Two Swords

Magnificent.

Mm-hmm.

Looks fresh-forged.

It is.

No one's made a Valyrian steel sword since the Doom of Valyria.

There are three living smiths who know how to rework Valyrian steel. The finest of them was in Volantis. Came here to King's Landing at my invitation.

Where did you get this much Valyrian steel?

From someone who no longer had need of it.

You've wanted one of these in the family for a long time.

And now we have two.

Two?

The original weapon was absurdly large. Plenty of steel for two swords.

Well, thank you. It's glorious.

You'll have to train your left hand.

Any decent swordsman knows how to use both hands.

You'll never be as good.

No. But as long as I'm better than everyone else, I suppose it doesn't matter.

You can't serve in the Kingsguard with one hand.

Where's that written? I can and I will. The Kingsguard oath is for life.

The war is over. The king is safe. The king is never safe.

How many people in this city alone would love to see his head on a pike?

Other knights protected the king while you were a prisoner. They will continue to do so when you go home.

Home?

You'll return to Casterly Rock and rule in my stead.

You are the Lord of Casterly Rock.

I am the King's Hand. My place is here. I don't expect to see the Rock again before I die.

You know what they call me? Kingslayer. Oathbreaker. Man without honor. Now you want me to break another sacred vow.

You won't be breaking anything. There is a precedent to relieve a Kingsguard of his duties. The king will exercise that prerogative.

No.

No?

No.

I don't believe I asked you a question.

There's my answer.

If you think your bloody honor comes before...

My bloody honor is beyond repair, but my answer is still no. I don't want Casterly Rock. I don't want a wife. I don't want children.

What do you want?

Supper would be nice.

For 40 years I've tried to teach you. If you haven't learned by now, you never will. Go. If serving as a glorified bodyguard is the sum of your ambition, go serve.

I suppose you want the sword back.

Keep it.

A one-handed man with no family needs all the help he can get.

How many Dornishmen does it take to fuck a goat?

Please don't.

Seems to me the smart place to meet travelers is in a tavern. That way, one party is late, the other party can drink some ale inside.

This is the Prince of Dorne we're waiting for, not one of your sellsword friends.

If he's so damned important, how come they sent you to meet him?

There's bad blood between the Martells of Dorne and the Lannisters of Casterly Rock. Has been for years.

And just in case the Martells of Dorne are looking to spill some Lannister blood, it may as well be yours, eh?

No need for cynicism. I happen to be an accomplished diplomat.

Oh.

Ah, here we are.

Can you read the sigils?

Yellow balls?

Wild lemons on a purple field, House Dalt of Lemonwood. A vulture grasping a baby in it's talons, House Blackmont. A crowned skull, the Manwoodys of Kingsgrave.

Boy knows his Dornish Houses.

I need a sigil.

And House Martell, a red sun pierced by a spear?

I don't see it, my lord.

Well met, my lords. His Grace King Joffrey welcomes you in his name. My lord father, the King's Hand, sends his greetings as well. I am Tyrion Lannister of Casterly Rock, Master of Coin. Forgive me. I don't see Prince Doran in your company.

The prince's health forces him to remain at Sunspear. He sends his brother Prince Oberyn to attend the royal wedding in his stead.

(Nods.) Yes, the king will be delighted to enjoy the company of a warrior as renowned as Prince Oberyn at his wedding feast.

Will he?

And where is Prince Oberyn?

Arrived before dawn. Not a man for welcome parties, our prince.

Very well. My lords, these fine men from the City Watch will escort you to your quarters in the Red Keep.

You must be weary after such a long journey.

Some accomplished diplomacy that was. Now where?

We must find Prince Oberyn before he kills somebody or several somebodies.

How do you plan on finding a single Dornishman in a city this big?

You're famous for fucking half of Westeros. You just arrived at the capital after two weeks of bad roads, where would you go?

I'd probably go to sleep, but I'm getting old.

Look at this one. How lovely is she?

Beautiful. But pale.

They like them pale in the capital. Shows they don't work the fields.

(Shakes her head no, looking down. )

You like?

Timid. Timid bores me.

You're a bit of mischief, aren't you?

I think she likes you. ELLARIA" She has good taste.

You're not timid, are you?

(Laughs) Not timid.

Do you like women?

When they look like her, my lord.

This one will do nicely.

Very good, my lady.

Oh, I'm not a lady.

A term of courtesy in this establishment.

A lie anywhere. Why not use the right words? I'm a bastard. She is a whore. And you're what? A procurer.

Any of the others?

The two girls can leave.

You stay.

I'm afraid I'm not an offer, my lord.

Everyone who works for Littlefinger is an offer. Take off your clothes. We'll be here a while.

My lord.

I am a prince, boy. Have you ever been with a prince?

Can't say I have. I'm wildly expensive.

Take off your clothes.

Which way do you like it?

(Gasps)

My way .

And so he spoke and so he spoke That Lord of Castamere. And now the rains

Oberyn.

Weep o'er his hall...

Oberyn, don't.

With no one there to hear Yes, not the rains weep o'er his hall And not a soul to hear.

You lost, friend?

Forgive me for staring. I don't see many Lannisters where I'm from.

I don't see many Dornishmen in the capital.

We don't like the smell. (Laughs)

Come with me, lover.

Gods, look at this one.

Sirs, if you follow me, I'll arrange for a private room.

Why are you wasting a woman like this on a Dornishman? Bring him a shaved goat and a bottle of olive oil. (Laughs)

Do you know why all the world hates a Lannister?

You think your gold and your lions and your gold lions make you better than everyone. May I tell you a secret? You're not a golden lion. You're just a pink little man who is far too slow on the draw.

(Screams)

Longsword is a bad option in close quarters. When I pull my blade, your friend starts bleeding. Quite a lot, I'm afraid. So many veins in the wrist.

(Groans)

He'll live if you get him help straightaway. So, decisions.

Prince Oberyn, forgive the intrusion. We heard there might be...

trouble.

Apologies, my love.

I'm here to welcome you to the capital.

Ellaria Sand, my paramour. The king's own Uncle Imp. Tyrion, son of Tywin Lannister.

If there's anything I can do to make your stay...

What are you? His hired killer?

It started that way, aye. Now I'm a knight.

How did that come to pass?

Killed the right people, I suppose.

We'll need a few more girls. Girls, yes?

Oh, I partook. Now I'm married.

Prince Oberyn, if I may, a word in private?

Seems I visited the Lannister brothel by mistake.

Oh, they take all kinds.

Even Dornishmen.

The king is very grateful that you traveled all this way for his wedding.

Let us speak truth here. Joffrey is insulted. I am only the second son after all.

Well, speaking as a fellow second son, I have grown rather used to being the family insult.

(Chuckles)

Why did you come to King's Landing, Prince Oberyn?

I was invited to the royal wedding.

I thought we were speaking truth.

The last time I was in the capital was many years ago. Another wedding. My sister Elia and Rhaegar Targaryen, the Last Dragon. My sister loved him. She bore his children. Swaddled them, rocked them, fed them at her own breast. Elia wouldn't let the wet nurse touch them. And beautiful, noble Rhaegar Targaryen left her for another woman. That started a war and the war ended right here when your father's army took the city...

I wasn't actually present.

And butchered those children. My nephew and niece. Carved them up and wrapped them in Lannister cloaks. And my sister, you know what they did to her?

I'm asking you a question.

I've heard rumors.

(Chuckles) So have I. The one I keep hearing is that Gregor Clegane the Mountain raped Elia and split her in half with his great sword.

I wasn't there. I don't know what happened.

If the Mountain killed my sister, your father gave the order. Tell your father I'm here. And tell him the Lannisters aren't the only ones who pay their debts.

They're dragons, Khaleesi. They can never be tamed. Not even by their mother.

Ser Barristan.

Your Grace.

Where's Daario Naharis? Where's Grey Worm?

Gambling, Your Grace.

Gambling?

Mhysa. Mhysa. Mhysa...

How long have they been at it?

Since midnight, Your Grace.

Ser Worm is stronger than he looks. But I can see his arms beginning to shake.

What's the prize to winning this stupid contest?

The honor of riding by your side on the road to Meereen.

That honor goes to Ser Jorah and Ser Barristan as neither of them kept me waiting this morning. You two will ride in the rear guard and protect the livestock.

The last man holding his sword can find a new queen to fight for.

(in valerian) You like this girl? Must be frustrating.

(in valerian) You are not a smart man, Daario Naharis.

(in valerian) I'd rather have no brains and two balls.

You need to eat something.

Pigeon pie.

No, thank you.

Lemon cakes?

No, thank you.

You love lemon cakes.

Tell her she needs to eat.

My lady, you do need to eat.

I don't need to eat.

If I could have a moment alone with my wife.

She needs to eat.

I can't let you starve.

I swore to protect you.

My lady, I am your husband. Let me help you.

How can you help me?

I don't know, but I can try.

I lie awake all night staring at the canopy thinking about how they died.

I could get you essence of nightshade to help you sleep.

Do you know what they did to my brother? How they sewed his direwolf's head onto his body? And my mother. They say they cut her throat to the bone and threw her body in the river.

What happened to your family was a terrible crime. I didn't know your brother. He seemed like a good man, but I didn't know him. Your mother, on the other hand, I admired her. She wanted to have me executed, but I admired her. She was a strong woman. And she was fierce when it came to protecting her children. Sansa. Your mother would want you to carry on. You know it's true.

Will you pardon me, my lord? I'd like to visit the godswood.

Of course. Of course. Prayer can be helpful, I hear.

I don't pray anymore. It's the only place I can go where people don't talk to me.

My lion.

What are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing? Come here.

How many times have I told you? You can't visit me here.

I know. I know. We have come to a dangerous place. Have you forgotten me? Do you know how long it's been?

Of course I haven't forgotten.

I want you. Don't you want me?

Things are a bit tense right now.

What things?

My nephew the king wants to murder me. My wife hates me because my father murdered her family. Oberyn Martell wants to murder everyone whose last name is Lannister.

You need to relax.

Don't you want to relax?

What's wrong?

I told you. It's not a good time.

It's never a good time. You have your child bride now.

Shae.

Do you love her?

Love her? I barely know her. She's a child. She despises me.

That's not an answer.

Of course I don't love her.

You tried to ship me away.

Ship you away?

Give me diamonds and make me disappear.

What in the world are you talking about?

If you want me to leave, just say it. Say it!

Shh. I don't know what you're talking about.

You want me to stay?

(Groans)

A work of art, really. The craftsmanship is excellent.

You like it so much, you're welcome to chop off your own hand and take it.

Such an ingrate. I spent days with the goldsmith - getting the details just right.

Days?

Better part of an afternoon. There, how does that feel?

Uh... a hook would be more practical.

Elegant, I think.

Thank you for your help with the other matter.

The symptoms have abated?

Gone completely. I am in your debt, Maester Qyburn.

Not a maester, Your Grace, but happy to help whenever I can.

Odd little man.

I've grown rather fond of him. He's quite talented, you know?

What symptoms?

Symptoms that are not your concern.

You let him touch you?

You jealous?

I'm surprised. You never let Pycelle near you.

(Laughs) You think I'd let that old lecher put his hands on me? He smells like a dead cat.

I'm not sure I've ever smelled a dead cat.

Well, they smell like Pycelle.

You drink more than you used to.

Yes.

Why?

Let's see, you started a brawl in the streets with Ned Stark and disappeared from the capital. My husband died in a tragic hunting accident.

It must have been traumatic for you.

My only daughter was shipped off to Dorne. We suffered through a siege.

A rather short siege.

A rather short siege that I didn't expect to survive. And now I'm marrying my eldest son to a wicked little bitch from Highgarden while I'm supposed to marry her brother, a renowned pillow biter. So...

Father disowned me today.

He can't disown you. You're all he's got.

You're forgetting Tyrion.

You don't really plan on staying in the Kingsguard, do you?

Staying in the Kingsguard means I live right here in the Red Keep with you.

Not now.

I want... Not now? When? I've been back for weeks.

Something's changed.

Everything's changed. You come back after all this time with no apologies and one hand and expect everything to be the same?

What do you want me to apologize for?

For leaving me.

You think I wanted to be taken prisoner?

Don't know what you wanted. You weren't here. You left me alone.

Every day I was a prisoner, I plotted my escape. Every day. I murdered people so I could be here with you.

You took too long.

I... What are you saying?

I'm saying you took too long.

Come in.

Go away.

Forgive me, Your Grace. You told me to come at once if there was anything important.

You plan on killing all the crows yourself?

Do you plan on sitting here scratching your balls till winter?

We wait for Mance's orders.

You sent a man over the Wall at the full moon. If he's not back yet, he's not coming back.

And what is it you want? March on Castle Black with just this lot? Your pretty crow said 1,000 men are nesting there.

Yeah, well, he's a liar.

He is? Shouldn't it be "he was"? You said you put three arrows in him.

I did.

I've seen you slip a shaft through a rabbit's eye at 200 yards. If that boy's still walking, it's 'cause you let him go.

Thenns. I fucking hate Thenns.

Mance sent you?

(Grunts)

How did you find us?

You came from the south, not the north.

Took a detour. Got some supper from a village down that way.

Why does the meat down here taste so much better than it does on our side of the Wall?

Help yourself.

(Chuckles) Maybe everything's just better fed down here.

Fat and lazy. Easier for us, hmm?

You didn't see us coming? Lost your warg? And that baby crow you had with you, lost him too?

I'll answer to Mance. I won't answer to you.

She yours?

I'm not anybody's.

Too scrawny. Not like those crows at Castle Black.

Think of them stuck in their larders stuffing their faces with ham and blood sausage and stew, getting nice and fat and marbled.

I know we've had our differences, Tormund, but just one time before you die, you really ought to try crow.

Draw. Loose.

Last time I saw him, he was in the courtyard at Winterfell. "He said, " Next time I see you, you'll be all in black." I was jealous of Robb my whole life. (Winces) The way my father looked at him, I wanted that. He was better than me at everything... fighting and hunting and riding and girls. Gods, the girls loved him. I wanted to hate him, but I never could.

Sometimes I want to hate you.

Well, you're better than me at everything. Except reading.

(Chuckles)

They're... they're ready for you.

He's wanted to hang me for a while. Now's his chance.

No one's going to hang you. You've done nothing wrong.

I've done plenty wrong.

So you admit you murdered Qhorin Halfhand?

I didn't murder him.

No? You put your sword through a brother of the Night's Watch. What do you call that?

He wanted me to kill him.

A bastard son of a traitor. What would you expect?

The Halfhand believed our only chance to stop Mance was to get a man inside his army.

Don't talk about the Halfhand as if you knew him. He was my brother.

Then you'd know he'd do anything to defend the Wall. The free folk would have boiled him alive, but letting me kill him...

The free folk? Listen to him. He even talks like a wildling now.

Aye, I talk like a wildling. I ate with the wildlings. I climbed the Wall with the wildlings. I... I laid with a wildling girl.

You admit to breaking your vows, then?

I do.

The law is the law. The boy must die.

If we beheaded every ranger who lay with a girl, the Wall would be manned by headless men.

There's a difference between sneaking off to the Mole's Town brothel and sleeping with the enemy.

While we sit here debating which rules I broke, Mance Rayder marches on the Wall with an army of 100,000.

Impossible. You can't get 50 wildlings together before they start killing each other.

100,000. He's united the Thenns, the Hornfoots, the ice-river clans. He has giants fighting for him.

(Laughs) Giants?

Have you ever been beyond the Wall, ser?

I commanded the City Watch of King's Landing, boy.

And now you're here. You must not have been very good at your job.

How dare you?!

There's a band of wildlings south of the Wall already led by Tormund Giantsbane. I killed their warg and three others. They shot me full of arrows. Their orders are to attack Castle Black from the south when Mance hits it from the north. The signal for the attack will be a bonfire. Mance said it would be the greatest fire the North has ever seen. That's the truth. All the truth.

Do you intend to execute me or am I free to go?

None of us are free. We are men of the Night's Watch. But we won't be taking your head today, Jon Snow. Go on.

I am acting commander here, Maester Aemon.

Yes, you are.

And I don't trust the bastard.

He told the truth.

And you always know when a man's telling a lie? How did you acquire this magical power?

I grew up in King's Landing.

No. No. You're a queen, not an ox.

Your grandfather gave me a necklace just like this one for my 51st nameday.

The wedding is in a fortnight, Grandmother. You can't say no to everything.

Nonsense.

My little dears. Go and speak to the jewelers of King's Landing. Tell them who you are, tell them who sent you. The one who brings me the best necklace will get to keep the next best.

The Margaery Tyrell who walks into the sept a fortnight from now will inspire 1,000 songs. Now, how sad it will be if she's wearing rubbish like that.

Perhaps I should just let Joffrey choose it for me. End up with a string of dead sparrow heads around my neck.

You watch that. Even here, even with me.

My word.

My lady. My lady. Please pardon me for interrupting. My name is Brienne of Tarth.

We know who you are. We've heard all about you. But hearing is one thing. Aren't you just marvelous? Absolutely singular.

I hear you knocked my grandson into the dirt like the silly little boy he is.

My lady, I know this is a very busy time for you, but if I could just have a moment.

You dare not refuse.

A shadow?

A shadow with the face of Stannis Baratheon. I swear to you by all the gods it was Stannis. He plunged his sword through Renly's heart and disappeared. One day, my lady, I will avenge our king.

Joffrey is our king now.

I meant no offense.

And you've given none.

All the Kingsguard will be on duty, of course. Ser Boros will be stationed here. Ser Preston will be stationed here beside the primary entertainment. Your Grace?

Yes, yes, one guard at the... the thing. Go on.

Ser Meryn will guard Lady Margaery and Tommen.

I've always guarded the king himself, my lord. Ever since your absence.

And I thank you for it, Ser Meryn. All very good. I don't expect any trouble.

The people love their king. They know who keeps them fed.

Margaery Tyrell, I've heard.

By my leave. They know I saved the city. They know I won the war.

The war's not won. Not while Stannis lives.

I broke Stannis on the Blackwater. Pity you weren't there to help, Uncle.

My apologies, Your Grace. I was rather busy.

Busy getting captured.

So this is the famous "Book of Brothers"? All the great deeds of all the great Kingsguard. Ser Arthur Dayne. The Sword of the Morning. (Chuckles) Led the attack on the Kingswood Brotherhood. Defeated the Smiling Knight in single combat. Ser Duncan the Tall. (Laughs) Four pages for Ser Duncan. He must have been quite a man.

So they say.

Ser Jaime Lannister. (Chuckles)

Someone forgot to write down all your great deeds.

There's still time.

Is there? For a 40-year-old knight with one hand? How can you protect me with that?

I use my left hand now, Your Grace. Makes for more of a contest.

Have you ever been to Meereen?

Several times, Your Grace, with Master Kraznys.

And?

They say 1,000 slaves died building the Great Pyramid of Meereen.

And now an army of former slaves is marching to her gates. You think the Great Masters are worried?

If they're smart, Your Grace.

You were told to ride at the back of the train.

Yes, my queen. But I need to speak to you about something important. A matter of strategy.

Your Grace.

All right, what is this matter of strategy?

A dusk rose.

Would you like to walk at the back of the train instead of riding?

And this one's called lady's lace.

Would you like to walk without shoes?

You have to know a land to rule it. It's plants, it's rivers, it's roads, it's people. Dusk rose tea eases fever. Everyone in Meereen knows that. Especially the slaves who have to make the tea. If you want them to follow you, you have to become a part of their world. Strategy.

Harpy's Gold. No tea from this one. Beautiful but poisonous.

You are a gambler, aren't you?

Your Grace.

There's one on every mile marker between here and Meereen.

How many miles are there between here and Meereen?

163, Your Grace. I'll tell our men to ride ahead and bury them. You don't need to see this.

You will do no such thing. I will see each and every one of their faces. Remove her collar before you bury her.

There she is.

Yes, there she is.

And? You made a promise.

To return the Stark girls to their mother who is now dead.

To keep them safe.

Well, Arya Stark hasn't been seen since her father was killed. Where do you think she is? My money's on dead. There's a certain safety in death, wouldn't you say? And Sansa Stark is now Sansa Lannister. Bit of a complication.

A complication does not release you from a vow.

What do you want me to do? Kidnap my sister-in-law? And take her where? Where would she be safer than here?

Look me in the eye and tell me that you think she'll be safe in King's Landing.

Are you sure we're not related? Ever since I've returned, every Lannister I've seen has been a miserable pain in my ass. Maybe you're a Lannister, too. You've got the hair for it if not the looks.

It's all right. It's all right. It's all right.

You're drunk.

Yes. I have good reason to be. Once I was a knight. Now I'm only a fool. Don't you know me?

Ser Dontos. The king's nameday celebration. I'm sorry. I should have remembered.

I can't accept your apology. I may be a fool, but I'm a living fool, thanks to you.

Anyone would have done the same.

But only you did. I can never repay you. You gave me my life. But this, this is worth more than my life.

It belonged to my mother and her mother before her. House Hollard was strong once. House on the rise. That's all that's left of those days, thanks to a few sad, fat drunks like me.

I can't take it. It's very, very kind of you, but I can't.

I don't have anything else left. That's all. Take it. Wear it. Let my name have one more moment in the sun before it disappears from the world.

I'll wear it with pride, Ser Dontos.

Yeah.

When am I going to get a horse of my own?

The little lady wants a pony.

The little lady wants away from your stench.

Horses aren't easy to come by. Even if they were, you think I'm gonna put you on your own horse? Watch the only thing of value I've got in the world ride away?

Why don't you have any money? Didn't you steal anything from Joffrey before you left?

No.

You're not very smart, are you?

I'm not a thief.

You're fine with murdering little boys, but thieving is beneath you?

A man's got to have a code.

You think I'm gonna escape? Where would I go? I'd be dead by nightfall without you. My family's gone. I've got no one.

You've got an aunt in the Vale. Your rich Aunt Lysa. After I sell you to her, maybe she'll have enough left over to buy you that pony you want so much.

I'm hungry. You're hungry.

Five horses, five men. More than I feel like killing on an empty stomach.

I know him. The small one. His name is Polliver. He captured us and took us to Harrenhal.

He killed Lommy.

What the fuck's a Lommy?

He was my friend. Polliver stole my sword and put it right through his neck. He's still got it.

Got what?

My sword Needle.

Needle? Of course you named your sword.

Lots of people name their swords.

Lots of cunts.

What are you... get back here.

My brother gave me that sword.

Get back here.

He killed my friend.

I don't care if he ate your friend. We're not going in there.

Come on, give it up.

(Whimpers)

Come here.

(Whimpers)

Let's have a feel there.

Leave it.

Come here.

Please, she's a good girl.

Shut your mouth and pour us more ale and we may not take her with us when we're done with her.

I know you.

You're the Hound.

Pour our new friend some ale. What brings you so far north?

I could ask the same of you. What are you doing up here?

Just keeping the king's peace.

No need. The war's over.

So I've heard. Stannis defeated at the Blackwater. Robb Stark killed at the Twins. And where am I for all of it? Stuck with your brother. Meaning no offense.

None taken.

He's good, the Mountain is. Best at what he does. But torture, torture, torture, torture. You spend enough time putting the hammer to people, you start to feel like a carpenter making chairs. Drains the fun right out of it. And what's life without a little fun? (Chuckles)

But I don't need to tell you that, eh?

She's all right. I've had better.

(Laughs) You know what? You should come with us. His kind, they've always got something hidden away somewhere. Gold, silver, more daughters. Always something if you know how to make them talk. And there's plenty of him between here and King's Landing. You could do well for yourself. We certainly have been.

I'm not going to King's Landing.

Think about it. We could do whatever we like wherever we go. These are the king's colors. No one's standing in his way now. Which means no one's standing in ours.

Fuck the king.

When I heard that Joffrey's dog had tucked tail and run from the Battle of the Blackwater, I didn't believe it. But here you are.

Here I am. Bring me one of those chickens.

You got money to pay for it?

You paid for it?

(Laughs) No. But we're the king's men. So, you got money?

Not a penny.

I'll still take that chicken.

Tell you what. We'll trade you. One of our little chickens for one of yours. Give us a go at your friend. Lowell there likes them a bit broken in.

You're a talker. Listening to talkers makes me thirsty.

Ah. And hungry. Think I'll take two chickens.

You don't seem to understand the situation.

I understand that if any more words come pouring out of your cunt mouth, I'm gonna have to eat every fucking chicken in this room.

You lived your life for the king. You're gonna die for some chickens?

Someone is.

Something wrong with your leg, boy?

What? What do you mean?

Can you walk? I've got to carry you?

Carry me?

Fine little blade.

Maybe I'll pick my teeth with it.