to
fucking prison. God.
Can you... Just... Fuck.
Guest
You know, you told me
this couldn't happen.
Guest
Remember that?
Guest
You fucking swore that
this could not happen.
Guest
I didn't think some
Guest
whistleblower bitch
Guest
in my office was gonna
rat me out to the media.
Guest
Fucking FBI!
Staff
Fuck! Fuck me!
Guest
All... all... all... all right.
I just... Kenny.
God, she did me so dirty.
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What exactly do they know?
They have everything, Tim.
Staff
My accounts, my emails...
Guest
Yeah, but what...
Staff
...all the fucking documents.
Guest
What did you tell them?
Staff
What did you say, Kenny?
Guest
Nothing!
I got a fucking lawyer.
Guest
I should have never
gone to Brunei.
Guest
I should've never
taken that position.
Everybody was making a killing.
Staff
I figured, why not me?
Guest
Kenny, Kenny.
Guest
Kenny! Will you shut the
Guest
fuck up for one second?
Guest
Just tell me. Am I implicated?
Yes. For sure, Tim. Yes.
What d... What... What...
Guest
What does that mean?
Guest
Like... S... For... Yes?
Guest
That's a definite yes?
Guest
That's why I bought this burner,
to call you.
Guest
You need to get a good
lawyer, like, yesterday.
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You've gotta be
fucking kidding me.
Guest
You know, this was
a favor to you.
Guest
Remember that? I
didn't want to do it.
This is all you.
Guest
Now I'm wrapped up
Guest
in some fucking
Guest
money laundering,
Guest
bribery situation?
Guest
And I only made
Guest
ten million dollars
Guest
out of your stupid
Guest
fucking scheme. Fuck!
Guest
What am I gonna do?
Guest
I swear to God, Kenny,
Guest
if you fuck me on this,
I will... I will kill you.
I will fucking kill you.
Guest
You hear me?
Guest
If it makes you feel any better,
Guest
I'm gonna fucking kill myself!
Guest
Good. You do it,
you piece of shit.
Guest
Bravo!
Staff
You're a legend!
Guest
You're incredible.
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You are a legend.
You are a legend.
Staff
So talented.
Guest
Thank you.
Guest
Well, once a performer
is always a performer.
Guest
Do you agree?
Guest
Yes! A hundred
percent. We know that.
Guest
Well, I'm leaving
for Bangkok tomorrow.
Guest
Oh, no!
Guest
Yeah, if you need anything,
Staff
please let me know.
Guest
Oh, you live in Bangkok?
Yeah, my husband's there.
We come back and forth.
Guest
Mm-hmm. He just got
out of the hospital.
Staff
Oh.
Guest
Oh, is he okay?
Guest
Yeah. Last week,
he had a stroke.
Staff
Oh my God.
Guest
What?
Staff
He's had a few.
Guest
Oh, no.
Staff
He's a fighter.
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Guest
Mm-hmm.
He would love to meet you.
Awesome first day. Oh.
Staff
Oh, it was the best first day.
Guest
It was the best day.
Staff
She was amazing though.
Guest
Love you.
Totally amazing.
Staff
You're amazing.
Guest
Oh my God.
Oh my God. Late night reading.
Staff
Look at this. Glowing. Sritala.
Guest
Are you gonna...
Staff
Are you gonna do it?
Guest
Got my reading. Of course I'm going to do it.
I love it.
Staff
Love you!
Guest
Love you! Give me the Cliffs Notes.
Staff
Ow, ow. Help me. Ow.
Guest
Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh.
Guest
You really should
never wear heels.
I know. I know. I know.
Guest
Oh, my gosh. Are you okay?
Oh my gosh. Ooh, it's hot.
She's so funny.
Right? What a character.
A real Thai diva.
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No. No, no. I meant Jaclyn...
So competitive.
Guest
Well, you know, she's
always been like that.
Guest
Yeah, but you'd think
Guest
with all her success,
she'd have mellowed out, though.
Narcissist.
A little bit.
And the vanity.
I know she has to maintain it.
Staff
It's her career...
Guest
Mm-hmm.
Guest
Did she sandblast her
Guest
face or something?
Staff
It's very waxy, right?
Guest
It's more than just the basics.
Staff
She's still gorgeous.
Guest
No, no, no, definitely.
Guest
Gosh, she had the
face everyone wanted.
I know.
Guest
And then the whole thing
with the husband. Right? Yes.
Guest
There's something
Guest
weird there, right?
She goes on and on.
They're so in love.
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They're addicted to each other.
Guest
But I mean, are they ever
Guest
even in the same city?
Guest
I don't think they
ever see each other.
See? That's what I'm saying.
Guest
You know. I think
she's lonely.
Staff
Really?
Guest
Yeah.
I think it's just a front.
Guest
And you know what
Guest
they say about fronts?
Guest
What?
Guest
The bigger the front,
the bigger the back.
Right.
Guest
What?
I almost died today.
No, you didn't.
Protect me.
Staff
Hold me.
Guest
I am holding you.
I liked our new friends, though.
Don't you? She's so pretty.
She's a hooker.
Staff
No, she isn't.
Guest
Yes, she is.
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They met through a
matchmaking service in Dubai.
She's a hooker.
She was a model in France.
She walked the Paris runways.
Staff
Wow.
Guest
Uh-huh.
Mmm.
Guest
Anyway, I told you
Guest
we'd have loads
in common with them.
Guest
She's young and fun like me,
Guest
and he's old and
grumpy like you.
I'm just kidding.
I'm glad that you made a friend.
Guest
I may have to go to
Bangkok for a night or two.
Guest
Bangkok? Why?
Guest
I just got to deal
with something.
But why now? We just got here.
Don't worry about it.
So mysterious.
I'm not.
Guest
Could you just get him
Guest
to call me, please?
He has all my numbers.
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And may I ask the reason
Guest
for the call, please?
Guest
Because I need a lawyer
immediately, like yesterday.
Guest
Of course. I will
Guest
have him call you
Guest
as soon as he gets
out of the meeting.
Staff
Okay.
Guest
Okay? Thank you.
Okay. Thank you.
Guest
Anyway, so this one
Guest
time when, you know,
Guest
when the tsunami
Guest
in Phuket happened,
Guest
there was this little girl,
Guest
and she had just learned
Guest
about tsunamis in
Guest
her geography class,
Guest
and she starts, you know,
Guest
like, screaming to everyone,
Guest
"Oh my God, there's going to be a
Guest
tsunami, there's going to be a tsunami!"
Guest
But, you know, no one wanted
to believe her, but...
Guest
Was she like... They
didn't listen to her.
Guest
Yeah, well, so her
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dad comes down...